Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[granter79]

I've just had my worst mental breakdown in years, it was very, very bad. Argued with my mum, my brother and let something innocuous send me over the cliff edge. I live by a railway line and for a few minutes had very bad thoughts about going near it to do what should be the unthinkable. That's what was so scary, in the moment it didn't seem like the unthinkable, it seemed like the easiest way out. The easiest escape route from the pain and it's something that I genuinely considered. No one should have to go through that.

My mood has been low for months and I've left it to get slowly worse and worse. It started back from when I told the story of how me and my co-workers went on a night out and they all left the place without me and without a goodbye, only to be told yesterday they'd all made plans to spend their night together. It really hurt my feelings, it hurt far more than I'd like to admit too but did, I saw it as a clear snub. Being the new guy in any workplace is hard but I was the only person going in the job who was a complete outsider, no one I knew prior to joining whereas everyone is related or been friends for years, I felt like such an outsider and that incident only made me feel 10x worse. Since then my mood has been generally low and it's sank even lower the past few months, I've suffered intense paranoia thinking that people in the place have negative opinions about me and there's no one I could build any sort of relationship with because no one would want too. I've come to realise that all this talk over the past few days about me wanting to ask out a girl I fancy isn't really me having strong feelings for this particular person who I admittedly don't know very well, it's me subconsciously wanting to feel accepted by a group of other people. I've been telling myself for months I'm not liked and not included but if I managed to get this certain person to like me the others would warm to me too and I wouldn't feel so left out and down all the time.

I've had a bawl in front of my mum and let it all come pouring out, she has suggested going back onto Citalopram because there is clearly an imbalance in my brain and it needs stabilising, I can't just keep allowing it to destroy me emotionally like this. I've agreed and will go and see the doctor hopefully later this week.

Whilst I was at my lowest and considering going in front of the train I rang my friend who was nearby. He immediately came to help me, staying on the phone all the way and trying his best to lift me and making me promise to wait for him. He really saved me, I honestly don't know what might have happened had he not come. He's a true friend, he's the type of person I want in my life going forward and the type of person I want acceptance from. I told him about my doubts and he said "Mate, I care about you. I'm here aren't I, that is proof that someone IS bothered about your feelings. I'm here because I want to help you and wouldn't ever leave you to be alone."

I've spoken too him since I've calmed down and told him I can't thank him enough for being there when I most badly needed him.

If anyone else is feeling low and knows deep down that they're sinking please don't leave it to just happen, please don't allow yourself to go through what I just went through or worse. Please, talk to someone, let it all pour out because an hour afterwards you will feel better and re-gather your thoughts and re-focus your perspective.

Life is horrible sometimes but we are strong enough to battle through it, sometimes we just need someone to help us pick ourselves back up when we fall.

Good friends are priceless. Really step up when needed. Good that you are speaking to people mate. We always need a hand. Id be lost without my friends and wife.

 

[Ashtonian]

Sounds like you feel like your stuck? you don't wanna be there but money makes you be there and wanna just scoot? And feeling under appreciated isn't a good thing in any aspect of life mate, try and take it to the powers that be but keep a look out for a different job in between and hopefully something comes up for you.

Think that is part of the problem. The short of it is, i raised all these issues over and over, with proof and was dismissed every single time. The last time i was told, and i quote 'it just seems like you are trying to cause trouble'. Yeah, genuinely told that after a kinda emotional outburst asking for support, before nothing being done about it again. No-one cares, that is the top and bottom of it, no matter how much proof i can offer them the general reaction is to throw it back to me in some sort of attack, for example at one point it was 'well you make mistakes'. I'm telling them i am essentially being bullied in one sense of the word and they ignore it. Even when i wanted to put a greivance in a few months ago, nothing came from why i wanted to, that was forgotton about again.

