Ace.
Whether you were there – lucky gets – or watching it wherever you where, you wont forget it in a hurry. Everton ambushed United by turning up our most recent set up carrying a piece. United’s arse went. And if you are reading this as a blue then you’re having one of them days where you can’t stop smiling because your head is awash with boss, boss thoughts of royal blue doing all kinds of naughty to the opposition.
In true Everton fashion it’s now not a token crap team at home to slaughter and keep the good vibe going but a trip to the current best team in the league, one that can’t stop winning and at another place we’ve not won for a long time.
You arsed? Get out of our way Arsenal, Everton are coming through.
We’ll probably get pumped now because, well, that would be your Everton wouldn’t it? Or maybe not. Fuelled by the most confident brown brogues in modern history we have remembered that there’s no reason to be scared about playing boss teams, after all were one of them too and history shows it.
Martinez has got Everton having a go at teams at their own place which replaced the effective pragmatism in such matches before. It’s helped by having the excellent midfield we’ve got – more of that later – and fast players adept at counter attacking. Have you seen how eager Kimbo Howard is to throw the ball out quickly from a set piece? For me though the most telling thing was to see in the final minutes of a game at Old Trafford our centre back produce the killer pass to Lukaku in the build up and our left back tap in the winner while our right back was hunting on the penalty spot for a pull back. These lids just want to attack teams.
It wont always go this well as we know and there’s little point in not taking it every game at a time so that’s what we’ll do. Arsenal at present is going to be a very stern test.
I don’t mind Arsenal, they are a wonderful club full of history, really great teams and entertaining players but they unfortunately have a common affliction in this country that they play predominantly in red and white they have some quegs amongst their following.
If you read the Guardian, drink lattes wearing your sunglasses outside any appointed café in the summer then you’re going to hate them as they are the very embodiment of capitalist pigdogs, a club all about the brand. A bowl stadium – ridiculous corporate sponsorship all over the show and ticket prices which price out the ordinary lid who wants to watch a game of togger and have a few pints with his mate.
A high percentage of their fans have merely a passing interest in football and little connection to the local area or even Woolwich where they are originally from. Wools? There is a passiveness about the home support that I can’t quite work out, its like everyone has took a speckled dove before they went in and came up while the game is on. It’s confusingly awkward. And no one is arsed that you paid seven hundred quid for your coat or that you think you’re a Greek shipping magnate because you bought a second home and rent it out so pipe down Shane alright?
Those same fans to a man wanted Wenger out after getting beat on the first game of the season and in a display of ace Gallic resistance have been made to look like a tad silly since then as a very talented team are frankly pissing the league.
They rested some players midweek and still brushed Hull aside. Up front the handsome French lad Giroud is having a good season – he’s good at holding the ball up and bringing others into play and is a magnet for low crosses at the front post. Centre halves you’ve been warned. They have a good array of quality midfielders so it’s difficult to guess who’ll start here. They play attacking players behind the striker similar to us and its probably going to be the annoying little dicksplash Wilshere, football’s equivalent of a mosquito in Cazorla and Ozil who looks a scene from the original Total Recall where he’s stumbled out of the protective building and into Mars’ atmosphere. His eyes are that far apart and lunging out of his head that rumours are he can actually see in 4D, which may explain why his passing is so boss.
For the centre of the park it will be two out of three of beautiful Mikel Arteta, the combative Flamini and free scoring Aaron Ramsey. I think they’ll go with the first two as they’ll be more than aware of our midfielders’ ability to control the middle of the park. Will be some battle there for sure.
Defence is very reliable with German supergrock and the man who Robert Huth wants to be – Mertesacker – dominant in the air and complemented by the classy Koscielny. Sagna and Gibbs are similar to our full backs in getting forward at every opportunity and are dangerous if allowed to press the opposition back. I’m not up to date with Sagna’s current hair do but last time I seen him it looked like it was modelled on a wooden bead XR2i seat cover from 1992. Either that or someone who’s mate has put a doyley on his head and he hasn’t realised. The Polish keeper Szczesny seems to have broken the curse of John Lukic and found some consistency as an Arsenal goalkeeper.
They are set up very similar to us in formation, the type of players they employ in positions and their approach to playing the game. Lets not beat around the bush here they’re better as their performances and league position show so as good as it feels at the moment this is a game where no one should be surprised if were beat but not necessarily given a chasing. Annoyingly some Arsenal fans will try and patronise you at their football being purer than anyone else’s – almost as though they created football passing in a test tube and forgot to copyright it. While the rest of us remember George Graham squeezing our teams out of the goal for a single goal victory.
