Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Haven't been in here for a long time, been busy with the move. Hope everyone's doing good?

Remember when you're going through the hardest of times; we are not on this earth to see through one another, but to see one another through. Thousands of people want to help you, give some of them a chance.
 
CahillsCornerFlag said:
I've shared my anxiety problems on here in the past, and plenty were supportive which is excellent. It improved quite a lot for a while, and has been going well up until the last few weeks.

You know when the things you should enjoy most end up being the very things which are contributing to your low mood? New dog; ends up biting you constantly and stresses you out. Girlfriend; overseas for long periods and causes you stress, constantly having to reassure her about distance etc. Starting a course to become a nurse; constant workload which is stressful enough ignoring the fact you don't get paid and have to work a side job...among other factors...the list unfortunately goes on.

Feel really low at the minute and something feels like it's got to give, whether it's the dog, the partner or the course, or all 3.
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How old is the dog mate? There can be plenty of reasons why a dog is biting from teething, to being scared or to being brought up to bite by a previous owner, all these things can be managed in different ways.

The best advice I could give you on that part of your problem is to always have a small chew toy or something in your pocket, so that when the dog bites you, you can give the dog the chew toy to distract. Also, dogs react to body language. If your dog is biting out of fear or it feels like it needs to defend itself, then shouting is the worst possible thing to do, when the dog is biting keep a closed expression with your body; cross your arms and turn away. This is the best way to let a dog know they're doing something wrong. Try not to shout or use an angry tone, as this may frighten the dog and lead to more biting in the future.
 
Robertor said:
How old is the dog mate? There can be plenty of reasons why a dog is biting from teething, to being scared or to being brought up to bite by a previous owner, all these things can be managed in different ways.

The best advice I could give you on that part of your problem is to always have a small chew toy or something in your pocket, so that when the dog bites you, you can give the dog the chew toy to distract. Also, dogs react to body language. If your dog is biting out of fear or it feels like it needs to defend itself, then shouting is the worst possible thing to do, when the dog is biting keep a closed expression with your body; cross your arms and turn away. This is the best way to let a dog know they're doing something wrong. Try not to shout or use an angry tone, as this may frighten the dog and lead to more biting in the future.
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Really appreciate that tip mate. Its a puppy so I understood that she would bite things, its what kids do after all. But its just constant unless she's asleep, so that tip will hopefully work wonders.
 
Titus Bramble said:
We had a chat last night but it was a bit difficult because I was still trying to take it all in. Might be worth having another proper chat later. But believe me, if her mum in tears begging her not to go isn't going to change her mind then I certainly won't be able to.
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Fair enough. I guess the best you can do is reiterate your feelings & wish her a safe trip and quick return. Let her know who will be waiting for her upon her return.

Titus Bramble said:
I guess I just feel like I'm missing out on having a 'normal' live-together relationship. I see a lot of mates/work colleagues my age living with their partners and I can't help but feel jealous as I go home to my 45 year old house mate (not that I have a problem with blokes in their 40s...).
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That's the most common relationship but it's not the only relationship. If 'she's the one' then you won't mind waiting a bit longer, having a different kind of relationship, or just being on the other end of the phone for her. I imagine she needs someone who is fully supportive of what she wants to achieve in life.

She doesn't sound like your stereotypical 50's female, and good on her for that! But I guess you may have to factor that in in your thinking. She may not be the person that would comfortably become the person you want to come home to. She may want to continue the adventurous life and somehow combine the two. Would that work for you? Could you continue a life with her like that? These are rhetorical questions that only you can answer, and I'm only putting them out there for you to consider.

There's lots more I could say but I'll leave it there. Make sure you have that second talk & just be honest with her. Make sure she understands that you don't 'want' to hold her back in achieving her dream but you want to be a part of her future. ;)
 
stressful day today. woke up and as usual just felt oh groundhog day. carried on as usual. as I said in another post mrs bought comp and said sort it. had probs so she phoned hp. as usual she had to go to work and left it to me. ends up the comp had a virus after I had tried to upgrade to windows 10 for her. they said all my wifi connections were in trouble and not to attempt log ins from anything else in house pcs phones etc. long story short they transferred me to a company to sort it out, wipe out infection, restore system etc with a charge of £100. I was sceptic asked loads of questions and finally decided to go ahead. long story short pc restored but same problem as begining no touch pad. so they wavered the fee. phew. then wxm college phoned asking for my son and that upset me knowing he'd missed turning up. another of my sons had his wife leave him and he is in a bad place tried to do something silly. then my mum phoned me saying my dad is ill and she's worried about him. and my wife thinks I am the bees knees and can sort all these problems out. had other family members asking me to sort things and I feel inadequate that I can't give the right answrs and find that I snap back too much.

