Sometimes this beautiful game of togger can leave you with more questions than answers and it’s something that this handsome royal blue old club of ours are very good at doing.
Just how good are we? Do we have the quality and squad to pull off an unlikely fourth placed finish and springboard to better times or are we just not good enough? Is Jelavic going to turn once again into that ice veined lethal scorer of boss one touched goals that rocked our world less than one year ago? Is Coleman finally turning into that ace right back that we've been missing for the Moyes years? The [Poor language removed] that Southampton lad doing going off the pitch for a turd like that?
Did Hazard really toey that ballboy? I hope so, the fat little tit knew exactly what he was doing and reaped the consequences. You’re there to collect the ball and pass it back to the players on either side. So your attempt to waste further time and be passed into local legend ended up with you looking like a moaning little scrote pulling faces of supposed pain. Back to Call of Duty online and frustrated wanks over your mate’s older sister it is.
The Southampton game in retrospect could have been better but could have been much worse. The south coast beauts really took the game to us but we seem to have found our defensive stoic and came away with a draw when in most season we’ve had come away with nothing, as plenty of other teams would have in the same league. If these tits now let it slip on trying to impress their new manager and slip back into nothingness then I’ll be moderately peeved. Stop raising your game for Everton dickheads.
I read some tittish comments on the forum part of this site post game where people were declaring the instant demise of Everton’s season based on that game. Hands up I’m a f*cking nightmare in my post game moods and flippancy when things don’t go our way but we’re very much still in this league business. And in the FA Cup too, and that’s conveniently next on the agenda. It doesn’t get more glamorous than an away tie in the cup to Bolton. And by glamorous I mean bad tramps arse.
You see, playing Bolton is like having a dump. It’s obligatory and something which invariably you can’t put off despite you sometimes wanting to swerve it. It’s occasionally a pain in the arse and it f*cking stinks. Bolton is a dump. Kids in proper jarg polyester trackies running about with minty hair and personalities made of cardboard. Yet the locals try to mock scousers despite us being three thousand years ahead of them in the evolutionary scale of humankind. Your clothes stink of stale crisps you bad meffs, pipe the [Poor language removed] down and give your kids a wash. And swerve the obsession over the 1998 relegation where “it should have been the scousersâ€. We’re Everton, you’re Bolton and sometimes things are as simple as that you bells.
Their latest messiah and sometime Moyes replacement Owen Coyle recently abdicated and with it a thousand dreams. My great auntie always told me never trust a man with long teeth so it was nailed on that Coyle wouldn’t make the grade. I had to think for a long moment who their new manager is without using the oracle of google but it’s Dougie Freedman isn’t it? The lower league terroriser of poor defences in the nineties.
[Poor language removed] off Dougie. Your name is clearly Douglas but you’re trying to add some edge to yourself, I couldn’t give two f*cks if you claim the Scottish card either. I’ve spent enough time up there and I’ve met enough Dougies to know that they’re the type of melts that drink their own piss and set their own pubes on fire in order to impress the hangers on in the pub and mark themselves out as being a bit of a loon ball.
His team lie sixteenth in the old second division which is in perfect territory for dumping us out of the cup, like when planets have to be an exact certain distance away from their stay to support life a club sixteenth in the Championship is just perfect. It shouldn’t be though as were miles better at football so it will be two simple factors that determine our success on the day. Firstly what team will be put out, I think that the strength of the team against Cheltenham bodes well for a good first XI on the day. Secondly, how hard our players work on Saturday.
Anyone unfortunate enough to read more than one of these previews will note that I’m not tactically astute or even observant for the most part but what impressed me about Southampton was how hard they worked and pressed our players on the ball. Schneiderlin in particular made a big difference. This effort has been the bridging gap between some ordinary Everton sides and teams better than us in the past decade so we’re familiar with its benefits. We simply can’t let these smelly bastards out work us if we want to progress.
Kevin Davies, who scored the goal of his career in Southampton colours against us once upon a time, still leads the line with obstinate averageness. They have a few options as to how they’ll play including ex kopite David N’gog, a groupon Thierry Henry if you will, or Marvin Sordell who’s not a bad lid with a footie at his feet.
In the middle of the park you’ll find the latter day Sammy Lee with on loan Jay Spearing who looks straight from a J R R Tolkien budget movie. You can guarantee the little goblin prick will need no motivation to do one over on us.
Perma linked to us, Chris Eagles has had a fine season for Bolton. He’s a very adept playmaker whether in the middle or on the wings and will need to be kept quiet. He absolutely reeks of a boss tall Stuart Slater.
