Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[COYBL25]

I am sorry for your loss mate.

Can't really help you though.

I did some googling and like I see it what he's undergoing is quite normal. His loss was very recent and his reactions are normal.

"From ages 9 to 11, children come to understand that death is inevitable, even for them. However, children in these age ranges may still feel somewhat responsible for the pet's death, thinking their beloved pet may not have died if only they'd taken her for more dog walks or kept the water bowl full. So called 'magical thinking' and they may believe that their own thoughts have somehow led to something bad happening to
their loved one."

Things to help:

Talking

Talking to your child in an open and honest way about the death of their pet is very important. This way, your child is more likely to feel that they can trust you and talk to you about their feelings if they need to.Talk to your child in a caring and compassionate way and let them know that it is ok for them to feel sad, angry or confused about the death of their pet. Let your child know that you are there to answer their questions in an open and honest way. Let them know that you also feel sad or upset that their pet has died, but that these feelings will pass and the normal routines of life will carry on.

Supporting

It is important for your child to know that you are there to support them through the difficult emotions that may arise when they are grieving the loss of a pet. Provide them with physical comfort, such as a cuddle, if they will accept it. Also give them the time and space to ask questions and talk to you about their feelings. Remember that strong emotions may come and go in waves and may last over the days, weeks and sometimes months to come.

Remembering

It can be very comforting for children to have some way to remember the pet they have lost. This may be by having a photo of their pet, doing a drawing of their pet, or having a ceremony at home to say goodbye. All of these activities can help to acknowledge the important role the pet has had in your child’s life and that they are no longer there.

Thanks very much mate.

We're doing quite a lot of those things for him naturally.

He's blaming himself, even though he wasn't there when it happened. As he believes if he would've been there it wouldn't have happened - the dog inexplicably ran across a main road for no reason at all.

I'm keeping him constantly busy, by having his friends here after school, so he's not thinking about it as much.

Thanks for the advice x

 

[Armel]

Thanks very much mate.

We're doing quite a lot of those things for him naturally.

He's blaming himself, even though he wasn't there when it happened. As he believes if he would've been there it wouldn't have happened - the dog inexplicably ran across a main road for no reason at all.

I'm keeping him constantly busy, by having his friends here after school, so he's not thinking about it as much.

Thanks for the advice x

That's the way to go mate, his happiness level will improve soon. Yes the magical thinking, he really thinks he could have helped but rationally it was impossible. Animals sometimes do crazy things that make no sense whatsoever. I once got dragged through a field of baby spruces by my youngest horse during a walk by foot; for no reason at all. He should remember that he took good care of his dog. It lived a happy life that's all he reasonably could do. It also probably had a swift and painless death, he(or she) never saw it coming.

 

[EFCPaul]

It's very late I know but I've decided to post this before I go to sleep, it's on my mind and for several months now but I've refrained from talking about it in regards to my other struggles because I haven't wanted to admit something that until recently I didn't think was all that but now I realise it it. I'll let you be the judge though because I can't bottle it up any longer.

I have a female friend my own own whom I know and see quite a lot (she works next door to our works and we see each other outside a fair bit, we eat our dinners together at the cafe). She's been in a serious relationship for a few months and she and her fella got engaged after about 5 minutes to a lot of people's bemusement. We've always really gotten along from the day we met and I was definitely interested in her in the beginning but never really made a move, she was seeing someone else at the time and then after that finished she quickly got involved with her current beau whom she seems very serious about.

Recently they've started having problems, quite bad problems from the sounds of it. She has confided in me (and I think only me) a lot of things over the past few months, private things she shouldn't really be telling a single lad she spends a fair amount of time alone with. For a long time I considered us just buddies, I've confided in her quite a lot about all my own love life disasters of recent times and she's always been a great pick-me-up and advice giver. I find her a great person to laugh with and very attractive, I'd just never considered it a possibility anything happening between us because she was attached and I knew there was a line I couldn't cross, I was perfectly content to be in her friend zone. It's just it seems inevitable she and the current guy are going to break up, she says they're always rowing and she apparently went home early from work on Sunday in tears after another argument with him on the phone. She's probably seeing now that getting engaged to a lad so quickly after meeting him wasn't a smart move. I was down at the Emirates so I wasn't there to talk to her and I don't think it's a good idea to contact her until I see her next (I have her number but I don't generally text her because I've always thought it would be overstepping boundaries). The whole point is, I like her and she clearly likes me if she's going to be confiding in me so much emotionally (I DON'T go out my way to pry by the way) all of the time and telling me how great I am for standing up to my manager and being so generally bubbly around me. I just not sure how this is going to go or what action to take in the event she does split. I've decided I'd like it to become more than friendship if possible but I have no clue how she feels about me truly.

