toffeejack
Player Valuation: £100m
Dhoni's still got it, 1-1.
Cricket
- Thread starter summerisle
- Start date
AndyC
Player Valuation: £70m
Ahead of this Summer's England vs Australia Ashes series, a few quick gags from a Kiwi mate in New Zealand...
Q. What do you get if you cross the Aussie cricket team with an OXO cube?
A. A laughing stock.
Q. What's the height of optimism?
A: Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.
Q. What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
A. Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.
Q. What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.
Q. What does an Aussie batsman who is playing in the test have in common with Michael Jackson?
A. They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.
Q. What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies?
A. Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.
Q. What's the difference between the Aussies and a funeral director?
A. A funeral director isn't going to lose the ashes.
Q. Mitchell Marsh's wife rang the cricket ground looking for him. Bloke says, "He's just gone in to bat".
A. She says, "That's ok, I'll wait, he won't be long".
Q. What do you get if you cross the Aussie cricket team with an OXO cube?
A. A laughing stock.
Q. What's the height of optimism?
A: Aussie batsman putting on sunscreen.
Q. What's the difference between an Aussie batsman and a Formula 1 car?
A. Nothing! If you blink you'll miss them both.
Q. What do Aussie batsmen and drug addicts have in common?
A. Both spend most of their time wondering where their next score will come from.
Q. What does an Aussie batsman who is playing in the test have in common with Michael Jackson?
A. They both wore gloves for no apparent reason.
Q. What is the difference between Cinderella and the Aussies?
A. Cinderella knew when to leave the ball.
Q. What's the difference between the Aussies and a funeral director?
A. A funeral director isn't going to lose the ashes.
Q. Mitchell Marsh's wife rang the cricket ground looking for him. Bloke says, "He's just gone in to bat".
A. She says, "That's ok, I'll wait, he won't be long".
summerisle
The rain, it raineth every day
England v President's x1 : England 284 all out, Root 87, Stokes 56.
Darren Bravo recalled to the West Indies squad.
Darren Bravo recalled to the West Indies squad.
Chris O'Connor
Player Valuation: £35m
Later England 324-10 as Jennings batted again (15*) and Woakes made (34*)
England will bowl all day today regardless of wickets.
Chris O'Connor
Player Valuation: £35m
Fuller report
Darren Bravo recalled to the West Indies squad.
Darren Bravo is poised to play his first Test in over two years after being named in Windies’ 13-man squad to face England in Barbados. He was was involved in a longstanding dispute with the West Indies Cricket Board but made his return to the white-ball set-up in December and a Test recall has now followed.
However, there is no place for Marlon Samuels, who famously saluted Ben Stokes off the field during England's Test tour of the Caribbean in 2015, while Sunil Ambris and Kieran Powell are dropped for the first Test.
Uncapped batsmen Shamarh Brookes and John Campbell are named in the party, while Oshane Thomas is included as cover for fellow seamer Alzarri Joseph, who is continuing his comeback from a stress fracture of the back.
In the tour practice match England left out Jos Buttler, Adil Rashid, Steve Stone and Joe Denly from the 12 a side match
Joe Root scored a run-a-ball 87 and Ben Stokes struck 56 as England's batsman got a hit on day one of their opening warm-up match ahead of the three-Test series against Windies.
Root looked fluent on Tuesday at Three Ws Oval - a ground named after Windies greats Sir Frank Worrell, Sir Everton Weekes and Sir Clyde Walcott - striking 12 fours and two sixes before he top-edged to short fine leg.
Stokes picked up seven fours and a six in his knock, while President's XI spinner Bryan Charles bagged five wickets, including, Root, Stokes and Moeen Ali (21), as England slipped from 217-4 to 248-9 before Woakes and Stuart Broad (14) added 36 for the final wicket.
Surrey duo Ben Foakes and Sam Curran endured disappointing days - Foakes was out for 11 to paceman Chemar Holder, with Curran sent packing for a second-ball duck by the same bowler.
The CWI President's XI attack also included seamer Alzarri Joseph, who has been named in their squad for the first test.
England v President's XI :
England 284 all out, batting on to make 317-10 : Root 87, Stokes 56 and Woakes 38* (Jennings batted again (15*), Anderson didn't bat)
England will bowl all day today regardless of wickets.
Darren Bravo recalled to the West Indies squad.
Darren Bravo is poised to play his first Test in over two years after being named in Windies’ 13-man squad to face England in Barbados. He was was involved in a longstanding dispute with the West Indies Cricket Board but made his return to the white-ball set-up in December and a Test recall has now followed.