If i was a tit, or there was something, anything to warrant being ignored or left then i wouldn't be as bothered. If i had ever upset someone or said something that might offend then fair enough, but i haven't. I am genuinely a lovely bloke, i always say hello and smile and help others out. Fact is in the past few years a few people have changed their view on me and been more pleasant so shows how much of a tit i am, just where it matters i am excluded and left to my own devices but at the same time the first person to be snapped at for something.

 

[granter79]

Bit of advice or a vent here, not sure which one.

I am really starting to hate going to work now, think the past few weeks i am really starting to notice just how unhappy and un motivated i am every day. The work issues are just as bad as before, and i discovered a good while ago nobody cares if you aren't happy. I have very little social interaction, almost seems like people purposely ignore me in the office or leave me out, despite me never doing anything to ever offend them or give them reason to. I am starting to feel under appreciated within the job, finding myself with nothing to do on a daily basis (coincidentally the only person on the team who does?) and yeah, it just gets to me these days.

I have always been someone who just gets on with a job. I was a cleaner for 6 years and even when i hated the job, felt embarassed to be doing it, i still turned up every day. Yet here i feel trapped in s bubble, and everyone turns whenever you raise it with them.

I do have a job interview on friday and i hope to god i get it, going to do a little work before hand so at the very least i can go in half prepared. But i am not deluding myself into thinking i am getting it, there is a good chance come monday morning i will be right back here again with still no job in sight. I can't financially leave the place i am in, only change to another part of it otherwise i would have done by now.

I don't know, it just frustrates me. Makes me feel helpless and miserable on a daily basis now. Even now, i have no pieces of work to do right? My colleague has collected around 5-6 that has not been done over the past week, but nobody cares. Perhaps i haven't kissed arse in here, but i am worried if i don't get out soon then how i will be feeling 3/4/5 months down the line because the job isn't going to magically get better and people still won't care.

Vent over, just wish someone would come and get me out of this nightmare scenario, either that or if someone would actually support me just once.

Im in the same boat pal. First week back in my job after been off for over a month after my mothers passing. Started to look and apply for new jobs. I know i will be here for a while until I get what I need but fact I know il be out the door here soon is enough to keep me going. Atmosphere in this office is poisonous and not what I need around me.
The fact you have started to look to get out is what you need to hold onto. Even if it takes 5 or 6 interviews for new jobs you will get one. Good saying my late mother always said. Whats for you wont pass you by. Basically if you don't get the first one if wasn't meant to be.
Its so common with work and people . My last job was the same. Don't know how I didn't punch my old boss!! My sister too has just finished up in here job she loved over work colleagues. A lot of nasty people out there but also a lot of very decent folk that I hope I start working with in a new role.
Let us know how it goes and keep posting. You will get there mate.

 

[COYBL25]

Think that is part of the problem. The short of it is, i raised all these issues over and over, with proof and was dismissed every single time. The last time i was told, and i quote 'it just seems like you are trying to cause trouble'. Yeah, genuinely told that after a kinda emotional outburst asking for support, before nothing being done about it again. No-one cares, that is the top and bottom of it, no matter how much proof i can offer them the general reaction is to throw it back to me in some sort of attack, for example at one point it was 'well you make mistakes'. I'm telling them i am essentially being bullied in one sense of the word and they ignore it. Even when i wanted to put a greivance in a few months ago, nothing came from why i wanted to, that was forgotton about again.

If i was a tit, or there was something, anything to warrant being ignored or left then i wouldn't be as bothered. If i had ever upset someone or said something that might offend then fair enough, but i haven't. I am genuinely a lovely bloke, i always say hello and smile and help others out. Fact is in the past few years a few people have changed their view on me and been more pleasant so shows how much of a tit i am, just where it matters i am excluded and left to my own devices but at the same time the first person to be snapped at for something.

Sometimes it can just be that your face doesn't fit Ash. There doesn't have to be a reason.

I've worked in departments where I got on with everyone and was a valued member and also worked in departments where it would quiet when I walked in the door.