We’ll see a similar Everton team to that who started mid week against United. Lukaku will be causing all sorts of mischief up front – he gave Vidic a very difficult time and that’s no easy feat – but he’s up against two often understated but very competent centre backs. Behind him I reckon we may see a change, Osman for Barkley, a theme that will happen continually throughout the season. Pienaar and Mirallas will be the threat from out wide but expect to see Deulofeu introduced as a sub when Arsenal’s second goal goes in.
We’ve got a truly excellent midfield pairing in Barry and McCarthy. Gibson’s loss to injury at times last season disrupted Everton beyond repair but this season its barely been noticed. As a central midfield two there will not be many teams this season that will get the better of them. Barry is the anchor while to continue a weak analogy McCarthy is the wee jet ski attached the royal blue yacht who is simply everywhere and making snorkelling in the vicinity impossible. We know of Barry’s value but McCarthy seems to be getting better game by game and becoming more of a pest in the opposition’s final third. Barring injuries and any potential drug addiction scandal he will continue to develop into one very fine midfielder. We’ve got history with boss midfielders so it’s a pleasure to watch our latest incarnation.
Jagielka looked and played like an Everton captain during the week and Distin is helping them achieve more clean sheets than many predicted. What happened to that downward spiral plenty predicted and conceding easy goals? If Oviedo keeps up then its not the Manager who’s got some serious thinking to do but our prized army of lids who up until this point believed there was only one naughty left back in town. Coleman will play right back and another special mention to Tim Howard who is having his best season at the club in his eighth year here. Some really important saves of late.
Optimism around Everton is indeed a beautiful thing – like the first day of summer where you can wear shorts and those jarg Ray-bans you’ve kept in the hall chest of drawers through a frozen winter. But optimism is a positive bubble that encompasses things and like any bubble it’s prone to a prick (figuratively or literally) ruining it all. But now that we’ve dropped the flick knife and picked up the Uzi were better equipped to guard it.
So it’s back to them plentiful Everton thoughts in your head right now. If you want the actualisation of your modest dreams then you have to go to top of the league teams and take the three points or at the very least lay down a marker.
Not much more to be said really, over to you Everton.
Whether you were there – lucky gets – or watching it wherever you where, you wont forget it in a hurry. Everton ambushed United by turning up our most recent set up carrying a piece. United’s arse went. And if you are reading this as a blue then you’re having one of them days where you can’t stop smiling because your head is awash with boss, boss thoughts of royal blue doing all kinds of naughty to the opposition.
In true Everton fashion it’s now not a token crap team at home to slaughter and keep the good vibe going but a trip to the current best team in the league, one that can’t stop winning and at another place we’ve not won for a long time.
You arsed? Get out of our way Arsenal, Everton are coming through.
We’ll probably get pumped now because, well, that would be your Everton wouldn’t it? Or maybe not. Fuelled by the most confident brown brogues in modern history we have remembered that there’s no reason to be scared about playing boss teams, after all were one of them too and history shows it.
Martinez has got Everton having a go at teams at their own place which replaced the effective pragmatism in such matches before. It’s helped by having the excellent midfield we’ve got – more of that later – and fast players adept at counter attacking. Have you seen how eager Kimbo Howard is to throw the ball out quickly from a set piece? For me though the most telling thing was to see in the final minutes of a game at Old Trafford our centre back produce the killer pass to Lukaku in the build up and our left back tap in the winner while our right back was hunting on the penalty spot for a pull back. These lids just want to attack teams.
It wont always go this well as we know and there’s little point in not taking it every game at a time so that’s what we’ll do. Arsenal at present is going to be a very stern test.
I don’t mind Arsenal, they are a wonderful club full of history, really great teams and entertaining players but they unfortunately have a common affliction in this country that they play predominantly in red and white they have some quegs amongst their following.
If you read the Guardian, drink lattes wearing your sunglasses outside any appointed café in the summer then you’re going to hate them as they are the very embodiment of capitalist pigdogs, a club all about the brand. A bowl stadium – ridiculous corporate sponsorship all over the show and ticket prices which price out the ordinary lid who wants to watch a game of togger and have a few pints with his mate.
A high percentage of their fans have merely a passing interest in football and little connection to the local area or even Woolwich where they are originally from. Wools? There is a passiveness about the home support that I can’t quite work out, its like everyone has took a speckled dove before they went in and came up while the game is on. It’s confusingly awkward. And no one is arsed that you paid seven hundred quid for your coat or that you think you’re a Greek shipping magnate because you bought a second home and rent it out so pipe down Shane alright?
