Alanbileysfeathercut
Player Valuation: £70m
More common than we think with either partner.
Folk just give up trying eventually.
Folk just give up trying eventually.
A lot of people are flying under the radar with un diagnosed depression, which they cover by self medicating.
It`s a very difficult one to tackle, as the first step is getting them to admit they aren`t well, which can sometimes be nigh on impossible - my mates wife, hence why he`s started divorce proceedings.
Simon Buttle
Player Valuation: £50m
Hi mate, i have had serious drink/drug issues in the past and ended up going through rehab because of it. It's not easy to acknowledge you have a problem but eventually with me i basically had to as i was going to kill myself as i was on a pathway to self destruction. The first step I would suggest is maybe try contact one of those groups that supports family members of people with alcohol issues and they can help you with the best way to go about getting your other half to admit there is an issue. I have had help from various drink and drug groups over the years and you meet some great people and they have all been through the same experience as you will be going through. Whatever you decide to do there is always light at the end of the tunnel, i went from being a junkie nearly at deaths door to going back to uni and retraining as a Physiologist. Please contact me if you ever want to talk about anything, Simon
Simon great post that. I've always said there are experts in abuse, that's the person experiencing it. As has been said, admitting you have the problem is the first step. Make yourself a blank canvass to work with, put it all out there. There are loads of good people who want to help. I think COYB 25 made a great point. People self medicating. It's the age old question. Do people experience mental health problems and abuse substances to deal with it, or are the substances the cause of the mental health problems. You have to be brave to address your problems, and prepare for old wounds to be opened but, if it lances the boil, the wound gets clean and heals. People get trapped, they love the abuser but part of the abusers problems is they leave an awful lot of collateral damage. There is a good case for leaving abusers, a sort of letting them hit rock bottom, see the error of their ways, and ask for help in the healing process. That takes courage, " hitting people when theyre down" but where is the benefit of being abused yourself. The circle of abuse needs to be broken but it takes courage. Seek help, acceptance and being absolutely honest with people can be very cathartic. Here I am, I'm a mess, and I need help is often the hardest but best option to take. Good luck to all of those who are abusing substance and are being abused by the abusers. There are lots of people / organisations who want to help but they need to know that you're struggling. I would like to close on the topic of being judgemental. As has been said by others on here, people gave their reasons for " self medicating" - child sexual abuse, domestic abuse or bereavement, let's all TRY to not be judgemental and I include myself in that. As Jesus said " don't try to take the spelk out of your neighbours eye until you've taken the log out of your own". Sorry if this has appeared a little " preachy.".
Cameron Manning
Player Valuation: £35m
I don’t think you came across as being “preachy” to be honest you can be as preachy as you want and it won’t do any harm at all but may help, and that is what you were trying to do.
Lost my dad today - in bits tonight TBH - hoping it gets easier tomorrow
Missing you so much Stan
Missing you so much Stan
thinking of you mate x
Really sorry to hear that mate. Condolences to you and the family
Earwigjoe
Player Valuation: £10m
You're not alone mate even though it feels like it. You're a great dad and husband for keeping the family together. I don't know how old your kids are but they'll know how strong and inspirational you're being - even if no one acknowledges it right now. Has anything happened to trigger her drinking that she could get help with? I had similar situation with my missus although it wasn't drink it was depression and then a complete breakdown. I was like you a mum and dad - none of her family cared so nothing changed it went on for years. At times I just wanted to put kids in car and drive into the sea or a truck. I was that low and broken I couldn't do it any longer I found an old set of rosary beads and got down on my knees and said if you're real you're going to have to prove it - I can't do this. Eventually she got help,we're on the other side now which I never thought could be possible - family still together and kids old enough now and they realised all along what was happening they said their biggest fear was that I'd have left them. So don't give up, we're always here to listen and support you mate which we do, through these tough times. Believe me your kids will thank you for the sacrifice you've made for them. Look into any and all help suggested to you for you and for her and hopefully you will get your wife back and the kids their mum back. I think you're a champion brother. God Bless.
Earwigjoe
Player Valuation: £10m
Really sorry mate to hear about your Dad, . I hope you've good people around you, to comfort you mate. Rest In Peace STAN.
Earwigjoe
Player Valuation: £10m
Lovely post and well done mate.
coollino
Player Valuation: £80m
Hope you're doing the best you can mate.
Sorry to hear of your loss mate, I hope it has been a little easier for you today.
I am sorry. So sad x
These are the Government guidelines on redundancy. Get hold of the company redundancy policy too. Make sure you know what's in it. They might be in a position to offer voluntary terms that are usually better than compulsory. It depends how dire the situation is.
https://www.gov.uk/redundancy-your-rights
ACAS have good advice too about selection for redundancy and what they have to give you - compulsory redundancy payments are higher if you are over 40. They can't just select older people, the selection policy has to be seen to be fair. They also have to have a period of consultation. If they are making more than 20 redundant it has to 90 days and with the Union. If it's less than 20 people then there is no set time for a consultation period.