You've been unhappy in your job for quite a while now. If you don't get the job your going for, how about working out the minimum you need to earn to cover the bills etc and maybe lower your sights a little ?.

I think anyone would be unhappy working under the conditions you describe and by the sounds of it, doesn't sound like it's going to get better anytime soon.

Time to leave mate x

 

[Brendan Janus]

Drinking two bottles of wine each day is all that gets me through life & work etc !!

 

[matty1878]

Think that is part of the problem. The short of it is, i raised all these issues over and over, with proof and was dismissed every single time. The last time i was told, and i quote 'it just seems like you are trying to cause trouble'. Yeah, genuinely told that after a kinda emotional outburst asking for support, before nothing being done about it again. No-one cares, that is the top and bottom of it, no matter how much proof i can offer them the general reaction is to throw it back to me in some sort of attack, for example at one point it was 'well you make mistakes'. I'm telling them i am essentially being bullied in one sense of the word and they ignore it. Even when i wanted to put a greivance in a few months ago, nothing came from why i wanted to, that was forgotton about again.

If i was a tit, or there was something, anything to warrant being ignored or left then i wouldn't be as bothered. If i had ever upset someone or said something that might offend then fair enough, but i haven't. I am genuinely a lovely bloke, i always say hello and smile and help others out. Fact is in the past few years a few people have changed their view on me and been more pleasant so shows how much of a tit i am, just where it matters i am excluded and left to my own devices but at the same time the first person to be snapped at for something.

Sound like you need to try get out of there mate if poss, they don't seem very supportive and don't seem to care you don't need that Nobodys above you mate and don't let them kid you to think otherwise!

 

[Tim's tourettes]

Drinking two bottles of wine each day is all that gets me through life & work etc !!

Mate, that is a slippery slope! Big bit of advice, get into excercise that u enjoy. Use that as your stress release rather than drink. I'm not saying don't have a drink but u need to cut down asap! Sorry if this sounds 'preachy' but I have watched my old man drink all his adult life to escape. It won't end well. I suffer anxiety severely at times, excercise does help. Feel free to pm me if u need to talk

 

[Groucho]

Drinking two bottles of wine each day is all that gets me through life & work etc !!

You may want to have a look at that at some point.

That will worsen any present anxiety issues, at that level.

 

[Brendan Janus]

You may want to have a look at that at some point.

That will worsen any present anxiety issues, at that level.

I know !!

 

[Ashtonian]

Sometimes it can just be that your face doesn't fit Ash. There doesn't have to be a reason.

I've worked in departments where I got on with everyone and was a valued member and also worked in departments where it would quiet when I walked in the door.

You've been unhappy in your job for quite a while now. If you don't get the job your going for, how about working out the minimum you need to earn to cover the bills etc and maybe lower your sights a little ?.

I think anyone would be unhappy working under the conditions you describe and by the sounds of it, doesn't sound like it's going to get better anytime soon.

Time to leave mate x

Yeah mate it really is, probably about 2 years too late on that one! I'm meeting with someone who works for a similar department today to ask them about their processes and how they work as i assume whatever differences there are, parts will be similar. that way i have a good understanding of how they work so i can keep that in mind when answering questions in the interview.

I am trying to get out, but there is only so many jobs available, even less that are perminant. I can't afford to take the risk of a temporary contract and my department will not let me secondament out of it so i have to grab whatever i can, but again within reason. I don't want to do a job i don't want to do as that will be just as bad. I just start hoping from Friday onwards, although as well as meeting with another similar department memeber, i am hopefully going to be sitting down with my new supervisor before friday and going through interview questions to have a rough idea of what to say to get it, so i'm giving myself as best a chance as possible.

Sound like you need to try get out of there mate if poss, they don't seem very supportive and don't seem to care you don't need that Nobodys above you mate and don't let them kid you to think otherwise!

No it is essentially somewhere that has a status quo, as long as everything is fine then anyone disrupting that is not considered important so to speak. So the work gets done, anyone raising issues in regards to that against long standing staff as well like i have done is seemingly ignored.