Does anyone have any advice on how I should play this going forward? I've been doing the same thing for months, just being the sincere emotional friend she confides in but I don't think I can be that for much longer to be honest, not now that I've re-evaluated my feelings in light of recent developments. She's different from the others I've talked about, she was and has been for a year now just my good mate and she knows me far better as a person than the others do, she took the time to speak to me and learn much more about me than what I present on the surface to casual acquaintances. I'm just confused now, more than I was over the silly teen angst I had over the other women. This is one I feel like I'm on very sensitive ground and I have no clue what to do.

 

[COYBL25]

It's very late I know but I've decided to post this before I go to sleep, it's on my mind and for several months now but I've refrained from talking about it in regards to my other struggles because I haven't wanted to admit something that until recently I didn't think was all that but now I realise it it. I'll let you be the judge though because I can't bottle it up any longer.

I have a female friend my own own whom I know and see quite a lot (she works next door to our works and we see each other outside a fair bit, we eat our dinners together at the cafe). She's been in a serious relationship for a few months and she and her fella got engaged after about 5 minutes to a lot of people's bemusement. We've always really gotten along from the day we met and I was definitely interested in her in the beginning but never really made a move, she was seeing someone else at the time and then after that finished she quickly got involved with her current beau whom she seems very serious about.

Recently they've started having problems, quite bad problems from the sounds of it. She has confided in me (and I think only me) a lot of things over the past few months, private things she shouldn't really be telling a single lad she spends a fair amount of time alone with. For a long time I considered us just buddies, I've confided in her quite a lot about all my own love life disasters of recent times and she's always been a great pick-me-up and advice giver. I find her a great person to laugh with and very attractive, I'd just never considered it a possibility anything happening between us because she was attached and I knew there was a line I couldn't cross, I was perfectly content to be in her friend zone. It's just it seems inevitable she and the current guy are going to break up, she says they're always rowing and she apparently went home early from work on Sunday in tears after another argument with him on the phone. She's probably seeing now that getting engaged to a lad so quickly after meeting him wasn't a smart move. I was down at the Emirates so I wasn't there to talk to her and I don't think it's a good idea to contact her until I see her next (I have her number but I don't generally text her because I've always thought it would be overstepping boundaries). The whole point is, I like her and she clearly likes me if she's going to be confiding in me so much emotionally (I DON'T go out my way to pry by the way) all of the time and telling me how great I am for standing up to my manager and being so generally bubbly around me. I just not sure how this is going to go or what action to take in the event she does split. I've decided I'd like it to become more than friendship if possible but I have no clue how she feels about me truly.

Does anyone have any advice on how I should play this going forward? I've been doing the same thing for months, just being the sincere emotional friend she confides in but I don't think I can be that for much longer to be honest, not now that I've re-evaluated my feelings in light of recent developments. She's different from the others I've talked about, she was and has been for a year now just my good mate and she knows me far better as a person than the others do, she took the time to speak to me and learn much more about me than what I present on the surface to casual acquaintances. I'm just confused now, more than I was over the silly teen angst I had over the other women. This is one I feel like I'm on very sensitive ground and I have no clue what to do.

At the moment just be there to support her as a friend mate.

Her head will be all over the place and she needs to sort out her relationship one way or thr other.

If you were added to the mix, it'd make a complicated situation even more complicated and could get very messy.

What happens if they sort things out, where would that leave you ?.

Just be there for her, until she works it out x

 

[COYBL25]

That's the way to go mate, his happiness level will improve soon. Yes the magical thinking, he really thinks he could have helped but rationally it was impossible. Animals sometimes do crazy things that make no sense whatsoever. I once got dragged through a field of baby spruces by my youngest horse during a walk by foot; for no reason at all. He should remember that he took good care of his dog. It lived a happy life that's all he reasonably could do. It also probably had a swift and painless death, he(or she) never saw it coming.

Thanks very much for the kind words.

Means a lot, as it's reassuring that I'm handling this difficult situation in the correct way x

 

[BiggyRat]

It's very late I know but I've decided to post this before I go to sleep, it's on my mind and for several months now but I've refrained from talking about it in regards to my other struggles because I haven't wanted to admit something that until recently I didn't think was all that but now I realise it it. I'll let you be the judge though because I can't bottle it up any longer.