However, there is no place for Marlon Samuels, who famously saluted Ben Stokes off the field during England's Test tour of the Caribbean in 2015, while Sunil Ambris and Kieran Powell are dropped for the first Test.
Uncapped batsmen Shamarh Brookes and John Campbell are named in the party, while Oshane Thomas is included as cover for fellow seamer Alzarri Joseph, who is continuing his comeback from a stress fracture of the back.
In the tour practice match England left out Jos Buttler, Adil Rashid, Steve Stone and Joe Denly from the 12 a side match
Joe Root scored a run-a-ball 87 and Ben Stokes struck 56 as England's batsman got a hit on day one of their opening warm-up match ahead of the three-Test series against Windies.
Root looked fluent on Tuesday at Three Ws Oval - a ground named after Windies greats Sir Frank Worrell, Sir Everton Weekes and Sir Clyde Walcott - striking 12 fours and two sixes before he top-edged to short fine leg.
Stokes picked up seven fours and a six in his knock, while President's XI spinner Bryan Charles bagged five wickets, including, Root, Stokes and Moeen Ali (21), as England slipped from 217-4 to 248-9 before Woakes and Stuart Broad (14) added 36 for the final wicket.
Surrey duo Ben Foakes and Sam Curran endured disappointing days - Foakes was out for 11 to paceman Chemar Holder, with Curran sent packing for a second-ball duck by the same bowler.
The CWI President's XI attack also included seamer Alzarri Joseph, who has been named in their squad for the first test.
England v President's XI :
England 284 all out, batting on to make 317-10 : Root 87, Stokes 56 and Woakes 38* (Jennings batted again (15*), Anderson didn't bat)
England will bowl all day today regardless of wickets.
Chris O'Connor
Player Valuation: £35m
Jimmy Anderson and Sam Curran both take early wickets at the start of the second and final day of the first tour warm-up match.
WI Presidents XI : 46-5 in reply to 317-10
Interesting selection coming up if Sam Curran impresses as he will almost certainly be competing directly with Stuart Broad for a spot in the first test starting XI.
They will be using Duke balls in this series so the seamers should have a big say in it.
WI Presidents XI : 46-5 in reply to 317-10
Interesting selection coming up if Sam Curran impresses as he will almost certainly be competing directly with Stuart Broad for a spot in the first test starting XI.
They will be using Duke balls in this series so the seamers should have a big say in it.
Chris O'Connor
Player Valuation: £35m
WI Presidents XI 128 all out. (not sure if they batted on after that but they are starting again tomorrow anyway)
So there will be another two day warm up match tomorrow against the same opposition at the same ground with the rules similarly relaxed.
Meanwhile Steve Stone has pulled out of the tour after a scan revealed he has a stress fracture of the lower back. England confirmed that a replacement for Steve will be named in due course.
So there will be another two day warm up match tomorrow against the same opposition at the same ground with the rules similarly relaxed.
Meanwhile Steve Stone has pulled out of the tour after a scan revealed he has a stress fracture of the lower back. England confirmed that a replacement for Steve will be named in due course.
Steve Stone? The ex footballer?
Chris O'Connor
Player Valuation: £35m
toffeejack
Player Valuation: £100m
203-19 ouch ha
Every time I see a windiest test team it looks totally different to the last time I saw the line up. Sad to see. Wonder when they'll be back as a test nation.
Every time I see a windiest test team it looks totally different to the last time I saw the line up. Sad to see. Wonder when they'll be back as a test nation.
Chris O'Connor
Player Valuation: £35m
England's second warm up match starts in about twenty minutes, same opposition, same relaxed rules, and probably the same or a very similarly farcical scenario.
For all the obvious qualifications that need to be applied, this opposition contained six men with Test experience and one more, in John Campbell, who will make his debut next week. So to reduce them to 203 for 19 - yes, you really do have to be sceptical about these statistics - represents a fine effort from an admirably ruthless England. The sad news about Olly Stone's stress fracture apart, they will have been delighted by this first match.
That odd-looking scorecard is testament to a couple of other things, too. Firstly, this was a dreadful pitch and there was some painfully loose batting but neither the pace nor the bounce were even and no batsman, with the exception of Joe Root, looked comfortable upon it.
Broad looked in good rhythm using his new, shorter run-up, and found movement away from the right-handers on a good length, his headline grabbing hat-trick, even if of dubious worth, will give him the confidence that his new shortened run-up is working.
Anderson was the pick of England's seamers. Generating decent pace and movement, he claimed 4 for 12 - all four top-order batsmen - in 11 immaculate overs.
