Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

Thanks for sharing colbefc, an intimately personal example of how serious & dangerous depression is. You are spot on in saying that support is much better than 30 years ago. Everything seems to be in place for most people & the only thing that needs to change is perception.

When I first started reading this thread, my first thought was that old saying "Misery loves company". That was my prejudice before reading & understanding what, of all things, a football forum was doing for its members. This is so, so much more than that. There's a lot of people here who've been through it, or are going through it, so you are not alone.

If you're reading this thread for the first time, or are having similar dark thoughts to colbefc, please, PLEASE, PM anyone here if you don't think the support services suffice. Remember, I don't think any of us are experts in the field but, if we've contributed here, then I'm damn sure you'll get a sympathetic ear to your unique situation.

Tremendous post mate, thank you for posting this....
 
Thanks for sharing colbefc, an intimately personal example of how serious & dangerous depression is. You are spot on in saying that support is much better than 30 years ago. Everything seems to be in place for most people & the only thing that needs to change is perception.

When I first started reading this thread, my first thought was that old saying "Misery loves company". That was my prejudice before reading & understanding what, of all things, a football forum was doing for its members. This is so, so much more than that. There's a lot of people here who've been through it, or are going through it, so you are not alone.

If you're reading this thread for the first time, or are having similar dark thoughts to colbefc, please, PLEASE, PM anyone here if you don't think the support services suffice. Remember, I don't think any of us are experts in the field but, if we've contributed here, then I'm damn sure you'll get a sympathetic ear to your unique situation.
Absolutely.

I'm sure if someone needs advice, it'll be available here. If not we can point you in the right direction.

Like you say, I'm not an expert in this particular field but I'm made up we continue to help.

I'm glad folk feel they can speak openly, that's what my fundamental idea was.
 
Hello all,
I've been a member of this forum since kipper shut down, and I really admire the way GOT actually encourage serious discussions such as this.

At the beginning of the year I went to go see my doctor about depression issues. At the time I was really, really down. I wasn't eating, I couldn't get up and face another day at work, I was feeling overwhelmed with my uni work, and I was living in a student house that was making me increasingly anti-social. Things weren't all bad, I have a very loving girlfriend and we have a great relationship and I have plenty of friends. Around October last year when I was over visiting my parents they told me that my gran's health and mental awareness had severely declined since I had saw her last. Since I had been living outside of the house for the last few years and was constantly busy with work and uni, I was the last to know. When they told me about what was going on it hit me like a ton of bricks and sent me spiralling downwards. I was full of feelings of guilt because I hadn't made the time to be there for my gran, and all of a sudden it felt like the person that I knew was gone and I had been so wrapped up in my own life that I hadn't stopped to think about it.

That kickstarted two or three of the worst months of my life in terms of mental stability. I felt trapped by my responsibilities to go to school and work, to continue doing all my coursework and paying my bills. I felt like I had lost all control over what I was doing with my life and that to divert off of the path I was on would be disastrous. It didn't help that I was living in Ottawa, Canada and that October in this place heralds the arrival of 6 soul-sucking months of winter. Growing up in Liverpool there was no opportunity for me to gain an appreciation for anything winter-related and I've been here for 12 years and still hate the season. Every day it felt like I was showing up at work and school simply to be present because I felt I had no choice otherwise. It didn't help that work was incredibly slow and most days it was just me showing up for the sake of it and being in the building for 8 hours with no actual work to do(Despite my asking for anything to do at all to keep me busy). That amount of continuous nothing-ness combined with the obligation to continue coming to work to just sit there gave me far too much time to dwell on the negative thoughts that were continuously swimming around my head. I began to feel guilty, hopeless, and just worthless.

Things came to a boiling point at Christmas. Specifically Christmas Eve was when I had a complete emotional breakdown, and cried in the arms of my mother for the first time in a decade. My mum has suffered from depression her whole life as well, I firmly believe there is a hereditary disposition towards these mental illnesses. She sat and listened and comforted me as I told her how I had been feeling for the last couple of months and that it was hearing about by gran's declining state that brought it on. She convinced me that I should go and talk to the doctor when he was back from his Christmas holidays. Christmas day was one of the most emotionally-taxing days of my life. I wasn't prepared for just how far my gran's physical abilities had detoriated, I had to carry her up the stairs because she didn't have the strength to walk anymore.

