little curly alan ball
Player Valuation: £70m
For those in Helmand Province , Afghanistan generally , or otherwise Serving their Country when they could be at home with the families .
Stay Safe Peoples .... THAT , is a Goddamn' ORDER ...!!!
For My Mother My World , L.C.A.Barb , Me Aunty Do' , an' My Mate , Peter , lid .
L.C.A.Babe ; I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry , kid .
..An' all My Peoples in The Struggle .... It's Ya' Boi , D .
May the Good Lord be with you all .
Welcome , everyone to our little corner of the Sabbath .
Being utterly honest , I really did NOT feel like composing this Sermon . Swear to God .
I have procrastinated in the hope that an excuse would present itself , an' I could do what I wanted to do all along , an' sack it . Nevertheless , while I have awoken this morning , with no more enthusiasm than yesterday , I did consider the subject of the piece . See , this man is a veritable Everton Legend . An' while he is familiar to us now as a Commentator / Pundit on all things St. Domingo , when he was playing , he was often referred to as the " Second " Striker in any partnership - Gray , Lineker , Cottee in particular . Despite this , he is the second highest Everton Goalscorer of ALL TIME , and THE best Post-War . In 11 years at Goodison , he never once gave anything less than 100% , and went away , only to return having left the Professional Game for good , and where he remains , now as the primary Everton Media Pundit , and attends just about every game , home and away , to this day .
Ladies and Gentlemen , may I assume the honour of introducing , Graeme Sharp ...
Graeme Marshall Sharp , was brought into the World , on October 16 , 1960 , in the Glasgow Suburb of Cardowen , into a Rangers following Family . The kid was a mad football fan ,and had ability himself . Indeed , he signed for Eastercraigs , a local amateur club of some repute , against the express wishes of his School . Sharpy stood his ground , feeling that Eastercraigs were better for his development . In the event , the School relented and came , basically , Cap-in-Hand , as they reached the Final of the Scottish Schools Knockout Cup . The game was played at Lesser Hampden - adjacent to the Main Stadium , and Graeme Sharp scored a hat-trick as his Alama Mater lifted the trophy . Bravo , Sharpy , lid . Whilst at Eastercraigs some of his team mates were Bernie Slaven , Middlesborough / Eire ; Mojo , of this Parish an' Scotland ; an' John Hannah , the Actor , he of , Sliding Doors / Four Weddings and a Funeral infamy .
From there , despite interest from his boyhood team , the Glasgow Huns , after the experiences of his brother , Richard - Sharpy reckons he had more natural talent ; whom was left to rot in the Club's reserves , he and his main advisor , his Dad , went to talk to Dumbarton . He agreed and was signed on a 2 year , Semi-Pro' deal . He would remain there for the 2 seasons , playing 40 games and scoring 18 goals . It took no time at all really for his name to began to be linked with other teams . Graeme had already spent a week at Aston Villa whilst still at Eastercraigs . To say he didn't enjoy it is understatement . Then , whilst at Dumbarton he was invited up to Aberdeen for a week to see if both sides fit , as it were . The side included Willie Miller , Jim Leighton , Neale Cooper . Alex Ferguson was of course the Manager . Indeed , Sir Taggart used to pick young Sharpy Lid up each morning for training . Moreover , he found out later that Aberdeen had not only liked him , but sufficiently enough to make an offer , but nothing was to come of it . He also returned to Aston Villa , with Dumbarton's permission of course , and this time enjoyed himself far more . Nevertheless , while he felt he had done well enough , being amongst the First-Team lads , nothing was to come of it . A week later , Graeme scored in his side's 1-2 defeat at Arbroath . The following morning he was called into his Manager , Davie Wilson's Office . " Gordon Lee has been on the phone . Everton want to talk to you ..."
