Jokes Thread

Sally Mullihan of Coral Springs, Florida decided to take one of the jobs that most Americans are not willing to do.

Sally applied for a job in a Florida lemon grove and seemed to be far too qualified for the job, as she had a liberal arts degree from the University of Michigan and had worked as a social worker and a school teacher.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you, have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have," she said: "I've been divorced three times, owned two Chryslers, I voted twice for Obama, and once for Hillary."

She starts work in the morning.
 

I bet my buddy that I could get him to say the word eighteen.
He accepted the challenge and I set upon winning my bet.
What is thirty six multiplied by two I asked. Seventy two he said. Now add forty eight. He replied one hundred and twenty. I said add forty and his response was one hundred and sixty. Half it I asked and he said eighty, at which moment I shouted victoriously, I got you!
He said, you said eighteen!
 


There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines.
One day he finds a theatre where they are willing to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening, carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line, 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"

The actor is thrilled. All day long, before the play, he's practising his line over and over again. Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage and, with great passion, delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter, and the director was steaming: "You bloody fool!," he cried, "You've ruined me!" The actor was bewildered, "What happened? Did I forget my line?"
"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"
 
Milk said:
There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines.
One day he finds a theatre where they are willing to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage at the opening, carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line, 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"

The actor is thrilled. All day long, before the play, he's practising his line over and over again. Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage and, with great passion, delivered the line, "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theatre erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter, and the director was steaming: "You bloody fool!," he cried, "You've ruined me!" The actor was bewildered, "What happened? Did I forget my line?"
"No!" screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"
Click to expand...
...saw that coming a mile away lol
 

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