Jokes Thread

[Seathestars]

Another shocking example of the use of the word it’s. See chrismpw above for a similar offence.

‘Kinhell, I feel like I’m sitting in the head Masters office.

I’ll be more careful in future, cHeErs tEd

 

[Dylan]

Another shocking example of the use of the word it’s. See chrismpw above for a similar offence.

"And it is leg fell off........"

 

[kev]

@Soap lol

 

[gonetomorrow]

Story of my life.

I start out looking after number one and I end up stepping in number two.

 

[chrissyjack]

I went into a local cafe this morning and ordered an All Day Breakfast.
I was a bit disappointed because I finished eating it after 15 minutes.

 

[gonetomorrow]

What do you call a bear who's missing a paw?

Rupert the B*****d

 

[deipnosophist]

I went into a local cafe this morning and ordered an All Day Breakfast.
I was a bit disappointed because I finished eating it after 15 minutes.

Tubby Ashley likes this

 

[Cels]

A man walks into a bar.

As he sits down a busty blonde waitress pours him a drink and asks if he would like some food.

The man looks up at the menu and sees that it says, "Hot dog £2, Cheeseburger £3.50, Handjob £10".

He asks the waitress, "Are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

She winks and replies, "I certainly am".

The man says, "Well in that case, wash your hands. I want a cheeseburger".

 

[summerisle]

 

[Kurt.]

A bear walks into a saloon with his arm in a bandage....the whole place goes quiet and all the cowboys stare at him. ..suddenly he says

"I'm lookin for the man who shot my paw"

 

[gonetomorrow]

Doctor Doctor! I keep thinking I'm an Alsatian!
Well hop up onto the couch then.

I'm not allowed on the couch!

 

[Cels]

My Uncle died this week. He fell into a vat of varnish and drowned. It was a tragic end... but a lovely finish.

 

[Bluesaint]

My Uncle died this week. He fell into a vat of varnish and drowned. It was a tragic end... but a lovely finish.

My uncle drowned in a vat of beer. It took a while. He had to get out three times to go to the toilet.

Another uncle drowned in a vat of whiskey. He was cremated on the spot but it took a week for the fire to die out.

 

[Seathestars]

I’ve bought an old pencil that was apparently owned by the great William Shakespeare, hard to tell if it’s 2b or not 2b

 

[deipnosophist]

Notorious gunslinger, Rupert the B*****d, walks into a saloon with his arm and his mouth all swathed in bandage....the whole place goes quiet and all the cowboys stare at him. ..suddenly he says

"I'm lookin' for the man who shot my maw and paw"