Everton FC , if you don't mind , did indeed want to talk to him . Lee explained that Harry Cooke our Chief Scout for many a long year , had seen him on various occasions and reported back to Mr. Lee . He himself , had liked what he had heard and later , saw , and after inviting Sharpy and his Family down to Bellefield and then Goodison , offered him a Contract there and then . It was duly signed . There was some fall out on the deal though , as Ron Saunders , the Aston Vila Manager kicked up a public fuss over the transfer , claiming to have been gazzumped by Everton and treated with disrespect by Dumbarton . His point being , they had shook hands , figuratively speaking on a deal , whereupon the Scots Side duly received and accepted a better offer . All's fair in Love and War ... AND on Gates of 2,000 per week ,..
Thus , in March 1980 , Graeme Sharp became a player for Everton Football Club , albeit with one final nail-biting two days as he failed his initial medical due to a Heart murmour . Remember , this was 1980 , not Technologically on the same planet as today . Thus , he had a stressful 48 hours before getting the all clear . Mind you , it didn't sort his workaday problems out though . Despite costing £125,000 , his age meant at the Old Bellefield Training Complex - where the Dressing Rooms were split into First Team Squad , and Youth Players ; Our Graeme was in with the kids . These kids btw , were Joe McBride , Fuk Off McMahon , Brian Burrows , Paul Lodge ... Them , he could deal with . It was the First Team Big Boys that were his issue .
In what , to my mind was perhaps the most Un-Everton , Everton side ever in my lifetime , Lyons and Latchford were still there , but also Kidd , Eastoe , Stanley , Gidman , and someone Sharpy had watched for Scotland at Hampden Park , Asa Hartford . He doubted his own ability but thankfully saw it through . He was called up by Gordon Lee in an end of season away game at the Goldstone Ground , Brighton and Hove Albion . He was made Sub' - there was but one in those days , and would come on for the Legend of an Everton Centre Forward that was Bob Latchford in a 0-0 draw . The most remarkable thing of the whole afternoon was , upon his introduction , and with the ball elsewhere , Suddaby , their Centre Half , gives Sharpy a ," Welcome to the Big Leagues .." , Clout around the side of his head ... Welcome , indeed . The week after , we played our final game of the Campaign at the City Ground , Nottingham . We lost the game 0-1 , but Graeme was picked ahead of Bob Latchford , as Lee checked out the goods .
In truth , the following season , 1980/81 was no improvement for Sharpy . His ability was not in question . However , his mental state was , and this was not helped by a large helping of homesickness . He began the season well enough , chosen in the first game . Away , before the Famous , Roker Roar , at Sunderland , as we lost 1-3 . That would be it , until , with the side struggling near the botom of the league , and in retrospect , crying out for an injection of youth , he was re-introduced into to the First Team and was chosen as Sub' , for a game at Goodison with Middlesborough the opposition in March . We won 4-1 , and he came on for Garry Stanley . The following home game , Stoke City , he was chosen to start . Alas , Inchy , Adrian Heath , scored the winner but still played for the opposition at the time . The Manager was on borrowed time , and Cat-Calls , of , " Lee Out ..." accompanied Sharpy's exit from First Team action for that season . He went , and was quite happy to do so , back to Colin Harvey and the Reserves where , though it was a hard regime , Colin was making him into a proper Centre Forward . He wasn't there yet . He finished his second Everton Season with an aggregate appearances of 3 , and goals 0 , as the side finished in 15th place , and- in May 1981 as Gordon Lee was relieved of the Manager's role . He was replaced by Ex-Evertonian and member of The Holy Trinity - along with Colin Harvey , and of course , Bally ; Howard Kendall , as Graeme Sharp's and Everton Football Club's luck was about to change for the better .....
Howard Kendall made the Statement of Everton Manager Statements as , when upon taking up office bought 7 new players , his , Magnificent 7 . Jim Arnold and Neville Southall , both Goalkeepers , Mike Walsh , Bolton's Grafter Centre Half , Alan Ainscow from Birmingham , a wide midfield player . Mickey Thomas , Ex- of Wrexham and now of Chelsea , and 2 Forwards . Mick Ferguson , Abel Xavier aside , our last Bearded Player , off the top of me head , and Rod Stewart-alike Alan Biley from Derby County . Didn't exactly fill young Sharpy with the Joys of Summer , as it was then . Looking back at the Staff Roster today , it is blindingly obvious what Kendall's problems were at the time . Players like Trevor Ross , Eamon O'keefe , no disrespect to either , were a throw-back to the , Bad Old Days , but Fuk Off McMahon , Irvine , Mark Higgins , Gary Stevens , Ratters , were not quite ready yet .
