Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Vegas Toffee Girl]

I'm so down at the moment going through a divorce. The issue I have at the moment is my wife just being arkward and my daughter of 13 always agreeing with her.
I've picked my daughter up at between 1800 to 1830 every Friday to take her to a swimming lesson since the start of September . But tonight I got a mouthful off my ex and then me and my daughter has a massive row because I hadn't text to confirm a time and she wasn't ready when I knocked the door.
For over 2 months I've gone off for an hours run then picked my daughter up! What have I done wrong?
I then find out from my daughter that despite it being my weekend to have her again in two weeks my ex wife has booked tickets to a play with her family without even consulting me and my daughter just said" hay dad that's life and it goes on so just deal with it" which really hurt so I then went absolutely mad and said " I need to move out of my bedsit back home then if this is how I'm treated" which resulted in my daughter screaming at me whilst I'm driving " stop saying that. You left in September and it's not your house"
I am being totally honest here when I say I have threatened to move back home a few times and it must be awful for my daughter to here it but how do I stop myself saying it and keep my anger under control when I feel under so much pressure to be a good dad because that's all I'm really living for now?
I am awaiting anger management on the nhs but I no telling my wife and daughter I'm moving back in is just unworkable and a horrible threat to my child.
I was basically forced out of our mortgaged house at the start of September after my wife's compulsive lying over money debt and an affair she had with a work colleague.
I just can't cope with the arguments with my daughter but my ex wife not even giving me a couple of bedside draws or cooking utensils for my bedsit has driven me wild after everything else she has done to me

That is a very hard situation to be in. While you are waiting for your NHS appt/class, you might check a few websites or books for tips to help you manage your anger. Also, your daughter is at an age that I would say is one of the hardest, if not the hardest, time for girls. Their hormones and emotions are off the charts! And that isn't including the added drama of your divorce situation.

If you are not able to see your daughter during regularly scheduled times, I suggest you make sure just to stay in touch by text or call. It might seem like she is pushing you away, but make sure she still knows you care about her and love her.

 

[Nymzee]

Does any one else listen to some music when they feel down, there are a couple of pieces I listen too that make me feel better one is an instrumental that has been proven to reduce anxiety here's a link the other is REM everybody hurts, even though I've been good mantally for a few years I still just like to listen to these from time to time, especially REM everybody hurts I've heard many people say that this song got them over a very difficult time as it reminds you that you're not alone and not the only one feeling that way. I just figured I'd post this as it might help someone.

I have different playlists for different moods which I find help me. Whenever I’m really down I have a sort of “sad” playlist I listen to in the bath and whilst you might think I should listen to happy music I find it always work at sort of getting it all out of my system. Then I have a nice chilled playlist for when I’m a bit stressed or angry that I stick on in the car and go for a little late night drive around the Lakes.

Music has been proven to help people (IIRC).

 

[COYBL25]

I'm so down at the moment going through a divorce. The issue I have at the moment is my wife just being arkward and my daughter of 13 always agreeing with her.
I've picked my daughter up at between 1800 to 1830 every Friday to take her to a swimming lesson since the start of September . But tonight I got a mouthful off my ex and then me and my daughter has a massive row because I hadn't text to confirm a time and she wasn't ready when I knocked the door.
For over 2 months I've gone off for an hours run then picked my daughter up! What have I done wrong?
I then find out from my daughter that despite it being my weekend to have her again in two weeks my ex wife has booked tickets to a play with her family without even consulting me and my daughter just said" hay dad that's life and it goes on so just deal with it" which really hurt so I then went absolutely mad and said " I need to move out of my bedsit back home then if this is how I'm treated" which resulted in my daughter screaming at me whilst I'm driving " stop saying that. You left in September and it's not your house"
I am being totally honest here when I say I have threatened to move back home a few times and it must be awful for my daughter to here it but how do I stop myself saying it and keep my anger under control when I feel under so much pressure to be a good dad because that's all I'm really living for now?
I am awaiting anger management on the nhs but I no telling my wife and daughter I'm moving back in is just unworkable and a horrible threat to my child.
I was basically forced out of our mortgaged house at the start of September after my wife's compulsive lying over money debt and an affair she had with a work colleague.
I just can't cope with the arguments with my daughter but my ex wife not even giving me a couple of bedside draws or cooking utensils for my bedsit has driven me wild after everything else she has done to me

