Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[PlanAlex]

Good for you for getting help @PlanAlex. I chuckle because I have OCD to that level too. It's not nearly as bad now, thankfully. I used to take photos of everything in my apartment to be able to check that I had turned everything off. I was so fearful of leaving something on that would start a fire and would injure or even cause death to someone else. It would sometimes take me thirty minutes, not exaggerating, before I would leave my apartment.

Fear is a big driver for things like OCD, and emotion in general. Understanding where your fear comes from is very helpful in understanding how to manage it.

And yes, anything that is psychoactive like alcohol, cigs, etc can be a big detriment to your mental health. Especially if those things become habitual. Your body becomes reliant on that habit and has adapted to that as the new normal. Natural rewards then seem blah because most natural rewards can't even touch the high of things like nicotine, alcohol, or especially the stronger drugs like coke. Nicotine alone can deliver 150% the amount of dopamine rush of something natural like finishing a painting, getting a promotion, etc.

Also, who is saying don't need help and are wasting people's time?

I wish I knew where the fear comes from. I’m hoping I can find out why and where.

The boozing has become habitual for sure. Possibly through football and it was a bit of fun - I don’t go half as much as I used to after moving away, but have got into the routine of it ‘being Saturday’ so I can go down the pub. And then it’s 6pm, I’m 8 pints down and can’t stop until I’m in a right mess. If the pub shuts and I’m not a total state I’ll end up buying cans from somewhere. I’ve come to realise that I’m not drinking for fun any more, I’m drinking so I don’t have to feel anything. It’s dangerous.

The nicotine thing is interesting. I had no idea that it released serotonin. i smoked for years and packed it in about a year ago. But since the weekend I’ve probably got through 50 cigs because I feel like I need to rely on something and know deep down that it can’t be ale.

No one has said that I‘m wasting people’s time, it’s a fear I have. Maybe it’s a fear of getting help and I tell myself that I’m fine so that’s what other people will think and then I go back around the loop?

You`ve made loads of sense there mate and by opening up you`ve made the first massive step to getting better.

I`m no expert, but I`d hazard a guess that you`re OCD is linked to your increasing levels of anxiety ?

You`re brain becomes locked into a constant and all consuming cycle of negative thoughts.

The first thing your GP will probably do is prescribe you medication, this is to stabilise your anxiety / depression.

They get called " happy pills ", they`re nothing of the sort, they`re taken to hopefully make you feel " normal " again.

They`re not an exact science though and it can be quite hit and miss until you find the ones right for you.

They can also take up to 2/3 weeks before they start working too.

Be honest with your GP, as the more info they have the more they can help you.

The therapy side of things normally comes later, as there`s usually a waiting list.

There`s loads on here who`ve been in similar situations to yourself mate and try to look upon your depression / anxiety, as an illness, that`s nothing to be ashamed off.

At the end of the day your head can get ill, same as any other part of your body.

Keep posting mate.

Ps - I hold my anxiety at bay, through aerobic exercise, no caffeine at all and drinking in very strict moderation - all of that deffo helps me massively.

Pps - Does your girlfriend know what you`re going through or have you tried to keep it hidden from her ( like most of us have ) Bottling things up and trying to hide them just increases the strain that you`re already putting yourself under.

I think you’re right about the OCD is linked to the rising levels of anxiety and depression. Maybe it’s to do with trying to take control of thoughts/fears/feelings and makes me feel safe once I’ve done my ‘routine’. But I have to do it otherwise I’m straight into the negative thoughts like you said.

I’m prepared to try anything - pills, therapy, whatever it takes because I need to get better. The Listening Place, who I was referred to by my GP called earlier, and they want to see me tomorrow night.

I’ve bottled most of it up from her mate, because I didn’t want to be a burden. The big explosion at the weekend was because I’d bottled so much up I just couldn’t hold it in any more because it got too much. She knows about some stuff, mainly the boozing because it’s pretty clear when I come stumbling in at 2am off my face, and the OCD because she can see checking everything 9 times.

To ramble for a bit about "the point of life",

I did a lot of thinking about it, partly due to OCD and partly due to challenging my own beliefs. I tend to lean toward logical thinking for my resolutions, sometimes at the risk of my own emotion and happiness (I don't recommend that, embracing the emotion is part of life - otherwise we wouldn't have been naturally fitted with emotions). I came to my conclusion that the objective point of life is very simple. Not easy, but simple. The point of life is to live. The point of a hammer is to hammer. That's the simple part. You've been given a giant shopping cart called life to fill with experiences. Are you taking advantage of that? Are you going to let a speedbump or a moment of misery dictate the rest of your days?

