Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Spotty]

What do you do? Tried reading but that wakes me up

Neil I try not to think too much, minimal stimuli. Want to relax my mind. Avoid coffee before bed definitely and make sure the room is dark and only go to bed when tired.Sounds obvious but it's sleep your after, not to carry on thinking. Unfortunately or fortunately, how we get to sleep in very subjective and what works for me, might not work for you. If I'm in from a shift on the Ward, I have a Ovaltine with milk to relax and I'm asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow. Trial and error Neil. See how this goes.Get up early, stay awake as long as possible - make it a long day - and go to bed if you can between half eleven and midnight utilising what I've said above, especially about coffee and not stimulating yourself.Hood luck buddy but as I said it really is subjective and often trial and error. Good luck Neil

 

[Bruce Wayne]

I found this an interesting read. No one admits to it, do they? There's this almost social media-driven need to present yourself as someone cool with your [Poor language removed] together and loads of cool friends, yet actual loneliness figures seem to be huge.

How does it really feel to be lonely?

Maggie Fergusson seeks out those beside themselves at being by themselves

www.economist.com

 

[witchdoc187]

Anyone interested in my saga. My wife has had a miscarriage. Whilst I hate to be selfish or unkind I have no feelings whatsoever for her. It means she has been carrying my neighbours baby whilst still married to me less than 4 months after she disappeared. We have a 5 year old son and it's crackers. She also threatened to report me to the police for domestic abuse and to get a restraining order. Yet I have no desire to see or contact her and haven't even tried. She's a massive narcissist and I think it's all she has left in her artillery as I have managed to just switch off and not be effected by her craziness. Anyways I'm getting legal advice to get a divorce sorted. I feel really strong in all this. Stronger than I have ever felt. Bizarrely she has no emails or messages from me that are remotely threatening. There's a couple from a few months ago when I found out she had been sleeping with my neighbor calling her a few names. Goodness knows what she's been telling people but I'm not bothered my conscience is clear. Anyways, what a mad start to the year. I've been reading about stoicism and it's really helped me not respond or get anxious and only focus on what I can control.

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Anyone interested in my saga. My wife has had a miscarriage. Whilst I hate to be selfish or unkind I have no feelings whatsoever for her. It means she has been carrying my neighbours baby whilst still married to me less than 4 months after she disappeared. We have a 5 year old son and it's crackers. She also threatened to report me to the police for domestic abuse and to get a restraining order. Yet I have no desire to see or contact her and haven't even tried. She's a massive narcissist and I think it's all she has left in her artillery as I have managed to just switch off and not be effected by her craziness. Anyways I'm getting legal advice to get a divorce sorted. I feel really strong in all this. Stronger than I have ever felt. Bizarrely she has no emails or messages from me that are remotely threatening. There's a couple from a few months ago when I found out she had been sleeping with my neighbor calling her a few names. Goodness knows what she's been telling people but I'm not bothered my conscience is clear. Anyways, what a mad start to the year. I've been reading about stoicism and it's really helped me not respond or get anxious and only focus on what I can control.

You seem to be in a very positive frame of mind about this. That's good. You've done exactly right by not engaging with her. Focus on your son and ignore her. Good luck

 

[witchdoc187]

You seem to be in a very positive frame of mind about this. That's good. You've done exactly right by not engaging with her. Focus on your son and ignore her. Good luck

Thank you I haven't had a drink since boxing Day which has helped. I need to be strong for what's coming. Funnily enough considering I'm harassing her she's just emailed me. I'll just ignore her

 

[Cameron Manning]

Anyone interested in my saga. My wife has had a miscarriage. Whilst I hate to be selfish or unkind I have no feelings whatsoever for her. It means she has been carrying my neighbours baby whilst still married to me less than 4 months after she disappeared. We have a 5 year old son and it's crackers. She also threatened to report me to the police for domestic abuse and to get a restraining order. Yet I have no desire to see or contact her and haven't even tried. She's a massive narcissist and I think it's all she has left in her artillery as I have managed to just switch off and not be effected by her craziness. Anyways I'm getting legal advice to get a divorce sorted. I feel really strong in all this. Stronger than I have ever felt. Bizarrely she has no emails or messages from me that are remotely threatening. There's a couple from a few months ago when I found out she had been sleeping with my neighbor calling her a few names. Goodness knows what she's been telling people but I'm not bothered my conscience is clear. Anyways, what a mad start to the year. I've been reading about stoicism and it's really helped me not respond or get anxious and only focus on what I can control.