How relevant Sam Curran sharing the new ball with him was remains to be seen. But Curran, preferred to Broad as Anderson's opening partner by virtue of his ability to swing that new ball, also claimed two wickets in his first spell, including a beauty to account for Sunil Ambris. This Dukes ball - slightly different to the UK version - appears to stay harder for longer and swing for most of the day. It may be there is no need for Curran to be used so early, although for me only one of Curran or Broad will start the test.
Moeen was probably the pick of the spinners. He finished with two wickets, while Jack Leach managed just one and was the only bowler to concede anywhere near four an over. It may well be revealing that he will not play in the second warm-up match. Adil Rashid is looking more and more a heavy favourite to oust Leach from the starting line up, but we'll see how he shapes tomorrow.
Adil Rahid, Joe Denly and Jos Buttler all come into the side for today's game, with Joe Root - who has a heavy cold - and Anderson also sitting out. England will bat first today.
For all the obvious qualifications that need to be applied, this opposition contained six men with Test experience and one more, in John Campbell, who will make his debut next week. So to reduce them to 203 for 19 - yes, you really do have to be sceptical about these statistics - represents a fine effort from an admirably ruthless England. The sad news about Olly Stone's stress fracture apart, they will have been delighted by this first match.
That odd-looking scorecard is testament to a couple of other things, too. Firstly, this was a dreadful pitch and there was some painfully loose batting but neither the pace nor the bounce were even and no batsman, with the exception of Joe Root, looked comfortable upon it.
Broad looked in good rhythm using his new, shorter run-up, and found movement away from the right-handers on a good length, his headline grabbing hat-trick, even if of dubious worth, will give him the confidence that his new shortened run-up is working.
Anderson was the pick of England's seamers. Generating decent pace and movement, he claimed 4 for 12 - all four top-order batsmen - in 11 immaculate overs.
How relevant Sam Curran sharing the new ball with him was remains to be seen. But Curran, preferred to Broad as Anderson's opening partner by virtue of his ability to swing that new ball, also claimed two wickets in his first spell, including a beauty to account for Sunil Ambris. This Dukes ball - slightly different to the UK version - appears to stay harder for longer and swing for most of the day. It may be there is no need for Curran to be used so early, although for me only one of Curran or Broad will start the test.
Moeen was probably the pick of the spinners. He finished with two wickets, while Jack Leach managed just one and was the only bowler to concede anywhere near four an over. It may well be revealing that he will not play in the second warm-up match. Adil Rashid is looking more and more a heavy favourite to oust Leach from the starting line up, but we'll see how he shapes tomorrow.
Adil Rahid, Joe Denly and Jos Buttler all come into the side for today's game, with Joe Root - who has a heavy cold - and Anderson also sitting out. England will bat first today.
Chris O'Connor
Player Valuation: £35m
The ECB have confirmed that Mark Wood has been called up to replace Olly Stone in England's squad for the forthcoming series in the Caribbean.
In the second practice match, Rory Burns and Jonny Bairstow have taken their bowling attack apart after Keaton Jennings fell early on.
137-1 off 26 overs at lunch
They'll bat all day regardless of the score but Burns (62*) and Bairstow (50*) are looking in good touch ahead of next week's first test.
In the second practice match, Rory Burns and Jonny Bairstow have taken their bowling attack apart after Keaton Jennings fell early on.
137-1 off 26 overs at lunch
They'll bat all day regardless of the score but Burns (62*) and Bairstow (50*) are looking in good touch ahead of next week's first test.
Chris O'Connor
Player Valuation: £35m
England eventually 379 all out off 86.4 overs from 228-6 after a cluster of wickets fell mid innings on a substandard pitch.
Bairstow 98, Burns 68, Rashid 48, Curran 47 and Woakes 43 (Stokes didn't bat)
Failures for Buttler, Ali and Denly to add to Jennings' earlier dismissal but a good total considering the poor surface.
Although batting very much his second string that innings will do Adil Rashid no harm at all in his battle with Jack Leach. He'll have an opportunity to press his claims again tomorrow with the ball.
England set to bowl all day tomorrow whatever the score.
Bairstow 98, Burns 68, Rashid 48, Curran 47 and Woakes 43 (Stokes didn't bat)
Failures for Buttler, Ali and Denly to add to Jennings' earlier dismissal but a good total considering the poor surface.
Although batting very much his second string that innings will do Adil Rashid no harm at all in his battle with Jack Leach. He'll have an opportunity to press his claims again tomorrow with the ball.
England set to bowl all day tomorrow whatever the score.