The not-so-easy part is finding your subjective point of life. The objective point is to live. What's your subjective point? What do you enjoy? What brings you contentment and happiness? Are you living a fulfilling life? If not, that's a simple change to make. Again, not easy. But simple.

That, and respect others' right to do the same.

This is huge food for though for me. I have spent most of my teenage and adult life feeling like I don’t know what the point is, or unfulfilled. In don’t think I’m taking advantage of experiences. I’m frightened of trying new things in case I don’t like them, or someone judges me. Daft I know, and that just spirals back into the depression because I can’t see a way forward.





Reading these posts tonight have really helped, I can’t remember the last time I got into bed and didn’t cry. I feel calm for once. You’re all boss - I promise to do my best to keep posting here.

 

[Jokerdan]

Hello everyone,
I'm Alex. I feel like a bit of an imposter on here, I'm not an Evertonian but if I could choose my team I would have been. I'm a mate of @Adam-GOTTV 's from school and he told me once that I'd always be welcomed here, and that this thread has been a great help to many people.

I guess I'm just looking for some advice or opinions on my situation. I've been having a bad time lately, and everything has got on top again, especially the suicidal thoughts. They started up a couple of weeks ago, and then a big row with the girl I love at the weekend sent them into overdrive. I wish I could still say my girlfriend, who is probably the only person thats kept me going until now, and without her I'm feeling very lost. I've always struggled with depression and anxiety, and recently-ish (maybe 12 months) OCD. I can't leave my flat without checking that the door is locked 9 times (I have to count 3 lots of 3's), and video that things like the taps are off before I leave so I can re-assure myself later in the day that my flat isn't flooded, it sounds so stupid writing it down. On Monday I finally gave myself the kick up the arse and walked into my doctors' who called me back later in the day because I need to get help. I have an appointment with them on the 4th of November, and they referred me here - https://listeningplace.org.uk/ I'm so full of anxiety that they don't think I need help and I'm just wasting everybody's time. I tried to get help in May and bottled it because I felt like that and just got back on the drink. I'm doing the right thing here, aren't I?

I need to get off the booze, its not helping. I hope I've made some sense.

Many thanks,
Alex

Firstly, mate - it doesn't matter whether you're an Evertonian or not. This thread does not differentiate...we are all humans in need of advice or assurance and it's good to know we are not unique in our worries. The posters on here are only a scratch on the surface of what is an epidemic of anxiety/depression so don't think you are facing issues alone.
Secondly, regarding your OCD - my GF taught me to speak out aloud to myself when, for example, locking the door by just saying 'the door is now locked' - it seems so simple but gradually works.
Finally, the final sentence in which you mention cutting out the booze. In your current situation that is a definite. Exercise instead, even just walking. Your mind will benefit more from that than addled with booze and the inevitable come down the next day.

 

[AmericasToffee]

I wish I knew where the fear comes from. I’m hoping I can find out why and where.

The boozing has become habitual for sure. Possibly through football and it was a bit of fun - I don’t go half as much as I used to after moving away, but have got into the routine of it ‘being Saturday’ so I can go down the pub. And then it’s 6pm, I’m 8 pints down and can’t stop until I’m in a right mess. If the pub shuts and I’m not a total state I’ll end up buying cans from somewhere. I’ve come to realise that I’m not drinking for fun any more, I’m drinking so I don’t have to feel anything. It’s dangerous.

The nicotine thing is interesting. I had no idea that it released serotonin. i smoked for years and packed it in about a year ago. But since the weekend I’ve probably got through 50 cigs because I feel like I need to rely on something and know deep down that it can’t be ale.

No one has said that I‘m wasting people’s time, it’s a fear I have. Maybe it’s a fear of getting help and I tell myself that I’m fine so that’s what other people will think and then I go back around the loop?


I think you’re right about the OCD is linked to the rising levels of anxiety and depression. Maybe it’s to do with trying to take control of thoughts/fears/feelings and makes me feel safe once I’ve done my ‘routine’. But I have to do it otherwise I’m straight into the negative thoughts like you said.

I’m prepared to try anything - pills, therapy, whatever it takes because I need to get better. The Listening Place, who I was referred to by my GP called earlier, and they want to see me tomorrow night.

I’ve bottled most of it up from her mate, because I didn’t want to be a burden. The big explosion at the weekend was because I’d bottled so much up I just couldn’t hold it in any more because it got too much. She knows about some stuff, mainly the boozing because it’s pretty clear when I come stumbling in at 2am off my face, and the OCD because she can see checking everything 9 times.