Graeme Sharp would come on as a Substitute at Stoke City away in a 1-3 defeat , and again - in another loss , this time at home to Man' City . He eventually got a start in the Away fixture at Meadow Lane , Nottingham , home of the World's oldest football club , Notts County . Ironically , Kendall himself played the first of his 4 First Team games that season . Sharpy scored his first Everton goal this day , a 20 yarder - deflected , mind , as we drew 2's each . He kept his place for an unlucky defeat at Up'a De Arse , and the week after grabbed his initial Goodison goal , a header past , Never-Say-Dai , Davies . Indeed , their side of Garry Stanley , Neil Robinson , and of course , Bob Latchford and also a smattering of RS and Welsh Internationals was familiar to us . So , now he's off and running . Having came into the side for an injured Mick Ferguson , and been second striker to Alan Biley , he had , within months , saw them both off and was now largely , Everton First Choice Centre Forward .
However , the goal that really marked him out , well , until Grey Skull 1984 , was to be the one against Tottenham in November 1981 . I was with my very good amigo , Mouser Mc , in His House - The Enclosure - mine being the , now bricked-up , Park End . Anyway , its freezing . It always was . We are kicking towards the Park End goal . Clemence has swerved work as a stand in for a 6ft tall Pick Axe for the day to keep goal for Spurs . Ball drops to our young forward somewhere down City Rd . He cracks it , on the volley , very , very Anfield Road goal-esque of a couple of years later .It fizzes like a Exocet into the top left hand corner as we look . Clemence , even with that nose , was some Goalie , an' never stood a chance . If you ever see this again , watch the Keeper's body shape as it pings past him . He hasn't even reached his optimum position . It was just too quick for him . An' he was Clemence ,... Anyway , place goes OFF . Sharpy unveiles that mad-arse , running but with no idea what to do when he gets there , celebration for the first time , and he was kinda REALLY off and running now ,.. A short time later , Howard Kendall went back to his old club , Stoke City and basically , stole their family silver . Well, if you count breaking our transfer record at £800,000 as stealing like , as he brought Adrian , Inchy , Heath to Goodison Park . It was to be a fortunate purchase , for Kendall , For Inchy , For Everton Football Club and also for Graeme Sharp . From their first game together until the campaign's end , Inchy got 6 goals , Sharpy got 11 . We finish in a laudable 8th position as we all began to recognise , The Green Shoots Of Recovery , but would prefer our Manager not to have to acually play games for the First Team , if at all possible . Sharpy finishes with 15 goals from 27 starts and if he can maintain that sort of ratio of any decent period of time , we're , In Like Flynn , as they say ,...
Season 1982/83 began with a 0-2 defeat at Watford . However , normal service was resumed with two thumping Goodison victories . The first a 5-0 over Aton Vila , with both Sharpy and Inchy - bought ostensibly as a midfielder but now a genuine forward , grabbing 2 each , and a 3-1 over Tottenham . Though , 2 draws and 3 defeats in the next 5 games told HK that the painting was far from complete . He had recruited Ex- Blues , Andy Is Our King , Kevin Sheedy and RS Tawt David Johnson from the Bealzebubs Stiffs , guiding the young pups . Thing was , we needed something extra .
The day after Bonfire Night , November 6th 1982 will live long in the memory of all Evertonians , Players , Staff and Fans . Not in a good way .