I`ve had mates in almost the exact same situation as you now find yourself in mate and I`ve seen first hand what they had to go through, even when their missus was the one completely in the wrong.

The law always seems to put the mother over the father, even when the mother is the one who`s been playing away and misusing the family finances.

I think I`ve mentioned it before, but one of my best and oldest mates is a Barrister, who has over two decades of experience in " family law " and I`m sure she`d be happy to offer practical advice, also Fathers For Justice would probaby offer assistance too, as sadly this seems to be an all too common situation.

Also make sure you keep on running, as it`s a great way of relieving stress and will help you deal with the stress of all this.

PM, if you want me to get in touch with my mate.

 

[Tipp blue]

I'm so down at the moment going through a divorce. The issue I have at the moment is my wife just being arkward and my daughter of 13 always agreeing with her.
I've picked my daughter up at between 1800 to 1830 every Friday to take her to a swimming lesson since the start of September . But tonight I got a mouthful off my ex and then me and my daughter has a massive row because I hadn't text to confirm a time and she wasn't ready when I knocked the door.
For over 2 months I've gone off for an hours run then picked my daughter up! What have I done wrong?
I then find out from my daughter that despite it being my weekend to have her again in two weeks my ex wife has booked tickets to a play with her family without even consulting me and my daughter just said" hay dad that's life and it goes on so just deal with it" which really hurt so I then went absolutely mad and said " I need to move out of my bedsit back home then if this is how I'm treated" which resulted in my daughter screaming at me whilst I'm driving " stop saying that. You left in September and it's not your house"
I am being totally honest here when I say I have threatened to move back home a few times and it must be awful for my daughter to here it but how do I stop myself saying it and keep my anger under control when I feel under so much pressure to be a good dad because that's all I'm really living for now?
I am awaiting anger management on the nhs but I no telling my wife and daughter I'm moving back in is just unworkable and a horrible threat to my child.
I was basically forced out of our mortgaged house at the start of September after my wife's compulsive lying over money debt and an affair she had with a work colleague.
I just can't cope with the arguments with my daughter but my ex wife not even giving me a couple of bedside draws or cooking utensils for my bedsit has driven me wild after everything else she has done to me

I know it's easy for me to say but try not to argue with your daughter that is exactly what your ex wants and if that's what she wants then don't give it to her. It sounds like she's trying to poison your daughter against you and by the sounds of things it's starting to work if you are getting into arguments with your daughter the cold hard truth is that it won't be long until she won't want to see you.

 

[David09]

I`ve had mates in almost the exact same situation as you now find yourself in mate and I`ve seen first hand what they had to go through, even when their missus was the one completely in the wrong.

The law always seems to put the mother over the father, even when the mother is the one who`s been playing away and misusing the family finances.

I think I`ve mentioned it before, but one of my best and oldest mates is a Barrister, who has over two decades of experience in " family law " and I`m sure she`d be happy to offer practical advice, also Fathers For Justice would probaby offer assistance too, as sadly this seems to be an all too common situation.

Also make sure you keep on running, as it`s a great way of relieving stress and will help you deal with the stress of all this.

PM, if you want me to get in touch with my mate.

Ok mate. Thanks for your advice
I've contacted fathers for justice this week.
The runs at the weekend just relax me after another week at work but for my ex to give me abuse because I want to switch off and relax for an hour by running and listening to music just baffled me.
I just need a simple life at the moment but my ex wife is just making things harder at a tough time for us all anyway.