rant over.
 
wbn61 said:
stressful day today. woke up and as usual just felt oh groundhog day. carried on as usual. as I said in another post mrs bought comp and said sort it. had probs so she phoned hp. as usual she had to go to work and left it to me. ends up the comp had a virus after I had tried to upgrade to windows 10 for her. they said all my wifi connections were in trouble and not to attempt log ins from anything else in house pcs phones etc. long story short they transferred me to a company to sort it out, wipe out infection, restore system etc with a charge of £100. I was sceptic asked loads of questions and finally decided to go ahead. long story short pc restored but same problem as begining no touch pad. so they wavered the fee. phew. then wxm college phoned asking for my son and that upset me knowing he'd missed turning up. another of my sons had his wife leave him and he is in a bad place tried to do something silly. then my mum phoned me saying my dad is ill and she's worried about him. and my wife thinks I am the bees knees and can sort all these problems out. had other family members asking me to sort things and I feel inadequate that I can't give the right answrs and find that I snap back too much.

rant over.
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You may feel inadequate but I guarantee they rely on you so much and think you're so strong for being there for them.

Perhaps they don't say it so much but reading that (and knowing your own struggles) it's apparent.

The good thing about shitty times is that you always know that better times are coming, I hope you share that faith mate. Because it's true, and you'll appreciate them so much more.

After what you've been through health wise I for one admire you greatly for going through it with good wit and determination.

Keep that chin up.
 
wbn61 said:
stressful day today. woke up and as usual just felt oh groundhog day. carried on as usual. as I said in another post mrs bought comp and said sort it. had probs so she phoned hp. as usual she had to go to work and left it to me. ends up the comp had a virus after I had tried to upgrade to windows 10 for her. they said all my wifi connections were in trouble and not to attempt log ins from anything else in house pcs phones etc. long story short they transferred me to a company to sort it out, wipe out infection, restore system etc with a charge of £100. I was sceptic asked loads of questions and finally decided to go ahead. long story short pc restored but same problem as begining no touch pad. so they wavered the fee. phew. then wxm college phoned asking for my son and that upset me knowing he'd missed turning up. another of my sons had his wife leave him and he is in a bad place tried to do something silly. then my mum phoned me saying my dad is ill and she's worried about him. and my wife thinks I am the bees knees and can sort all these problems out. had other family members asking me to sort things and I feel inadequate that I can't give the right answrs and find that I snap back too much.

rant over.
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Sounds a lot to deal with in one day, hope you get a good nights sleep and things look a bit better in the morning x
 
chicoazul said:
You may feel inadequate but I guarantee they rely on you so much and think you're so strong for being there for them.

Perhaps they don't say it so much but reading that (and knowing your own struggles) it's apparent.

The good thing about shitty times is that you always know that better times are coming, I hope you share that faith mate. Because it's true, and you'll appreciate them so much more.

After what you've been through health wise I for one admire you greatly for going through it with good wit and determination.

Keep that chin up.
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I don't know about the better times lol. I tried to convey to my son that is so. it's hard at the moment because he's in that zone. he thinks he is better of dead. he ran his car off the road and went to a local viaduct but didn't go through with it so that's a good sign.. alls I could do was explain about my brother give him hugs and take his car keys away. like I said he is in his zone so I think just leave him to wallow don.t come down on him but just watch and hug.
 
wbn61 said:
I don't know about the better times lol. I tried to convey to my son that is so. it's hard at the moment because he's in that zone. he thinks he is better of dead. he ran his car off the road and went to a local viaduct but didn't go through with it so that's a good sign.. alls I could do was explain about my brother give him hugs and take his car keys away. like I said he is in his zone so I think just leave him to wallow don.t come down on him but just watch and hug.
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Your contribution there is potentially saving a life.

Well done and realise your value to those around you mate.

As Legs said above, you've earned a good night's rest, people depend on you.
 
chicoazul said:
You may feel inadequate but I guarantee they rely on you so much and think you're so strong for being there for them.

Perhaps they don't say it so much but reading that (and knowing your own struggles) it's apparent.

The good thing about shitty times is that you always know that better times are coming, I hope you share that faith mate. Because it's true, and you'll appreciate them so much more.

After what you've been through health wise I for one admire you greatly for going through it with good wit and determination.

Keep that chin up.
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+1 . I echo those thoughts @wbn61.
 
wbn61 said:
thanks. but till I know all family is ok it's hard to relax. being a son and parent I suppose. we all go through it.
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It truly can be hard to relax with those types of worries on your mind but annoyingly that very rest can help you deal with the stresses easier - our bodies don't always help us out do they?!

You sound like you are doing a great job juggling it all mate, hope this rough patch eases soon.
 

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