I received a letter from an old colonial hunting partner of mine whose grounds kepper had an affair with a lady of ill repute who once was finger banged by the lad who grouted the tiles in the new extension at Finch Farm.
In his correspondence he alluded to the hold up of Koemen's announcement was indeed to coincide with another masterstroke by the mega accountant Moshiri.
He went on further to suggest that through his vine of grapes, the grouter of tiles bore witness to experiments at Finch Farm were by different parts of former heralded masters of midfield such as Ebbrell, Parkinson, Horne and Carsely have been fused together to form a hideously grotesque yet fully functioning back up for Gareth Barry next season should he require to sit out the odd game.
When the stitches heal, he, it, them will be announced alongside Koemen. Horbrellkincarsley will be given the number 13 shirt, and all who cross him shall consider themselves very unlucky.
So there really is no need to panic on the hold up. The future is fantastically terrible, relax and enjoy.
At least we can look forward to him signing next week (maybe with a DOF at his side 
) Thanks 