When I eventually went to go see the doc in the New Year, we sat down and spoke about how I was feeling. This was no easy task for me as I'm the type of person who buries their feelings down and despises the awakwardness of conversations which make me feel vulnerable, I'm not alone in this. The doctor said that while I was displaying signs of depression, he was also concerned with the indications that I was suffering from some pretty severe anxiety. I'm of an age where mental health illnesses have been explained to me in school and accepted as a part of life, but the explanations and definitions of anxiety never really made sense to me. I never truly understood what anxiety was because it was my everyday normal, it never struck me as a mental illness because I assumed it was natural to be constantly worried and be unable to shut out unwelcome thoughts in your mind. The doctor presribed me some anti-depressants and anxiety medication. I wasn't looking for medication to fix my problems, but rather to help me develop the right mental state to really begin to understand what I was going through.

I took the medication for about 5 months until about May this year when I ran out. I haven't been back to see the doctor to get a refill because I felt I had gained a handle on things again and didn't need it. I'm still having my down days where I just can't be bothered with anything or anyone, but there are more distractions in the summer to refocus my mind away from those repetitive, invasive, and negative thoughts. As October looms around the corner, I'm feeling the need to go and see the doctor again. It is hard for me to get out to see him as it takes me about an hour my bus, and I've lost my medical insurance card (Which I've made excuses not to take care of at this point). I am able to recognize the patterns of thinking that lead me further down the path to episodes of sever depression and I know now that there are actions I can take to help alleviate that.

The important thing to take away from this is that, if you notice anything similar between my story and what is going on in your own lives then take the hard step to tell someone, anyone about it. The longer you stay silent about what is going on, the worse it can get. It is a horribly intimidating thing when you're that far down to summon the courage to be open about what you're thinking, but take it from me, when you take the first step to talk about it you are on the path to feeling better. As I've said, I'm not big on talking about my issues in the real world but I'm incredibly thankful for GOT for providing a safe space for those of us with these issues to be able to openly and anonymously discuss them and to also hopefully encourage others in similar situations to seek out the help that I needed. Remember no matter how hopeless, worthless, or discouraged you feel that you are not alone in this and that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel.
 
Hello all,
I've been a member of this forum since kipper shut down, and I really admire the way GOT actually encourage serious discussions such as this.

At the beginning of the year I went to go see my doctor about depression issues. At the time I was really, really down. I wasn't eating, I couldn't get up and face another day at work, I was feeling overwhelmed with my uni work, and I was living in a student house that was making me increasingly anti-social. Things weren't all bad, I have a very loving girlfriend and we have a great relationship and I have plenty of friends. Around October last year when I was over visiting my parents they told me that my gran's health and mental awareness had severely declined since I had saw her last. Since I had been living outside of the house for the last few years and was constantly busy with work and uni, I was the last to know. When they told me about what was going on it hit me like a ton of bricks and sent me spiralling downwards. I was full of feelings of guilt because I hadn't made the time to be there for my gran, and all of a sudden it felt like the person that I knew was gone and I had been so wrapped up in my own life that I hadn't stopped to think about it.

That kickstarted two or three of the worst months of my life in terms of mental stability. I felt trapped by my responsibilities to go to school and work, to continue doing all my coursework and paying my bills. I felt like I had lost all control over what I was doing with my life and that to divert off of the path I was on would be disastrous. It didn't help that I was living in Ottawa, Canada and that October in this place heralds the arrival of 6 soul-sucking months of winter. Growing up in Liverpool there was no opportunity for me to gain an appreciation for anything winter-related and I've been here for 12 years and still hate the season. Every day it felt like I was showing up at work and school simply to be present because I felt I had no choice otherwise. It didn't help that work was incredibly slow and most days it was just me showing up for the sake of it and being in the building for 8 hours with no actual work to do(Despite my asking for anything to do at all to keep me busy). That amount of continuous nothing-ness combined with the obligation to continue coming to work to just sit there gave me far too much time to dwell on the negative thoughts that were continuously swimming around my head. I began to feel guilty, hopeless, and just worthless.

Things came to a boiling point at Christmas. Specifically Christmas Eve was when I had a complete emotional breakdown, and cried in the arms of my mother for the first time in a decade. My mum has suffered from depression her whole life as well, I firmly believe there is a hereditary disposition towards these mental illnesses. She sat and listened and comforted me as I told her how I had been feeling for the last couple of months and that it was hearing about by gran's declining state that brought it on. She convinced me that I should go and talk to the doctor when he was back from his Christmas holidays. Christmas day was one of the most emotionally-taxing days of my life. I wasn't prepared for just how far my gran's physical abilities had detoriated, I had to carry her up the stairs because she didn't have the strength to walk anymore.

