Desperate for suggestions - HELP!

[bluebab]

Say to her, "Look, I know that you are angry and upset about catching me, like that, but there is a bigger issue here and I need your help, because I don't know what to do. I went on that site randomly and it was only AFTER the deed, that I noticed who it was. How the hell am I going to tell (mate's name) about this? Do you think he even knows? We can't just say nothing, what should I do?"

At least you've tried to break the ice and at the same time, actually brought up the real problem - how to break what could be potentially devastating and marriage wrecking news.

The fact it takes the heat off what you were doing, is a bonus.

 

[Scouse]

Lao you are in a sticky situation.................but isn't that what you wanted in the first place?

 

[Basil Fawlty]

Not sure if you can pull it off though tbh

 

[HSD]

Funny with me!? The atmosphere has been colder than the coldest cold thing in the arctic, that someone's put in the fridge!
We haven't spoken, so I can't talk to her as normal!?

Your just taking her side Helen. Typical women.

Apologies for being a 'typical woman' but fair enough, you've got yourself in sh*t.

I was just suggesting something, if you're going to go against everyone's suggestions, how can anyone help? You either bring it up with her or don't. If you do, prepare for the worst - a whole lot of shouting. But just try and explain the truth calmly.
Or, do as a typical 'lad' would do and post the link to the video.

It's your choice, what's more important? Being a 'lad' or the lady?

Rant over.

 

[Lao]

Say to her, "Look, I know that you are angry and upset about catching me, like that, but there is a bigger issue here and I need your help, because I don't know what to do. I went on that site randomly and it was only AFTER the deed, that I noticed who it was. How the hell am I going to tell (mate's name) about this? Do you think he even knows? We can't just say nothing, what should I do?"

At least you've tried to break the ice and at the same time, actually brought up the real problem - how to break what could be potentially devastating and marriage wrecking news.

The fact it takes the heat off what you were doing, is a bonus.

At last, some sensible positive advice. Deflective tactics, shifting the attention to their relationship. I like it!

Do you think there's any mileage in asking her to watch it, just to see if she agrees that it is my mate's wife? Maybe that may get us talking, or even more??

Thanks Bab.

 

[GrandOldTeam]

The most amusing (Sorry, I mean... erm, disheartening) thing I find is that you've completely not said a word about it since it happened.

It'll all fly over mate.

 

[Elong]

Sawdust will fix it mate!

Oh dear, sorry, that's awesome, but I'm really feeling for ya here (not literally!). Links or it didn't happen though!

 

[Lao]

The most amusing (Sorry, I mean... erm, disheartening) thing I find is that you've completely not said a word about it since it happened.

It'll all fly over mate.

That's the worst thing mate. Nothing is being said, but she keeps giving me these 'i know what you do, and it's dirty' looks.

 

[Basil Fawlty]

That's the worst thing mate. Nothing is being said, but she keeps giving me these 'i know what you do, and it's dirty' looks.

The longer you leave it the harder it'll get though mate

 

[GrandOldTeam]

That's the worst thing mate. Nothing is being said, but she keeps giving me these 'i know what you do, and it's dirty' looks.

Because you've left it so long, it'll just be awkward now mate.

Time it so she sees you doing it again, then explain.

 

[bluebab]

At last, some sensible positive advice. Deflective tactics, shifting the attention to their relationship. I like it!

Do you think there's any mileage in asking her to watch it, just to see if she agrees that it is my mate's wife? Maybe that may get us talking, or even more??

Thanks Bab.

Getting her to watch it? Maybe not the best idea, but I like your style! Hahahahaha.

Just mention that, the room and the pictures in the background, meant it was deffo their old house. If anything, once the anger subsides, the curiosity is going to kill her and she will probably ask to watch it.

You've really got to put the emphasis on how this could ruin their lives, act really, really upset and concerned about your mate. If you do it well enough, it may even make your missus feel guilty - a friends marriage in crisis and all she could do was cry about her bloke cracking one off? What a beeatch?

Good luck with it all, matey.

 

[Lisa]

Well you have screwed up royally to put it plain and simple. Before you can apologize and even 'try' to make things right, you need to understand how you made her feel.
No wife or girlfriend wants to catch their partner pleasuring themselves to another woman. You have made her feel unattractive and unwanted. You have been deceitful and sneaky. Whether it was your first time or not she is not going to believe a word you say and why should she? Relationships are built on trust, she knows that if she hadn't have caught you that you wouldn't have told her, therefore you were keeping things from her and going behind her back.

I can only imagine how I would feel if I caught Dylan doing that. I would be so upset and hurt and feel very betrayed.


Did it not cross your mind to maybe wake her up and let her know how you were feeling? She would have appreciated that more than catching you in the 'act' alone. Good communication is the best thing for any relationship.

It's going to take a long time for her to trust you again and you have to respect that. Say your sorry and talk to her. But the key is going to be showing her that your sorry and not doing anything behind her back. Be honest with her all the time, talk to her about everything. Let her know when you have 'urges' and let her be a part of how your feeling even at 1 am.

Other than that give her time, she may forgive you she may not. Be the best partner that you can be treat her with the respect that she deserves.

 

[Seamus Colemole]

Say to her, "Look, I know that you are angry and upset about catching me, like that, but there is a bigger issue here and I need your help, because I don't know what to do. I went on that site randomly and it was only AFTER the deed, that I noticed who it was. How the hell am I going to tell (mate's name) about this? Do you think he even knows? We can't just say nothing, what should I do?"

At least you've tried to break the ice and at the same time, actually brought up the real problem - how to break what could be potentially devastating and marriage wrecking news.

The fact it takes the heat off what you were doing, is a bonus.

I agree with this.

Make the first move, just talk to her and tell her to listen to what you have to say and that it is the truth.

Not a lot more you can actually do, but you have to do something.

 

[GrandOldTeam]

Well you have screwed up royally to put it plain and simple.

*Private messages Dylan to tell him to delete his internet history*

 

[Lao]

Because you've left it so long, it'll just be awkward now mate.

Time it so she sees you doing it again, then explain.

You really, really should set up a matrimonial advice forum Danny.

Getting her to watch it? Maybe not the best idea, but I like your style! Hahahahaha.

Just mention that, the room and the pictures in the background, meant it was deffo their old house. If anything, once the anger subsides, the curiosity is going to kill her and she will probably ask to watch it.

You've really got to put the emphasis on how this could ruin their lives, act really, really upset and concerned about your mate. If you do it well enough, it may even make your missus feel guilty - a friends marriage in crisis and all she could do was cry about her bloke cracking one off? What a beeatch?

Good luck with it all, matey.

That is absolutely brilliant, like it's all up to her to save everyone in all this! You are good at this!