In the week leading up to the fixture , HK , recognising the problems I mentioned above ,allied to an injury to Higgins , drafted in a Centre Half on loan , Glenn Keeley from his old club , Blackburn Rovers . I seem to recall Kendall had briefly managed him , but I may be mistaken on that . Anyway , Keeley is chosen in the starting line up . They are attacking the Street End goal . Once more , Me Boi , Mouser has convinced me of the delights - NOT , of the Enclosure . Not really my style like , but I've got a Mouthy Arse RS - Quelle Fukn Surprise ; next to me . He starts giving it the Big One . Buzzing off us . I says . You might change your fukn tune when this crowd of kids kicks your Ugly Arses , eh , Bollox ??? He says . Do ya' wanna tenna on it , Blue Nose ??? Yes I fukn do , you scare the kids Mufuka . Yes I do . Thus , bet taken .
We kicks off , an' from what I can recall , we don't touch the ball for 10 min . In fact , I think The Homosexual just had it for himself the whole time . Anyway , about that long in , 10 mins or so in , Homo #1 , recieves pass . Puts Big Arse for such a Dwarf , out , knocks ball back to midfielder who wall-passes back to him . He spins off and is goooooonne . Our new found stopper , instead of reading the move is turning like the Q.E.2 . He faces the Gwladys Street in just enough time to grab the back of the Incomprehensible One's shirt as it disappears towards Aintree . Strrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeettttcccchhhes it back ... Ref' blows up . It is the first year of the Yellow / Red Card experiment . Keeley recieves our First Red Card as he is in and out of Everton's History within a quarter of an hour and we are a man down to the League Champions . The upshot was of course , they ran riot . The Homosexual was supreme . The Nose got the plaudits with his ... Splutter ... Chokes ... 4 goals ... OMFG , even Lawrenson got one - ran from the halfway line to do it , too . He tells me about it regular . It was 4-0 at Half Time - when I threw me tenner at the RS Mufuka . I can still hear his derision . Talk about Trauma ...??? Oh , it was traumatic all right . Beyond it in fact . I stayed until the end . As did Mc , slobbering and mumbling the two of us I think . If I never feel another day like that it will be TOO FUKN SOON ,....
We went on to three consecutive draws - 2 of which against Arsenal , before an exit at Highbury in the League Cup , as we were all still proper traumatised . We waited a further 3 games for a win , at home to Ipswich , in the game Alan Brazil says was the loudest he ever heard in English Football , a 2-0 win . It was coming together , we could all see that . Southall had been M.O.M. against the RS believe it or not . Sharpy , Inchy , Shaggy Stevens , Ratters , Richo , Fuk Off McMahon .... Definite progress from 3 years earlier . However , we needed a little more . HK acted . Purchasing injury prone once prospect and declared RS , Peter Reid from Bolton . He failed to make a immediate impression however , and did not calm our troubled waters . Meanwhile , Graeme Sharp was having his first barren run in front of goal , and despite HK lauding his general work for the side , he was eventually dropped for a couple of games after a return of 3 goals in 22 games .
Our League Form continued with 2 good , two indifferent results / performanes , but in the Cup , finally we gave it a go . Wins over , after a replay , Newport , Shrewsbury and Spurs , Sharpy scoring the second in a 2-0 win , saw us unluckily draw Manchester United at Old Trafford . I've said this before , but this was the finest Everton Away Firm I've ever seen . Numbers and everything else wise . Not many didn't turn out for this one , like . We are amazingly unlucky not to score in the first half as both Sharpy and Alan Irvine , whom has a blinder , prosper . Fuk Off McMahon runs the midfield and we are well in the game , indeed , look to be hanging on for a replay , 92nd minute . That was until they bring on 5 ft 2" Lou Macari . They get a free kick , which is launched into our box . Macari somehow wins the header , nods back to Stapleton whom rifles , with his swinger , past Jim Arnold , and into the Stretford End goal . We were out . Devastated didn't quite say it . Again .
A Grey Skull nils each , and another Arsenal defeat , as Kendall brought in Terry Curran on loan from Sheffield Wednesday , but otherwise our domestic form rallied . 6 wins from the last 10 games , the last a 5-1 victory at David Evan's I.D. Card Test Case , Luton Town , as Sharpy Lid grabs 2 . We ended up in 7th position , a place better than a year previously , and given our Derby Nightmare plus the Old Trafford debacle , was bloody good going . Therefore , definite progress then . Irrespective of individual fuk ups . Graeme Sharp plays 39 games from the start , with 2 as a Sub' , scoring 15 goals .
