Corporate babble, horsecrap values, and other idiocy.

[Bryan+]

I used to hate the " team building " days out, you know the ones, where you go to some mad river by Snowdon and have to build rafts from scratch in the middle of January and navigate the river without falling in.

There`d always be a couple of " out to impress the boss " knobheads, who`d turn up in brand new Low Alpine gear, that must`ve cost over a grand and was more suited to the higher slopes of Everest, who`d always end up nearly drowning trying to prove that they were taking things seriously in front of the boss.

It`d have just been much easier to go on a massive pub crawl like the old days of " team building "

Sounds like you could benefit from a bit of team building.

 

[Toffeepot]

I could've filled pages on here with the crap I heard and read in education. Much of it lifted from businesses and was entirely irrelevant in education, but was just boilerplate jargon that was, overnight, the most important thing ever, for management.

In my early days we had to have a "training day" to decide on the schools mission statement. My suggestion "to teach kids" was dismissed as too short and not on point. After a lot of thought I came up with "to teach kids stuff". It wasn't adopted.

Still to this day, give me any document and I don't read the top half of the page because I know it's where all this guff is printed.

Did a couple of management modules in college that only made me think all of the best bosses I've known did none of this, they were all too busy working themselves, which imo is far more inspiring than any of the other fluff

 

[Kurt.]

Jargon….. I hate it… I hate the people who peddle it… I used to make every excuse possible not to attend management meetings in my last job, it’s part of the reason I left.

 

[JimmyJeffers]

Some of the stuff I see is insane.
Quite enjoy my job for the most part but I have a pretty toxic manager who worked in the US for many years and keeps trying to integrate these bananas initiatives that don’t fit in with anything and come off as completely insincere.

 

[Groucho]

Morning.

I find myself increasingly distracted by my employers insistence on promoting shallow and see through values they supposedly adhere to.

They are one step away from referring to us as 'Comrades' in all staff emails.

Anyway, a space to vent, despair or share particularly ridiculous or egregious examples of this psuedo-marketing HR babble.

Over and out, a v grumpy DGLC.

KR

 

[Yarrgh]

And they always give it “yeah I know it’s rubbish but we’ve got to do it mate” like they’re trying to level with you. No you don’t have to do it. If it’s nonsense don’t do it. What king of attitude is that? We’ve made this system for ourselves why make it so bollocks?

Sorry I’ve now wound myself up

It's just the Nuremburg defence for corporate nazis.

 

[Pabbers]

When I last had a proper job.....they rolled out some rubbish "value" strap-lines and "Core beliefs" in some mini re-brand.

They then did an anonymous test on it, with selected employees.....I was selected...got most wrong....MD Come storming down the full open office shout at me about failing this test!!!

Utter bonkers.....but his actions got me a nice pay rise.

 

[Yarrgh]

Thank God, I have retired.

Just got out in time, but kept my mouth shut for the last couple of years.

In house training would often descend into denunciations and suspicion.

It was no longer about trying to do your job well, but rather finding and burning the 'witch'.

What if you were the Witchfinder General?

 

[Daveysgingerlovechild]

Had a series of workshops over the last 12 months focused on values and behaviours. They'd be lovely if they were authentic and not what certain senior folk think they enact already.

 

[Cake]

The secret is knowing what we do well and finding ways of doing less of it better

From the 'W1A' tv show meant to be satirical comedy but true to corporate life in reality, so Reality TV

 

[JimmyJeffers]

Lad I worked with left recently. He said to me he was sick of being micromanaged but it turned out after it was cos he was creeping out every woman in the office.

 

[Chewbacca]

One of the lads in my team changed the tagline under all of our PowerPoint slides from

Together Everyone Achieves More - TEAM
to
Together We’re A Team

Loved him for it

 

[Rita_Poon]

Lad I worked with left recently. He said to me he was sick of being micromanaged but it turned out after it was cos he was creeping out every woman in the office.

Please, micromanaged by a lady manager that he'd not chatted up...