Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[ForeverBlue92]

I posted some time ago regarding my life and mental struggles. I can openly say I did/do have a gambling problem, and while I quit then it came back slowly over a few weeks, through my own struggle of resisting and possibly even a bit of unknowing enabling from my partner. When posting I think i had quit but hadn't quite "bit the bullet" and left a door open for me to do it "responsibly". Think someone said don't bother, even a tiny thing will draw you back in and it was absolutely correct.

Still struggling feeling low a fair bit, however generally the outlook has been positive. Hit a low point with the gambling 71 days ago (nothing major, no debt, nothing just having that struggle of having to do it and having it as a persistent hobby rather than a bit of fun on a Saturday but feeling that NEED to do it, even if it was only small stakes.). I can't say it's the worst night of my life, as unfortunately my family has been through a hell of a lot worse but I can say it's been the lowest I've felt through my own making. Since then I haven't looked back with betting since, still see adverts and stuff which makes me think and miss it, but ultimately I've thrown myself into work more, thrown myself into COD more, setting my gaming set up even more and really going "yeah, you know what the money I spent on football betting can now go to improving this, improving the house saving, saving money for a car etc". Gambling doesn't get the 'credit' it deserves for being a disease. Being addicted to it has shaped the entirety of my life from the age of 18, gradually taking more control. Honestly without my Mrs i'd 100% still be doing it. It is a life ruiner, and i'm lucky that I've had a mrs that has understood and been supportive. Thankfully i've closed any accounts I have but If i had the chance to look back at how much I'd lost betting over 10 years I would honestly throw up.

Also helps that work is actually a bit quieter due to COVID, become good mates with colleague in the office, Everton look like an ACTUAL football team for the first time in years and years. Looking forward to going to Goodison again. Had the courage to try Sunday League, not my thing after a few games, had an extremely unwelcoming experience with bluekipper years ago but reached 28/29 and decided I need to try it. Absolutely thrown myself into gaming, which is something i'm good at and can be a huge positive 'release' for me. Also at the point where a house deposit is on the horizon, even though its gone up to 15% we will be in a good position to buy with house prices plummeting soon. Will be starting a family soon.

I am 100% confident Everton will that positivity soon, naturally. However I feel in a better place than 3 months ago. For anyone else who feels or knows they've got a problem, there is always 100% a way out of it, you just need to find your way. I've found mine by throwing myself back into gaming and football (a good balance of activity) and distracting myself and now I feel comfortable dismissing betting or having no interest. I have other insecurities but most of the ones ive had in the past 10 years have led back in some direct, or indirect way to gambling.

Sorry for the long read, honestly don't know where else i'd post this just to vent it out I guess, but think its a good example that you can feel low, you can be lonely, you can be positive, you can be relatively happy, you can exercise, its normal but just not let those things be down to a problem that you CAN cut out. I dont think this applies just to a gambling problem, it can relate to smoking and drinking and others im sure. I still feel quite isolated, I don't have a social group, just a work mate or two and my fiance, so can be quite low and lonely sometimes, but apart from that I'm still managing to be positive and focus on the positive aspects of things. Honestly if you can do that, then you can overcome almost anything.

Hopefully another good performance tonight by the blues and I can hit day 72 with another positive start.

Im not a big drinker

Never done drugs

Used to smoke as a teenager but gave it up in my early twenties

But boy do I like to gamble - bloody hard to get out of the habit certainly football betting.

Used to love roulette and poker but me and a mate lost a fortune in a casino abroad a few years back so since then ive cut back and tend to only go once in a Blue moon.

 

[Earwigjoe]

Thanks for that lovely post mate. I haven’t seen the fella I support for over 3 mths now and I can’t see him again until there’s been a risk assessment on him.

I even asked the charity if I could meet him outdoors in a park or somewhere similar, but they just won’t have it.

It’s the same right across all of the voluntary sector and there’s a tragedy unfolding, as a lot of the people being supported are incredibly vulnerable and lonely too, with the volunteers playing a big part in their lives

I know it's a time bomb mate I've a couple of disabled kids and they've been stuck in the house for 6mths, only got them back to school recently it was so weird taking them back and leaving them for a few hours.

 

[Earwigjoe]

Im not a big drinker

Never done drugs

Used to smoke as a teenager but gave it up in my early twenties

But boy do I like to gamble - bloody hard to get out of the habit certainly football betting.

Used to love roulette and poker but me and a mate lost a fortune in a casino abroad a few years back so since then ive cut back and tend to only go once in a Blue moon.

