Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[Jokerdan]

Oops.

Wrong thread mate x

Well maybe not...necessarily (talking about let downs )

But good luck Paul - you're a decent guy. It seems to me this lass is probably dealing with her own demons following what may have been a separation through no fault of her own. She desires affection and wants to FEEL desirable hence she picks up on a good looking guy she knows is available. If she isn't your sort then so be it but by all accounts @LinekersLegs will help you out in this tricky situation

 

[EFCPaul]

I can't decide what to do, that's the honest truth of the matter. I change my mind every hour and have been given conflicting advice from several different people I've chosen to confide in. Some have said go for it and see how things develop because I'm a young lad with freedom, others have said be clever and steer clear because it will only end in more grief.

Part of me wants too because I like her personality a lot and we share a lot the same opinions on things, if spent time together outside of work I'm sure we'd get along like a house on fire. She's reasonably attractive too so it's not like I'm completely turned off by her, I can tell she's great woman and being a single lad it's hard to resist when someone from the opposite sex is really interested in you and you don't have to do the chasing for once.

Another part of me doesn't want too though because I just can't picture it ending well. I'm honestly not interested in possibly having a real relationship with her, I know that already before we've even got anything started. She's too old for me and has daughter who is old enough to be aware of her mother's life choices. I wouldn't want to ever have anything to do with the kid, that's a burden I don't want to take on. I'd only want to have a bit of fun, that's the truth. It's not like the previous girl I asked out who also had a child, her daughter is only a toddler and the girl is closer to my own age. Something permanent could've possibly developed there had it gotten off the ground but not in this case it's a non-starter, period.

I've been brought up to respect women, not use them for sexual gratification under false pretences, especially not a single mother. Plenty of people hook up for a good time and then things fizzles out and they go their separate ways, that's fine providing no one gets hurt. It wouldn't be as simple as that here though, we'll still have to work together. There could be an awkwardness that makes one or both of us uncomfortable. And also, from what I know her ex is still on the scene sort of, she's recently split up with him and it sounds a lot like @Jokerdan says, that she's probably just looking for a bit of male company at the moment.

I'm really torn.

 

[big bobs beard]

If in doubt do nowt.Wouldn't be fair on her if your heart's not in it, and you would only feel bad about by the sound of you. Stay mates if I were you, a can of worms at work if it goes wrong. Just be honest with her, tell her you like her but as a mate if she comes on strong. On no account get drunk in her company when your judgement could be compromised!!

 

[big bobs beard]

On the other hand if she genuinely only wants a bit of fun, nothing serious and some male company..................... well it's upto you. ! But in my experience ( and ladies on here contradict me) they usually want more so don't go near.

 

[John23]

Oh right this thread @Woolyblue

 

[chicoazul]

I can't decide what to do, that's the honest truth of the matter. I change my mind every hour and have been given conflicting advice from several different people I've chosen to confide in. Some have said go for it and see how things develop because I'm a young lad with freedom, others have said be clever and steer clear because it will only end in more grief.

Part of me wants too because I like her personality a lot and we share a lot the same opinions on things, if spent time together outside of work I'm sure we'd get along like a house on fire. She's reasonably attractive too so it's not like I'm completely turned off by her, I can tell she's great woman and being a single lad it's hard to resist when someone from the opposite sex is really interested in you and you don't have to do the chasing for once.

Another part of me doesn't want too though because I just can't picture it ending well. I'm honestly not interested in possibly having a real relationship with her, I know that already before we've even got anything started. She's too old for me and has daughter who is old enough to be aware of her mother's life choices. I wouldn't want to ever have anything to do with the kid, that's a burden I don't want to take on. I'd only want to have a bit of fun, that's the truth. It's not like the previous girl I asked out who also had a child, her daughter is only a toddler and the girl is closer to my own age. Something permanent could've possibly developed there had it gotten off the ground but not in this case it's a non-starter, period.

I've been brought up to respect women, not use them for sexual gratification under false pretences, especially not a single mother. Plenty of people hook up for a good time and then things fizzles out and they go their separate ways, that's fine providing no one gets hurt. It wouldn't be as simple as that here though, we'll still have to work together. There could be an awkwardness that makes one or both of us uncomfortable. And also, from what I know her ex is still on the scene sort of, she's recently split up with him and it sounds a lot like @Jokerdan says, that she's probably just looking for a bit of male company at the moment.

I'm really torn.

What's to say she's not looking for a bit of no strings fun mate? Girls do that stuff too.

It's easy to overthink stuff sometimes and that just interrupts your flow. Roll with it, if she's available and wants kisses and you want it then give her some kisses. If you don't like it or it doesn't work out then no sweat, there will be others defo. Think like the Fonz, girls like the Fonz.