The summer of 1983/84 was a strange one for this Blue anyway . I've said before in these Halls that the sale of Fuk Off McMahon sought to raise more than an eyebrow in our house . Nevertheless , in retrospect , we ought to have trusted in Howard as he already had Peter Reid up his sleeve and spent the Fuk Off McMahon dough wisely ,...Terry Curran was eventually , finally permanently signed - though in truth , never reproduced his On - Loan form . Moreover , the purchase of Trevor Steven was the real transfer business of the Summer . Most of us had seen him in Burnley's League Cup run the year before , and he had played well at Grey Skull in the two-legged Semi . Moreover , we had beaten the Bealzebubs an' the Homosexual in luring this patently talented kid to us before the Dark Side , for an admittedly , costly for a youngster , £300,000 . Definite positive start there ,..
The season proper began with a win over Stoke City at The Old Lady , 1-0 , with Sharp's netting the strike . 2 draws and 2 defeats until Reidy finally was fit enough to play and did do , an' amazingly scored too , in a 2-1 win at White Hart Lane . Three wins , 2 losses an' it was off the Grey Skull . Safe to say , another traumatic hiding ensued . This time 3-0 , an' our backsides so sore we couldn't sit down until Christmas ,.. So , once more , we dust ourselves down and go again . 2 wins , two losses a draw , 2 more wins ... Like that . Still , Howard still knew it wasn't the finished article . He therefore goes out and purchases another Arl Arse supposed Crock , Andy Gray from Wolves as he finally admits defeat on RS Tawt Johnson .
It was just the fillip the side needed as Gray came in , bonded with Reidy in the Dressing Room an' Sharpy on the pitch . We avenge last year's F.A. Cup exit by beating United 1-0 , then beat West Ham in the quarter final of this year's trophy . The week after , Gray gets his first Everton goal , an equaliser against , of all teams Aston Villa . 2 defeats , two draws ,.. Then , as the New Year arrived we beat Birmingham at home , 2-0 , before beating Stoke twice in a week , away in the Cup and at Goodison in the Championship . The next game was Oxford United at the Manor Ground . The so called, Turning Point game . I have covered this match in these pages previously so won't do that today . Suffice to say , the side was utterly bereft of confidence . Totally . I saw this game an' to my , admittedly clouded recollection , they were the better side . That fukn ground . That pitch . We didn't really fancy it in truth . Nevertheless , Inch High Private Eye sorts us with a superb piece of anticipation an' old fashioned clinical finishing and we grab a draw. Talk about a close one !!!
We get them back to the Old Lady and trounce them . Sharpy grabs one of our 4 goals . Three games against Gillingham and an Inchy hat-trick versus Notts County saw us stagger , more than anything , onwards . A draw , 2 more wins , one in the first leg of the League Cup Semi Final against Villa , and Shrewsbury were despacthed in the other Cup competition . The wheels began , albeit slowly , jerkily an' ohhhhh so reluctantly , to turn . Momentum appeared from over the horizon . We were on the beginnings of a roll ,.... One thing that is often overlooked when people ruminate as to the relevant factors in our Pheonix like rise from the ashes , in the promotion of Colin Harvey to First Team Coach . This is no disrespect to the late Mick Heaton , but The White Pele was The White Pele . His name alone resonated . Moreover , he was among , is not was , the finest Man-To-Man Coach in the First Division . Howard Kendall saw this . Also , Colin had personally brought through all of the homegrown kids who now made up the backbone of the side . It was Win / Win .. Win / Win .. Win / Win ..