Glad you reeled it in mate. Gambling seriously destroying lives and families everywhere. Done and tried everything else but was never tempted by gambling maybe I was too stingy and didn't want to spend my drinking or smoke money but well done mate.

 

[ForeverBlue92]

Glad you reeled it in mate. Gambling seriously destroying lives and families everywhere. Done and tried everything else but was never tempted by gambling maybe I was too stingy and didn't want to spend my drinking or smoke money but well done mate.

Haha I've heard some horror stories - I've never been addicted to gambling mind - just me and my mate are dangerous left to our own devices in a casino after having a few cocktails down us

Was meant to be meeting up for a casino night in a few weeks but looks unlikely now with the local lockdown.

 

[Spotty]

Agree completely your advice is priceless on here Spotty. Also as someone that has been living with mental health issues ( for those nearest and dearest/ the people I love most in life) for too many years THANK YOU COYBL25 for volunteering to help those whom we love and who can't help themselves. We as parents and partners of those that suffer cannot pick to help its our everyday life but you who choose to help and volunteer do it out of the goodness of your hearts. God Bless yous and remember it's your commitment that keeps us sane.

Excellent advice as always mate.

I’ve been doing voluntary work for years now - a small local mental health charity.

It’s incredibly humbling, but at the moment all voluntary services are suspended due to the virus and will be for the foreseeable

Thanks for the undeserved praise. I'm really glad you " seconded " my advice re: volunteering COYB. I'm very lucky I have a job I love but I work for the CAB as a volunteer and I love it. Sounds cheesy but helping others makes me feel good ( and my prayers a " little" easier). I genuinely feel that if people out there can spare their time, when possible volunteer. People as you have seen are very very thankful and that hopefully will make you feel good. People are people, rich and poor, and they need help and support. Well done for volunteering, you do a wonderful worthwhile job and it lifts my soul that there are people out there like you. Cheers.

 

[COYBL25]

Thanks for the undeserved praise. I'm really glad you " seconded " my advice re: volunteering COYB. I'm very lucky I have a job I love but I work for the CAB as a volunteer and I love it. Sounds cheesy but helping others makes me feel good ( and my prayers a " little" easier). I genuinely feel that if people out there can spare their time, when possible volunteer. People as you have seen are very very thankful and that hopefully will make you feel good. People are people, rich and poor, and they need help and support. Well done for volunteering, you do a wonderful worthwhile job and it lifts my soul that there are people out there like you. Cheers.

Cheers mate.

I`ve found, I`ve found probably as you have, that voluntary services are picking up more and more cases that up until recently had been dealt with by Social Services and other agencies - due to cuts etc.

I also did voluntary work for Scope for years,until the service was axed, where I supported the fathers of kids with disabilities, who were struggling to cope / come to terms with their childs disability.

For the first few years non of the fathers / families I supported had any sort of social issues - drink, drugs, poverty, mental health etc, but then slowly but surely the fathers and families I supported started to come with their own problems too and I was helping with things like disability claims / appeals / benefits, solicitors letters etc.

It didn`t bother me, as I came from a background where I`d spent the best part of twenty years working in some of the most deprived parts of the city in the public sector and quite often hand and hand with social services.

However most of the other volunteers were ladies who had disabled kids themselves and wanted to give something back. It was wholly unfair on them, to be put in the situation of supporting families with really complex social needs, as well as having a disabled kid(s). It was a job that 100% should`ve been the responsibility of other agencies.

 

[Spotty]

Agree completely your advice is priceless on here Spotty. Also as someone that has been living with mental health issues ( for those nearest and dearest/ the people I love most in life) for too many years THANK YOU COYBL25 for volunteering to help those whom we love and who can't help themselves. We as parents and partners of those that suffer cannot pick to help its our everyday life but you who choose to help and volunteer do it out of the goodness of your hearts. God Bless yous and remember it's your commitment that keeps us sane.

Earwig that's nice to hear. It's important for people to know as I've always said on here, the person experiencing mental health problems are the experts. I'm also nagging my students " your doing your job if you can enable people". Help people wherever possible to help themselves. It's a learning experience for us all. Honestly, I learn something everyday from people. I'm not an expert but we all have lived experiences that if passed on, might help people. Thanks for the lovely words,

Im not a big drinker

Never done drugs

Used to smoke as a teenager but gave it up in my early twenties

But boy do I like to gamble - bloody hard to get out of the habit certainly football betting.

Used to love roulette and poker but me and a mate lost a fortune in a casino abroad a few years back so since then ive cut back and tend to only go once in a Blue moon.