 

[David09]

I know it's easy for me to say but try not to argue with your daughter that is exactly what your ex wants and if that's what she wants then don't give it to her. It sounds like she's trying to poison your daughter against you and by the sounds of things it's starting to work if you are getting into arguments with your daughter the cold hard truth is that it won't be long until she won't want to see you.

I no the truth hurts but I no your right to. I can see my daughter is starting to push me away and it is solely because we argue way to much but I have so much pent up anger at the moment but I'm pushing the only person who loves me further away.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

I no the truth hurts but I no your right to. I can see my daughter is starting to push me away and it is solely because we argue way to much but I have so much pent up anger at the moment but I'm pushing the only person who loves me further away.

You also need to account for the fact that your daughter is 13 and will be full of raging hormones that as yet don't really know what to do!. It truly is an awkward age. Add that to her home life, she will be volatile. Try to stay calm when you are with her- but see previous, not easy with a 13 year old! I know your ex is being a pain but could you arrange another night/weekend to see
her- does the contact have to be set in stone?

 

[Tipp blue]

I no the truth hurts but I no your right to. I can see my daughter is starting to push me away and it is solely because we argue way to much but I have so much pent up anger at the moment but I'm pushing the only person who loves me further away.

If you feel you have anger issues the best thing to do is what you are doing and get anger management, while you're waiting for that you get rid of anger in a controlled way, go out and buy boxing gloves and a punching bag and beat the hell out of it. Your anger will drain away and you're getting a workout too.

 

[David09]

You also need to account for the fact that your daughter is 13 and will be full of raging hormones that as yet don't really know what to do!. It truly is an awkward age. Add that to her home life, she will be volatile. Try to stay calm when you are with her- but see previous, not easy with a 13 year old! I know your ex is being a pain but could you arrange another night/weekend to see
her- does the contact have to be set in stone?

That's the thing. I have said from the start we need to be both flexible and open and honest but it seems my ex wife just wants to cause arguments.
The arguments will drive me
to a break down though and dispite me explaining this time and time again she continues to be a bully thinking she has the final say on anything and everything.

 

[David09]

If you feel you have anger issues the best thing to do is what you are doing and get anger management, while you're waiting for that you get rid of anger in a controlled way, go out and buy boxing gloves and a punching bag and beat the hell out of it. Your anger will drain away and you're getting a workout too.

Ha ha ha.
I don't think boxing is the way forward for me mate. I'll stick to running and walking. Boxing will get me in more trouble which is something I'm having to try really hard to avoid at the moment considering I want to approach both the person she had the affair with and his partner and all the other sly people who have not told her a few home truths.

 

[LydiateLee]

I'm so down at the moment going through a divorce. The issue I have at the moment is my wife just being arkward and my daughter of 13 always agreeing with her.
I've picked my daughter up at between 1800 to 1830 every Friday to take her to a swimming lesson since the start of September . But tonight I got a mouthful off my ex and then me and my daughter has a massive row because I hadn't text to confirm a time and she wasn't ready when I knocked the door.
For over 2 months I've gone off for an hours run then picked my daughter up! What have I done wrong?
I then find out from my daughter that despite it being my weekend to have her again in two weeks my ex wife has booked tickets to a play with her family without even consulting me and my daughter just said" hay dad that's life and it goes on so just deal with it" which really hurt so I then went absolutely mad and said " I need to move out of my bedsit back home then if this is how I'm treated" which resulted in my daughter screaming at me whilst I'm driving " stop saying that. You left in September and it's not your house"
I am being totally honest here when I say I have threatened to move back home a few times and it must be awful for my daughter to here it but how do I stop myself saying it and keep my anger under control when I feel under so much pressure to be a good dad because that's all I'm really living for now?
I am awaiting anger management on the nhs but I no telling my wife and daughter I'm moving back in is just unworkable and a horrible threat to my child.
I was basically forced out of our mortgaged house at the start of September after my wife's compulsive lying over money debt and an affair she had with a work colleague.
I just can't cope with the arguments with my daughter but my ex wife not even giving me a couple of bedside draws or cooking utensils for my bedsit has driven me wild after everything else she has done to me

I really feel for you.