It is just sad that my desperation to get out is now based purely on negative emotions now. I do genuinely worry about my mental health over time by staying here, just getting wore down bit by bit over time because things aren't going to magically change, and i'm not going to want to stay at any point now so the sooner i can get out the better!

 

[anjelikaferrett]

Yeah mate it really is, probably about 2 years too late on that one! I'm meeting with someone who works for a similar department today to ask them about their processes and how they work as i assume whatever differences there are, parts will be similar. that way i have a good understanding of how they work so i can keep that in mind when answering questions in the interview.

I am trying to get out, but there is only so many jobs available, even less that are perminant. I can't afford to take the risk of a temporary contract and my department will not let me secondament out of it so i have to grab whatever i can, but again within reason. I don't want to do a job i don't want to do as that will be just as bad. I just start hoping from Friday onwards, although as well as meeting with another similar department memeber, i am hopefully going to be sitting down with my new supervisor before friday and going through interview questions to have a rough idea of what to say to get it, so i'm giving myself as best a chance as possible.



No it is essentially somewhere that has a status quo, as long as everything is fine then anyone disrupting that is not considered important so to speak. So the work gets done, anyone raising issues in regards to that against long standing staff as well like i have done is seemingly ignored.

It is just sad that my desperation to get out is now based purely on negative emotions now. I do genuinely worry about my mental health over time by staying here, just getting wore down bit by bit over time because things aren't going to magically change, and i'm not going to want to stay at any point now so the sooner i can get out the better!

Try the Civil Service jobs website. They are always recruiting. You would struggle to get better terms and conditions than there. Flexi working hours too and still a decent pension scheme.

 

[Warlordperforming]

I am not going to feed you spiel about turning to god. I am religious myself like many other and many who are not.

I respect all people's opinions, I had anxiety and turned to drug use to conquer it.

I was at low point. I needed salvation and the church took me into their community they give me purpose and way of feeling useful

Non of us have to be alone I volunteered for the church. Made me feel euphoria after seeing people happy and helped others in confession by listening and repenting.


I have stopped drug use for years and feel like a changed man

We most all love the blues maybe volunteer at Everton in community and feel loved back if you have depression they will help you nobody has to be alone or even help out at soup kitchen and gain perspective on life

Find yourself would be great. Thanks for taking time to read this

 

[Lowste]

I've just had my worst mental breakdown in years, it was very, very bad. Argued with my mum, my brother and let something innocuous send me over the cliff edge. I live by a railway line and for a few minutes had very bad thoughts about going near it to do what should be the unthinkable. That's what was so scary, in the moment it didn't seem like the unthinkable, it seemed like the easiest way out. The easiest escape route from the pain and it's something that I genuinely considered. No one should have to go through that.

My mood has been low for months and I've left it to get slowly worse and worse. It started back from when I told the story of how me and my co-workers went on a night out and they all left the place without me and without a goodbye, only to be told yesterday they'd all made plans to spend their night together. It really hurt my feelings, it hurt far more than I'd like to admit too but did, I saw it as a clear snub. Being the new guy in any workplace is hard but I was the only person going in the job who was a complete outsider, no one I knew prior to joining whereas everyone is related or been friends for years, I felt like such an outsider and that incident only made me feel 10x worse. Since then my mood has been generally low and it's sank even lower the past few months, I've suffered intense paranoia thinking that people in the place have negative opinions about me and there's no one I could build any sort of relationship with because no one would want too. I've come to realise that all this talk over the past few days about me wanting to ask out a girl I fancy isn't really me having strong feelings for this particular person who I admittedly don't know very well, it's me subconsciously wanting to feel accepted by a group of other people. I've been telling myself for months I'm not liked and not included but if I managed to get this certain person to like me the others would warm to me too and I wouldn't feel so left out and down all the time.