We go to Vanila Park on the Wednesday and lose 0-1 but knock them out and are Wembley Bound for the first time in 7 years . I kinda remember it being played down , tbh . Not by us of course , but generally . In the Media an' that . Dunno , perhaps it's me whose view is twisted with time , but I don't think so . No matter . The Road goes ever on , an' all that ,... a 4-4 with Watford - Sharpy gets 2 . A home draw with the Lucifers - Mooncat - Harper ; scores his only Derby goal . Then it was on to Wembley to face our Nemesis , the RS . Again , I have covered this day in other Sermons , but suffice to say , we ALL turn out . Them an' us . Wembley is over-subscribed by some 20,000 in the pissin' down rain . The game itself did more for us than them . It ended , of course , nils each - primarily due to when Inchy beats a stranded Grobbelaar . Ball is goalbound , until , that cheating Captain Scarlett's [Poor language removed] Hansen , whom earns his Eternal Sobriquet as he lowers his arm , but raises his knee and prevents the ball from going in . Our cries for a Penalty - at Wembley , against the Bealzebubs ... Are you SURE ..??? ... ; were naturally dismissed , and it was off to Manchester City for a replay . Thing was though . They respected us now . It was actually visible . Remember , this team had traumatised us - or without Reidy an' Andy Gray , it was us , not long previously . No one mentioned 5 nil that day though . Sharpy an' Inchy -Andy Gray was Cup-Tied , of course , having played fr Wolves in the competion tha year already ; were as good a forward pair as there was around . Our midfield was significant . Invariably , for the next 2 years , one of this firm would be M.O.M. in any given encounter . The defence looked solid , with Rats an' Degsy building a real partnership . An' in Goal ... Well , Neville was Neville was Neville , etc .. Simply the Best Around . Anywhere . On the Planet . The Wednesday night at Maine Road , was a little like a similar event - a replay at least , the last time we had a Wembley Cup Run - albeit in a different competition 1977 ; a let down . In other words , we had our chance the first time . You don't get 2 with thse Mufukas . So it proved , as though this time we did actually make a game of it , we enjoy no fortune . Moreover , the Bin Man is beaten by Sourpuss' Swinger from outside the area , so that just tells you it wasn't to be our night . We lose our first ever Final to the Uglies , but actually are in far better fettle than in '77 . We are STILL in the F.A. Cup , an' with characters like Gray , Reid , an' Sharpy himself , for whom Andy Gray had been the perfect fillip , on an' of the Park ; we were not gonna sulk for too long . We have two wins and a draw - one against our Semi Final opponents ; Southampton , pre , off to Highbury for an F.A. Cup Semi Final . A chance to put right both 1977 but also Lampard Snr's , hideous corner flag routine , from 1981 .
Again , on what I have previously annonuced , is my very favourite Semi Final ever , we turn up in the Cockney Sun . Don't be folled by the name Southampton , btw . The year before , this team of Mills , Shilton , Wiliams and Moran - Keegan , Channon , Osgood an' Bally had uny recently departed had finished 2nd to the Lucifers in the League . It was no push over . Sharpy had been dropped by HK the game before and Kendall sticks with the same 11 , with Terry Curran starting , as well as Tricky , with Richo in for Sheeds again . Nevertheless , we showed grit , desire an' not a little skill as a game of chess went into extra time . Now , the extra time was heading towards extra time . We get a free kick near the touchline . I never really saw it on the day , as I was being chased by Bizzies , under bars , through Fella's legs an' that , at the time . I do recall , glimpsing Reidy , over me shoulder , pointing ... As you know , Reidy's Free Kick , was nodded , looped would be a more accurate adjective actualy in to the North Bank net .. Cue scenes of Honest To God , delirium , as Evertonians realised not only was the clock all but , down , but also all those years of hurt were soon to be forgotten . With the roar and he pandemonium , the Cockne Bizzies decided to let me scarper and I was able to enjoy a heart lifting parade , twirling me jumper around me head , of the Highbury pitch . Murders , btw an' all ,... But still , me very bestest Semi final day out ever . Wem-bel-ey ,,. Again !!! In fairness , we could have taken our eye off the ball , but never lost in the 5 game lead up to the Final .
