Jokes Thread

[summerisle]

And some late traffic news : a lorry carrying a giant Scrabble set has overturned on the M6. Motorists are warned that there could be large queues.

 

[evertondotcom]

Has anyone got any good jokes about eyes? The cornea the better.

 

[bol-uk]

A boy comes home from school at 7pm,
His dad says "where were you? "I was with Jessica." He replied.
"What were you doing?" "We were studying."

After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are lovely."

Dad replies "Wash your hands son; they're doughnuts."

 

[Milk]

A cabbie picks up a Nun.

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why he is staring.

He replies: 'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, 'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that:

1, you have to be single and

2, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says,

'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'

'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'

The nun fulfils his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'

'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK.
My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party.'

 

[summerisle]

I went to a very busy pub last night dressed as a tennis ball.
I got served straight away.

 

[chrismpw]

In local news, there was an accident, today, when a lorry carrying snooker equipment overturned, blocking the roads.
There were cues for miles.
The driver is under a rest.

 

[AndyC]

Be warned fellas, if you don't pay your exorcist you might get repossessed.

 

[The binman chronicles]

And some late traffic news : a lorry carrying a giant Scrabble set has overturned on the M6. Motorists are warned that there could be large queues.

Got to look on the bright side, gives the drivers chance to get out and take a pee...

 

[chrismpw]

Got to look on the bright side, gives the drivers chance to get out and take a pee...

O. I C.
Like that is it?

 

[bol-uk]

O. I C.
Like that is it?

Zzzzzz

 

[The binman chronicles]

O. I C.
Like that is it?

You must have got to the scene late to only snag 3 letters, I bagged me F. U. P A L to put against the rear window so other commuters could see what I got. They sure must have appreciated them with the amount of honks of the horn and waves of the hand they gave me.

 

[The binman chronicles]

Zzzzzz

That is a bloody good score.

 

[chrismpw]

You must have got to the scene late to only snag 3 letters, I bagged me F. U. P A L to put against the rear window so other commuters could see what I got. They sure must have appreciated them with the amount of honks of the horn and waves of the hand they gave me.

That scores you 10,assuming no double letter scores etc.

 

[AndyC]

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

 

[summerisle]

My neighbour is dead against my new electric fence.