Hi everyone, been meaning to post an update for a few weeks but just didnt make the time to do it until now. For future reference if I'm ever not posting in this thread but I am active on the site in other places it's right to just assume it's because I'm doing fine.
Still working at the job, thankfully they didnt can me like I feared. Turns out they were kid-gloving me when they sent me home, doing it to help me but I wasn't appreciative at the time.
Things have felt a bit mixed for me since. They have since reigned things back in, they've admitted they pushed too much onto too quickly and from now want to go forward at a slower pace which is a sentiment I do appreciate. Problem is I've found myself spending a lot of days just ruminating and getting restless.
My job role somewhat separates me from the other people in the office, I'm sat in the corner somewhat because my role requires maximum concentration. When things are really busy for everyone else it means a lull for me and vice versa. This week especially things have been very very hectic for the team whilst I'm sat there and might as well just pick my arse. It's impossible not to crack up a bit (even though I think I've done a decent job of hiding it) and there's only so many times you do odd jobs to pass the time until things pick up. Today and yesterday were particularly tough.
Most of the people are lovely, there's only 1 or 2 I've found myself not liking (personality differences mostly). I do feel somewhat out of place and worry how I'm coming across sometimes. When I'm restless/anxious/fed up I tend to just go into a shell and not draw any attention to myself, it's my defence mechanism and I suppose everyone has one.
Today there were a few times were everyone else in the office was laughing and joking around and having fun. I didnt join in at all, I didn't feel like it and to be honest the person at the centre of things is one of the people I really cant be arsed with. Instead I just kept quiet in my corner desk. I worry though that things like that are making me come across as miserable or troubled.
Maybe it's all nothing but I just wanted to get it off my chest. I'm not sure how things will play out but hopefully no more days like these past few have been. I haven't slept well because I'm house-sitting and don't sleep very well when not in my bed but I've felt things building up since I came back to work.
Hoping everyone is well.