Whenever doubts come into your mind about how you are coping with this situation just dismiss them and think of your boy, concentrate on him, we know how much you love him on here, best of luck with your divorce procedure and keep avoiding any correspondence with her.

 

[David09]

Thank you I haven't had a drink since boxing Day which has helped. I need to be strong for what's coming. Funnily enough considering I'm harassing her she's just emailed me. I'll just ignore her

Remember though mate for all your dislike towards her she can use your young child as a weapon against you. So just be careful. Beacause for all my EX did to me including an affair my daughter still supports her mum against me in everything.

If you can be civil towards her especially during the divorce my advice would be to do this otherwise things will get nasty and probably more expensive. My divorce costs compared to my EX were a lot more. If she is the main carer of your child that goes in her favour as well.

I'm joining you in giving up the booze for a bit. I started New Year's Day. Let me no when you crack a bottle open.

 

[witchdoc187]

Remember though mate for all your dislike towards her she can use your young child as a weapon against you. So just be careful. Beacause for all my EX did to me including an affair my daughter still supports her mum against me in everything.

If you can be civil towards her especially during the divorce my advice would be to do this otherwise things will get nasty and probably more expensive. My divorce costs compared to my EX were a lot more. If she is the main carer of your child that goes in her favour as well.

I'm joining you in giving up the booze for a bit. I started New Year's Day. Let me no when you crack a bottle open.

Nice one mate. I believe in Spain leaving the leaving the family home counts against her. Hopefully it won't go to court and we can mediate but I'm battling a narcissist who seems to want to destroy me. I've actually been the primary carer for the last three years but we'll see. I'll just respond to her in my own time not on demand. Taking back control. It was her i'm almost embarrassed to say that bullied me to within an inch of taking my own life just over a year ago. Now I'm free and I'm thriving

 

[Bungle]

Nice one mate. I believe in Spain leaving the leaving the family home counts against her. Hopefully it won't go to court and we can mediate but I'm battling a narcissist who seems to want to destroy me. I've actually been the primary carer for the last three years but we'll see. I'll just respond to her in my own time not on demand. Taking back control. It was her i'm almost embarrassed to say that bullied me to within an inch of taking my own life just over a year ago. Now I'm free and I'm thriving

The difference in your mood compared to some previous posts suggests you're thriving and in a much better place mate, hopefully things calm down a bit and she stops being a tit but you can be proud of how you've handled it and got on with your life.

 

[David09]

Nice one mate. I believe in Spain leaving the leaving the family home counts against her. Hopefully it won't go to court and we can mediate but I'm battling a narcissist who seems to want to destroy me. I've actually been the primary carer for the last three years but we'll see. I'll just respond to her in my own time not on demand. Taking back control. It was her i'm almost embarrassed to say that bullied me to within an inch of taking my own life just over a year ago. Now I'm free and I'm thriving

I was in the same boat mate. Just please be careful because my daughter is 16 now and far from daft but it is always the dad who comes off worse and looks like the bad person.

I cut off all communication but you can't do that as your son is to young. You are doing the right thing in not letting her wind you up. I'll hold my hands up and say I did snap and got a slap on the wrist off the police. But again she used that against me and continued the poison and harassment.

 

[witchdoc187]

The difference in your mood compared to some previous posts suggests you're thriving and in a much better place mate, hopefully things calm down a bit and she stops being a tit but you can be proud of how you've handled it and got on with your life.