Being cheated on is the worst experience anyone can go through. I'd rather be physically assaulted than go through it. I love my Mrs to death and she has given me no reason whatsoever for me not to trust her but I still have a huge fear of it happening to me. I have spoken to a counsellor about this and it is apparently due to the fact I had such an unhappy 10 year marriage to someone I didn't love, now I do have someone I am scared to lose these feelings have manifested themselves.

You hear about it happening all the time, it is almost glamourised in the media and on TV (Love Island, Strictly etc). I think anyone who does it is absolutely vile and I just hope karma catches up with them.

My heart goes out to you mate. With regards to your ex and her antics, just control what you can control. Try not to get engaged in battles you can't win. It's so hard to let some things go over your head when you arent in the wrong but try and resist the temptation to react, its probably what she wants. Let time pass and use your legal rights if need be. Speak to a solicitor if needs be, most offer free initial consultations. Genuinely wish you all the best. I was in a very similar predicament around 4 years ago and was almost pushed to breaking point but things can get better trust me, and I am sure they will for you.

 

[Brett Angell Delight]

Great thread, this. Fair play to everyone brave enough to speak up and those offering advice and support.

When I was younger I always prided myself on being a happy-go-lucky kind of dude and probably shared that misconception of anything otherwise being “weak”, etc.

I derived a strange sense of pride in myself for being the “rock” in the family when my old man died and so - even almost 9 years on - don’t ever really feel like I grieved properly for him. That in itself I can handle, but I’ve kind of spiralled a bit in the intervening period.

Shortly after my dad died I moved away with my GF as she was then (now wife) due to her work. I love where we live now, and I love her and our kids but somehow in the midst of this lovely family setup I feel an overwhelming sense of isolation. She has always been very career-minded and works very hard and very long hours, which means I’m doing a lot of the heavy lifting with the kids. Our eldest has just started school and as an added wrinkle is Type 1 Diabetic - completely manageable but just something else to have to worry about - and our youngest is not yet 2 but giving us a sneak preview of his terrible twos!! In addition I’ve made the transition to self-employed and am trying to get a couple of things off the ground which adds that potential for financial worries if I don’t get my proverbial in gear.

My best mates are all back home and those that I made over here have since moved away with work. I don’t truly know why I’m writing all this and realise that these gripes pale in comparison to some of the troubles that others on here have had. I’ve literally never spoken a word of this to anyone, though, and suppose I’m just grateful for a place in the forum to let it all out.

This place, along with music, movies, books and TV provide my solace in the few hours a week I get to slow my head down and try to relax. I think admitting to myself that I feel down/sad, etc, is in itself a step towards getting myself straightened out.

I hope, while I go about working things out, I can also be of some small help to anyone who may need it.

 

[Joey66]

Recently been diagnosed with PTSD never been on here before - I get help in using the GOT my councillor encouraged me to get involved in any activities to help it anything in your life that destroys you - you have to seek help - it takes an age mine started an age ago it's far too complicated to put on here , but most blues fans are great, and posting on the GOT is a great outlet to lift yourself out of the rut that you are in most of my time - Don't be afraid to seek help as it is a way of a start to try and get back on track .

 

[AmericasToffee]

Great thread, this. Fair play to everyone brave enough to speak up and those offering advice and support.

When I was younger I always prided myself on being a happy-go-lucky kind of dude and probably shared that misconception of anything otherwise being “weak”, etc.

I derived a strange sense of pride in myself for being the “rock” in the family when my old man died and so - even almost 9 years on - don’t ever really feel like I grieved properly for him. That in itself I can handle, but I’ve kind of spiralled a bit in the intervening period.

