Chang Elephant
Forum God
Presumably ????
- Status
Presumably ????
BirkenheadBlue
Player Valuation: £70m
I don't get it.
Chang Elephant
Forum God
neither do I
Hellerad
j'accuse!
Tony Hibbert - club player. I'm sure he'll be offered +1s at a low wage until he decides he's ready to retire.
Sylvain Distin - can extend until he chooses not to. His French genes mean he'll only get better. At age 40 he'll be converted to a striker and given free license to shag who he wants.
Heitinga - wages are inflated. Get rid.
Apostolos Vellios: Offer 1 year extension. Pose him for an Everton calendar. The proceeds will cover his wages.
Conor McAleny - I say we resign Strac, design a harness for Conor to ride on his back, and slap Hodor on the back of their jersey.
Hallam Hope: Extend.
Leighton Baines - Put his face on the redesigned crest.
Alcaraz - No clue.
Shane Duffy - Sell.
Leon Osman - Extend if he wants. He needs to find his form again though.
John Lundstram - I'd like to hear what others think. I know very little about him.
Chris Long - Looks very promising. Extend.
Luke Garbutt - Loan him out and see how he does. I hear good things.
Tim Howard - Doubt he'll last as long as Old Man Friedel. Probably time to move on at contract end.
Kevin Mirallas - Suspect he'll be sold before it expires.
Darren Gibson - see if he can stay healthy.
Steven Naismith - extend +100 years. In 2048 we will discover he actually died in 2019 and nobody could tell the difference between living Naismith and Naismith the White Walker.
Pienaar - let it run out.
Ross Barkley - fate is inexorable and everything will end in tears.
Jelavic - who knows.
Bryan Oviedo - inflation in the cost of hair product will price him out of our range by 2016.
Junior - see also McAleny.
Phil Jagielka - hopefully he stays healthy.
Robles - "This player recently signed for this club and will not move."
Seamus Coleman - Keep him forever. Really stretch that 60k for all its worth.
John Stones - Extend forever, although I'm concerned the size of his balls will eventually cripple him.
Sylvain Distin - can extend until he chooses not to. His French genes mean he'll only get better. At age 40 he'll be converted to a striker and given free license to shag who he wants.
Heitinga - wages are inflated. Get rid.
Apostolos Vellios: Offer 1 year extension. Pose him for an Everton calendar. The proceeds will cover his wages.
Conor McAleny - I say we resign Strac, design a harness for Conor to ride on his back, and slap Hodor on the back of their jersey.
Hallam Hope: Extend.
Leighton Baines - Put his face on the redesigned crest.
Alcaraz - No clue.
Shane Duffy - Sell.
Leon Osman - Extend if he wants. He needs to find his form again though.
John Lundstram - I'd like to hear what others think. I know very little about him.
Chris Long - Looks very promising. Extend.
Luke Garbutt - Loan him out and see how he does. I hear good things.
Tim Howard - Doubt he'll last as long as Old Man Friedel. Probably time to move on at contract end.
Kevin Mirallas - Suspect he'll be sold before it expires.
Darren Gibson - see if he can stay healthy.
Steven Naismith - extend +100 years. In 2048 we will discover he actually died in 2019 and nobody could tell the difference between living Naismith and Naismith the White Walker.
Pienaar - let it run out.
Ross Barkley - fate is inexorable and everything will end in tears.
Jelavic - who knows.
Bryan Oviedo - inflation in the cost of hair product will price him out of our range by 2016.
Junior - see also McAleny.
Phil Jagielka - hopefully he stays healthy.
Robles - "This player recently signed for this club and will not move."
Seamus Coleman - Keep him forever. Really stretch that 60k for all its worth.
John Stones - Extend forever, although I'm concerned the size of his balls will eventually cripple him.
BirkenheadBlue
Player Valuation: £70m
- Status
