Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Billy Dean]

I think this is good advice. I know when I went to see a councillor she got me to focus on my own happiness. If you can be happy with yourself, and in your own skin, then that makes it easier to a)Be on your own and b)For others to like you.

I can identify a lot with this. Broke up with my long term missus a couple of years ago and found myself having to re-enter the social world which I'd previously neglected a bit. Found it really hard to make new friends and still do. For some reason I don't connect with people like I used to. Initially I thought I'd become socially inept and devoid of confidence so I started doing "comfort zone challenges " (I posted about them a few pages back) to improve it and they helped a lot. But I found that any levels of confidence I built up were destroyed by my job. Which I hate in all honesty. And I hate the town I live in. Then it dawned on me, if I basically hate about 90% of my life then it's probably no wonder I don't come across as a person people want to spend their time with. I thought I was inept, serious and boring but it's all the effects of unhappiness with my life. This year has taught me that when I'm getting so,e kind of satisfaction out of life I'm not that person. I just need to find a way to make some permanent changes in my situation. It's my goal for the next 12 months.

 

[efc_girl]

I can identify a lot with this. Broke up with my long term missus a couple of years ago and found myself having to re-enter the social world which I'd previously neglected a bit. Found it really hard to make new friends and still do. For some reason I don't connect with people like I used to. Initially I thought I'd become socially inept and devoid of confidence so I started doing "comfort zone challenges " (I posted about them a few pages back) to improve it and they helped a lot. But I found that any levels of confidence I built up were destroyed by my job. Which I hate in all honesty. And I hate the town I live in. Then it dawned on me, if I basically hate about 90% of my life then it's probably no wonder I don't come across as a person people want to spend their time with. I thought I was inept, serious and boring but it's all the effects of unhappiness with my life. This year has taught me that when I'm getting so,e kind of satisfaction out of life I'm not that person. I just need to find a way to make some permanent changes in my situation. It's my goal for the next 12 months.

This makes so much sense. Has made me think about my situation too. I often think it's hard to make friends the older you get as people are mainly always in their little friendship groups already and who would want anyone coming along and interrupting?! But I suppose it's that negative thinking that holds people back.

 

[BiggyRat]

Family is the key for me. I've never really had any close friends, bar one who might end up in jail soon! The way I am is more a condition of my childhood. As a family, there weren't many people we'd visit & it was instilled in us to look out for each other.
I guess I don't need many in my life but that is just me. I'm not advocating this to others but just sharing that you can survive a lack of friends.
By the same token, I often wonder what it would be like to have a large circle of friends. My Sister is just that. She & her Husband entertain seemingly every day. I don't envy them but I do look on with curiosity. They're doing ok.
Pardon my rambling but I think the point I'm trying to make is that you don't need others to validate your existence. Validate it yourself & let others into your life as you choose.

 

[Billy Dean]

This makes so much sense. Has made me think about my situation too. I often think it's hard to make friends the older you get as people are mainly always in their little friendship groups already and who would want anyone coming along and interrupting?! But I suppose it's that negative thinking that holds people back.

Yeah that's the other aspect of it and I guess it's harder to find people who share your interests the older you get.

 

[blueloon]

Yeah that's the other aspect of it and I guess it's harder to find people who share your interests the older you get.

Naw not at all mate, I think it's more about what you do rather than any age . Also the type of friend you make are different as you get older.
I took early retirement a few years ago and have been very happy, but in the last 18 months the number of "friends" I have has exploded. These are not best friends forever , or whatever the phrase is , but people I meet up with , have a laugh , cup of tea and a shared interest, Walking Football and involvement in the parkrun running events have been the main two areas. It is easier for me as I have time to pursue these interests , but I also know I've made much more of an effort to talk to people than when I was younger. What I'm trying to say is if you find the right interest you'll find like minded people as well at whatever their age, they may have a settled family life which they go home to and which doesn't include you but they can become friends nevertheless.

 

[Billy Dean]

Naw not at all mate, I think it's more about what you do rather than any age . Also the type of friend you make are different as you get older.
I took early retirement a few years ago and have been very happy, but in the last 18 months the number of "friends" I have has exploded. These are not best friends forever , or whatever the phrase is , but people I meet up with , have a laugh , cup of tea and a shared interest, Walking Football and involvement in the parkrun running events have been the main two areas. It is easier for me as I have time to pursue these interests , but I also know I've made much more of an effort to talk to people than when I was younger. What I'm trying to say is if you find the right interest you'll find like minded people as well at whatever their age, they may have a settled family life which they go home to and which doesn't include you but they can become friends nevertheless.

Yeah that makes sense mate, thanks. I really need to make some changes in my life. Apart from 1 hour of footie and 1 hour of tennis a week I'm not really pursuing anything in life that interests me. Just kind of sleep walking along.

 

[dholliday]

Yeah that makes sense mate, thanks. I really need to make some changes in my life. Apart from 1 hour of footie and 1 hour of tennis a week I'm not really pursuing anything in life that interests me. Just kind of sleep walking along.

