Cellardweller
Player Valuation: £8m
Will my new glass coffin be a success?
Remains to be seen.
Remains to be seen.
Jokes Thread
- Thread starter toffeemax
- Start date
Cellardweller
Player Valuation: £8m
Paddy's dog has been missing for a couple of days and he's heartbroken.
Paddy's wife says " why don't you put a notice in the newsagents window?"
Paddy thinks this is great idea so he writes out a note and sticks it in the shop window.
After another couple of days pass his missus says " I thought we would have heard something by now Paddy, what did you write in the notice?"
Paddy answers "Here Boy!!".
Paddy's wife says " why don't you put a notice in the newsagents window?"
Paddy thinks this is great idea so he writes out a note and sticks it in the shop window.
After another couple of days pass his missus says " I thought we would have heard something by now Paddy, what did you write in the notice?"
Paddy answers "Here Boy!!".
We've got an aviary at home, but one of our birds of prey will only exercise at night to the sounds of '80s synth pop ...
Our kestrel manoeuvres in the dark.
Our kestrel manoeuvres in the dark.
Bluesaint
Player Valuation: £5m
Maybe conjunctivitis.com is
LEONARD
Player Valuation: £60m
Anfield Comp has a lot to answer for.
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
I booked an Asian escort last night but she arrived 3 hours late. She loved me wrong time.
gonetomorrow
Player Valuation: £70m
Quasimodo goes into a bar and says Whisky please.
Barman says Bells OK?
Mind your own ~~~~ing business.
Barman says Bells OK?
Mind your own ~~~~ing business.
bluesb1970
Player Valuation: £25m
Three men an Evertonian, a kopite and a Rasta all in the maternity ward waiting for their partners to give birth. The midwife comes out and tells them congratulations, they're all fathers of beautiful healthy boys, however unfortunately they've run out of the name tags, and the babies have been mixed up, so if they could each go in and identify their sons from any family resemblance etc. The Evertonian wants to go first, so in he goes and comes out with a black baby, the Rasta looks a bit confused, "excuse me", he said, don't you think he's likely to be mine?? "Probably", said the blue, "but one of them in there is a kopite and I'm not taking any chances "
Once I saw this guy on a bridge about to jump. I said, "Don't do it!"
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too!"
"Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
He said, "Nobody loves me."
I said, "God loves you. Do you believe in God?"
He said, "Yes."
I said, "Are you a Christian or a Jew?"
He said, "A Christian."
I said, "Me, too! Protestant or Catholic?"
He said, "Protestant."
I said, "Me, too! What franchise?"
He said, "Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Baptist or Southern Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist or Northern Liberal Baptist?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist."
I said, "Me, too! Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region, or Northern Conservative Baptist Eastern Region?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region."
I said, "Me, too!"
"Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1879, or Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912?"
He said, "Northern Conservative Baptist Great Lakes Region Council of 1912."
I said, "Die, heretic!" And I pushed him over.
Got dressed up as a vicar ready for a fancy dress party, but the taxi's late.
So, for tha last hour I've been all revved up up with no place to go.........
So, for tha last hour I've been all revved up up with no place to go.........
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