The years of living dangerously

[Upper Sturry Sherbets]

taken from a recent publication you may have missed.

The UK Government has been ordered to drop two adverts based on nursery rhymes which exaggerated the risks of so-called 'global warming'.

Jack and Jill and Rub a Dub Dub had been rewritten to warn children about the inevitability of flooding and droughts caused by 'man made climate change'. But the advertising standards agency said they amounted to scaremongering and did not reflect the growing scepticism over claims that the planet is heating up.

One of the ads, from the Department of Energy, which has now tacked 'and climate change' on to it's title, read :


'Jack and Jill went up the hill,

to fetch a pail of water,

there was none as extreme weather due to climate change, had caused a drought'


Ok, so it doesn't scan and isin't true. But what do you expect when you ask civil servants to write nursery rhymes?

Just in case the message hadn't got through , they appended the following warning , "Extreme weather conditions such as flooding, heat waves and storms will become more frequent and intense"

Despite the fact that the world has actually got cooler this century, mounting evidence that 'climate change' is a myth, and the revelation that alleged 'experts' in the field have been fiddling the figures to fit their theories, the hysteria goes on.

Using taxpayers money to pay for indoctrination of very young children is just the latest arrow in the warmists quiver of deception.

It also got me thinking what other nursery rhymes could be updated...



The Grand Old Duke of York

he had 10,000 men

"but he told the Chilcot Inquiry he would have had 20,000 if Gordon Brown hadn't cut defence spending"

 

[Bruce Wayne]

It is a sensible decision. Climate change is a big issue but they need to stop treating people like simple idiots.

 

[McBain]

I don't get the people that think 8 billion people couldn't possibly do anything to the Planet.

 

[Hayee]

I think this climate change scaremongering is a load of nonsense

 

[best little spaniard]

I don't get the people that think 8 billion people couldn't possibly do anything to the Planet.

Wow. Was only 6.5 last time I checked.

 

[McBain]

I think this climate change scaremongering is a load of nonsense

Yeah, because the climate has always been the same and always will... Im sure if you talk to someone 60+ they'll tell you how the weather used to be different and you won't believe that either...

 

[McBain]

Wow. Was only 6.5 last time I checked.

You're a fast counter mate.

 

[heatmeiser]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall.

But due to the Health & Safety at work act of 1974 he was forced to abandon his position while the officers completed a risk assessment and implemented a full Health and Safety policy.

 

[Upper Sturry Sherbets]

I'm going to do a 'Donovan' here, as I was unable to finish last night and some people are getting the wrong idea about where this threads going.

The last one got it pretty much correct.

what it should of read was-

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall

So they took him to an NHS hospital, where he caught MRSA and died.

you see, in todays political correctness you have to make some amendments.

it's out with what we knew, and now what we need to remember.

 

[Hayee]

I'm going to do a 'Donovan' here, as I was unable to finish last night

ooof!

 

[Upper Sturry Sherbets]

It's impossible to keep up with matchday comments, thirty replies a minute, I mean come on.

best wait til it's over or later to have a say, when the dust has settled.

..........

continuation of here.

Polly put the kettle on

Polly put the kettle on

'Do it yourself, you sexist pig'

'I've got to write a column about Labour investment in public services


Hey diddle diddle,

They're all on the fiddle

They claimed it was within the rules

Four of them had their collars felt for fraud

But the rest ran away with the money



Wee Willie Winkie runs through the town

Upstairs and downstairs in his nightgown

trying to escape the lynch mob who think he's a paedophile.

When they catch him, they'll string him up, the dirty nonce.


(not my words these I might add)

As I was going to Saint Ives

I met a man with seven wives

He said he'd come from Somalia

and was now living on benefits in a 2.5 million townhouse in Kensington


back to the game, almost over now.

 

[Upper Sturry Sherbets]

another donovan moment I'm afraid, but nonetheless necessary as I didn't get a chance to finish, after this, i'm going upstairs to lie down with the duvet over,curtains drawn, listen to Classic FM and wait for dark, and thats that.
...........

here are the best of the rest from what was published.

.........

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe

She had so many childen by a number of absent fathers

so the council knocked down two houses into one and bought her a plasma TV.

old mother hubbard went to the cupboard

to get her poor doggie a bone

when she got there, it was groaning with oven chips, turkey twizzlers, bumper bags of crisps and lashings of fizzy drinks

but there weren;t any bones because elf 'n' safety had threatened to prosecute the butcher if he didn't stop selling them.


Ding Dong bell, [Poor language removed]'s in the well

who'll pull him out

It's no good asking one of those community support officers, they haven't been trained for it.



