Jokes Thread

Three ladies are chipping up to the fourth hole at River Hill Golf Club when a naked man wearing a paper bag over his head jumps from the trees and runs across the green.

The three ladies stand in awe at the size of his manhood.

The first lady says, 'He is definitely not my husband.'
The second lady, gazes at his manhood and says, 'He is not mine either.'

After a very considerable inspection, the third lady finally says,

'He's not even a member of this golf club'
 
summerisle said:
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In 1968 I was living in Morley, Yorks. One Sunday morning I was playing football in Batley. I got a lift there but the game was off because of six inches of snow. I set out to return to Morley but found that the buses were cancelled. I had to walk, about 5 miles (and all uphill). Still snowing. I got halfway back when a Jaguar car, going downhill towards Batley, stopped and the driver waved to me. I went over and it was Eric Morecambe. He wanted directions to Batley Variety Club. I had no idea but a guy who was walking down the hill came over and he knew. He was walking to Batley so got a lift with Eric Morecambe. I had to continue my trek uphill in the snow! That was the day that Eric Morecambe had his heart attack.
 
Methuselah said:
In 1968 I was living in Morley, Yorks. One Sunday morning I was playing football in Batley. I got a lift there but the game was off because of six inches of snow. I set out to return to Morley but found that the buses were cancelled. I had to walk, about 5 miles (and all uphill). Still snowing. I got halfway back when a Jaguar car, going downhill towards Batley, stopped and the driver waved to me. I went over and it was Eric Morecambe. He wanted directions to Batley Variety Club. I had no idea but a guy who was walking down the hill came over and he knew. He was walking to Batley so got a lift with Eric Morecambe. I had to continue my trek uphill in the snow! That was the day that Eric Morecambe had his heart attack.
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How did you cause it (only Joking) great story I could imagine Eric doing that for you ;)
 
Last edited:
At the Pier Head one match day in the 60s,double decker used to pick up and take us to GP,this day it filled up and the conductor was placing the strap across the platform and a little fella asked him how long would the next one be?
he replied about 22ft and everyone laughed,and the little fella said "oh aye, and
will it have a shthouse on it like this one".
 
royalblue66 said:
At the Pier Head one match day in the 60s,double decker used to pick up and take us to GP,this day it filled up and the conductor was placing the strap across the platform and a little fella asked him how long would the next one be?
he replied about 22ft and everyone laughed,and the little fella said "oh aye, and
will it have a shthouse on it like this one".
Click to expand...
That's the quick Scouse wit you miss when you leave Liverpool......
 

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