Thank you mate. I appreciate that

 

[witchdoc187]

I was in the same boat mate. Just please be careful because my daughter is 16 now and far from daft but it is always the dad who comes off worse and looks like the bad person.

I cut off all communication but you can't do that as your son is to young. You are doing the right thing in not letting her wind you up. I'll hold my hands up and say I did snap and got a slap on the wrist off the police. But again she used that against me and continued the poison and harassment.

Yeah she's harassing me more now trying to get me to bite. But I'm at peace with myself I don't react. I did at first a few months a back like active would but I've never ever threatened her as she claims and me and my boy are really really close. I can't imagine even she would try to separate us. But my conscience is clear and I've done nothing wrong so I don't think she'd be able to take him even if she wanted to.

 

[riddick]

Just found out one of the people I was with in my group thing passed away on Christmas Eve from COVID. She had lupus and cancer where her body apparently couldn't take it. She was so excited about the next part of her life. Really sad to hear.

 

[Ghost Rider]

So I picked my return to work date as Monday , after the occy health appointment. I have a note from the doctor saying I am fit if I return to working at home.

Rang work today to try and discuss it and the management want to have a meeting with HR to discuss whether to support me on this or not. The fact they have not accepted it outright is concerning for me , almost like they want to find out how much they can push back on me.

My anxiety and stress about it is a little bit high at the minute. For a starters I have no idea what I am meant to be doing Monday, whether they will drag me back in for the day or whether I can log on at home. Seems nobody has had the courtesy to return my call on the matter. Plus there is the phased return element , again something that I have tried to open discussion about and so far no response.

My concern is they reject the doctor's note and say I can't work at home. Where does that leave me? I can say I'm not medically ready mental health wise to return to the office but then it means I have to stay off still. Even though I'm trying to go back there? There is no justifyable reason to make me come back to the office either for the record.

Just feel myself getting worked up again like I was back in the beginning. If nobody cares enough to even lift the phone up and speak to me then my feelings of being treated as unvalued just amplifies. I've done everything I can to communicate.

My other concern is that this will turn into a fight and I may be applying for a new job in the office that would be office based. Making it look worse on me for stressing over this work at home. Would that then go against me applying for the job? Even though I'd be the perfect candidate and would take on the added stress / cost of doing it.

Sorry for rambling. Just really worried that this is going to turn into something bigger where I am again placed in the wrong for it despite my best efforts.

 

[witchdoc187]

Yeah she's harassing me more now trying to get me to bite. But I'm at peace with myself I don't react. I did at first a few months a back like active would but I've never ever threatened her as she claims and me and my boy are really really close. I can't imagine even she would try to separate us. But my conscience is clear and I've done nothing wrong so I don't think she'd be able to take him even if she wanted to.

So today she turns up with her boyfriend at my house unannounced trying to provoke me no doubt. I didn't react. She said she need to rest because of her miscarriage why she had to come to my house to tell my I don't know. Anyway, I told her no that I was going on holiday and to go away. An hour later I sent an email saying that in the interests of our sons welfare and her recovery I would take him for the weekend. A couple of hours later I receive a threatening abusive and provocative email from her boyfriend again threatening the police making mental allegations and criticizing me as a father the exact sort of message they have accused me of, which I haven't sent. Anyways they keep threatening the police but I haven't done anything the loons. He's also instructed his solicitors for harrasment when I haven't even seen or spoken to him for 6 months. I checked my email outbox and I've sent one email that you can see I'm upset on the day I found out they had been seeing each other and lying to me. Even then it wasn't rude, abusive or threatening. What is wrong with these people. You'd think it was me who had run off with the neighbour. Anyway going to get legal advice Tuesday. Happy days. Still feel strong powerful and in the right here. Plus my son randomly said he didn't want to stay with his mum anyway because I'm better. Kids always tell the truth. Glad to get that one off my chest.