Defence is where they show their lower leagueness as when you’re marshalled by high school basketball dropout Zat Knight then you know you’re in the sh*t or are like an Everton team of the nineties. It’s either Lonergan in goal or the most ginger professional footballer that ever lived in Bogdan.
Ev-er-ton.
There’s a good chance that Jelavic is finally dropped for this one with him being subbed last time out after a really crap miss in the second half. It’s just happening for him this season so it’s probably not a bad thing that he sits some out and gets his head together. These things happen. We looked instantly more dangerous up front with Anichebe’s shoulders all over the place although question marks still stand as to whether that’s Anichebe finally coming of age or doing his usual thing of looking ace as a sub. We’ll find out.
Great to see Mirallas back in the first team and not signalling a tight hamstring before the game’s up. We’ve missed him. Just an absolute tw*t that Coleman seems to have done himself in so we won’t see some of that potential potent right wing. Ev-er-ton.
Our defence got ripped apart on Monday and with all the best will in the world it exposed Neville and Osman as not being good enough against teams with a bit of verve about them. Fellaini getting pushed back allowed us to gain some control of the midfield. Not sure how this will work out against Bolton and if we’ll see the same. We could see Fellaini kept up there to support Anichebe and Hitzlsperger replacing Neville or we could see two up front with the wee Belgian pushed up. Pienaar was anonymous and it’s been a while since we’ve seen a game from him like he’s capable of. Bolton should be fodder for someone of his skills.
Two clean sheets is one bright spot out of two disappointing draws and that’s no coincidence with Jagielka and Distin in the centre of defence. It just works well. Credit to Howard too for some decent saves. Baines and I imagine Neville will play full back, if Jagielka is shifted to right back I’ll be in danger of developing a hernia though angst.
We’ve won the FA Cup five times in our history, which is a lot of history, so there’ll be no taking this lightly. As a Swansea v Bradford League Cup final taunts us: you got to be in it to win it.
It’s tricky this but we’ll be buoyed by plenty of you reading this making the short journey into Wooltopia and running the risk of meff infestation.
With some luck we’ll have a boss EFC team up who can give us all a few answers to those many questions we’ve got swimming round our head right now.
Right into them Everton, these are sh*te.
Just how good are we? Do we have the quality and squad to pull off an unlikely fourth placed finish and springboard to better times or are we just not good enough? Is Jelavic going to turn once again into that ice veined lethal scorer of boss one touched goals that rocked our world less than one year ago? Is Coleman finally turning into that ace right back that we've been missing for the Moyes years? The [Poor language removed] that Southampton lad doing going off the pitch for a turd like that?
Did Hazard really toey that ballboy? I hope so, the fat little tit knew exactly what he was doing and reaped the consequences. You’re there to collect the ball and pass it back to the players on either side. So your attempt to waste further time and be passed into local legend ended up with you looking like a moaning little scrote pulling faces of supposed pain. Back to Call of Duty online and frustrated wanks over your mate’s older sister it is.
The Southampton game in retrospect could have been better but could have been much worse. The south coast beauts really took the game to us but we seem to have found our defensive stoic and came away with a draw when in most season we’ve had come away with nothing, as plenty of other teams would have in the same league. If these tits now let it slip on trying to impress their new manager and slip back into nothingness then I’ll be moderately peeved. Stop raising your game for Everton dickheads.
I read some tittish comments on the forum part of this site post game where people were declaring the instant demise of Everton’s season based on that game. Hands up I’m a f*cking nightmare in my post game moods and flippancy when things don’t go our way but we’re very much still in this league business. And in the FA Cup too, and that’s conveniently next on the agenda. It doesn’t get more glamorous than an away tie in the cup to Bolton. And by glamorous I mean bad tramps arse.
You see, playing Bolton is like having a dump. It’s obligatory and something which invariably you can’t put off despite you sometimes wanting to swerve it. It’s occasionally a pain in the arse and it f*cking stinks. Bolton is a dump. Kids in proper jarg polyester trackies running about with minty hair and personalities made of cardboard. Yet the locals try to mock scousers despite us being three thousand years ahead of them in the evolutionary scale of humankind. Your clothes stink of stale crisps you bad meffs, pipe the [Poor language removed] down and give your kids a wash. And swerve the obsession over the 1998 relegation where “it should have been the scousersâ€. We’re Everton, you’re Bolton and sometimes things are as simple as that you bells.
