Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[dachshund]

Tomorrow I'll present my master's thesis progress to my research group. Should be a rather routine task as I have done good progress and I know what I want to talk about. Yet I'm absolutely wrecked with anxiety and have been for weeks now and it's really affecting my sleep and general well-being.

Feel a bit ridiculous posting this since it feels like a small problem to have but I don't know how to deal with this at this point.

I think the anxiety comes from my school years. I'm diagnosed with ADHD so that made it difficult from the get-go and I was also always around two years younger than my classmates. Was relentlessly bullied for years on end which completely shattered my self worth and confidence. It really affected me deep into my twenties. Been to therapy and built myself back up.

Now I'm in a good situation. I had spent years hiding from responsibility and having to deal with other people. Having a job and working on a thesis, this just isn't possible anymore. Which in itself should be a good thing but as mentioned I'm completely filled with dread and anxiety when it comes to some aspects of it. Even though I really like what I do, I just want to go into hiding very often.

Sorry if this isn't the place to post this

 

[BiggyRat]

Sorry if this isn't the place to post this

This is the best place to post!

Aside from Professionals who can give you strategies & advice, I think this is where you’ll hear from people with similar experiences. The ‘fixes’ are unique to each individual but they can often open your mind to different approaches.

I still get nervous when presenting at work as I don’t have the necessary skills, but knowing my sh*t goes a long way to getting it done. I sometimes think of what the worst outcome would be & work my way back from there.

I was also bullied at school but had a strategy that worked & I passed it on to my kids. If a bully is making fun of you, make their joke funnier. Be self deprecating and take away their power. Over time, I had less of a problem as my peers laughed at my jokes and not anyone else’s.

Try to turn that anxiety into energy. Make a point of it even. “Wow guys. You have no idea how nervous I am today! Even the Cat gave me big eyes & felt sorry for me, as I left home. Or maybe I didn’t feed it?”…

Remember, the Sun will still come up Thursday & you still follow the best team in the World!

 

[Mikey O]

Tomorrow I'll present my master's thesis progress to my research group...

In the same position, I'd be thinking that this is my celebration lap; a chance for me to talk about a subject that I know inside out. It's not often that as an adult you get a chance to shine - this will be yours - enjoy it!

Come back and tell us how it went.

 

[Rita_Poon]

Tomorrow I'll present my master's thesis progress to my research group. Should be a rather routine task as I have done good progress and I know what I want to talk about. Yet I'm absolutely wrecked with anxiety and have been for weeks now and it's really affecting my sleep and general well-being.

Feel a bit ridiculous posting this since it feels like a small problem to have but I don't know how to deal with this at this point.

I think the anxiety comes from my school years. I'm diagnosed with ADHD so that made it difficult from the get-go and I was also always around two years younger than my classmates. Was relentlessly bullied for years on end which completely shattered my self worth and confidence. It really affected me deep into my twenties. Been to therapy and built myself back up.

Now I'm in a good situation. I had spent years hiding from responsibility and having to deal with other people. Having a job and working on a thesis, this just isn't possible anymore. Which in itself should be a good thing but as mentioned I'm completely filled with dread and anxiety when it comes to some aspects of it. Even though I really like what I do, I just want to go into hiding very often.

Sorry if this isn't the place to post this

You are nervous because you care.

You care because it is important to you and those that have been along for the journey, so you want to pay them back for their support.

Your research group want you to be a success, they are not there to discredit you and pull you down.

You know your subject, you've studied it for long enough and thorough enough.

Because of your attention to detail, you are unsure if you have uncovered all there is, you know plenty to fulfill this brief.

Confidence is earned by doing, you know your subject, you know how much work you have put in, you have rehearsed the presentation, you only have to remember to breathe and not panic. You've been here before, and you remember the feeling afterwards that it was all very easy and hadn't been worth so much worry. And remember to breathe.

Take your time, the group is there to support you, it'll be fine. You'll go and get done and then go for a beer afterwards. Another step on the journey. And breathe.

 

[coollino]

You may, or may not remember, me mentioning a while ago about the suspicions I had about a colleague, who I am quite good friends with, drinking at work (not just 2 wines at lunch). Anyway, it got really bad recently and it was pretty obvious she was drunk in the mornings and absolutely stank of it

We had a work summer party and she was so wasted by 2pm she could hardly speak another friend of mine got her back with it later on..I spoke to her and finally asked her if she has been drinking at work/pre work. She admitted it all, says she will get help etc. only me, her and two others we trust know (they both suspected it as much as me and will help her too). i text her the morning after and not spoken about it since as I kind of think its best not to pry every day and she knows we are aware

She seemed to be better so far, although I'm pretty sure is smelt booze on her the other morning but I'm 'hoping' it's just from the night before as her behaviour seems ok. I'm not sure there is loads more me and the few others can do now, but we'll see how it goes I guess

 

[Rita_Poon]

