Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Gwladysover]

Big thnx guys. I feel bit emotional that you'd got back to me and really so grateful for your advice.. I really am tired. Am not going too work am creeping about the house trying to be detective. My daughter says am suffocating her but am really really worried. I probley need help myself. I've had a rough few yrs. Full of emotional pain thru personal probs. But. Without me going thru that I really wouldn't be strong enough too cope with this ( blessing in disguise hey ?). Anyways my daughter has gone out today to a friend's. I feel guilty for smothering her but unless you got kids you'll understand. I got too stop my [Poor language removed]. When talking too her I suspect. Something happened to her when she was young by the way she hinted but doesn't want too talk about it. So now my mind is a bit f&$#@d. I just wanna sort it. Listen boys. Thnx again for getting back too me and offers of support. Really makes me emotional you think it was me with her problem. Anyways. Much love guys. Coyb

So very sorry to read that you and your family are going through such a difficult time. Speaking as a parent and grandparent it can be very difficult to step back a bit and give our kids a bit of space. We want the best for our them and in our efforts to do this for them we can come across as overbearing. You say she has hinted about the past but doesn’t want to talk about it, the fact that she has dropped hints may suggest that she maybe willing to open up in the future just not at the moment. It can be hard for a young woman to discuss sensitive subjects with their father. When I was young (many years ago!) although I loved my Dad dearly there were things that I just couldn’t discuss with him and it maybe that your daughter feels the same and could open up to someone else. I do hope you are able to get the help and support for your daughter. As usual @Spotty and @Earwigjoe have offered good advice. Best wishes to you all.?

 

[Spotty]

Big thnx guys. I feel bit emotional that you'd got back to me and really so grateful for your advice.. I really am tired. Am not going too work am creeping about the house trying to be detective. My daughter says am suffocating her but am really really worried. I probley need help myself. I've had a rough few yrs. Full of emotional pain thru personal probs. But. Without me going thru that I really wouldn't be strong enough too cope with this ( blessing in disguise hey ?). Anyways my daughter has gone out today to a friend's. I feel guilty for smothering her but unless you got kids you'll understand. I got too stop my [Poor language removed]. When talking too her I suspect. Something happened to her when she was young by the way she hinted but doesn't want too talk about it. So now my mind is a bit f&$#@d. I just wanna sort it. Listen boys. Thnx again for getting back too me and offers of support. Really makes me emotional you think it was me with her problem. Anyways. Much love guys. Coyb

I can understand your concern, I have stage 4 bone cancer and Christmas 2020 I was given 12 to 18 months. I'm still here and feeling good ( renewed my season ticket ) and intend to see the season out. I was not offered Chemo as my cancer has spread to far I get a 6 monthly injection which is keeping me going for now. Good luck to your dad hope it gives him a lot more time.?

Blue people like you are the reason why I love my job. Fantastic post

 

[Leylo]

hi fellow evertonians been on this site a while now and seen this thread but bypassed it cs it didnt concern me ... untill NOW
so here goes.. on friday my 24 yr old daughter tried to take her life i was out and was contacted by my 16 year old daughter who answerd the door too police who had had a call of my older daughters mate that my daughter was in trouble sure enough the police came in and found her in a drunken overdosed state with superficial self harm wounds
this is a big shock for my wife and me and all the family.... she was taken too hospital and is fine atm it turns out my daughter has and has had a eating disorder for yrs and none of us knew about she covered this with going gym and building a muscular body but has slipped a disc so cant go for a while i did notice she was losing weight but didnt think much about it what brought it to this situation was her friend saying she cant deal with her all the time and needed to tell us am really bad at this kind of stuff and trying to understand whats going on... now its all in the open it seems she been paying for her own treatment as well as going to her gp on the sly.. now she has been allowed home and the hospital has put some help in place for her i have managed too get her some time of work etc now she saying to my wife she sorry etc but wont eat because i took her laxatives of her. i know this is going too be a long process but can anyone advise me do i give her laxitives back ? am sorry if this sounds like mumbo jumbo also sorry if my post doesnt make sense but i feel spaced out myself with worry would be grateful for any feed back... thnx in advance coyb

So sorry with what's happening to you and your lovely family, all I can say is keep posting people on here are brilliant they really helped me when I was going through it ,second to none on here

 

[Baines' left foot]

I don’t post much in here, although it would probably benefit me if I did.

After 7 months waiting I’ve finally started my NHS counselling. I’m starting to understand the reasons for some of my irrational behaviour over the years. It’s not an easy process but I can see the benefits.

I’m also being checked out for ADHD, which I’m almost certain I have. Again, it explains a lot about my personality and why I do some things the way I do. My inability to focus on things unless the interest me etc. I’m starting to feel like I’ve done alright for myself in light of it.

