The squad is awful.
Keepers - Pickford is alright. Nothing special and not a 30m player. Robles is fine in the Carlo Nash role. Stek was signed by his mate.
Defence - One left back at the club and one right back. Both Crocked. Martina is a Championship level player at best, but again signed by his mate. Kenny is again, alright and in a few years might be a decent player in a few years. Centre Backs - we have two warhorses, one still at the club out of misguided loyalty in the form of Jagielka and one that had vast sums of cashed spunked on him. Holgate is a decent youth and will get better. Keane is an utter waste of time and I would happily punch his stupid looking face until my fists were raw. Another 30m up the swany. Funes Mori lurks somewhere at Finch Farm and that's probably the best place for him.
Midfield - AKA slightly more advanced defenders. Schniederlin was another wonderful waste of cash signed by his mate, not as good as Barry in the same position. Gueye is brilliant one day, turbogash the next. McCarthy has done 70 minutes of football in what seems like 18 months. But he's family so that's okay. Davies is having second season syndrome, granted he's probably a bit more scouted, but he's not creating like he did before. Potentially another Rodwell. Baningime looks decent and should be ahead of McCarthy and Schideruseless. Besic apparently exists, but I think is a tale told to scare children.
Wingers - Some teams play two of these (!) We have Vlasic, who can play for 30 minutes then needs a month off. Actually a decent winger, if we had attackers for him to work with he'd be a threat. Lookman appears to be us signing a player so no-one else can have him. Not that they particularly would as he has all the skill of a blind mule. Mirallas was a good player on occasion in the deep past. Now he's just woeful and a sulky git. Bolaise is fast. Occasionally he will do something good. The rest of the time he'll make League One style mistakes. Odd player. Lennon is on the downward leg of his career and at least has passion, but not the player he was once.
NO 10. These are our attacking outlets! Rooney..eh, he has good days, he has bad days. It feels like he's been thrust into a role because there was no Plan B. Sigurdsson can be a decent player when he decides to turn up, or isn't exiled to the left. Showed himself as a big fish in a small pond at Swansea. Waste of cash really. Klaasen is that person that your mate brings to a party that drinks all your beer, breaks the furniture and sexually assaults guests. Then your mates like 'Yeah I thought he was alright.' Then your mate disappears. THen you wake up the next morning and there's Klaasen asleep on our sofa with his gentials on display. And he's eaten your ice cream. Klaasen is terrible. And cost money.
Barkley is too busy getting knocked out and trying to learn how to read to play football. Our attacking threat from Midfield is a lot like that bag in American Beauty.
Strikers - DID YOU KNOW: Some teams have multiple strikers on a pitch at a time! Also, before getting rid of one of the best in the league the year before you should probably have a plan to replace him. That plan should not be a player that seemingly has two identities - Sandro and Ramirez - maybe putting the two together would form one half decent premiership player? Anyway Bin. Calvert-Lewin had the audacity to score the winner at a World Cup Final. To punish him he must now player as a 90's style target man and have lumps kicked out of him. FUN ACTIVITY - sees how many times DCL is actually able to play facing goal - apparently a must for strikers. Niasse is a trier and we all love him. If the balls at his feet near the goal then he's alright, otherwise he's a bit like a three legged dog.
That is my summation of our awful squad.