 

[EFCPaul]

What's to say she's not looking for a bit of no strings fun mate? Girls do that stuff too.

It's easy to overthink stuff sometimes and that just interrupts your flow. Roll with it, if she's available and wants kisses and you want it then give her some kisses. If you don't like it or it doesn't work out then no sweat, there will be others defo. Think like the Fonz, girls like the Fonz.

Mate you would not believe how much I overthink things, it destroys my happiness all the time. Thanks for the sound advice though.

 

[COYBL25]

Mate you would not believe how much I overthink things, it destroys my happiness all the time. Thanks for the sound advice though.

Unfortuntately it comes with the territory mate x

 

[chicoazul]

Mate you would not believe how much I overthink things, it destroys my happiness all the time. Thanks for the sound advice though.

It's an easy trap to fall into mate. I've done it before. It's good that you recognise it though as it can be reduced with attention to it. Taking deep breaths, not sweating stuff and going with the flow as reaction to stuff works wonders over time. The good people always find the good people, boys and girls, boys and boys, girls and girls, wools and scruffs. Have faith in the universe that shiz will work out alright for you as a good person. Because it very likely will.

You're 23 so have fun smashing all sorts and enjoying spontaneous life before it gets too responsible. That's my best advice.

 

[Groucho]

If this is the case, best wishes to the lad.

 

[Jib in lad]

It's an easy trap to fall into mate. I've done it before. It's good that you recognise it though as it can be reduced with attention to it. Taking deep breaths, not sweating stuff and going with the flow as reaction to stuff works wonders over time. The good people always find the good people, boys and girls, boys and boys, girls and girls, wools and scruffs. Have faith in the universe that shiz will work out alright for you as a good person. Because it very likely will.

You're 23 so have fun smashing all sorts and enjoying spontaneous life before it gets too responsible. That's my best advice.

Sage advice.

 

[COYBL25]

Prince Harry doing some sterling work this morning, talking openly about how the death of his mum affected him mentally and how much counselling helped him.

Can't help but like the lad.

Should be the next King .

 

[BiggyRat]

Sad day today. My Daughter is in her final year of Secondary & at the same time, is on the cusp of going to the next level in Netball. Unfortunately, it's been too much for her to cope & last week, I had to call her an Ambulance as she had a full blown anxiety attack. She's getting all the help she needs but today we bit the bullet & called time on the Netball. It's the right call & we all know it.

Broke my heart typing out the email to the club though. I'm not one of "those" Parents. I just sit quietly watching my kids. I don't push so everything she's done has been by herself & with her own ability. Still...found it tough. Not as tough as Bradley's Parents...(perspective)...but tough all the same.

Obviously, it's not just about the sport, it's about her struggling full stop. Quitting the team is, in a way, a form of surrendering that I find difficult. The emphasis on academic achievement is just too much on the kids these days & they end up stressing in a far unhealthy way. IMHO.

 

[COYBL25]

Sad day today. My Daughter is in her final year of Secondary & at the same time, is on the cusp of going to the next level in Netball. Unfortunately, it's been too much for her to cope & last week, I had to call her an Ambulance as she had a full blown anxiety attack. She's getting all the help she needs but today we bit the bullet & called time on the Netball. It's the right call & we all know it.

Broke my heart typing out the email to the club though. I'm not one of "those" Parents. I just sit quietly watching my kids. I don't push so everything she's done has been by herself & with her own ability. Still...found it tough. Not as tough as Bradley's Parents...(perspective)...but tough all the same.

Obviously, it's not just about the sport, it's about her struggling full stop. Quitting the team is, in a way, a form of surrendering that I find difficult. The emphasis on academic achievement is just too much on the kids these days & they end up stressing in a far unhealthy way. IMHO.

Is she struggling with stepping up to the next level in Netball mate or the incredible pressure kids young people are put under in school - or both combined ?.

The reason I ask, is that could she not take some timeout from Netball amd then be gently be eased back in ?.

If her coaches are any good they'll understand and make allowances ?.

I should imagine that she's been playing for years now and has a lot of friends through netball. Plus she'll miss the structure and routine of playing and training ?.


It must be heart breaking for her mate x

 

[Jokerdan]

After a pretty awful 8/9 months - involving a marriage breakup - this thread and all the positivity surrounding Everton and the new stadium has really got me through and l am looking forward to a bright future. Maybe a bit disingenuous as l am lucky to also have a good family and friends support network plus three wonderful daughters for which l am eternally thankful. The prescription medication has also helped (Setraline) and l cannot endorse enough the need for anyone in the same anxious state to seek early professional advice. You know it makes sense, guys. Talking things through on this board is one thing and the anonymity if you feel more comfortable with it makes it easier to vent your feelings but the NHS is there for a reason. Use it!