Shortly after my dad died I moved away with my GF as she was then (now wife) due to her work. I love where we live now, and I love her and our kids but somehow in the midst of this lovely family setup I feel an overwhelming sense of isolation. She has always been very career-minded and works very hard and very long hours, which means I’m doing a lot of the heavy lifting with the kids. Our eldest has just started school and as an added wrinkle is Type 1 Diabetic - completely manageable but just something else to have to worry about - and our youngest is not yet 2 but giving us a sneak preview of his terrible twos!! In addition I’ve made the transition to self-employed and am trying to get a couple of things off the ground which adds that potential for financial worries if I don’t get my proverbial in gear.

My best mates are all back home and those that I made over here have since moved away with work. I don’t truly know why I’m writing all this and realise that these gripes pale in comparison to some of the troubles that others on here have had. I’ve literally never spoken a word of this to anyone, though, and suppose I’m just grateful for a place in the forum to let it all out.

This place, along with music, movies, books and TV provide my solace in the few hours a week I get to slow my head down and try to relax. I think admitting to myself that I feel down/sad, etc, is in itself a step towards getting myself straightened out.

I hope, while I go about working things out, I can also be of some small help to anyone who may need it.

You can't fix what you can't or don't want to recognize. Talking can be the hardest because others' reactions are out of your control but is usually the best route to take. Talking with your wife about the sense of a growing space in between you, talking a counselor about your feelings, talking to old friends, whatever. Just talk to someone.

 

[Vegas Toffee Girl]

Great thread, this. Fair play to everyone brave enough to speak up and those offering advice and support.

When I was younger I always prided myself on being a happy-go-lucky kind of dude and probably shared that misconception of anything otherwise being “weak”, etc.

I derived a strange sense of pride in myself for being the “rock” in the family when my old man died and so - even almost 9 years on - don’t ever really feel like I grieved properly for him. That in itself I can handle, but I’ve kind of spiralled a bit in the intervening period.

Shortly after my dad died I moved away with my GF as she was then (now wife) due to her work. I love where we live now, and I love her and our kids but somehow in the midst of this lovely family setup I feel an overwhelming sense of isolation. She has always been very career-minded and works very hard and very long hours, which means I’m doing a lot of the heavy lifting with the kids. Our eldest has just started school and as an added wrinkle is Type 1 Diabetic - completely manageable but just something else to have to worry about - and our youngest is not yet 2 but giving us a sneak preview of his terrible twos!! In addition I’ve made the transition to self-employed and am trying to get a couple of things off the ground which adds that potential for financial worries if I don’t get my proverbial in gear.

My best mates are all back home and those that I made over here have since moved away with work. I don’t truly know why I’m writing all this and realise that these gripes pale in comparison to some of the troubles that others on here have had. I’ve literally never spoken a word of this to anyone, though, and suppose I’m just grateful for a place in the forum to let it all out.

This place, along with music, movies, books and TV provide my solace in the few hours a week I get to slow my head down and try to relax. I think admitting to myself that I feel down/sad, etc, is in itself a step towards getting myself straightened out.

I hope, while I go about working things out, I can also be of some small help to anyone who may need it.

I understand what you are going through because I have been through a similar situation. Spending time at home all the time with kids, trying to start a business and only your spouse for adult conversation can be isolating as well as stressful. I've been there!! No offense to spouses! haha

If you don't have friends locally to meet with occasionally, maybe try going out somewhere to watch a match or take a night class. There is also a website I've used called www.meetup.com It's a site where you can find local groups near you with interests you like such as hiking, writing, business networking, etc.

Even though you said your wife is working very hard, I guarantee you have the harder job right now, especially with the ages of your kids. Make sure you have time to work on your projects, so you are not sacrificing your goals for her goals.

And of course, we are all here for you...at different times of the day obviously!