Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[blue to the bone]

It`ll take a few days for them to start working properly again mate, so stick with it

*if you mean @matty1878 he hasn`t been on for a few wks

I will mate.
Deleted fbook and that. And will just keep the head down.
Ya thats him. Hope he's good.

 

[AmericasToffee]

What’s got you down blue? There’s of course a big biological aspect of your mood but has there been a big life change?

 

[blue to the bone]

What’s got you down blue? There’s of course a big biological aspect of your mood but has there been a big life change?

Been down for a while mate. Found it hard to be happy. But the break up of a relationship under a year ago was something that really made it worse.
And self pity then that I haven't achieved a whole lot of things in life that I would have liked to. But I'm in recovery for a few years from gambling and that also took its toll.

 

[AmericasToffee]

Been down for a while mate. Found it hard to be happy. But the break up of a relationship under a year ago was something that really made it worse.
And self pity then that I haven't achieved a whole lot of things in life that I would have liked to. But I'm in recovery for a few years from gambling and that also took its toll.

Seems a bit of perspective can help, no? Happiness is a goal. You are still living and breathing, so what's to say you can't achieve any of those things you worry over? Addiction is a bitch. It quite literally deprives our brain/body of feeling the natural highs in life (happiness?) when not treated. Get all the help you need. You deserve it.

 

[blue to the bone]

Seems a bit of perspective can help, no? Happiness is a goal. You are still living and breathing, so what's to say you can't achieve any of those things you worry over? Addiction is a bitch. It quite literally deprives our brain/body of feeling the natural highs in life (happiness?) when not treated. Get all the help you need. You deserve it.

Cheers mate. I see your point about goals. Just not sure some are obtainable now.
But that's not the end of the world.
Addiction takes nearly everything emotion away. And a lot more too.
It is really a bitch. It's great to be away from it. But the scars are always there.

 

[aussiemike]

So guys I found myself reading this thread often and seen how helpful it can be so I thought I would do some venting..

My first born son was due to be born on the 17th of March (last Thursday)

Last Wednesday night my wife was rushed to hospital with crippling pain in her back and stomach. We were taken in and were told the initial scans failed to locate our boys heartbeat and we would need to go for another with a different doctor for a second opinion.. it took around 30 minutes for an on call doctor to get in to do this.. once the second doctor confirmed the same thing we started to realize what had happened.. we had lost our boy after 40 weeks..

My wife's placenta had completely come away and she had lost approximately 2L of blood internally. They suggested a natural birth but she / we couldn't go through that so they allowed us a c section..

This all happened in a 3 hour window.. I was sat in the ward waiting for her to come out of the operation.. I used this time to call my close family members to let them know what had happened.. this was up until the hardest 90 minutes of my life...

Fortunately since then she has pulled through fine and is in excellent health however the following days were the things nightmares are made of.. we had to hold out son in our arms meeting him and saying goodbye at the same time.. while my wife was in the hospital with my sisters as company I returned home to dismantle the bassinet and remove the car seat which has all gone in the nursery which has had the door shut since.

Making a call to a suggested funeral director with the first words "I need to arrange a funeral for my son" was probably a reality check that this was not a dream I would wake up from but was really happening.. I couldn't believe I was saying these words..since then we have had to do things like visit the cemetery where he could be buried (we since found out not all cemeteries can accommodate this type of burial) and make arrangements along these lines.. decisions like what our son will be dressed in when buried etc... The funeral is on Thursday with a close group of friends and family which I know is just going to be again the hardest thing we have ever had to do..

After our 20 week scan to which we found out we were having a boy the first thing I did was jump on on the Everton store to buy a onesie we could bring him home from the hospital.. as this was the first piece of clothing we brought him my wife was more then happy to have him dressed in this.. Flynn will be going to heaven a true blue.

I have had to shield my wife from a lot of this and try to be as strong as I can for her.. I guess this is why I wanted to tell my story somewhere as a form of venting as mentioned above.. I'm not looking for sympathy or attention I think it will help me to be able to put these thoughts into words..

During the pregnancy there was absolutely no problems at all the doctors could not have been happier with how everything went. I hope everyone hugs there children a little tighter tonight because I certainly would if I could...

Thank for the vent team.

Thanks for the thought guys, the support from my family and friends has been very helpful... my wife's entire family is still in Germany so that has also been tough but with Skype etc that has been made a little easier but still not the same unfortunately. We had all but planned a trip over in September to take him to see the family. this included a sneaky 2 day getaway for me to catch another game at Goodison too!

The hospital we were in was also fantastic they took great care of her and also great care of Flynn while he was in their care... this I can't be grateful enough for. They put together a memory box and did up a special book as well for us with some photos and other things like hand and foot prints, some hair cuttings and things like that.

We are using our celebrant from our wedding to do the memorial for us, again she was great then and was more then happy to do it for us when we got in touch with her... we had her out yesterday to go through the details of the service.. when she arrived she wished up a happy anniversary - turns out it was our 2 year wedding anniversary yesterday.. totally slipped our minds!

