Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Groucho]

Hi. Been reading this forum for a while as my wife reckons I'm depressed. Deep down, I've thought that she was probably right. Always laughed it off and told her that I was ok. Just a grumpy git. Had a bit of an episode last weekend and she drove me to the Doctors on Monday morning. Had a chat with the doctor, she asked me some questions, prescribed some pills and put me in touch with people that I can talk to. She's signed me off work for a month.
It's been two days and I already feel happier that I've been able to talk to somebody. I know it's going to take a while. The main thing I want to get across is, speak to your doctor, it's been two days and I already feel like I have a weight off my shoulders. I don't feel weak for having done it. Go for it, it is helping.

Well done mate in seeing someone to talk to. That's an insurmountable hurdle for too many it means they don't feel better as soon as they deserve. Good that you've posted it.

Best of luck in feeling better.

Dion that sounds like a very familiar tale to me, and one that is very close to home.

Chico is spot on here.

 

[chrismpw]

I'm starting to think I have real anger issues that need addressing. I don't lash out physically at people or anything but just thinking of certain people gets me annoyed to the point where I swear to myself and have dark thoughts about causing injury to them, it can ruin my mood even when they're not around! There's a particular person, a co-worker (I write worker in a loose sense) and he REALLY touches a sensitive spot with me and I can't seem to just put him out of mind or into the realm of non-importance where he belongs.

Me and this lad, we barely talk to each other in work, not even in passing really. Even from the beginning we didn't exactly gel but recently it's begun to feel a bit tense between us. I assume he's that aware of the fact that I don't like him at all because I haven't been shy about telling certain people and don't even bother to be polite anymore because I have so little respect for him as a person or a colleague. He's not shy, I can tell the difference between someone who feels at a loss what to do or say sometimes and someone who just outright isn't bothered and thinks they're something they're not. He's lazy, arrogant, ignorant, has a crap personality, gets all the benefits of nepotism from management and the girl I fancied for ages likes him far more than me (God knows why).

The majority of the workforce, the good people whom I get along with, don't like him either. He's part of this notorious little clique I've talked about many times but he literally follows the leader around all day, every day, like a sidekick. Doing this bloke's work for him even when he's meant to be working elsewhere (and he's never told off for it). It's so pathetic that it's actually a running joke now among some of us at how much of a disciple he is and whilst others just roll their eye for some reason I can't, I feel an overwhelming urge to slap or at least verbally obliterate him. I know I shouldn't be feeling this hostile towards someone I don't really know personally but I do, he just gets to me so much.

I guess he's just a personification of everything I don't like about the job and people in general, my polar opposite in a lot of regards. I want to know how I get this anger to go away, it's not healthy or constructive. I've felt better the past few weeks and really do feel I've made progress but this is still a big rock I'm for some reason still carrying around and want to drop.

Geesh I don't like him either! Sort if person I don't like too. I understand your strength of feeling - I worked for a head teacher who made me feel that way, despite being a peaceful man myself. One day I was on course to his office with the absolute intention of lamping him, but fortunately the deputy head, who understood the feeling and saw the murder in my eyes, intercepted me sad diffused the moment. Not only would I have lost my career, but also my home and possibly ended up in prison.
It won't last forever mate. Either another job will come up for you, or him and you'll forget all about the cretin. Eyes on the long game. Keep telling yourself you'd rather be you than him.

 

[chrismpw]

Thanks very much mate.

We're doing quite a lot of those things for him naturally.

He's blaming himself, even though he wasn't there when it happened. As he believes if he would've been there it wouldn't have happened - the dog inexplicably ran across a main road for no reason at all.

I'm keeping him constantly busy, by having his friends here after school, so he's not thinking about it as much.

Thanks for the advice x

Sounds like you're doing the right things. Just be patient, time is your best ally.

 

[Bungle]

Thanks for thinking of her Bungle. She's going ok. Knows how to read the signs of impending attacks & deals with them accordingly. We were heading out on Sunday & she felt one coming, so she asked if I could take her home rather than trying to push through. Happy with that.

We're hoping it's just them final year of school that's exacerbating it & it will be easier to control afterwards...so long as she learns from the Doc.