When I eventually went to go see the doc in the New Year, we sat down and spoke about how I was feeling. This was no easy task for me as I'm the type of person who buries their feelings down and despises the awakwardness of conversations which make me feel vulnerable, I'm not alone in this. The doctor said that while I was displaying signs of depression, he was also concerned with the indications that I was suffering from some pretty severe anxiety. I'm of an age where mental health illnesses have been explained to me in school and accepted as a part of life, but the explanations and definitions of anxiety never really made sense to me. I never truly understood what anxiety was because it was my everyday normal, it never struck me as a mental illness because I assumed it was natural to be constantly worried and be unable to shut out unwelcome thoughts in your mind. The doctor presribed me some anti-depressants and anxiety medication. I wasn't looking for medication to fix my problems, but rather to help me develop the right mental state to really begin to understand what I was going through.

I took the medication for about 5 months until about May this year when I ran out. I haven't been back to see the doctor to get a refill because I felt I had gained a handle on things again and didn't need it. I'm still having my down days where I just can't be bothered with anything or anyone, but there are more distractions in the summer to refocus my mind away from those repetitive, invasive, and negative thoughts. As October looms around the corner, I'm feeling the need to go and see the doctor again. It is hard for me to get out to see him as it takes me about an hour my bus, and I've lost my medical insurance card (Which I've made excuses not to take care of at this point). I am able to recognize the patterns of thinking that lead me further down the path to episodes of sever depression and I know now that there are actions I can take to help alleviate that.

The important thing to take away from this is that, if you notice anything similar between my story and what is going on in your own lives then take the hard step to tell someone, anyone about it. The longer you stay silent about what is going on, the worse it can get. It is a horribly intimidating thing when you're that far down to summon the courage to be open about what you're thinking, but take it from me, when you take the first step to talk about it you are on the path to feeling better. As I've said, I'm not big on talking about my issues in the real world but I'm incredibly thankful for GOT for providing a safe space for those of us with these issues to be able to openly and anonymously discuss them and to also hopefully encourage others in similar situations to seek out the help that I needed. Remember no matter how hopeless, worthless, or discouraged you feel that you are not alone in this and that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel.
Thanks for sharing.
 

Hello all,
I've been a member of this forum since kipper shut down, and I really admire the way GOT actually encourage serious discussions such as this.

At the beginning of the year I went to go see my doctor about depression issues. At the time I was really, really down. I wasn't eating, I couldn't get up and face another day at work, I was feeling overwhelmed with my uni work, and I was living in a student house that was making me increasingly anti-social. Things weren't all bad, I have a very loving girlfriend and we have a great relationship and I have plenty of friends. Around October last year when I was over visiting my parents they told me that my gran's health and mental awareness had severely declined since I had saw her last. Since I had been living outside of the house for the last few years and was constantly busy with work and uni, I was the last to know. When they told me about what was going on it hit me like a ton of bricks and sent me spiralling downwards. I was full of feelings of guilt because I hadn't made the time to be there for my gran, and all of a sudden it felt like the person that I knew was gone and I had been so wrapped up in my own life that I hadn't stopped to think about it.

That kickstarted two or three of the worst months of my life in terms of mental stability. I felt trapped by my responsibilities to go to school and work, to continue doing all my coursework and paying my bills. I felt like I had lost all control over what I was doing with my life and that to divert off of the path I was on would be disastrous. It didn't help that I was living in Ottawa, Canada and that October in this place heralds the arrival of 6 soul-sucking months of winter. Growing up in Liverpool there was no opportunity for me to gain an appreciation for anything winter-related and I've been here for 12 years and still hate the season. Every day it felt like I was showing up at work and school simply to be present because I felt I had no choice otherwise. It didn't help that work was incredibly slow and most days it was just me showing up for the sake of it and being in the building for 8 hours with no actual work to do(Despite my asking for anything to do at all to keep me busy). That amount of continuous nothing-ness combined with the obligation to continue coming to work to just sit there gave me far too much time to dwell on the negative thoughts that were continuously swimming around my head. I began to feel guilty, hopeless, and just worthless.

Things came to a boiling point at Christmas. Specifically Christmas Eve was when I had a complete emotional breakdown, and cried in the arms of my mother for the first time in a decade. My mum has suffered from depression her whole life as well, I firmly believe there is a hereditary disposition towards these mental illnesses. She sat and listened and comforted me as I told her how I had been feeling for the last couple of months and that it was hearing about by gran's declining state that brought it on. She convinced me that I should go and talk to the doctor when he was back from his Christmas holidays. Christmas day was one of the most emotionally-taxing days of my life. I wasn't prepared for just how far my gran's physical abilities had detoriated, I had to carry her up the stairs because she didn't have the strength to walk anymore.

