Confirmed Signing James Rodriguez

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Or that we’ve terminated the contracts of all of the players we want rid of.

Massive win all round lol

Scene opens.

Point of view of an unknown person walking towards a locker and opening it. They look down and unzip the bag they've been carrying and start emptying the contents of their locker into it. Boots, Sigur Rós CD and a signed photo of Steve Walsh in a heart shaped frame. The person turns and looks down at their phone as they walk away. A message is on the screen showing an email notification from a MLS team.

The person exits the building and starts walking towards a waiting taxi when there is a shout from behind. The camera pans round to show Fabian Delph and Yannick Bolassie. They ask if they can share the taxi as they're both heading towards the airport as well.

Both Fabian and Yannick are on crutches and a good 15 yards behind our unknown protagonist. Both still beat him to the taxi by 5 yards.

Fade to black.
 

Scene opens.

Point of view of an unknown person walking towards a locker and opening it. They look down and unzip the bag they've been carrying and start emptying the contents of their locker into it. Boots, Sigur Rós CD and a signed photo of Steve Walsh in a heart shaped frame. The person turns and looks down at their phone as they walk away. A message is on the screen showing an email notification from a MLS team.

The person exits the building and starts walking towards a waiting taxi when there is a shout from behind. The camera pans round to show Fabian Delph and Yannick Bolassie. They ask if they can share the taxi as they're both heading towards the airport as well.

Both Fabian and Yannick are on crutches and a good 15 yards behind our unknown protagonist. Both still beat him to the taxi by 5 yards.

Fade to black.

Incredible - I would pay cash money now to watch that beautiful creation playing on loop at the showcase de lux, in a big recliner seat with a large nachos and tango ice blast combo.

If you are not in the movie business you have misse your vocation mate!
 
Triple announcement tomorrow then?

If that happens I will actually hold the foreskin together with finger and thumb and allow my unfertilised brood to build up in a fleshy balloon before letting go at the "moment".

It is a technique reserved only for special occasions... I would love to describe what I did after Ferguson's first game as interim, but I'm pretty sure I'd get banned.
 
James, reveal...

"I am happy to be joining Carlo at Everton football club. Premier league, say hello to my little friend"

Camera pans out to him launching a 35 yard three kick beyond Pickford, Lossl and Virginia who combined, cant keep it out.

Camera pans over to the sideline where Sigurdsson is hiding behind Allan and Doucoure...

...pointing.

 

Surely with the huge amount of followers James has on social media and his superstar profile it’s going to make the tenner a week deal we signed with cazoo seem a bit stupid
 

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