Glad to hear that she's coping with it, as you said hopefully as she learns to recognise the signs more and more and gets advice from you and the GP as and when she needs it then she's on the right path. With a bit of luck once the pressures of her final year are over that'll take away some of the anxieties, but if it doesn't then at least she's got the tools to deal with it early on.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Somebody posted this article on facebook. It's American but I thought it was worth sharing here:

https://themighty.com/2016/05/high-functioning-depression-we-cant-overlook-the-overachievers/

We Cannot Continue to Overlook 'High-Functioning' Depression

I first saw a psychiatrist for my anxiety and depression as a junior in high school. During her evaluation, she asked about my classes and grades. I told her that I had a 4.0 GPA and had filled my schedule with Pre-AP and AP classes. A puzzled look crossed her face. She asked about my involvement in extracurricular activities. As I rattled off the long list of groups and organizations I was a part of, her frown creased further.

Finally, she set down her pen and looked at me, saying something along the lines of, “You seem to be pretty high-functioning, but your anxiety and depression seem pretty severe. Actually, it’s teens like you who scare me a lot.”

Now I was confused. What was scary about my condition? From the outside, I was functioning like a perfectly “normal” teenager. In fact, I was somewhat of an overachiever. I was working through my mental illnesses and succeeding, so what was the problem?

I left that appointment with a prescription for Lexapro and a question that I would continue to think about for years. The answer didn’t hit me all at once; rather, it came to me every time I heard a suicide story on the news saying, “by all accounts, they were living the perfect life.” It came to me as I crumbled under pressure over and over again, doing the bare minimum I could to still meet my definition of success. It came to me as I began to share my story and my illness with others, and I was met with reactions of “I had no idea” and “I never would have known.”
It’s easy to put depression into a box of symptoms, and though we as a society are constantly told mental illness comes in all shapes and sizes, we are stuck with a mental health stock image in our heads that many people don’t match. When we see depression and anxiety in adolescents, we see teens struggling to get by in their day-to-day lives. We see grades dropping. We see involvement replaced by isolation. People slip through the cracks.

We don’t see the student with the 4.0 GPA. We don’t see the student who’s active in choir and theater or a member of the National Honor Society. We don’t see the student who takes on leadership roles in a religious youth group. No matter how many times we are reminded that mental illness doesn’t discriminate, we revert back to a narrow idea of how it should manifest, and that is dangerous.

Recognizing that danger is what helped me find the answer to my question. Watching person after person, myself included, slip under the radar of the “depression detector” made me realize where that fear comes from. My psychiatrist knew the list of symptoms, and she knew I didn’t necessarily fit them. She understood it was the reason that, though my struggles with mental illness began at age 12, I didn’t come to see her until I was 16. Four years is a long time to deal with mental illness alone, and secondary school is a dangerous time to deal with it.

If we keep allowing our perception of what mental illness looks like to dictate how we go about recognizing and treating it, we will continue to overlook those who don’t fit the mold.3 We cannot keep forgetting that there are people out there who, though they may not be able to check off every symptom on the list, are heavily and negatively affected by their mental illness. If we forget, we allow their struggle to continue unnoticed, and that is pretty scary.

 

[hallamblue]

Somebody posted this article on facebook. It's American but I thought it was worth sharing here:

https://themighty.com/2016/05/high-functioning-depression-we-cant-overlook-the-overachievers/

We Cannot Continue to Overlook 'High-Functioning' Depression

I first saw a psychiatrist for my anxiety and depression as a junior in high school. During her evaluation, she asked about my classes and grades. I told her that I had a 4.0 GPA and had filled my schedule with Pre-AP and AP classes. A puzzled look crossed her face. She asked about my involvement in extracurricular activities. As I rattled off the long list of groups and organizations I was a part of, her frown creased further.

Finally, she set down her pen and looked at me, saying something along the lines of, “You seem to be pretty high-functioning, but your anxiety and depression seem pretty severe. Actually, it’s teens like you who scare me a lot.”

Now I was confused. What was scary about my condition? From the outside, I was functioning like a perfectly “normal” teenager. In fact, I was somewhat of an overachiever. I was working through my mental illnesses and succeeding, so what was the problem?