When I eventually went to go see the doc in the New Year, we sat down and spoke about how I was feeling. This was no easy task for me as I'm the type of person who buries their feelings down and despises the awakwardness of conversations which make me feel vulnerable, I'm not alone in this. The doctor said that while I was displaying signs of depression, he was also concerned with the indications that I was suffering from some pretty severe anxiety. I'm of an age where mental health illnesses have been explained to me in school and accepted as a part of life, but the explanations and definitions of anxiety never really made sense to me. I never truly understood what anxiety was because it was my everyday normal, it never struck me as a mental illness because I assumed it was natural to be constantly worried and be unable to shut out unwelcome thoughts in your mind. The doctor presribed me some anti-depressants and anxiety medication. I wasn't looking for medication to fix my problems, but rather to help me develop the right mental state to really begin to understand what I was going through.

I took the medication for about 5 months until about May this year when I ran out. I haven't been back to see the doctor to get a refill because I felt I had gained a handle on things again and didn't need it. I'm still having my down days where I just can't be bothered with anything or anyone, but there are more distractions in the summer to refocus my mind away from those repetitive, invasive, and negative thoughts. As October looms around the corner, I'm feeling the need to go and see the doctor again. It is hard for me to get out to see him as it takes me about an hour my bus, and I've lost my medical insurance card (Which I've made excuses not to take care of at this point). I am able to recognize the patterns of thinking that lead me further down the path to episodes of sever depression and I know now that there are actions I can take to help alleviate that.

The important thing to take away from this is that, if you notice anything similar between my story and what is going on in your own lives then take the hard step to tell someone, anyone about it. The longer you stay silent about what is going on, the worse it can get. It is a horribly intimidating thing when you're that far down to summon the courage to be open about what you're thinking, but take it from me, when you take the first step to talk about it you are on the path to feeling better. As I've said, I'm not big on talking about my issues in the real world but I'm incredibly thankful for GOT for providing a safe space for those of us with these issues to be able to openly and anonymously discuss them and to also hopefully encourage others in similar situations to seek out the help that I needed. Remember no matter how hopeless, worthless, or discouraged you feel that you are not alone in this and that there can be a light at the end of the tunnel.

To be fair the types of anti depressants you probably had are only meant for 6 month courses. People can take them longer but your right its best to go see the doc again anyway.

You need to keep fighting daily - for your happiness.

Its a "struggle" but you can manage it and one you can more than meet.

I know since I've been in the same position and my entire outlook is that I know I'm prone to potential chronic depression (as posted earlier) due to a few things that happened to me.

I realise that negative thoughts or feelings are not me, its the depression doing the talking. Once you recognise that you can battle through it. e.g. these things arent happening to me now and "triggers" and flashbacks can't hurt me and I'm wiser now and if someone targeting me and messing me around i can be straight on the phone to eg. Lawyer who can sort them and it.

But its a fight I am going to take to depression and win.

I think you can too. Since misery is transient. Your strength is permanent.


Ps. I had chronic depression. Severe anxiety due to peers behaviour towards me. Signs of PTSD also evident due to severe harassment. Battled out of it left those idiots behind. But exact recognition of everything you describe.

Its a drip drip drip decline. No single thing. But you can battle through it to. Its all about will power and recognition your despair is the depression. Not reality. The reality is what you make it.
 
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Any one can come to me, and I will support them. But you need to see your doctor, they'll be sound.

Please, anyone tempted, don't do it. There's another way.

This hits home hard. There really is another way. When you hit rock bottom the only way is up, not out. I lose my best friend 2 1/2 years ago to suicide, if only someone had known how bad she really was. And it destroys those you leave behind, the anger, the hurt, the longing to see them again. Noone should suffer in silence.
 
This hits home hard. There really is another way. When you hit rock bottom the only way is up, not out. I lose my best friend 2 1/2 years ago to suicide, if only someone had known how bad she really was. And it destroys those you leave behind, the anger, the hurt, the longing to see them again. Noone should suffer in silence.
Folk aren't alone
 
@Groucho I know I've said it before but you really are a credit to all Evertonians for keeping this thread going in the way you do. And to all the others that contribute. It really is top class the way such serious issues can be handled on a forum like this.
 

@Groucho I know I've said it before but you really are a credit to all Evertonians for keeping this thread going in the way you do. And to all the others that contribute. It really is top class the way such serious issues can be handled on a forum like this.
Thanks pal but it's not just little old me, it's everybody.
 
