A snippet of what you generally overhear being out and about in Dublin!
Ireland of the Welcomes!
In Roddy Boland's in Rathmines one night I overheard a group of Italian guys (tourists) trying to chat up two Irish girls and not getting very far.
One of the Italian's started waxing lyrical about one of the girls and her "beautiful pale skin" and said: "In my country, you would be a Princess"
To which the Irish girl replied "And in my country, you'd work in a chipper, now [Poor language removed] off".
Don't go to work on an egg
On a No.13 bus in Ranelagh a harassed looking man was relating a story to a friend. "On Friday night last I came home from work and the Missus asked me to have a word with the 8 year old about his bad language. Now I was knackered from the week's work and told her I would talk to him in the morning. Next morning I came into the kitchen and there were my 2 sons the 8 year old and his 5 year old brother. I asked the 8 year old what he would like for brekkie and he put his 2 hands behind his head, threw the feet up on the table and said he would like a f**king egg. At this stage said the harassed parent I lost the head compltely and hit him a few clips on the legs, then still shaking I turned to the 5 year old and asked him what he would like for brekkie. The 5 year old clearly shaken by the previous events said in a tremulous voice......... I'm not having a f**king egg anyway.
Is there a doctor in the house?
In the Cinema a while back, a particularly boring bit of the movie was on, when a cry came from the dark.
Shadow at the front (shouting): "Anyone! Is there a doctor here? Is there a doctor here?"
(Shock. Confusion.)
Voice from the back: "Here - I'm a doctor"
Voice from the front: "Sh*te film, isn't it?" ...and sat back down
Dublin barmen.............aren't they great!
My brother was in Mulligans pub on Poolbeg street having a pint at the bar when a yank came up and said to the barman "Excuse me sir, where is your bathroom?". So the barman gave him directions and off went the yank. A few minutes later the yank returns and says to the barman "Excuse me sir, there's no lock on the door". The barman replied without looking up from the pint of Guinness he was pulling "As long as I've been here, no-one ever tried to rob a [Poor language removed]."
Crowd disturbance at a Leinster game
At a recent Leinster Magners League game in Donnybrook there was an Australian lady who was more interested in fussing over her friend's baby than watching the game. so much so that she seemed to be upsetting the Leinster fan next to her. She left to get chips and when she came back she didn't see the baby immediately in the crowd and said in her strongest Australian "Where's the baby?" to which the Leinster fan replied angrily "the focking Dingo took it, now sit down and watch the game!"
Post it note
I was in the queue in a post office and there was an old women ahead of me, she says to the post mistress "Give us the stamps so I can post this parcel" The post mistress weighted the parcel and gave the old women the parcel and the stamps. The aul wan looked at the post mistress and said "Will I stick em on meself?" The post mistress says, without any hesitation "No love, stick them on the parcel" I nearly folded.
Toilet talk
Sitting in the bog in a city centre pub after a few scoops the bloke in the next cubicle says "howya, hows it goin?"to which I reply "ahh not too bad!" then he says "sorry!!!"and I say again "not to bad!" then he says "listen I'll ring you back theres some lunatic in the toilet next to me!!"I then cringed and waited till he left!!!
Fantastic comeback
A bus stops with it's front wheels slightly inside a yellow box at a junction. A guy with a flash girlfriend and a flash convertible car pulls up beside the bus.
The flash guys shouts out his window at the bus driver:
"YELLOW BOX, YELLOW BOX".
The bus driver opens his window and says back to him:
"You'd better get her to the clinic"
Ireland of the Welcomes!
In Roddy Boland's in Rathmines one night I overheard a group of Italian guys (tourists) trying to chat up two Irish girls and not getting very far.
One of the Italian's started waxing lyrical about one of the girls and her "beautiful pale skin" and said: "In my country, you would be a Princess"
To which the Irish girl replied "And in my country, you'd work in a chipper, now [Poor language removed] off".
Don't go to work on an egg
On a No.13 bus in Ranelagh a harassed looking man was relating a story to a friend. "On Friday night last I came home from work and the Missus asked me to have a word with the 8 year old about his bad language. Now I was knackered from the week's work and told her I would talk to him in the morning. Next morning I came into the kitchen and there were my 2 sons the 8 year old and his 5 year old brother. I asked the 8 year old what he would like for brekkie and he put his 2 hands behind his head, threw the feet up on the table and said he would like a f**king egg. At this stage said the harassed parent I lost the head compltely and hit him a few clips on the legs, then still shaking I turned to the 5 year old and asked him what he would like for brekkie. The 5 year old clearly shaken by the previous events said in a tremulous voice......... I'm not having a f**king egg anyway.
Is there a doctor in the house?
In the Cinema a while back, a particularly boring bit of the movie was on, when a cry came from the dark.
Shadow at the front (shouting): "Anyone! Is there a doctor here? Is there a doctor here?"
(Shock. Confusion.)
Voice from the back: "Here - I'm a doctor"
Voice from the front: "Sh*te film, isn't it?" ...and sat back down
Dublin barmen.............aren't they great!
My brother was in Mulligans pub on Poolbeg street having a pint at the bar when a yank came up and said to the barman "Excuse me sir, where is your bathroom?". So the barman gave him directions and off went the yank. A few minutes later the yank returns and says to the barman "Excuse me sir, there's no lock on the door". The barman replied without looking up from the pint of Guinness he was pulling "As long as I've been here, no-one ever tried to rob a [Poor language removed]."
Crowd disturbance at a Leinster game
At a recent Leinster Magners League game in Donnybrook there was an Australian lady who was more interested in fussing over her friend's baby than watching the game. so much so that she seemed to be upsetting the Leinster fan next to her. She left to get chips and when she came back she didn't see the baby immediately in the crowd and said in her strongest Australian "Where's the baby?" to which the Leinster fan replied angrily "the focking Dingo took it, now sit down and watch the game!"
Post it note
I was in the queue in a post office and there was an old women ahead of me, she says to the post mistress "Give us the stamps so I can post this parcel" The post mistress weighted the parcel and gave the old women the parcel and the stamps. The aul wan looked at the post mistress and said "Will I stick em on meself?" The post mistress says, without any hesitation "No love, stick them on the parcel" I nearly folded.
Toilet talk
Sitting in the bog in a city centre pub after a few scoops the bloke in the next cubicle says "howya, hows it goin?"to which I reply "ahh not too bad!" then he says "sorry!!!"and I say again "not to bad!" then he says "listen I'll ring you back theres some lunatic in the toilet next to me!!"I then cringed and waited till he left!!!
Fantastic comeback
A bus stops with it's front wheels slightly inside a yellow box at a junction. A guy with a flash girlfriend and a flash convertible car pulls up beside the bus.
The flash guys shouts out his window at the bus driver:
"YELLOW BOX, YELLOW BOX".
The bus driver opens his window and says back to him:
"You'd better get her to the clinic"
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