I left that appointment with a prescription for Lexapro and a question that I would continue to think about for years. The answer didn’t hit me all at once; rather, it came to me every time I heard a suicide story on the news saying, “by all accounts, they were living the perfect life.” It came to me as I crumbled under pressure over and over again, doing the bare minimum I could to still meet my definition of success. It came to me as I began to share my story and my illness with others, and I was met with reactions of “I had no idea” and “I never would have known.”
It’s easy to put depression into a box of symptoms, and though we as a society are constantly told mental illness comes in all shapes and sizes, we are stuck with a mental health stock image in our heads that many people don’t match. When we see depression and anxiety in adolescents, we see teens struggling to get by in their day-to-day lives. We see grades dropping. We see involvement replaced by isolation. People slip through the cracks.

We don’t see the student with the 4.0 GPA. We don’t see the student who’s active in choir and theater or a member of the National Honor Society. We don’t see the student who takes on leadership roles in a religious youth group. No matter how many times we are reminded that mental illness doesn’t discriminate, we revert back to a narrow idea of how it should manifest, and that is dangerous.

Recognizing that danger is what helped me find the answer to my question. Watching person after person, myself included, slip under the radar of the “depression detector” made me realize where that fear comes from. My psychiatrist knew the list of symptoms, and she knew I didn’t necessarily fit them. She understood it was the reason that, though my struggles with mental illness began at age 12, I didn’t come to see her until I was 16. Four years is a long time to deal with mental illness alone, and secondary school is a dangerous time to deal with it.

If we keep allowing our perception of what mental illness looks like to dictate how we go about recognizing and treating it, we will continue to overlook those who don’t fit the mold.3 We cannot keep forgetting that there are people out there who, though they may not be able to check off every symptom on the list, are heavily and negatively affected by their mental illness. If we forget, we allow their struggle to continue unnoticed, and that is pretty scary.

This is very true. My experience with anxiety has taught me to be less judgemental, kinder to people in general, and to realise that lots of people struggle. Look at Stephen Fry, Alistair Campbell, Ruby Wax etc. All people who others would think have successful lives but they are still battling depression and/or anxiety.

 

[brieverton]

Somebody posted this article on facebook. It's American but I thought it was worth sharing here:

https://themighty.com/2016/05/high-functioning-depression-we-cant-overlook-the-overachievers/

We Cannot Continue to Overlook 'High-Functioning' Depression

I first saw a psychiatrist for my anxiety and depression as a junior in high school. During her evaluation, she asked about my classes and grades. I told her that I had a 4.0 GPA and had filled my schedule with Pre-AP and AP classes. A puzzled look crossed her face. She asked about my involvement in extracurricular activities. As I rattled off the long list of groups and organizations I was a part of, her frown creased further.

Finally, she set down her pen and looked at me, saying something along the lines of, “You seem to be pretty high-functioning, but your anxiety and depression seem pretty severe. Actually, it’s teens like you who scare me a lot.”

Now I was confused. What was scary about my condition? From the outside, I was functioning like a perfectly “normal” teenager. In fact, I was somewhat of an overachiever. I was working through my mental illnesses and succeeding, so what was the problem?

I left that appointment with a prescription for Lexapro and a question that I would continue to think about for years. The answer didn’t hit me all at once; rather, it came to me every time I heard a suicide story on the news saying, “by all accounts, they were living the perfect life.” It came to me as I crumbled under pressure over and over again, doing the bare minimum I could to still meet my definition of success. It came to me as I began to share my story and my illness with others, and I was met with reactions of “I had no idea” and “I never would have known.”
It’s easy to put depression into a box of symptoms, and though we as a society are constantly told mental illness comes in all shapes and sizes, we are stuck with a mental health stock image in our heads that many people don’t match. When we see depression and anxiety in adolescents, we see teens struggling to get by in their day-to-day lives. We see grades dropping. We see involvement replaced by isolation. People slip through the cracks.

We don’t see the student with the 4.0 GPA. We don’t see the student who’s active in choir and theater or a member of the National Honor Society. We don’t see the student who takes on leadership roles in a religious youth group. No matter how many times we are reminded that mental illness doesn’t discriminate, we revert back to a narrow idea of how it should manifest, and that is dangerous.

Recognizing that danger is what helped me find the answer to my question. Watching person after person, myself included, slip under the radar of the “depression detector” made me realize where that fear comes from. My psychiatrist knew the list of symptoms, and she knew I didn’t necessarily fit them. She understood it was the reason that, though my struggles with mental illness began at age 12, I didn’t come to see her until I was 16. Four years is a long time to deal with mental illness alone, and secondary school is a dangerous time to deal with it.