Still got a long road ahead, but I’m the happiest I’ve been in years.

 

[COYBL25]

I don’t post much in here, although it would probably benefit me if I did.

After 7 months waiting I’ve finally started my NHS counselling. I’m starting to understand the reasons for some of my irrational behaviour over the years. It’s not an easy process but I can see the benefits.

I’m also being checked out for ADHD, which I’m almost certain I have. Again, it explains a lot about my personality and why I do some things the way I do. My inability to focus on things unless the interest me etc. I’m starting to feel like I’ve done alright for myself in light of it.

Still got a long road ahead, but I’m the happiest I’ve been in years.

Well in mate

 

[the golden visionary]

I went off with work related stress anxiety and depression at the start of May for 2 weeks, since then I've been separated from the team I worked with for 3 years and put under a different contract manager, I have now been pulled and suspended from work over an issue that's been ongoing for nearly 2 years, the old team haven't, when I returned to work I wasn't given a stress risk assessment, or an OH appointment and was asked constantly when I was coming back. There's more going on, they've added another issue that was solved and deemed low risk by health and safety, to the suspension, again an issue the whole team was responsible for but has been put on my toes, again only I have been pulled on this.

My heads a bit gone at the minute but I'm sure they can't treat someone suffering from a protected characteristic like this.

My issue is they are saying its gross misconduct, but its only just become gross misconduct when a) I went off with WRS and b) only applies to me.


Pretty sure this falls under indirect disability discrimination

 

[COYBL25]

I went off with work related stress anxiety and depression at the start of May for 2 weeks, since then I've been separated from the team I worked with for 3 years and put under a different contract manager, I have now been pulled and suspended from work over an issue that's been ongoing for nearly 2 years, the old team haven't, when I returned to work I wasn't given a stress risk assessment, or an OHappointment and was asked constantly when I was coming back. There's more going on, they've added another issue that was solved and deemed low risk by health and safety, to the suspension, again an issue the whole team was responsible for but has been put on my toes, again only I have been pulled on this.

My heads a bit gone at the minute but I'm sure they can't treat someone suffering from a protected characteristic like this.

My issue is they are saying its gross misconduct, but its only just become gross misconduct when a) I went off with WRS and b) only applies to

@anjelikaferrett is the one for this mate.

 

[the golden visionary]

@anjelikaferrett is the one for this mate.

Just doesn't sit right mate

 

[COYBL25]

Just doesn't sit right mate

She will give you the best advice you’ll get anywhere mate.

Everything I’ve read in your post, screams bullying and constructive dismissal.

It reads like they are trying to make your working conditions that bad, that you think F it and leave.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

I went off with work related stress anxiety and depression at the start of May for 2 weeks, since then I've been separated from the team I worked with for 3 years and put under a different contract manager, I have now been pulled and suspended from work over an issue that's been ongoing for nearly 2 years, the old team haven't, when I returned to work I wasn't given a stress risk assessment, or an OH appointment and was asked constantly when I was coming back. There's more going on, they've added another issue that was solved and deemed low risk by health and safety, to the suspension, again an issue the whole team was responsible for but has been put on my toes, again only I have been pulled on this.

My heads a bit gone at the minute but I'm sure they can't treat someone suffering from a protected characteristic like this.

My issue is they are saying its gross misconduct, but its only just become gross misconduct when a) I went off with WRS and b) only applies to me.


Pretty sure this falls under indirect disability discrimination

If you are in a unionised workplace you need to get them involved. If you are not a member join now. You’re disabled under the Equality Act 2010 if you have a physical or mental impairment that has a ‘substantial’ and ‘long-term’ negative effect on your ability to do normal daily activities. Long term is usually 12 months, substantial means it impacts on your day to day living. If you don't fit those criteria then you are not covered.

What I would do is ask for copies of your sickness absence policy, a stress policy (if you have one) and the disciplinary policy for your workplace. Read them, go through them with a fine toothed comb and point out where they have not followed the policies - most managers have no clue what is in the policies and are often shocked when you tell them what the policies actually say. If you were signed off solely for work place stress then you should have had an Occupational health referral and a stress risk assessment because effectively they have caused your illness. Nor should they be badgering you for a return date. I'm assuming that if you were not suspended you would be at work and are not still off sick. You should also record it in the accident book as a health and safety matter like any other work related injury - work has caused you to be off sick the fact that it is stress is irrelevant, it's exactly the same as if you slipped on a wet floor and broke your leg.