I love the tree idea however at the moment that specific idea won't be working for us but we will be looking for things like that to do.. we are starting by getting pendants made of a shrunk down size of his hand and footprints which we can wear and keep with us.

We have decided we want to try again but that will happen when it happens... I want to make sure we give Flynn the full respect and time to grieve for him he deserves before we even start to plan that. We have also decided to move as this house / nursery was meant for Flynn so we are looking for a fresh start.

Again thanks it's been good to be able to put these thoughts onto "paper".

Hey Team,

I thought I should perhaps touch base after the messages of support I was offered here a few years ago.

I came across a post on a Facebook page today of someone going through something very similar to what my wife and and I did. It was the first time I was actually able to reach out and offer some support to someone after the above. It then got me thinking of things that helped me and I thought of this post and the support I received so I thought I would just share an update.

My wife and I are are now lucky enough to have a healthy 15 month old son. We certainly went through all the stages of grief and also I will admit guilt of having another child, especially so soon.

A few things I have taken from the whole process.

1. The funeral as I expected was by far the hardest thing I have ever been through. In my life now everytime I face a challenge or have something coming up for work I am nervous / not confident about I always call on this for strength to get me through it. If I can take anything from such a horrible experience it is this.
2. Having an outlet to be able to tell my story helped me immensely - I encourage anyone who is going through anything to speak up, whether it be an internet forum or with friends / family. Do it. It helps.

I have attached a few photos of us over the last 15 months. We will never forget Flynn but honor him by giving my son Quinton the best possible life we can.

Thanks

 

[AmericasToffee]

Hey Team,

I thought I should perhaps touch base after the messages of support I was offered here a few years ago.

I came across a post on a Facebook page today of someone going through something very similar to what my wife and and I did. It was the first time I was actually able to reach out and offer some support to someone after the above. It then got me thinking of things that helped me and I thought of this post and the support I received so I thought I would just share an update.

My wife and I are are now lucky enough to have a healthy 15 month old son. We certainly went through all the stages of grief and also I will admit guilt of having another child, especially so soon.

A few things I have taken from the whole process.

1. The funeral as I expected was by far the hardest thing I have ever been through. In my life now everytime I face a challenge or have something coming up for work I am nervous / not confident about I always call on this for strength to get me through it. If I can take anything from such a horrible experience it is this.
2. Having an outlet to be able to tell my story helped me immensely - I encourage anyone who is going through anything to speak up, whether it be an internet forum or with friends / family. Do it. It helps.

I have attached a few photos of us over the last 15 months. We will never forget Flynn but honor him by giving my son Quinton the best possible life we can.

Thanks

View attachment 47586View attachment 47587View attachment 47588View attachment 47585

The bolded is WONDERFUL! I'm so very sorry you and your wife had to deal with the pain of losing your first little boy but am glad that this new blessing has, hopefully, helped you both return to a portion of your previous happiness. Treasure every moment.

 

[Groucho]

 

[Jokerdan]

Hey Team,

I thought I should perhaps touch base after the messages of support I was offered here a few years ago.

I came across a post on a Facebook page today of someone going through something very similar to what my wife and and I did. It was the first time I was actually able to reach out and offer some support to someone after the above. It then got me thinking of things that helped me and I thought of this post and the support I received so I thought I would just share an update.

My wife and I are are now lucky enough to have a healthy 15 month old son. We certainly went through all the stages of grief and also I will admit guilt of having another child, especially so soon.

A few things I have taken from the whole process.

1. The funeral as I expected was by far the hardest thing I have ever been through. In my life now everytime I face a challenge or have something coming up for work I am nervous / not confident about I always call on this for strength to get me through it. If I can take anything from such a horrible experience it is this.
2. Having an outlet to be able to tell my story helped me immensely - I encourage anyone who is going through anything to speak up, whether it be an internet forum or with friends / family. Do it. It helps.

I have attached a few photos of us over the last 15 months. We will never forget Flynn but honor him by giving my son Quinton the best possible life we can.

Thanks

View attachment 47586View attachment 47587View attachment 47588View attachment 47585

So really delighted for you and your wife. Went through something similar albeit at only 16 weeks but the pain was still as intense. We were blessed, however, to have twin girls only 15 months later but even twenty-plus years on it is still the loss of a life and the promise of a future taken which never really leaves you. What it does, as you have so eloquently stated, is provided a greater focus on your little one and to ensure he knows he is loved and given the best support in life.

But when he is older and says he 'hates' you for making him an Evertonian just recite the mantra....'We are born, we are not manufactured....' and there was never a choice. He will eventually understand and when he has his own kids and brings them up as staunch Blues you will then be able to sit back and say 'job done!'