This is huge food for though for me. I have spent most of my teenage and adult life feeling like I don’t know what the point is, or unfulfilled. In don’t think I’m taking advantage of experiences. I’m frightened of trying new things in case I don’t like them, or someone judges me. Daft I know, and that just spirals back into the depression because I can’t see a way forward.





Reading these posts tonight have really helped, I can’t remember the last time I got into bed and didn’t cry. I feel calm for once. You’re all boss - I promise to do my best to keep posting here.

We're all just people that have also been through the drudges of life. Easy to relate.

 

[cronullasharks]

I used to be really bad with the checking too. Taps, oven, power points, doors. It's pretty well gone away since i was on escitalopram and came back when i went off them for a while and subsided again when i went back on them.

Interesting to hear other people talk about it as it was so time consuming and mentally draining. Another one was if i was the last person to leave work on a friday I'd be paranoid all weekend I'd left the place unlocked and not turn the alarms on despite knowing full well i did.

 

[stumps1878]

I’m not mate, I moved to London a few years ago for work and it’s lonely here. I’m from Stoke originally, that’s how I know Adam.

I lived there myself it’s a very lonely place and I was with someone . Have a look at the hub of hope app to see what help is local to you mate

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

I’ve bottled most of it up from her mate, because I didn’t want to be a burden. .


This is huge food for though for me. I have spent most of my teenage and adult life feeling like I don’t know what the point is, or unfulfilled. In don’t think I’m taking advantage of experiences. I’m frightened of trying new things in case I don’t like them, or someone judges me. Daft I know, and that just spirals back into the depression because I can’t see a way forward.

These 2 are things I can really relate to. My girlfriend made me realise a while back that not talking to her/anybody about problems is counter productive. Especially when the problems become obvious when she finds me sat in a cupboard in the dark at 2AM when I've been there for 4 hours. Just sharing your problems makes you realise that we all have them.

The second part... I've spent my whole life thinking "is this it?" since school Nothing has ever felt real or serious to me not exams, university, jobs etc etc. I lose myself in a couple of activities but even when I achieve something in those, I'm straight back to that empty feeling. There's a lot of life I've always thought was pointless and I guess (at 38) I'm a pretty rubbish adult as a result.

Point of the ramble is that you're not alone. A lot of people have the same problems you do and you can learn (hopefully better than me) to manage it .

 

[COYBL25]

These 2 are things I can really relate to. My girlfriend made me realise a while back that not talking to her/anybody about problems is counter productive. Especially when the problems become obvious when she finds me sat in a cupboard in the dark at 2AM when I've been there for 4 hours. Just sharing your problems makes you realise that we all have them.

The second part... I've spent my whole life thinking "is this it?" since school Nothing has ever felt real or serious to me not exams, university, jobs etc etc. I lose myself in a couple of activities but even when I achieve something in those, I'm straight back to that empty feeling. There's a lot of life I've always thought was pointless and I guess (at 38) I'm a pretty rubbish adult as a result.

Point of the ramble is that you're not alone. A lot of people have the same problems you do and you can learn (hopefully better than me) to manage it .

I think a lot of people can relate to the " is this it " feeling mate, as unless you`re one of the tiny minority that`s truly happy with their lives / jobs etc most people feel like this to a certain extent. It`s just human nature. Plus the advent of social media and the obsession with celebrities makes unhappy people even unhappier, as they look at others and covert their so called perfect lives.

Sometimes it takes a life changing event to put things into perspective and make you realise what you`ve actually got.

For me it was the birth of my second son, who without any warning or any indication was born with a disability that will require him to be looked after for his whole life.

At that point that non of my " stuff " mattered anymore.

The way I keep on top of it all is through my running. I set myself twelve monthly goals by entering harder events every year, twelve months in advance. That way I can`t back out and means I have to train hard and put the miles in regardless. I genuinely don`t know what I do if I couldn`t run as it really does help keep my head straight !

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

I think a lot of people can relate to the " is this it " feeling mate, as unless you`re one of the tiny minority that`s truly happy with their lives / jobs etc most people feel like this to a certain extent. It`s just human nature. Plus the advent of social media and the obsession with celebrities makes unhappy people even unhappier, as they look at others and covert their so called perfect lives.

Sometimes it takes a life changing event to put things into perspective and make you realise what you`ve actually got.

For me it was the birth of my second son, who without any warning or any indication was born with a disability that will require him to be looked after for his whole life.

At that point that non of my " stuff " mattered anymore.