Chris O'Connor
Player Valuation: £35m
The one and probably only worry for England appears to be one the openers, Rory Burns impressed and looks to be coming good but this was Keaton Jennings second failure, lbw half forward to an inswinger, a recurring mode of dismissal for him. He has floundered against seam for some time now and rather like Gary Ballance of old, just doesn't get a big enough forward stride in but instead goes half forward or just plays from the crease with the bat hanging.
It is not as if England have a plausible Plan B if another partner is required for Rory Burns, who did not convert his start into a first hundred for England, but otherwise batted satisfactorily for 68, before being stumped. Joe Denly’s first innings in the West Indies, like his two in the warm-ups in Sri Lanka, suggested he is too loose in shot-selection to be a Test opener.
Denly’s innings of 12 was the sketchiest of the day, not hit-and-miss, but miss-and-hit. He went for a big cover-drive to his first ball – when Miguel Cummins was putting in a decent spell – then cover-drove the second, which was a half-volley, for four. Denly aimed three more cover-drives off successive balls from Reifer, nailing the second, missing the first and third. He thought of hitting his first ball after tea through point and dragged on.
Surely an opportunity was missed in not taking Jason Roy for Denly, I remain of the opinion it'll be Burns and Roy opening in the Ashes
At least Jonny Bairstow came good by scoring 98 off only 112 balls in his new position of No 3, getting to know Burns in a stand of 118.
It is not as if England have a plausible Plan B if another partner is required for Rory Burns, who did not convert his start into a first hundred for England, but otherwise batted satisfactorily for 68, before being stumped. Joe Denly’s first innings in the West Indies, like his two in the warm-ups in Sri Lanka, suggested he is too loose in shot-selection to be a Test opener.
Denly’s innings of 12 was the sketchiest of the day, not hit-and-miss, but miss-and-hit. He went for a big cover-drive to his first ball – when Miguel Cummins was putting in a decent spell – then cover-drove the second, which was a half-volley, for four. Denly aimed three more cover-drives off successive balls from Reifer, nailing the second, missing the first and third. He thought of hitting his first ball after tea through point and dragged on.
Surely an opportunity was missed in not taking Jason Roy for Denly, I remain of the opinion it'll be Burns and Roy opening in the Ashes
At least Jonny Bairstow came good by scoring 98 off only 112 balls in his new position of No 3, getting to know Burns in a stand of 118.
Chris O'Connor
Player Valuation: £35m
WI Presidents XI 233-11 in reply to England's 379-10
Chris Woakes joined the England party and has put his own hand up for a test place next week, what a fiendishly difficult magician's trick is needed as the selectors try and squeeze 13 or 14 good candidates into the eleven to start.
He was an unused member of the England squad that whitewashed Sri Lanka 3-0 in November but is pushing for inclusion for the first Test against the West Indies in Barbados after impressing with bat and ball in both practice games.
The seamer - seemingly behind Stuart Broad and Sam Curran in the pecking order - bagged two wickets and scored an unbeaten 39 in England's first outing against the President's XI earlier this week, and then followed an innings of 43 on Thursday with 3-31 on Friday, including top-scorer Sunil Ambris for 94, as the hosts made 233-11.
Broad and Adil Rashid took two wickets - Broad striking from the first ball of the day - with Curran, Ben Stokes, Moeen Ali and Joe Denly picking up one each at Three Ws Oval in Cave Hill.
Ambris, meanwhile, was dropped by Windies for the first Test against England after struggling for runs during the series defeats in India and Bangladesh prior to Christmas, but gave a reminder of his talents in Cave Hill before he was pinned lbw by Woakes six runs short of a ton.
Chris Woakes joined the England party and has put his own hand up for a test place next week, what a fiendishly difficult magician's trick is needed as the selectors try and squeeze 13 or 14 good candidates into the eleven to start.
He was an unused member of the England squad that whitewashed Sri Lanka 3-0 in November but is pushing for inclusion for the first Test against the West Indies in Barbados after impressing with bat and ball in both practice games.
The seamer - seemingly behind Stuart Broad and Sam Curran in the pecking order - bagged two wickets and scored an unbeaten 39 in England's first outing against the President's XI earlier this week, and then followed an innings of 43 on Thursday with 3-31 on Friday, including top-scorer Sunil Ambris for 94, as the hosts made 233-11.
Broad and Adil Rashid took two wickets - Broad striking from the first ball of the day - with Curran, Ben Stokes, Moeen Ali and Joe Denly picking up one each at Three Ws Oval in Cave Hill.
Ambris, meanwhile, was dropped by Windies for the first Test against England after struggling for runs during the series defeats in India and Bangladesh prior to Christmas, but gave a reminder of his talents in Cave Hill before he was pinned lbw by Woakes six runs short of a ton.