 

[FC sexy xxx]

It`ll take a few days for them to start working properly again mate, so stick with it

*if you mean @matty1878 he hasn`t been on for a few wks

Hopefully all is well and he is still partying after Fat Sam’s Sacking

 

[EvertonCJ]

Hey Team,

I thought I should perhaps touch base after the messages of support I was offered here a few years ago.

I came across a post on a Facebook page today of someone going through something very similar to what my wife and and I did. It was the first time I was actually able to reach out and offer some support to someone after the above. It then got me thinking of things that helped me and I thought of this post and the support I received so I thought I would just share an update.

My wife and I are are now lucky enough to have a healthy 15 month old son. We certainly went through all the stages of grief and also I will admit guilt of having another child, especially so soon.

A few things I have taken from the whole process.

1. The funeral as I expected was by far the hardest thing I have ever been through. In my life now everytime I face a challenge or have something coming up for work I am nervous / not confident about I always call on this for strength to get me through it. If I can take anything from such a horrible experience it is this.
2. Having an outlet to be able to tell my story helped me immensely - I encourage anyone who is going through anything to speak up, whether it be an internet forum or with friends / family. Do it. It helps.

I have attached a few photos of us over the last 15 months. We will never forget Flynn but honor him by giving my son Quinton the best possible life we can.

Thanks

View attachment 47586View attachment 47587View attachment 47588View attachment 47585

Delighted to hear that things are going well. Good luck in the future Mike.

 

[DualityNSNO]

Hey friends.

Just dropping in to say hi basically. I've only had the 1 therapy session so far, next one is next week due to commitments by both me and the therapist.

Anyway, I'm feeling... okay. Or rather, feeling more. She left me with a lot of food for thought and I've been enjoying it to be perfectly honest. I've also overworked myself, but feel perfectly fine about it? Might be because I genuinely enjoy my job. A bit tiring and not a lot of spare time, but I've felt extremely productive and important at least.

Strange feeling for me, to be "okay", or "content". I've also decided I'm gonna research going back to uni but probably not into engineering but into something I myself pick and enjoy (something to do with finance or insurance probs).

Hope everyone's doing fine.

 

[dholliday]

A good friend called me today to let me know his best friend (and long-term on/off partner) took her own life after 30 years of battling depression (since she was a teenager). She was on medication throughout but it often changed, the last batch had I believe painful inner-organ side-effects but I don't have much details here. After a hefty 2017 she seemed outwardly fine this year. He and her family were devastated and just feel helpless, not knowing what they could've done differently.

My 17-year old relative tried to end things last Autumn, she's been told she has to take medication for the rest of her life. Her Dad took his own life 4 years prior. In my discussion with my old friend today we thought about what she needs most in the coming months, years & (hopefully) decades. Knowing she has family & friends she can talk to, he said. It's no guarantee, but knowing & having this makes a tortured life that little bit more bearable...and in best cases significantly so.

 

[kithnou]

Hey Team,

I thought I should perhaps touch base after the messages of support I was offered here a few years ago.

I came across a post on a Facebook page today of someone going through something very similar to what my wife and and I did. It was the first time I was actually able to reach out and offer some support to someone after the above. It then got me thinking of things that helped me and I thought of this post and the support I received so I thought I would just share an update.

My wife and I are are now lucky enough to have a healthy 15 month old son. We certainly went through all the stages of grief and also I will admit guilt of having another child, especially so soon.

A few things I have taken from the whole process.

1. The funeral as I expected was by far the hardest thing I have ever been through. In my life now everytime I face a challenge or have something coming up for work I am nervous / not confident about I always call on this for strength to get me through it. If I can take anything from such a horrible experience it is this.
2. Having an outlet to be able to tell my story helped me immensely - I encourage anyone who is going through anything to speak up, whether it be an internet forum or with friends / family. Do it. It helps.

I have attached a few photos of us over the last 15 months. We will never forget Flynn but honor him by giving my son Quinton the best possible life we can.

Thanks

View attachment 47586View attachment 47587View attachment 47588View attachment 47585

I do remember reading your story back then. I haven't been in this thread for a while and your post is the first I have seen.
Really happy for you guys and Quinton.
A real reality check reading posts like yours again.

 

[kithnou]

A good friend called me today to let me know his best friend (and long-term on/off partner) took her own life after 30 years of battling depression (since she was a teenager). She was on medication throughout but it often changed, the last batch had I believe painful inner-organ side-effects but I don't have much details here. After a hefty 2017 she seemed outwardly fine this year. He and her family were devastated and just feel helpless, not knowing what they could've done differently.

My 17-year old relative tried to end things last Autumn, she's been told she has to take medication for the rest of her life. Her Dad took his own life 4 years prior. In my discussion with my old friend today we thought about what she needs most in the coming months, years & (hopefully) decades. Knowing she has family & friends she can talk to, he said. It's no guarantee, but knowing & having this makes a tortured life that little bit more bearable...and in best cases significantly so.

Wow mate. That is a lot to take in isn't it!
Positive thoughts to all.