I really miss that, used to do the same thing, got quite good at tennis, had the backhand slice down to a tee!


I saw earlier you said you hate the town you live in. I know it's easier said than done but getting out and ending up somewhere else is a proper new lease of life. I do it periodically and each time the first couple of years after moving i've been too active and curious to feel lethargic.

Getting into photography actually helped me a lot in settling into a new town, as you find yourself exploring more, is also a nice icebreaker when chatting to new people.

 

[Billy Dean]

I really miss that, used to do the same thing, got quite good at tennis, had the backhand slice down to a tee!


I saw earlier you said you hate the town you live in. I know it's easier said than done but getting out and ending up somewhere else is a proper new lease of life. I do it periodically and each time the first couple of years after moving i've been too active and curious to feel lethargic.

Getting into photography actually helped me a lot in settling into a new town, as you find yourself exploring more, is also a nice icebreaker when chatting to new people.

Haha yeah tennis is fun, got a pretty decent double handed backhand myself! Would love to improve my photography skills too. Yeah I know what needs to be done. I've identified somewhere I could imagine myself living, just a case of making it happen, I'm researching potential work/study opportunities etc. I need to come up with some kind of plan to make the plunge otherwise I won't have the balls to go through with it.

 

[dholliday]

Haha yeah tennis is fun, got a pretty decent double handed backhand myself! Would love to improve my photography skills too. Yeah I know what needs to be done. I've identified somewhere I could imagine myself living, just a case of making it happen, I'm researching potential work/study opportunities etc. I need to come up with some kind of plan to make the plunge otherwise I won't have the balls to go through with it.

nice mate, i just plunged right in myself, it's difficult with no savings but somehow you muddle through. get some temp job through an agency (one job i did was moving furniture for a department store), and bag some room in a shared flat, and that's already half the battle.

aye, with photography a DSLR (an old Canon for 50 quid on Ebay will do), plus an old manual focus 50mm f1.8 lens (Olympus OM Zuiko are cheap and fantastic quality), plus the adapter to fit the DSLR, shoot on M-mode, and that's it. You learn loads about photography restricting yourself in this way.

I feel kind of excited just thinking about what's ahead for you! It's a buzz to finally get out and end up somewhere else.

 

[Abertonian]

Took a little away from here and the Internet generally to try and adjust the balance in my life. Used that time to reconnect with a good friend, and get regular exercise. Lots of stuff I still need to put right in my life but I'm feeling like I'm ready to start pushing back and building the future I want to live in.

Hope everyone is well and remembering that all we really have to do is keep putting one foot in front of the other.

 

[efc_girl]

Sounds like you are both happy with the decision so must be right! Take time out fom it all and don't rush into anything new. You might still find absence makes the heart grow fonder, but till it does take time for yourself. Don't worry - a blue will come along eventually - then you will find happiness and a shared misery in Everton! Good luck

I'd love to find a blue to share Everton misery with. Sounds like my kind of person I was getting fed up of pretending to not be annoyed when those kopites won. Haha

 

[Fat Larry]

Did something out of my comfort zone this weekend. Had a really good time and I forgot about everything and felt good albeit for a short time whilst I did it. I guess this weekend has taught me not to lock myself away and get out and start doing things even if I don't want to.

 

[efc_girl]

Did something out of my comfort zone this weekend. Had a really good time and I forgot about everything and felt good albeit for a short time whilst I did it. I guess this weekend has taught me not to lock myself away and get out and start doing things even if I don't want to.

I did similar. Not out of my comfort zone... But got out and had a great time. You're definitely right... You just need to do things which will make you feel better even if it feels like it would be the worst thing in the world to do. Keep it up. You're heading in the right direction!

 

[Fat Larry]

I did similar. Not out of my comfort zone... But got out and had a great time. You're definitely right... You just need to do things which will make you feel better even if it feels like it would be the worst thing in the world to do. Keep it up. You're heading in the right direction!

I know, my mates have given up on me now. I've not been out since January and said I'd meet up numerous times and never showed up. I've not spoken to any of them about where I'm at cos I'm not sure they'd be too sympathetic, not that I'm looking for sympathy but I don't want ridiculing either. Maybe it's time to start rebuilding some bridges!

 

[efc_girl]

I know, my mates have given up on me now. I've not been out since January and said I'd meet up numerous times and never showed up. I've not spoken to any of them about where I'm at cos I'm not sure they'd be too sympathetic, not that I'm looking for sympathy but I don't want ridiculing either. Maybe it's time to start rebuilding some bridges!

Not sure what's happened with you but if your friends have given up on you then maybe you should think twice about how much of a friend to you they really are. In my opinion, a good friend is one that can go for weeks/months/years without seeing you but still provide the level of support that you would expect from a friend. Do you want to rebuild bridges with them or a new start with new friends?