I have a female friend my own own whom I know and see quite a lot (she works next door to our works and we see each other outside a fair bit, we eat our dinners together at the cafe). She's been in a serious relationship for a few months and she and her fella got engaged after about 5 minutes to a lot of people's bemusement. We've always really gotten along from the day we met and I was definitely interested in her in the beginning but never really made a move, she was seeing someone else at the time and then after that finished she quickly got involved with her current beau whom she seems very serious about.

Recently they've started having problems, quite bad problems from the sounds of it. She has confided in me (and I think only me) a lot of things over the past few months, private things she shouldn't really be telling a single lad she spends a fair amount of time alone with. For a long time I considered us just buddies, I've confided in her quite a lot about all my own love life disasters of recent times and she's always been a great pick-me-up and advice giver. I find her a great person to laugh with and very attractive, I'd just never considered it a possibility anything happening between us because she was attached and I knew there was a line I couldn't cross, I was perfectly content to be in her friend zone. It's just it seems inevitable she and the current guy are going to break up, she says they're always rowing and she apparently went home early from work on Sunday in tears after another argument with him on the phone. She's probably seeing now that getting engaged to a lad so quickly after meeting him wasn't a smart move. I was down at the Emirates so I wasn't there to talk to her and I don't think it's a good idea to contact her until I see her next (I have her number but I don't generally text her because I've always thought it would be overstepping boundaries). The whole point is, I like her and she clearly likes me if she's going to be confiding in me so much emotionally (I DON'T go out my way to pry by the way) all of the time and telling me how great I am for standing up to my manager and being so generally bubbly around me. I just not sure how this is going to go or what action to take in the event she does split. I've decided I'd like it to become more than friendship if possible but I have no clue how she feels about me truly.

Does anyone have any advice on how I should play this going forward? I've been doing the same thing for months, just being the sincere emotional friend she confides in but I don't think I can be that for much longer to be honest, not now that I've re-evaluated my feelings in light of recent developments. She's different from the others I've talked about, she was and has been for a year now just my good mate and she knows me far better as a person than the others do, she took the time to speak to me and learn much more about me than what I present on the surface to casual acquaintances. I'm just confused now, more than I was over the silly teen angst I had over the other women. This is one I feel like I'm on very sensitive ground and I have no clue what to do.

Only you will truly know the right answer here. Lots of suggestions & quality advice may come your way, but we're not in your shoes...so to speak.

Coybl25 is right in saying that now is the time to be the friend she knows. A move now may seem opportunistic & have the complete opposite effect you desire.

I've had a think about how I would play it & agree that in the current climate, stay cool, be her friend. Having said that....if she wasn't in her current situation, I'd be very subtle. If she asked for relationship advice, I'd be saying. "Can't help you there sorry, I'm too biased"

Don't do anything that is 'not you'. I've been there with girls that are involved with other guys but I was close with them & you never cut another blokes lunch! I played it subtly but didn't win their hearts. Drifted apart eventually so no regrets...all part of the game. I didn't want to be the one who created an awkward situation for all concerned, especially as I worked with them. But, if I saw them in the street, it would be a pleasant reunion.

She knows you, and may come around to the idea herself. Much better result than one where it could be misinterpreted as an opportunistic manipulation.

 

[Bungle]

Only you will truly know the right answer here. Lots of suggestions & quality advice may come your way, but we're not in your shoes...so to speak.

Coybl25 is right in saying that now is the time to be the friend she knows. A move now may seem opportunistic & have the complete opposite effect you desire.

I've had a think about how I would play it & agree that in the current climate, stay cool, be her friend. Having said that....if she wasn't in her current situation, I'd be very subtle. If she asked for relationship advice, I'd be saying. "Can't help you there sorry, I'm too biased"

Don't do anything that is 'not you'. I've been there with girls that are involved with other guys but I was close with them & you never cut another blokes lunch! I played it subtly but didn't win their hearts. Drifted apart eventually so no regrets...all part of the game. I didn't want to be the one who created an awkward situation for all concerned, especially as I worked with them. But, if I saw them in the street, it would be a pleasant reunion.

She knows you, and may come around to the idea herself. Much better result than one where it could be misinterpreted as an opportunistic manipulation.

How's your daughter doing mate?

 

[EFCPaul]

Only you will truly know the right answer here. Lots of suggestions & quality advice may come your way, but we're not in your shoes...so to speak.

Coybl25 is right in saying that now is the time to be the friend she knows. A move now may seem opportunistic & have the complete opposite effect you desire.