I've had a bawl in front of my mum and let it all come pouring out, she has suggested going back onto Citalopram because there is clearly an imbalance in my brain and it needs stabilising, I can't just keep allowing it to destroy me emotionally like this. I've agreed and will go and see the doctor hopefully later this week.

Whilst I was at my lowest and considering going in front of the train I rang my friend who was nearby. He immediately came to help me, staying on the phone all the way and trying his best to lift me and making me promise to wait for him. He really saved me, I honestly don't know what might have happened had he not come. He's a true friend, he's the type of person I want in my life going forward and the type of person I want acceptance from. I told him about my doubts and he said "Mate, I care about you. I'm here aren't I, that is proof that someone IS bothered about your feelings. I'm here because I want to help you and wouldn't ever leave you to be alone."

I've spoken too him since I've calmed down and told him I can't thank him enough for being there when I most badly needed him.

If anyone else is feeling low and knows deep down that they're sinking please don't leave it to just happen, please don't allow yourself to go through what I just went through or worse. Please, talk to someone, let it all pour out because an hour afterwards you will feel better and re-gather your thoughts and re-focus your perspective.

Life is horrible sometimes but we are strong enough to battle through it, sometimes we just need someone to help us pick ourselves back up when we fall.

Hi mate don't always reply on here simply as there are so many good posters who help out, the ones I do reply to are the ones I ca relate to.
I had a similar experience with work colleagues (notice I don't call the mates). We were in London and had been invited out by a customer, on the night we were meeting in the foyer of the hotel to catch a taxi. I rang one of the lads to say I was running a few mins late as I needed to go to reception as the shower door was hanging off. When I got there no sign of them, so went outside and still no sign of them. I called one of the lads and he said they had jumped in a cab because they couldn't be arsed waiting. My reaction was I wanted to follow them down to just batter them one by one, I was beyond normal at this point I phoned the wife and she talked me around and the told me something that I have always believed in 'work mates are work mates they are not real mates or trusted mates'. In the end I went to watch a game on TV and had a couple of pints, I never mentioned it to,them and I knew they all were waiting for a full blown argument....but they weren't worth it.
A true mate is what your mate done for you, he knows you in the real world and knows how you tick.
In your case mate it says more about them that it does you, as I reckon you would never of done that to anybody
Take it as a life lesson and move on, there are horrible people in this world but in the main people are good.
Hope you are feeling OK now

 

[Warlordperforming]

Hi mate don't always reply on here simply as there are so many good posters who help out, the ones I do reply to are the ones I ca relate to.
I had a similar experience with work colleagues (notice I don't call the mates). We were in London and had been invited out by a customer, on the night we were meeting in the foyer of the hotel to catch a taxi. I rang one of the lads to say I was running a few mins late as I needed to go to reception as the shower door was hanging off. When I got there no sign of them, so went outside and still no sign of them. I called one of the lads and he said they had jumped in a cab because they couldn't be arsed waiting. My reaction was I wanted to follow them down to just batter them one by one, I was beyond normal at this point I phoned the wife and she talked me around and the told me something that I have always believed in 'work mates are work mates they are not real mates or trusted mates'. In the end I went to watch a game on TV and had a couple of pints, I never mentioned it to,them and I knew they all were waiting for a full blown argument....but they weren't worth it.
A true mate is what your mate done for you, he knows you in the real world and knows how you tick.
In your case mate it says more about them that it does you, as I reckon you would never of done that to anybody
Take it as a life lesson and move on, there are horrible people in this world but in the main people are good.
Hope you are feeling OK now

When I first started work I was a novice. I had the opinion I was hindering my peers.
Turns out I miscalculated the situation in truth and my rawr was like a Lion and I was free.

Boom I do not care what others think of me I am free suddenly I had lift of my shoulders for everything bad people said was hardly ever as people only target the weak and out number PURE cowards.

 

[EFCPaul]

In gym with heavy metal music blasting feeling great. Whata difference 24 hours can make.