You may, or may not remember, me mentioning a while ago about the suspicions I had about a colleague, who I am quite good friends with, drinking at work (not just 2 wines at lunch). Anyway, it got really bad recently and it was pretty obvious she was drunk in the mornings and absolutely stank of it

We had a work summer party and she was so wasted by 2pm she could hardly speak another friend of mine got her back with it later on..I spoke to her and finally asked her if she has been drinking at work/pre work. She admitted it all, says she will get help etc. only me, her and two others we trust know (they both suspected it as much as me and will help her too). i text her the morning after and not spoken about it since as I kind of think its best not to pry every day and she knows we are aware

She seemed to be better so far, although I'm pretty sure is smelt booze on her the other morning but I'm 'hoping' it's just from the night before as her behaviour seems ok. I'm not sure there is loads more me and the few others can do now, but we'll see how it goes I guess

This has been dogging (hounding!) you for a while. Until the root cause of this colleagues misery is faced and exorcised, their coping methods will remain the same, just to varying degrees of detection. Deep enough pain and suffering eventually consumes us.

 

[coollino]

This has been dogging (hounding!) you for a while. Until the root cause of this colleagues misery is faced and exorcised, their coping methods will remain the same, just to varying degrees of detection. Deep enough pain and suffering eventually consumes us.

She has/has loads of troubles. She can't have kids, her husband recently tried to overdose twice in a week, she has a Power of Attorney over her dad who has mental health problems due to addiction but the court still deams he has to agree to decision's (or something odd like that)

But day to day, if you see her you wouldn't have a clue about any of this as she is one of the nicest people I know. I'm not really sure one weekly therapy session is enough but there is only so much I/we can do, at the moment

 

[Rita_Poon]

She has/has loads of troubles. She can't have kids, her husband recently tried to overdose twice in a week, she has a Power of Attorney over her dad who has mental health problems due to addiction but the court still deams he has to agree to decision's (or something odd like that)

But day to day, if you see her you wouldn't have a clue about any of this as she is one of the nicest people I know. I'm not really sure one weekly therapy session is enough but there is only so much I/we can do, at the moment

She's drowning, figuratively and then in an evening to try to blot out not coping. Has she no siblings? Why is the husband on the edge? Or is he wearing it and also can't cope? This is a safeguarding issue, sooner the properly trained get in and start alleviating the pressure the sooner some safe stability can be restored. This situation is dangerous. And your best intentions could see you and similar harmed. Time for the pro's.

 

[coollino]

She's drowning, figuratively and then in an evening to try to blot out not coping. Has she no siblings? Why is the husband on the edge? Or is he wearing it and also can't cope? This is a safeguarding issue, sooner the properly trained get in and start alleviating the pressure the sooner some safe stability can be restored. This situation is dangerous. And your best intentions could see you and similar harmed. Time for the pro's.

Yeah she has a sister, I get the impression she doesn't tell anyone about anything and then she just explodes. Her family are pretty well off so it might be a shame thing, I don't know. Her friends that I've met are the same too

He has just started a new construction business, and his stepdad died suddenly recently. I think there is more I'm not being told but that's up to her, not me. Her addiction issues will obviously be part of his stress, as from what I can tell he isn't heavily drinking as well. He is a proper bloke too, quite the opposite to her, a stereotypical guy who wouldn't tell anyone he is struggling etc

Yeah definitely, I just hope she has disclosed enough to get the proper help

 

[Rita_Poon]

Yeah she has a sister, I get the impression she doesn't tell anyone about anything and then she just explodes. Her family are pretty well off so it might be a shame thing, I don't know. Her friends that I've met are the same too

He has just started a new construction business, and his stepdad died suddenly recently. I think there is more I'm not being told but that's up to her, not me. Her addiction issues will obviously be part of his stress, as from what I can tell he isn't heavily drinking as well. He is a proper bloke too, quite the opposite to her, a stereotypical guy who wouldn't tell anyone he is struggling etc

Yeah definitely, I just hope she has disclosed enough to get the proper help

Being crushed until explosion is hair trigger stuff. If they are so well off how is she being expected to cope seemingly solo? Her friends the same how?

Him that's been on the ragged edge has just started a new business and is a mans man? More immediate suffering and loss (step dad).

How does the boss (your other half) feel about your involvement and continued suffering under these conditions? I'm not suggesting being a cold blooded bar.stud, I'm suggesting the full problem finds the right help instead of punishing those immediately within range.

I don't mean to sound so judgemental and cold and impersonal, eventually such situations where retrievable have to get to a point of intervention.

Sorry.

 

[COYBL25]

She has/has loads of troubles. She can't have kids, her husband recently tried to overdose twice in a week, she has a Power of Attorney over her dad who has mental health problems due to addiction but the court still deams he has to agree to decision's (or something odd like that)

But day to day, if you see her you wouldn't have a clue about any of this as she is one of the nicest people I know. I'm not really sure one weekly therapy session is enough but there is only so much I/we can do, at the moment

It very much sounds like she shouldn`t be in work at the moment either, as it`ll just be another thing that`s loading more pressure onto her.