Thanks pal but it's not just little old me, it's everybody.
True, but the Mods, moderate the environment that allows a thread like this to (sadly in a way) thrive...well done Mods!
eusa_clap.gif
 
Dunno how much stock to put into online tests but the couple I've taken last few weeks have given me an answer of moderate depression and there was one with some dys- prefix. I can sorta see why though, last few months have been rough. In August my girlfriend broke up with me and I lost my job in the space of about two weeks. It's been tough, we'd been dating for over a year and while we're still pretty young I thought we had plans in place for the future and were pretty committed to the other person, and the break up really caught me by surprise. Probably not making it any easier by trying to talk to her she had already moved on and saw another guy pretty quickly after, they recently broke up...I'm rambling anyway.

It's been a hectic time in my life at any rate, I'm starting to apply to uni's here in the States and I have a job possibly lined up but I don't know whether that'll affect my happiness or not. It's just my motivation's gone, I can't find a way to think things are on the up and I haven't been really happy in a while.
 
Dunno how much stock to put into online tests but the couple I've taken last few weeks have given me an answer of moderate depression and there was one with some dys- prefix. I can sorta see why though, last few months have been rough. In August my girlfriend broke up with me and I lost my job in the space of about two weeks. It's been tough, we'd been dating for over a year and while we're still pretty young I thought we had plans in place for the future and were pretty committed to the other person, and the break up really caught me by surprise. Probably not making it any easier by trying to talk to her she had already moved on and saw another guy pretty quickly after, they recently broke up...I'm rambling anyway.

It's been a hectic time in my life at any rate, I'm starting to apply to uni's here in the States and I have a job possibly lined up but I don't know whether that'll affect my happiness or not. It's just my motivation's gone, I can't find a way to think things are on the up and I haven't been really happy in a while.

Losing a partner and/or losing a job are a big thing regardless of age, but at least when young you have a lot of time to put them right :D

It's one of the curiosities of life that when you have a set back it is often most difficult to re-motivate yourself. Sometimes the solutions seem too far away to be achievable, for example new relationship, new job or uni. If that's the case it's a good idea to set smaller short term targets which can be relatively easily achieved. Targets such as a night out with friends you haven't seen for a while, do a new sport, or if job related send out 10 CV's.

All of these smaller activities help the long term objectives but just as importantly help your short term mindset in that you are actually doing something positive.

Talking on here helps, and is a good sign of your willingness to get things back on track, but doing some smaller activities and achieving them, then being able to step it up will get you to where you want to be.

Keep talking, plenty here will listen and give non judgmental advice or opinions
 
Dunno how much stock to put into online tests but the couple I've taken last few weeks have given me an answer of moderate depression and there was one with some dys- prefix. I can sorta see why though, last few months have been rough. In August my girlfriend broke up with me and I lost my job in the space of about two weeks. It's been tough, we'd been dating for over a year and while we're still pretty young I thought we had plans in place for the future and were pretty committed to the other person, and the break up really caught me by surprise. Probably not making it any easier by trying to talk to her she had already moved on and saw another guy pretty quickly after, they recently broke up...I'm rambling anyway.

It's been a hectic time in my life at any rate, I'm starting to apply to uni's here in the States and I have a job possibly lined up but I don't know whether that'll affect my happiness or not. It's just my motivation's gone, I can't find a way to think things are on the up and I haven't been really happy in a while.
Not so different from where I found myself many moons ago, mate. Uni is a good time to focus on whatever animating force you have in your life. I got dumped on the way to grad school - best thing that ever happened to me.

Get a head start by starting today, before you even apply.

Mine was music, hope you have something that you're good at and can polish up. It's just good for you. Plus, as you focus on the items in your own life that are important, you network and meet those with the same interests. There are all sort of folks at uni, and you might as well get something out of what it's likely to cost you these days. Some are cute and of opposite gender. Life is filled with possibilities. Just get out there.

(later) one more note... Debt is slavery, even student debt. Student debt is just slavery you cannot discharge via bankruptcy. Keep that in mind every time someone wants to LOAN you money to pay for your education. The educational institution will spend the money you borrow to continue operations, so don't be surprised or elated that they encourage/enable you in getting said loans. They have no skin in the game, just you. They got paid.

Look out for drunk girls that want to hook up while you are away at uni. I advise you to get to know them while sober first. Not easy to exercise discipline while on the ale, but this is a different world than the one I grew up in. It's crazy out there.
 
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