The way I keep on top of it all is through my running. I set myself twelve monthly goals by entering harder events every year, twelve months in advance. That way I can`t back out and means I have to train hard and put the miles in regardless. I genuinely don`t know what I do if I couldn`t run as it really does help keep my head straight !

I used to think I used cycling in that way, but after breaking my pelvis in three places put me out of action for a couple of months I realized I'd just used it as a way to avoid my ex wife for 5 years.

I admire that you've been able to get perspective on stuff through caring for your son, and the noble way you've realized that your own musings on life will have to take a back seat.

 

[COYBL25]

I used to think I used cycling in that way, but after breaking my pelvis in three places put me out of action for a couple of months I realized I'd just used it as a way to avoid my ex wife for 5 years.

I admire that you've been able to get perspective on stuff through caring for your son, and the noble way you've realized that your own musings on life will have to take a back seat.

I forgot to mention that it gets me out of the house when the missus is off and also I always stay over ( usually by myself ) before and event !!!

Shame that you can`t get back into cycling, as there’s a vibrant cycling community on here.

One of the main contributors being a lad who lives in Belgium @Armel

 

[Disgruntledgoat]

I forgot to mention that it gets me out of the house when the missus is off and also I always stay over ( usually by myself ) before and event !!!

Shame that you can`t get back into cycling, as there’s a vibrant cycling community on here.

One of the main contributors being a lad who lives in Belgium @Armel

I still cycle a lot. Just not as much as before and it doesn't really give me the same buzz anymore. I've got a few things penciled in on the bike between now and May that will need some preparation so maybe it'll come back.

I started writing a book about the bikepacking thing I was doing at the time, as I found it quite an interesting sub-culture, but the more I interviewed people about it the more I realised that this cool, DIY scene was in the process of getting co opted by the bike industry and the usual tedious instagram bores desperate to have followers, likes and sponsorship... Kind of killed it for me. Which sucks.

 

[YoboCopter]

Yer whilst far from depressed, life is deffo “is this it” alot of the time

i just accept that and its fine then

 

[AmericasToffee]

"Is this it?" is just the question. Your answer is what matters. Death, in my opinion, does not devalue the point of life. Death gives more value to life because it's finite. I can't imagine living forever. What we get is finite and priceless, regardless of whether you are spiritual or believe this existence spontaneously came to be from subatomic particles. You can do the exact same things 7 days a week and never live the same day twice. I go to the same job 5 days a week and I can't remember two days that are exactly the same. The small changes in experience everyday mean there's an infinite amount of possibilities of what can happen in your life. I've found for me it's utterly useless spending time ruminating about the long game of life. Purpose isn't found at the finish line of life. Purpose is found in the massive amount of moments we get along the way each day. So I've found that I can't get caught up in the future because I miss the here-and-now. If I miss all the here-and-nows, then I've really done myself a disservice.

"Is this it?" also seems to often come from places of discontent with current circumstances.

 

[brieverton]

People compare themselves with others mostly on a relative level, as this is what they see in front of them, be that through family, friends, or wider society and popular culture.

I do find it useful though to look at life at an absolute level even if it can feel a bit cheesy.

From the moment I was born I have had better life circumstances than billions of others, coming both before and after me, simply by virtue of having enough food, a stable and comfortable home, and loving family. Life does not automatically entitle me to any of them, some people have none of those gifts. I don't have to look far to know that.

It is true that it very often takes a significant life event to remind ourselves of the truly and only important basics of life but it doesn't only have to be at such times.

A single moment of contemplative thought is worth more than years of anxious and negative ones. But you actually have to tell yourself that.

 

[AmericasToffee]

People compare themselves with others mostly on a relative level, as this is what they see in front of them, be that through family, friends, or wider society and popular culture.

I do find it useful though to look at life at an absolute level even if it can feel a bit cheesy.

From the moment I was born I have had better life circumstances than billions of others, coming both before and after me, simply by virtue of having enough food, a stable and comfortable home, and loving family. Life does not automatically entitle me to any of them, some people have none of those gifts. I don't have to look far to know that.

It is true that it very often takes a significant life event to remind ourselves of the truly and only important basics of life but it doesn't only have to be at such times.

A single moment of contemplative thought is worth more than years of anxious and negative ones. But you actually have to tell yourself that.

I like that last line. I found more answers is actually asking and answering the questions for myself than simply worrying over them.

 

[Jokerdan]

Didn't work in a bank

Interesting to hear other people talk about it as it was so time consuming and mentally draining. Another one was if i was the last person to leave work on a friday I'd be paranoid all weekend I'd left the place unlocked and not turn the alarms on despite knowing full well i did.

You didn't work in a bank by any chance!?