Their latest messiah and sometime Moyes replacement Owen Coyle recently abdicated and with it a thousand dreams. My great auntie always told me never trust a man with long teeth so it was nailed on that Coyle wouldn’t make the grade. I had to think for a long moment who their new manager is without using the oracle of google but it’s Dougie Freedman isn’t it? The lower league terroriser of poor defences in the nineties.
[Poor language removed] off Dougie. Your name is clearly Douglas but you’re trying to add some edge to yourself, I couldn’t give two f*cks if you claim the Scottish card either. I’ve spent enough time up there and I’ve met enough Dougies to know that they’re the type of melts that drink their own piss and set their own pubes on fire in order to impress the hangers on in the pub and mark themselves out as being a bit of a loon ball.
His team lie sixteenth in the old second division which is in perfect territory for dumping us out of the cup, like when planets have to be an exact certain distance away from their stay to support life a club sixteenth in the Championship is just perfect. It shouldn’t be though as were miles better at football so it will be two simple factors that determine our success on the day. Firstly what team will be put out, I think that the strength of the team against Cheltenham bodes well for a good first XI on the day. Secondly, how hard our players work on Saturday.
Anyone unfortunate enough to read more than one of these previews will note that I’m not tactically astute or even observant for the most part but what impressed me about Southampton was how hard they worked and pressed our players on the ball. Schneiderlin in particular made a big difference. This effort has been the bridging gap between some ordinary Everton sides and teams better than us in the past decade so we’re familiar with its benefits. We simply can’t let these smelly bastards out work us if we want to progress.
Kevin Davies, who scored the goal of his career in Southampton colours against us once upon a time, still leads the line with obstinate averageness. They have a few options as to how they’ll play including ex kopite David N’gog, a groupon Thierry Henry if you will, or Marvin Sordell who’s not a bad lid with a footie at his feet.
In the middle of the park you’ll find the latter day Sammy Lee with on loan Jay Spearing who looks straight from a J R R Tolkien budget movie. You can guarantee the little goblin prick will need no motivation to do one over on us.
Perma linked to us, Chris Eagles has had a fine season for Bolton. He’s a very adept playmaker whether in the middle or on the wings and will need to be kept quiet. He absolutely reeks of a boss tall Stuart Slater.
Defence is where they show their lower leagueness as when you’re marshalled by high school basketball dropout Zat Knight then you know you’re in the sh*t or are like an Everton team of the nineties. It’s either Lonergan in goal or the most ginger professional footballer that ever lived in Bogdan.
Ev-er-ton.
There’s a good chance that Jelavic is finally dropped for this one with him being subbed last time out after a really crap miss in the second half. It’s just happening for him this season so it’s probably not a bad thing that he sits some out and gets his head together. These things happen. We looked instantly more dangerous up front with Anichebe’s shoulders all over the place although question marks still stand as to whether that’s Anichebe finally coming of age or doing his usual thing of looking ace as a sub. We’ll find out.
Great to see Mirallas back in the first team and not signalling a tight hamstring before the game’s up. We’ve missed him. Just an absolute tw*t that Coleman seems to have done himself in so we won’t see some of that potential potent right wing. Ev-er-ton.
Our defence got ripped apart on Monday and with all the best will in the world it exposed Neville and Osman as not being good enough against teams with a bit of verve about them. Fellaini getting pushed back allowed us to gain some control of the midfield. Not sure how this will work out against Bolton and if we’ll see the same. We could see Fellaini kept up there to support Anichebe and Hitzlsperger replacing Neville or we could see two up front with the wee Belgian pushed up. Pienaar was anonymous and it’s been a while since we’ve seen a game from him like he’s capable of. Bolton should be fodder for someone of his skills.
Two clean sheets is one bright spot out of two disappointing draws and that’s no coincidence with Jagielka and Distin in the centre of defence. It just works well. Credit to Howard too for some decent saves. Baines and I imagine Neville will play full back, if Jagielka is shifted to right back I’ll be in danger of developing a hernia though angst.
We’ve won the FA Cup five times in our history, which is a lot of history, so there’ll be no taking this lightly. As a Swansea v Bradford League Cup final taunts us: you got to be in it to win it.
It’s tricky this but we’ll be buoyed by plenty of you reading this making the short journey into Wooltopia and running the risk of meff infestation.
With some luck we’ll have a boss EFC team up who can give us all a few answers to those many questions we’ve got swimming round our head right now.
Right into them Everton, these are sh*te.