Surely if her families wealthy, they can afford for her to have more than one session of therapy a week and could help her out if she was to go off sick.

I know it`s easier said than done, but she needs to remove as much stress from her life as she can, even if it`s just for a few weeks of respite and as she she can`t remove her husband and dad, work should be the thing to go. If she has siblings too, they need to massively step up too.

 

[RufusCat]

You may, or may not remember, me mentioning a while ago about the suspicions I had about a colleague, who I am quite good friends with, drinking at work (not just 2 wines at lunch). Anyway, it got really bad recently and it was pretty obvious she was drunk in the mornings and absolutely stank of it

We had a work summer party and she was so wasted by 2pm she could hardly speak another friend of mine got her back with it later on..I spoke to her and finally asked her if she has been drinking at work/pre work. She admitted it all, says she will get help etc. only me, her and two others we trust know (they both suspected it as much as me and will help her too). i text her the morning after and not spoken about it since as I kind of think its best not to pry every day and she knows we are aware

She seemed to be better so far, although I'm pretty sure is smelt booze on her the other morning but I'm 'hoping' it's just from the night before as her behaviour seems ok. I'm not sure there is loads more me and the few others can do now, but we'll see how it goes I guess

Your description of the circumstances was very similar to what I experienced a few years ago with my sister. Every situation is different, but the one thing that became apparent was the denial by my sister which unfortunately we were never able to overcome. The suspicion is that the lady concerned is doing the same thing. If she is to stop she must first realise the damage the drinking is doing to herself and those around her. No easy thing.

 

[dachshund]

This is the best place to post!

Aside from Professionals who can give you strategies & advice, I think this is where you’ll hear from people with similar experiences. The ‘fixes’ are unique to each individual but they can often open your mind to different approaches.

I still get nervous when presenting at work as I don’t have the necessary skills, but knowing my sh*t goes a long way to getting it done. I sometimes think of what the worst outcome would be & work my way back from there.

I was also bullied at school but had a strategy that worked & I passed it on to my kids. If a bully is making fun of you, make their joke funnier. Be self deprecating and take away their power. Over time, I had less of a problem as my peers laughed at my jokes and not anyone else’s.

Try to turn that anxiety into energy. Make a point of it even. “Wow guys. You have no idea how nervous I am today! Even the Cat gave me big eyes & felt sorry for me, as I left home. Or maybe I didn’t feed it?”…

Remember, the Sun will still come up Thursday & you still follow the best team in the World!

Tomorrow I'll present my master's thesis progress to my research group...

In the same position, I'd be thinking that this is my celebration lap; a chance for me to talk about a subject that I know inside out. It's not often that as an adult you get a chance to shine - this will be yours - enjoy it!

Come back and tell us how it went.

You are nervous because you care.

You care because it is important to you and those that have been along for the journey, so you want to pay them back for their support.

Your research group want you to be a success, they are not there to discredit you and pull you down.

You know your subject, you've studied it for long enough and thorough enough.

Because of your attention to detail, you are unsure if you have uncovered all there is, you know plenty to fulfill this brief.

Confidence is earned by doing, you know your subject, you know how much work you have put in, you have rehearsed the presentation, you only have to remember to breathe and not panic. You've been here before, and you remember the feeling afterwards that it was all very easy and hadn't been worth so much worry. And remember to breathe.

Take your time, the group is there to support you, it'll be fine. You'll go and get done and then go for a beer afterwards. Another step on the journey. And breathe.

Thanks everyone, this has helped me a lot.

Of course after all this torment as soon as I started speaking all the nervousness evaporated and all went well and smoothly. I think I'll get over this intense anxiety eventually the more I am confronted with these situations and succeed.

First instinct was to beat myself up for having been so ridiculous with the anxiety but what use does that have.

Onwards and upwards and always UTFT

 

[PKwalnuts]

Thanks everyone, this has helped me a lot.

Of course after all this torment as soon as I started speaking all the nervousness evaporated and all went well and smoothly. I think I'll get over this intense anxiety eventually the more I am confronted with these situations and succeed.

First instinct was to beat myself up for having been so ridiculous with the anxiety but what use does that have.

Onwards and upwards and always UTFT

Well in mate

 

[larbert toffee]

Thanks everyone, this has helped me a lot.

Of course after all this torment as soon as I started speaking all the nervousness evaporated and all went well and smoothly. I think I'll get over this intense anxiety eventually the more I am confronted with these situations and succeed.

First instinct was to beat myself up for having been so ridiculous with the anxiety but what use does that have.

Onwards and upwards and always UTFT

Well done mate, that was quite something for you to overcome but you did it.
Go forward now with more confidence because you really have earned it.
With regards to having been bullied playing on your mind I think most of us has experienced bullying at some point, just use it as a tool to spur you to better things, I doubt any of them have been close to a Masters for starters.