Hot Cross Buns, Hot Cross Buns

have been taken off the shelves by the diversity department

In case they offend Muslims

George Porgie, pudding and pie

Kissed the girls and made them cry

Now he's on the sexual offenders register


Doctor Foster went to Gloucester

but when he got there, he found they'd already given the job,

to a foreign GP who can't speak English


Ride a c.ock horse to Banbury Cross

to see a drunken young lady swear herself hoarse

Tattoos on her fingers and rings through her nose

And an Ipod for music wherever she goes


Tom Tom the pipers son

Stole a pig and away did run

but now he's been let off with an ASBO, and is now doing burglary and dealing drugs

Little Bo peep has lost her sheep

and she doesnt know where to find them

that's because the government slaughtered them and threw their carcasses on to a bonfire during the foot and mouth panic


welcome to todays Britain.

i'm going for a lie down after that.

 

[Matt Damon]

another donovan moment I'm afraid, but nonetheless necessary as I didn't get a chance to finish, after this, i'm going upstairs to lie down with the duvet over,curtains drawn, listen to Classic FM and wait for dark, and thats that.
...........

here are the best of the rest from what was published.

.........

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe

She had so many childen by a number of absent fathers

so the council knocked down two houses into one and bought her a plasma TV.

old mother hubbard went to the cupboard

to get her poor doggie a bone

when she got there, it was groaning with oven chips, turkey twizzlers, bumper bags of crisps and lashings of fizzy drinks

but there weren;t any bones because elf 'n' safety had threatened to prosecute the butcher if he didn't stop selling them.


Ding Dong bell, [Poor language removed]'s in the well

who'll pull him out

It's no good asking one of those community support officers, they haven't been trained for it.



Hot Cross Buns, Hot Cross Buns

have been taken off the shelves by the diversity department

In case they offend Muslims

George Porgie, pudding and pie

Kissed the girls and made them cry

Now he's on the sexual offenders register


Doctor Foster went to Gloucester

but when he got there, he found they'd already given the job,

to a foreign GP who can't speak English


Ride a c.ock horse to Banbury Cross

to see a drunken young lady swear herself hoarse

Tattoos on her fingers and rings through her nose

And an Ipod for music wherever she goes


Tom Tom the pipers son

Stole a pig and away did run

but now he's been let off with an ASBO, and is now doing burglary and dealing drugs

Little Bo peep has lost her sheep

and she doesnt know where to find them

that's because the government slaughtered them and threw their carcasses on to a bonfire during the foot and mouth panic


welcome to todays Britain.

i'm going for a lie down after that.

Incy Wincy Gordon Brown,

Sent the UK down the spout,

Along came David Cameron,

And washed the lying cheating Browny out!

 

[Matt Damon]

High diddle diddle,
The Gordon Brown and the Fiddle,
The Cow jump'd over the Moon,
The little dog laugh'd to see such lying Craft,
And Liebour ran away with the silver Spoon

 

[Hayee]

another donovan moment I'm afraid, but nonetheless necessary as I didn't get a chance to finish, after this, i'm going upstairs to lie down with the duvet over,curtains drawn, listen to Classic FM and wait for dark, and thats that.
...........

here are the best of the rest from what was published.

.........

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe

She had so many childen by a number of absent fathers

so the council knocked down two houses into one and bought her a plasma TV.

old mother hubbard went to the cupboard

to get her poor doggie a bone

when she got there, it was groaning with oven chips, turkey twizzlers, bumper bags of crisps and lashings of fizzy drinks

but there weren;t any bones because elf 'n' safety had threatened to prosecute the butcher if he didn't stop selling them.


Ding Dong bell, [Poor language removed]'s in the well

who'll pull him out

It's no good asking one of those community support officers, they haven't been trained for it.



Hot Cross Buns, Hot Cross Buns

have been taken off the shelves by the diversity department

In case they offend Muslims

George Porgie, pudding and pie

Kissed the girls and made them cry

Now he's on the sexual offenders register


Doctor Foster went to Gloucester

but when he got there, he found they'd already given the job,

to a foreign GP who can't speak English


Ride a c.ock horse to Banbury Cross

to see a drunken young lady swear herself hoarse

Tattoos on her fingers and rings through her nose

And an Ipod for music wherever she goes


Tom Tom the pipers son

Stole a pig and away did run

but now he's been let off with an ASBO, and is now doing burglary and dealing drugs

Little Bo peep has lost her sheep

and she doesnt know where to find them

that's because the government slaughtered them and threw their carcasses on to a bonfire during the foot and mouth panic


welcome to todays Britain.

i'm going for a lie down after that.

fantastic