Did they give any reason why they moved you from your team? You should ask. It seems completely unreasonable to move somebody with WRS into a new environment. If you are still stressed and anxious then before you attend any disciplinary meeting your employer should be seeking Occ Health advice to see if you are fit enough to attend such a meeting. I know it is hard but be proactive, ask them to do this or get your union rep to do it for you.

It does seem very strange that they have taken two years to decide to suspend you. You could also make a subject access request to see what they have been saying about you and what they have been investigating. It's quite an easy process - they might charge you a nominal fee ( about £10) but most places don't.

Hope this helps. Drop me a DM if you want to. Happy to help.

 

[the golden visionary]

If you are in a unionised workplace you need to get them involved. If you are not a member join now. You’re disabled under the Equality Act 2010 if you have a physical or mental impairment that has a ‘substantial’ and ‘long-term’ negative effect on your ability to do normal daily activities. Long term is usually 12 months, substantial means it impacts on your day to day living. If you don't fit those criteria then you are not covered.

What I would do is ask for copies of your sickness absence policy, a stress policy (if you have one) and the disciplinary policy for your workplace. Read them, go through them with a fine toothed comb and point out where they have not followed the policies - most managers have no clue what is in the policies and are often shocked when you tell them what the policies actually say. If you were signed off solely for work place stress then you should have had an Occupational health referral and a stress risk assessment because effectively they have caused your illness. Nor should they be badgering you for a return date. I'm assuming that if you were not suspended you would be at work and are not still off sick. You should also record it in the accident book as a health and safety matter like any other work related injury - work has caused you to be off sick the fact that it is stress is irrelevant, it's exactly the same as if you slipped on a wet floor and broke your leg.

Did they give any reason why they moved you from your team? You should ask. It seems completely unreasonable to move somebody with WRS into a new environment. If you are still stressed and anxious then before you attend any disciplinary meeting your employer should be seeking Occ Health advice to see if you are fit enough to attend such a meeting. I know it is hard but be proactive, ask them to do this or get your union rep to do it for you.

It does seem very strange that they have taken two years to decide to suspend you. You could also make a subject access request to see what they have been saying about you and what they have been investigating. It's quite an easy process - they might charge you a nominal fee ( about £10) but most places don't.

Hope this helps. Drop me a DM if you want to. Happy to help.

Thanks, that's very helpful.

 

[Gwladysover]

I don’t post much in here, although it would probably benefit me if I did.

After 7 months waiting I’ve finally started my NHS counselling. I’m starting to understand the reasons for some of my irrational behaviour over the years. It’s not an easy process but I can see the benefits.

I’m also being checked out for ADHD, which I’m almost certain I have. Again, it explains a lot about my personality and why I do some things the way I do. My inability to focus on things unless the interest me etc. I’m starting to feel like I’ve done alright for myself in light of it.

Still got a long road ahead, but I’m the happiest I’ve been in years.

So pleased to read this, keep us all informed of your progress, we’d love to know how you are doing. All the best.?

 

[coollino]

As a manager myself, the issues people have with their managers baffles me

it's an easy process of not having an ego and treat people equally, it's pathetic that people can't do that. Hopefully the younger generation will be able to

 

[datblygu]

I went off with work related stress anxiety and depression at the start of May for 2 weeks, since then I've been separated from the team I worked with for 3 years and put under a different contract manager, I have now been pulled and suspended from work over an issue that's been ongoing for nearly 2 years, the old team haven't, when I returned to work I wasn't given a stress risk assessment, or an OH appointment and was asked constantly when I was coming back. There's more going on, they've added another issue that was solved and deemed low risk by health and safety, to the suspension, again an issue the whole team was responsible for but has been put on my toes, again only I have been pulled on this.

My heads a bit gone at the minute but I'm sure they can't treat someone suffering from a protected characteristic like this.

My issue is they are saying its gross misconduct, but its only just become gross misconduct when a) I went off with WRS and b) only applies to me.


Pretty sure this falls under indirect disability discrimination

If it's a misconduct case, you need to speak to your workplace rep/trade union if you have one. If you don't, you can speak to Citizens Advice. Managers almost never know the rules. If you get a rep who knows what's what, it can be sorted.

Sounds like you're having a shitty time, mate. All things pass, but take care of yourself.

 

[the golden visionary]

If it's a misconduct case, you need to speak to your workplace rep/trade union if you have one. If you don't, you can speak to Citizens Advice. Managers almost never know the rules. If you get a rep who knows what's what, it can be sorted.

Sounds like you're having a shitty time, mate. All things pass, but take care of yourself.

Nice one mate, I had a disciplinary meeting with them today and demolished them. They have given me 2 weeks off with full pay and when I come back they will offer me my choice of roles.

Don't fk with GOT