Jokes Thread

chrismpw · June 16, 2018

When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo, I had to put my foot down.

gonetomorrow · June 17, 2018

A guy was trying on a pair of shoes and told the salesman that they were too tight.

"Try them with the tongue out"

"They're thtill thoo thighth!"

summerisle · June 17, 2018

I heard the funniest time travel joke tomorrow.

Dylan · June 17, 2018

A hipster burnt his tongue. He drank his coffee before it was cool.

summerisle · June 17, 2018

summerisle · June 17, 2018

summerisle · June 17, 2018

Sarnia Kevin · June 18, 2018

Stopping the Volcano in Hawaii:

According to ancient Hawaiian tradition, the quickest way to APPEASE PELE and have the volcanic fires stop is to make a human sacrifice into her fires, and according to tradition, that needs to be a celebrated leader who was born in Hawaii and held a position of power for 8 years.

Obama quickly announced he was actually born in Kenya, and has the Birth Certificate to prove it.

summerisle · June 18, 2018

Dylan · June 20, 2018

I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

That priest is in prison now.

BNJ1878 · June 21, 2018

I used to be in a band called leather patches

We only did Elbow covers

summerisle · June 21, 2018

tommytowne · June 21, 2018

Bloke goes to the doctors and says Doc, I'm hurting all over the place.
Doc says whereabouts?
The bloke then says it hurts when I point at my knee, it hurts when I point at my stomach, it hurts when I point at my shoulder, it hurts when I points at my ribs.
Doc says I know what it is, you've got a broken finger!