Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

bring back the catt · September 3, 2016

There seems no such thing as answering your own question, but, you have probably done so without realising it.
Your last five words of your post, "while I work through it", are as paramount as they are positive. You have already realised the fact you will 'work' through this bad spell. It is probably more a case for you, at this moment, that you wish all this to be over right NOW.
That is positive, and it is realistic and it shows maturity. But it probably will not be quite enough at this moment in time.

At this moment you feel, quite rightly, aggrieved and cheated and probably belittled.
Importantly, you feel as though you have a depression in your life that needs filling. Quickly.
You see your friends having a full life, and feel robbed of their companionship.
You possibly feel like an outsider and that it would be intrusive if you were to 'force' yourself upon them.

But as you made note, "all my friends". That is plural. More importantly, they are FRIENDS, and friends will always be there.
Before long, probably it might seem too long to wait but believe me it wont be, you will be reunited with your friends and enjoying everything as you used to without probably even realising it.

Thanks for posting, Ash Cloud, you have shown bravery. But most of all, you have also shown spirit and have realised already what needs to be done. Not everyone can do that.
You will 'work' through it and your friends will be there for you. Just as everybody on this thread is there for you.
Bit by bit, you will integrate once again, and soon after you will be living your life again.
And it won't be overnight, but it won't too far away either.

Please post again to let all know on this site about your progress.

BiggyRat · September 3, 2016

The thread is to be used in any way you need it.

I'm sorry to hear about your personal situation. Many have previously stated that activities, like the gym or walking, often take the mind elsewhere. Perhaps something worth exploring. Hobbies, pets, volunteering...something that takes your focus away from the rough trot you're going through.

Ashtonian · September 3, 2016

We have all been there at some point or other mate

Just a shock to the system. To go from being happy and comfy to suddenly shook from that lifestyle and be on the other side. It is normal! I remember breaking up with my ex after 3 years. Very much the same we were best friends and I came from from work one day and got told she isn't in love with me anymore. Just out of the blue, only argument we had was the month before where I didn't trust her going to see a friend from uni after lectures.

Long story short it turned out she had been cheating on me, and I found out through her friends afterwards. I remember feeling exactly like you describe, sitting in a shared house with 3 other people and feeling alone. Friends were busy and I was just there, no one to talk to.

Only solution is time. Sounds like a simple solution but it's the best one. Just get used to being single again. Find something to do, mine was going the gym and swimming. But yeah, just try to be sociable with others when you can and get used to being single and over time go back out there and talk to other girls/men (preference? lol). During thst time it turned out I was reactively depressed according to a book in the doctors I was working at. I was fine up until that switch went off where I was alone and in situations that I was normally used to not being it. The main thing is not letting it overwhelm you. Things happen and then you move on from them.

Oh and if you haven't already sever all ties with her, will be better in the long run.

COYBL25 · September 3, 2016

Some great advice there from @bring back the catt @Ashtonian and @BiggyRat mate.

May I just add, don't try to drink yourself through a broken heart like I did when I was twenty four. You end up overweight, skint and even more unhappy.

I had one really good female mate ( just a friend ) and I was able to offload on her which made a big difference. I know it doesn't lessen the pain mate, but everyone gets their heart broken at least once.

You don't say how old you are - I'm guessing in your twenties ?

matty1878 · September 3, 2016

Whatever you wanna talk about mate do it. I think it's aswell as you being upset from your split, is that you've been used to being with your girlfriend like as you say and as your not now it's like well what do I do kinda thing, and your probably feeling low and depressed but aren't aware of it. Things will get better mate and you will pick up and find other ways to fill in your time and specially when there's no boring England to watch! Well international break. Keep positive mate and people are here if you wanna vent

DownOnTheUpside · September 3, 2016

The best thing i've found to keep busy is exercise mate
It'll help calm you down because of the routine and the endorphins released

Plus good for confidence too

Sounds weird but it works

Ash Cloud · September 3, 2016

Thanks everyone for your advice, i have found that either going to the gym/playing football is the main way I can clear my head and feel anywhere near my usual self so I have made sure I'm doing it as often as possible.

@COYBL25 I'm 23 so you were right

@Ashtonian yeah that pretty much sums it up, the times when I'm alone with nothing to do is always when it's worst

Thanks for all your advice and I'll make sure to update here, I'll get there slowly but surely, just need to get Everton back playing now

DownOnTheUpside · September 3, 2016

Drop me a pm if you need to talk lad, i came out of a 6 year relationship nearly a year ago in proper bad circumstances so I might be well placed if you need to talk

Woolly Blue · September 4, 2016

Don't worry about it mate, my mum died nigh not far off ten years ago and we eventually scattered most of her ashes in a couple of places which had fond memories ( Rather bizarrely, South beach at Morecambe and the Pepperpot at Silverdale ), but before we did, I sneaked a f@g packets worth of her ashes out of the urn and keep them in a small pot in a drawer at home. We occassionally move it and have a quick chat to her

.

Boss_Blue · September 4, 2016

This thread is ace - I'm fortunate enough not to have suffered from depression but some close friends and family members have and it can't be overstated how important the support of others is to overcome it.

Oh and Woolly - we deal with grief in different ways but...

...remind me not to garnish my meal if I ever visit this establishment.

ToffeeDan · September 4, 2016

Well I made it through to Sunday early hours without falling apart.. and yes, excluding terrible, shattering news (so, just on a me only personal level) I would say I've just had about the worst week in my entire life with 2-3 pieces of separate awful news in one day*. I need to get through this month... so something good happening would be kind of useful - I don't suppose I can rely 100% on Everton to help.

*I guess the saying is right "Misery Loves Company".

Elong · September 4, 2016

This has been the worst couple of months of my life too Dan. Misery loves company, but we can all have eachother's company too in this great thread.

wbn61 · September 4, 2016

fighting hard to keep going now. all the days are rolling into one. haven't eaten a meal in over a week now just a mouthful here and there. I feel so weak and spend a lot of time sleeping. weekly moan over with.

COYBL25 · September 4, 2016

You're still here mate, that's all that matters .

Moan away !