Brendan you need help and support
Judging from what your saying in my experience its not going to take much to push you over the edge and for you that's sounds like killing yourself. A lot of people on here would agree with " it's not worth it, things can get better, don't do it". I would agree. However, let's make comparison. Before I became a Psychy nurse, I recall - often - something dad said to me: " son, compared to death, life is brilliant". Let's look at that, what it means. Death, rotting in the ground and - that's it. Nothingness. No pain, no sorrow, yes. But no smiling no walking along the beach, no seeing kids play, the sun shine. No feeling the skin of a loved one on yours, the feeling of love, joy, the feeling you get when you make someone happy. A lovely meal, fine wine, seeing Everton win, the togetherness of it all watching animals, marvel at the weather, architecture, the arts. Death has a finality, a horrible nothingness. What about the joy your being can bring to people, the happiness you can bring other people. Like dad said, compared to life, death is a very very poor second. I think you need to get down to basics. Go to see your GP if you hant already, and tell them how you feel. They will offer support you can access and prescribe something so you can have a double whammy of support, meds and therapy. It will be hard but it's attainable. What is the basics I talk about.? Working out what's making your life unbearable, start enjoying the things that used to make you happy. To do this first you need to lift your mood. Tell people Brendan, I'm sure people you know and loved ones would be mortified your mood is as low as this. People who care instinctively want to help, so talk to people about your feelings. Concentrate on what you can do to lift your mood, and put sorting out the all enveloping problems your experiencing to one side. Be good to yourself, enjoy walks, talk nice food and the company of others. Volunteer, what can you do for other people, because I guarantee, helping people makes you feel better yourself. Life can be tough Brendan, but sometimes, we prioritise the things in our lives that frankly cause us the most harm. When you start feeling better about yourself, focus on the simple things in life, after all, the complicated issues are often like a dark all enveloping black smog, you can't see out of. First things first, tell people and friends your not in a good place and visit your GP. Finally, drop your " friends" at work who tell you suicide is a better option. It never is, you have too much life to live. Take care buddy all the best.