Sharpy's Non-Form , and subsequent dropping had not gone un-noticed outside Bellefield . There had been rumours of offers from other clubs , but Alex Ferguson , still Aberdeen , and an admitted admirerWe faced Watford , with Elton in a Morning Suit an' a Bespoke New Bride , the German Fraulein , Renata ... Wonder whatever happened to her ...??? - on May 19 1984 . It was our first visit there in this competition since Labby ,Bally and both Howard Kendall and Colin Harvey took the field against W.B.A. in 1968 . In truth and in retrospect , most analysts were agreed that we were the better side . However , us being us , I for one , would believe it when we were playing in the Charity Shield . They had Mojo , later of ourselves and MLS fame , RS Tawt John Barnes , Callaghan the little winger and mostly grafters . However , akin to Southampton 2 years earlier , had themselves finished 2nd behind Liverpool in the Championship , in an age when only the Champions played in the European Cup . The game itself , basically goes to plan . We are better in all departments . No Sheeds , but no matter . Tricky is a nightmare for them an' Richo the same on the left . Our defence pushes right up , an' with Ratters , makes sure no-one is gonna beat us for pace . And our strikers ... Both Andy Gray and Sharpy literally terrorise their back line . Our first goal is due to confusion as Sharps gets too much space , and after a renbound , opens the scoring with - for him , his best ever Everton goal . Second half , long cross into box . Gray goes up with their keeper , Sherwood . The undeniably , come together , as Andy bascally heads the ball from the Goalie's hands and into the net ... he never had it under control , apparently ... Ahem .. It wasn't of course . It was a foul , but we cared not . The game was largely seen out to a non-alarmed conclusion , and we had just lifted our first Trophy in nearly 15 years . Tbh , it wasn't the roaring , ear-shattering spectacle it would have been , say , in any of our subsequent Wembley defeats , but still , I partied . We all did . Howard Kendall had done what few other Everton Managers had done over the years , and placed silver in the Trophy Cabinet . An' this team , of Southall , Ratcliffe , Reid and of course , Sharpy Lid , was not quite finished yet . Indeed , it had hardly begun ,..
The summer saw , suprisingly , only one real incoming transfer deal , Paul Bracewell was signed from Sunderland for £200,000 and again , no one really cracked that much of a smile over it . We were wrong , btw . Again . Still , for the first time in a generation , we really didn't need that much . Our defence had some Metamorphasised into a unit par excellence , comprising of 2 conmplimentary Centre Halves allied to the finest Goalkeeper on Planet Earth . Genuinely . Our midfield was now awesome , and with options to boot , currently suppplemented by the yet to be seen Braces .We thus arrived at Wembley for the Annual Curtain Raiser against , yes , you've guessed it , Old Nick's 11 , the initial time we had met them in such a tie at the Old Stadium - the only other occasion we had met having been played at Goodison 1966 . My Family , seeing that I was Shanghai'ed to Newcastle an' had a massive Cod Mouth , sought to cheer me up by arranging a day out for the game . I was thus on a jolly , an' jolly did I do . Me mate Mouser was strolling up Wembley High Street , minding his own . I Bear - Hugged him after roaring his name across the street an' thus roped him in too . HE was now on a jolly too . Suffice to say that we had a magnificent day . Roasting hot . Turning up for once , on the Big occasion against the Lucifers and not being Psyched Out in the Tunnel . I'm not Crystal Clear on the game itself , but I DO remember our goal . Our End .There is a scramble and for once - ahem .. Grobbelaar is off his line . Ball breaks to Sharpy Lid whose effort is goal bound . The Ex- Rhodesian Army - Shooty Geezer , in running back towards his net , perfectly side-foots the ball without breaking his stride . He thus has the final touch as the ball crosses the line , but Graeme Sharp celebrated like it was his goal - which of course , it kinda was . We win the game 1-0 an' we get to watch Ratters walk up those 39 steps an' collect , admittedly only the Charity Shield , but the POINT was us overcoming Satan an' all his Legions at THAT place . They stood watching us Party . It will live with me for a long time . Seriously .
