Jokes Thread

[Milk]

Two candles talking …

One asks: “What you doing later?”
Other one answers: “Dunno. Might go out”

 

[Joey66]

Jimmy saville walked into a florist and asked for a bunch of flowers

Orchids ?


No just the flowers today thanks

?

 

[Milk]

?

You’re a horticulturalist Joey …. Flowers or Kids

Geddit?

 

[Ray Purchase]

Browsing ToffeeWeb, this gave me a laugh.

Paul Kossoff
16 Posted 08/10/2025 at 23:44:03

Someone was stealing soil from my friends allotment. I thought he'd lost the plot.

Now someone keeps adding more and more... The plot thickens.

 

[Seathestars]

I seen the news just now about the coach in the USA carrying a load of Elvis Fans to Gracelands.
It crashed off the road.
No one was hurt but apparently the passengers were all shook up.

 

[BITTER TWISTED & BLUE]

Man spots a friend of his struggling to walk,bent over and groaning with every step.

Very concerned he asks the friend “what’s wrong are you in pain” friend replies “I’ve had an accident”.

“Oh no what happened was it a car crash,tripped up or fell of a ladder” he asks?

“No no nothing like that I’ve myself”

“Ahh well,in that case you should walk upright leaning slightly back and holding your keks out at the back”.

Accident victim groans and carries on walking replying “aye,I will - when I’ve finished”



Credit to Jethro RIP.