I've had a think about how I would play it & agree that in the current climate, stay cool, be her friend. Having said that....if she wasn't in her current situation, I'd be very subtle. If she asked for relationship advice, I'd be saying. "Can't help you there sorry, I'm too biased"

Don't do anything that is 'not you'. I've been there with girls that are involved with other guys but I was close with them & you never cut another blokes lunch! I played it subtly but didn't win their hearts. Drifted apart eventually so no regrets...all part of the game. I didn't want to be the one who created an awkward situation for all concerned, especially as I worked with them. But, if I saw them in the street, it would be a pleasant reunion.

She knows you, and may come around to the idea herself. Much better result than one where it could be misinterpreted as an opportunistic manipulation.

So good to hear from you mate and thanks for the advice. You're right, I'm going to be there for her if she needs me, she has been for me plenty of other times. I respect her a lot, she doesn't even work with me yet she made far more of an effort to get to know and befriend me than any of the others from there. She's such a nice person, she deserves happiness.

 

[efcforever]

Go and see the Doctor as soon as you can mate, if you leave it for a few weeks, you'll be that exhausted that you'll be no use to anyone. Plus being that tired makes you snappy, affects your judgement and ability to think properly.

It could be that you're meds need tweaking or even changing ( sweats ).

Thanks mate. Just booked another appointment. Earliest I could get was 2nd June but at least it's booked.

Had another bad day today. Had another restless night last night. Woke up feeling anxious and it just escalated throughout the day. Finally broke down when I got in from work. Feel a bit better now.

I have just been feeling overwhelmed to the point were making tea and picking something for my pack lunch tomorrow felt like too much.

I have got a sleep mask to try tonight. Someone on here suggested it but I can't remember who (thanks).

Thanks for reading.

 

[Groucho]

I have just been feeling overwhelmed to the point were making tea and picking something for my pack lunch tomorrow felt like too much

It can make the smallest things unbearable.

 

[COYBL25]

Thanks mate. Just booked another appointment. Earliest I could get was 2nd June but at least it's booked.

Had another bad day today. Had another restless night last night. Woke up feeling anxious and it just escalated throughout the day. Finally broke down when I got in from work. Feel a bit better now.

I have just been feeling overwhelmed to the point were making tea and picking something for my pack lunch tomorrow felt like too much.

I have got a sleep mask to try tonight. Someone on here suggested it but I can't remember who (thanks).

Thanks for reading.

Sleep mask was me mate.

It should make a big diffence, let me know how you get on with it ?.

I don't use them, but others swear by ear plugs too - another of your senses dulled to aid sleep.

Anxiety is horrible, anything can kick it off.

Don't beat yourself up x

 

[dion]

Hi. Been reading this forum for a while as my wife reckons I'm depressed. Deep down, I've thought that she was probably right. Always laughed it off and told her that I was ok. Just a grumpy git. Had a bit of an episode last weekend and she drove me to the Doctors on Monday morning. Had a chat with the doctor, she asked me some questions, prescribed some pills and put me in touch with people that I can talk to. She's signed me off work for a month.
It's been two days and I already feel happier that I've been able to talk to somebody. I know it's going to take a while. The main thing I want to get across is, speak to your doctor, it's been two days and I already feel like I have a weight off my shoulders. I don't feel weak for having done it. Go for it, it is helping.

 

[BiggyRat]

How's your daughter doing mate?

Thanks for thinking of her Bungle. She's going ok. Knows how to read the signs of impending attacks & deals with them accordingly. We were heading out on Sunday & she felt one coming, so she asked if I could take her home rather than trying to push through. Happy with that.

We're hoping it's just them final year of school that's exacerbating it & it will be easier to control afterwards...so long as she learns from the Doc.

 

[BiggyRat]

So good to hear from you mate and thanks for the advice. You're right, I'm going to be there for her if she needs me, she has been for me plenty of other times. I respect her a lot, she doesn't even work with me yet she made far more of an effort to get to know and befriend me than any of the others from there. She's such a nice person, she deserves happiness.

That's a great attitude.

 

[chicoazul]

Hi. Been reading this forum for a while as my wife reckons I'm depressed. Deep down, I've thought that she was probably right. Always laughed it off and told her that I was ok. Just a grumpy git. Had a bit of an episode last weekend and she drove me to the Doctors on Monday morning. Had a chat with the doctor, she asked me some questions, prescribed some pills and put me in touch with people that I can talk to. She's signed me off work for a month.
It's been two days and I already feel happier that I've been able to talk to somebody. I know it's going to take a while. The main thing I want to get across is, speak to your doctor, it's been two days and I already feel like I have a weight off my shoulders. I don't feel weak for having done it. Go for it, it is helping.

Well done mate in seeing someone to talk to. That's an insurmountable hurdle for too many it means they don't feel better as soon as they deserve. Good that you've posted it.

Best of luck in feeling better.