The following week , it was back to business , as we began our first season as Trophy Holder's since My Hero was the best midfielder in England . Optimism was overflowing . Even the Nay'-Sayers were forced to admit that Kendall really did seem to have something going on . Individually and collectively you couldn't really find much fault with the squad . So , we turn up for our first game of the Season , a home match versus Kerb-Crawling David Pleat's Tottingham . Well , Optimism / Schmoptimism as Clive Allen gives a taste of things to come for the season and scores all 4 of their goals in a 1-4 reverse . Talk about , Same Ol' Same Ol' ,... The despair that day was palpable , and equal to most everything else , with the possible exception of the 0-5 . An' it even came close to that . See ??? It appeared that , even with the F.A. Cup , it was just one more , False Dawn , an' even with our Silverware Drought over , it was the LAST thing we needed . Not with Lucifer's Firm our noisy neighbours . Seriously .
Another loss to W.B.A. away sought to underline the doubs , but slowly , the side rallied . 2 draws and 3 wins in the next 5 saw equilibrium return somewhat , and after a scare , a real one , versus the Irish Part-Timer's University College Dublin , in Europe , we defeat Shefield United at the end of September 4-0 , in the League Cup . Sharpy grabs his 5th goal of an already personally productive campaign . Our first game of October is not until the 12th , a home game versus Vanilla . Sharpy an' Inchy whom is having an even more personally fruitful campaign than Sharpy , Lid , score the goals in a 2-0 victory . The side are well placed in the League , have avoided two potential Banana Skins in both the League and European Cup Winner's Cups , and most patently , it seems that Spurs realy was what HK said it was . A blip . The following Saturday we go to Castle Grey Skull , with our most legitimate 11 since , once more , The Ball of Fire played for us . They knew it too , so there was even extra , EDGE on this one .
We were on the back foot from the start . Sheeds was missing again - having played injured in the Milk Cup Final , missed the Replay , the Southampton Semi , the F.A. Cup Final , and now the RS . Mooncat Harper was chosen in his stead and Gray was Substitute . We take the game to them . Our back 4 pushes up as far as we dare . Pat Van Den Hauwe , signed a month or so earier from Birmingham , another typical HK signing . No Fanfare when completed but seriously lauded by Evertonians at a later date ; had settled in lovely , and no disrespect to My Mate Bail's , whom was perhaps the better attacker , Psycho Pat - he EARNED the sobriquet , btw , had the defending thing down ,... Pat . Ahem ,.. Shortly into the second half , with the game typically deadlocked , they too have , pushed right up , and our defending a high line . Gary Stevens launches a long ball over both Sharpy an' Mark , in a merrrrrment , Lawrenson - in the shortest pair of shorts in history . They both give chase . our Slim-Line young forward arrives first . As the ball loops he catches it his instep , deftly touches it on before on the bottom of the bounce , pings a right foot volley , almost the identical twin of the Spurs strike 2 years earlier ; towards the top right hand corner as he looked . With the trajectory of an arrow seeking its target , it flies inexorably onwards and crashes into the net . The screams from, and scenes of , jubilation amongst Blues in the ground , and so I've heard since , outside the ground was genuinely memorable . Moreover , when the inevitable onslaught - the diving , cheating , getting in the Ref's ear shizzzzlle came , we stood strong . Being their fukn EQUALS type of strong . THAT was what I took away with me . That , an' no voice . An' a headache , but also a mad arse smile . Wide as me face for weeks afterwards . Sharpy , meanwhile , entered the Everton Hall of Fame that very day .
We beat Inter Bratislava away in Europe prior to Manchester United coming to the Old Lady . October 27 1984 , represented the High - Water Mark , to this Internet Phenomenon / Oracle etc , as after some 16 years watching Everton FC to this juncture , it was the best - in the absence of Alan James Ball Jnr , that I have ever seen them play . The first half alone , we scored 3 could've scored 13 . No exaggeration . Sharpy and Inchy were just sublime . Dovetailing to perfection , they terrorised a formidable and very expensive defence . