Jokes Thread

[Gwlacticos]

I posted this one on here a while ago, it went

Had my wife a bet that I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti

The look on her face when I drove pasta

I hope you didn’t drive too far, as your wife may have felt cannalonni.

 

[BigBlueConk]

I never knew any jokes about fresh pasta.
And then the penne dropped.

 

[Hjefc]

At school the other kids used to push me around and call me lazy; I loved that wheelchair.

 

[Seathestars]

I hope you didn’t drive too far, as your wife may have felt cannalonni.

lol I'll borrow this sometime, if you please

 

[anjelikaferrett]

My mate asked me if I'd heard of the new indie band Skinny Jeans.
I had a listen... but I couldn't really get into them!


I spent £300 to hire a limo then realised there was no driver.
All that money and nothing to chauffeur it.

 

[Sadken]

I never knew any jokes about fresh pasta.
And then the penne dropped.

this is getting pasta joke.

 

[Kurt.]

I bet a friend £1000 I could make a car out of spaghetti, my friend took the bet, you should have seen my friends face when I drove tagliatelle.


Am I doing this right?

Bet he blew a Fueseli

 

[Kurt.]

I had to cancel an appointment at the sperm clinic today

Phoned them up and told them I couldn’t cum

 

[Methuselah]

Her indoors said she wanted to see the northern lights. She went mental when we drove into Blackpool.

 

[BigBlueConk]

A woman from a charity based sperm clinic knocked on the door and asked for a donation.

I gave her a right mouth full.

 

[verreauxi]

My girlfriend left me, I'm way too insecure.

 

[verreauxi]

Nevermind, she just got up to pee. She's back on the couch with me.

 

[verreauxi]

JAMES BLUNT: You stink

JAMES TACTFUL: I bought you this perfume

 

[BigBlueConk]

A policeman knocked on the door and said excuse me sir, but your wife is critical in hospital.

I said good grief, what's she complaining about now?

 

[chrissyjack]

Earlier, I went to take some liquid Viagra but mistakenly swigged some Tippex. I ended up with a huge correction