Those same fans to a man wanted Wenger out after getting beat on the first game of the season and in a display of ace Gallic resistance have been made to look like a tad silly since then as a very talented team are frankly pissing the league.
They rested some players midweek and still brushed Hull aside. Up front the handsome French lad Giroud is having a good season – he’s good at holding the ball up and bringing others into play and is a magnet for low crosses at the front post. Centre halves you’ve been warned. They have a good array of quality midfielders so it’s difficult to guess who’ll start here. They play attacking players behind the striker similar to us and its probably going to be the annoying little dicksplash Wilshere, football’s equivalent of a mosquito in Cazorla and Ozil who looks a scene from the original Total Recall where he’s stumbled out of the protective building and into Mars’ atmosphere. His eyes are that far apart and lunging out of his head that rumours are he can actually see in 4D, which may explain why his passing is so boss.
For the centre of the park it will be two out of three of beautiful Mikel Arteta, the combative Flamini and free scoring Aaron Ramsey. I think they’ll go with the first two as they’ll be more than aware of our midfielders’ ability to control the middle of the park. Will be some battle there for sure.
Defence is very reliable with German supergrock and the man who Robert Huth wants to be – Mertesacker – dominant in the air and complemented by the classy Koscielny. Sagna and Gibbs are similar to our full backs in getting forward at every opportunity and are dangerous if allowed to press the opposition back. I’m not up to date with Sagna’s current hair do but last time I seen him it looked like it was modelled on a wooden bead XR2i seat cover from 1992. Either that or someone who’s mate has put a doyley on his head and he hasn’t realised. The Polish keeper Szczesny seems to have broken the curse of John Lukic and found some consistency as an Arsenal goalkeeper.
They are set up very similar to us in formation, the type of players they employ in positions and their approach to playing the game. Lets not beat around the bush here they’re better as their performances and league position show so as good as it feels at the moment this is a game where no one should be surprised if were beat but not necessarily given a chasing. Annoyingly some Arsenal fans will try and patronise you at their football being purer than anyone else’s – almost as though they created football passing in a test tube and forgot to copyright it. While the rest of us remember George Graham squeezing our teams out of the goal for a single goal victory.
We’ll see a similar Everton team to that who started mid week against United. Lukaku will be causing all sorts of mischief up front – he gave Vidic a very difficult time and that’s no easy feat – but he’s up against two often understated but very competent centre backs. Behind him I reckon we may see a change, Osman for Barkley, a theme that will happen continually throughout the season. Pienaar and Mirallas will be the threat from out wide but expect to see Deulofeu introduced as a sub when Arsenal’s second goal goes in.
We’ve got a truly excellent midfield pairing in Barry and McCarthy. Gibson’s loss to injury at times last season disrupted Everton beyond repair but this season its barely been noticed. As a central midfield two there will not be many teams this season that will get the better of them. Barry is the anchor while to continue a weak analogy McCarthy is the wee jet ski attached the royal blue yacht who is simply everywhere and making snorkelling in the vicinity impossible. We know of Barry’s value but McCarthy seems to be getting better game by game and becoming more of a pest in the opposition’s final third. Barring injuries and any potential drug addiction scandal he will continue to develop into one very fine midfielder. We’ve got history with boss midfielders so it’s a pleasure to watch our latest incarnation.
Jagielka looked and played like an Everton captain during the week and Distin is helping them achieve more clean sheets than many predicted. What happened to that downward spiral plenty predicted and conceding easy goals? If Oviedo keeps up then its not the Manager who’s got some serious thinking to do but our prized army of lids who up until this point believed there was only one naughty left back in town. Coleman will play right back and another special mention to Tim Howard who is having his best season at the club in his eighth year here. Some really important saves of late.
Optimism around Everton is indeed a beautiful thing – like the first day of summer where you can wear shorts and those jarg Ray-bans you’ve kept in the hall chest of drawers through a frozen winter. But optimism is a positive bubble that encompasses things and like any bubble it’s prone to a prick (figuratively or literally) ruining it all. But now that we’ve dropped the flick knife and picked up the Uzi were better equipped to guard it.
So it’s back to them plentiful Everton thoughts in your head right now. If you want the actualisation of your modest dreams then you have to go to top of the league teams and take the three points or at the very least lay down a marker.
Not much more to be said really, over to you Everton.
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