If we keep allowing our perception of what mental illness looks like to dictate how we go about recognizing and treating it, we will continue to overlook those who don’t fit the mold.3 We cannot keep forgetting that there are people out there who, though they may not be able to check off every symptom on the list, are heavily and negatively affected by their mental illness. If we forget, we allow their struggle to continue unnoticed, and that is pretty scary.

Thanks for posting this. If only this level of awareness was commonplace.

I think this applies to me. Although I am generally doing ok, touch wood, I have found it difficult to be taken seriously during bad patches, including when visiting my GP. That reinforces the sense that it's all in your head (well, of course!) and you try even harder to deny emotions and thoughts that have welled up, often for months. And a vicious circle is created.

Mental health issues need more awareness and publicity, everything and anything that promotes understanding and removes stigma is a great step forward for all of society.

 

[EFCPaul]

Not been a good day today so far, had to graft like a slave in work as usual to carry the side. Spoke to my friend quite a bit as we usually do and she seemed in a far more cheerful mood, her fella and her seemed to have patched things up for which isn't what I wanted to hear admittedly. I want her to be happy though and as long as she is then I guess I'm happy too, for her.

Every person I develop feelings for, whether it just be a crush or something deeper, always seems to be out of reach. It's disheartening.

 

[COYBL25]

Not been a good day today so far, had to graft like a slave in work as usual to carry the side. Spoke to my friend quite a bit as we usually do and she seemed in a far more cheerful mood, her fella and her seemed to have patched things up for which isn't what I wanted to hear admittedly. I want her to be happy though and as long as she is then I guess I'm happy too, for her.

Every person I develop feelings for, whether it just be a crush or something deeper, always seems to be out of reach. It's disheartening.

Console yourself with the fact that despite your feelings for her, you've been a proper friend, by supporting her during her difficult time. If she ever does split up with him, she won't forget all these things mate x

Also think of how you've potentially dodged a very messy situation, of you'd declared your feelings for her.

Just bide your time x

 

[efcforever]

I finally have some good news to share.

I have a friend who I've been avoiding due to my anxiety. He has invited me out several times but I have made up excuses.

I decided to tell him today of my issues with mental health and anxiety. I was bracing myself for a bad reaction.

He couldn't have been more supportive. Told me he had no idea about my problem and just to focus on getting better.

My point is if you are suffering and keeping it to yourself, don't. Talk to your family and friends. They will be falling over themselves to help you.

 

[COYBL25]

I finally have some good news to share.

I have a friend who I've been avoiding due to my anxiety. He has invited me out several times but I have made up excuses.

I decided to tell him today of my issues with mental health and anxiety. I was bracing myself for a bad reaction.

He couldn't have been more supportive. Told me he had no idea about my problem and just to focus on getting better.

My point is if you are suffering and keeping it to yourself, don't. Talk to your family and friends. They will be falling over themselves to help you.

Great post and spot on

 

[j77]

Not been a good day today so far, had to graft like a slave in work as usual to carry the side. Spoke to my friend quite a bit as we usually do and she seemed in a far more cheerful mood, her fella and her seemed to have patched things up for which isn't what I wanted to hear admittedly. I want her to be happy though and as long as she is then I guess I'm happy too, for her.

Every person I develop feelings for, whether it just be a crush or something deeper, always seems to be out of reach. It's disheartening.

I know no one has suggested it... But why not tell her how you feel? just the way you've explained it here .. I don't think if you say the same thing to her as you've said here that you'd ruin a great friendship... You'd just make it clear that if her and her fella didn't work out then you're open to seeing if something could develop between you two.....

 

[EFCPaul]

I know no one has suggested it... But why not tell her how you feel? just the way you've explained it here .. I don't think if you say the same thing to her as you've said here that you'd ruin a great friendship... You'd just make it clear that if her and her fella didn't work out then you're open to seeing if something could develop between you two.....

Nah mate I think that would be a the completely wrong thing to do for several reasons. She has enough stress in her life currently from things she's told me about, having me spill my guts about how I truly feel for her will only batter her head even more and I don't want to do that, I don't want to have negative impact on her life in any way.

Plus, she seems truly happy with her fella (though God knows where they'll stand next week). I wouldn't want to interfere and spoil it for her or him really even though I don't know him. If she's happy then I'm happy for her rather than getting jealous even though it hurts. I'm positive this isn't a crush like the previous ones, this is something deeper. Her happiness means a lot to me, I'd just really love to be the person who shares the happiness with her.