Forever, that's good that you appear to have reigned it in. The thing about gambling as you know, is that with drugs and alcohol, those experiencing those addictions have physical " benefits" from their addiction, gamblers don't. Just utter misery. I could go on for hours about gambling addiction but you are the expert on your issue but suffice to say, it's getting worse and the gambling problems that now affect kids is scary. Well done for trying to address the problems you have. Good luck.

 

[Spotty]

Haha I've heard some horror stories - I've never been addicted to gambling mind - just me and my mate are dangerous left to our own devices in a casino after having a few cocktails down us

Was meant to be meeting up for a casino night in a few weeks but looks unlikely now with the local lockdown.

Forever, I wasn't aware that you said you didn't have gambling problems and that you were just commenting on it. Sorry for the inference m8.

 

[ForeverBlue92]

Forever, I wasn't aware that you said you didn't have gambling problems and that you were just commenting on it. Sorry for the inference m8.

No worries mate the missus would beg to differ if she saw the bank statements

 

[blue to the bone]

No worries mate the missus would beg to differ if she saw the bank statements

Not saying you have issues with it.
But sometimes the last person to see it is yourself. Speaking from experience here .
The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Keep a close eye on it ..it's pretty destructive.

 

[Spotty]

Cheers mate.

I`ve found, I`ve found probably as you have, that voluntary services are picking up more and more cases that up until recently had been dealt with by Social Services and other agencies - due to cuts etc.

I also did voluntary work for Scope for years,until the service was axed, where I supported the fathers of kids with disabilities, who were struggling to cope / come to terms with their childs disability.

For the first few years non of the fathers / families I supported had any sort of social issues - drink, drugs, poverty, mental health etc, but then slowly but surely the fathers and families I supported started to come with their own problems too and I was helping with things like disability claims / appeals / benefits, solicitors letters etc.

It didn`t bother me, as I came from a background where I`d spent the best part of twenty years working in some of the most deprived parts of the city in the public sector and quite often hand and hand with social services.

However most of the other volunteers were ladies who had disabled kids themselves and wanted to give something back. It was wholly unfair on them, to be put in the situation of supporting families with really complex social needs, as well as having a disabled kid(s). It was a job that 100% should`ve been the responsibility of other agencies.

COYB I won't talk about cuts because it gets me angry and I would be here next week talking about it. By not supporting people now, we are just building up problems for later. Suffice to say, many services would fail without volunteers. Your point about service users being volunteers is a good one because they know the situation and what's needed. Cheers.

 

[ChesterBlue]

Feeling pretty demoralised recently, had a few dates which have seemed to go well, then just been blocked out of the blue each time over the past 2-3 months. Just a case of picking yourself back up, dusting yourself off and trying to find someone right I know, but it definitely hurts when you haven’t seemingly done anything wrong

 

[Earwigjoe]

Feeling pretty demoralised recently, had a few dates which have seemed to go well, then just been blocked out of the blue each time over the past 2-3 months. Just a case of picking yourself back up, dusting yourself off and trying to find someone right I know, but it definitely hurts when you haven’t seemingly done anything wrong

It can be soul destroying - especially when you thought everything was going well. But you know the drill dust off and back again and remember there's loads of girls saying the exact same thing which I know is no comfort at the minute it's finding them. The right ones outthere for us all and they're worth the wait. It must be hard though at the minute with this virus and all this social distancing stuff and places closed. Are you just looking on social media sites or have you tried shared hobbies etc. Good luck mate,vent away and keep us updated.

 

[ChesterBlue]

It can be soul destroying - especially when you thought everything was going well. But you know the drill dust off and back again and remember there's loads of girls saying the exact same thing which I know is no comfort at the minute it's finding them. The right ones outthere for us all and they're worth the wait. It must be hard though at the minute with this virus and all this social distancing stuff and places closed. Are you just looking on social media sites or have you tried shared hobbies etc. Good luck mate,vent away and keep us updated.

Thanks mate, I’ve only really started dipping my toes back in over the last few months after a year or so’s hiatus, as my last relationship was a complete disaster, and I didn’t want to get into another emotionally abusive situation. To be fair with me I think it’s a case of sometimes being too open, and sometimes being too closed off, but ahh well. At least Everton will cheer me up this evening eh?

 

[Brendan Janus]

Thanks mate, I’ve only really started dipping my toes back in over the last few months after a year or so’s hiatus, as my last relationship was a complete disaster, and I didn’t want to get into another emotionally abusive situation. To be fair with me I think it’s a case of sometimes being too open, and sometimes being too closed off, but ahh well. At least Everton will cheer me up this evening eh?

To be fair, Women are only good for one thing, ain't it ain't what one thinks !!