Finally, I don't know what will happen in the future, to say something now could possibly derail any hopes of something that will possibly happening in the future if I just give it time. I'm certain she likes me, we chat all the time and flirt a lot in a playful way, we share so many private things about our lives like a couple would (which has me feeling guilty because she should be having these types of conversations with HIM). The girl who suited me best and I liked the best as a person was right there in front of me all along whilst I lusted after other girls who didn't really want to know and left me an emotional wreck, especially considering how I confided my insecurities to her and probably sounded a right idiot.

I'm fairly sure they'll break up at some point, they got engaged so quickly and she's always in bits because of something he's said or done and tells me about it. I don't know the guy but if what she tells me is true then I don't think he sounds like a good sort who deserves her at all but I have to respect her choices. For now I'll just have to try to get on with life and see where it takes me. If she and the other bloke do separate and I still have these feelings for her then I will definitely tell her because I do want her to know how I view her and I want to know exactly how she views me. Life's just crap when you're in limbo though.

 

[j77]

Nah mate I think that would be a the completely wrong thing to do for several reasons. She has enough stress in her life currently from things she's told me about, having me spill my guts about how I truly feel for her will only batter her head even more and I don't want to do that, I don't want to have negative impact on her life in any way.

Plus, she seems truly happy with her fella (though God knows where they'll stand next week). I wouldn't want to interfere and spoil it for her or him really even though I don't know him. If she's happy then I'm happy for her rather than getting jealous even though it hurts. I'm positive this isn't a crush like the previous ones, this is something deeper. Her happiness means a lot to me, I'd just really love to be the person who shares the happiness with her.

Finally, I don't know what will happen in the future, to say something now could possibly derail any hopes of something that will possibly happening in the future if I just give it time. I'm certain she likes me, we chat all the time and flirt a lot in a playful way, we share so many private things about our lives like a couple would (which has me feeling guilty because she should be having these types of conversations with HIM). The girl who suited me best and I liked the best as a person was right there in front of me all along whilst I lusted after other girls who didn't really want to know and left me an emotional wreck, especially considering how I confided my insecurities to her and probably sounded a right idiot.

I'm fairly sure they'll break up at some point, they got engaged so quickly and she's always in bits because of something he's said or done and tells me about it. I don't know the guy but if what she tells me is true then I don't think he sounds like a good sort who deserves her at all but I have to respect her choices. For now I'll just have to try to get on with life and see where it takes me. If she and the other bloke do separate and I still have these feelings for her then I will definitely tell her because I do want her to know how I view her and I want to know exactly how she views me. Life's just crap when you're in limbo though.

Fair enough mate, you sound pretty clear and all makes sense, sure you're right. We've all been there - more than once. hope it works out for you.

 

[Seamus Colemole]

Guys, how do anti-depressants actually work?

I don't know whether they'd work for me or not. I've been self diagnosed depressed since i was 14 (now 39). It's a long story i don't really wanna get into yet but i feel that i'm depressed because of things that have happened to me and they way my life is, the way i am, things i honestly can't do anything about.

Then it seems that other people who are depressed are so despite their life, it's their brain which causes it.

I know i've probably explained that terribly, apologies. I believe anti depressants work on the latter people because they deal with the chemicals in the brain, is that right?

Whereas i i'm not sure if they will work for me because they won't be able to change the fact that i'm me and they can't change that.

I have good days and bad days, up's and down's but the anger and hatred is still there, just soemtimes i manage to bury it deep down and almost forget about it for a little bit, eventually it comes back and just goes in cycles.

I know you'll say speak to a doctor but it's really hard and i'm still building up the courage (i did see one when i was 19 but it just made me feel worse than i was so kinda put me off). I'd kinda managed to level myself out and cope with things for the last few years but last couple of months i've gone really low, almost feel like i've goven up because there is no point anymore (but don't worry, i'm way too scared to kill myself) so that kinda makes things worse because i know i have no way out so i'm stuck like this.

I'm also awful at explaining my feelings, i just clam up and literally cannot speak, this is god damn hard just typing so how can a doctor help me if i can't tell them the problem?

So i just feel so completly stuck and pointless, i'm just drifting along aimlessly, and what kind of life is that? No wife, no kids, isn't that what life's for?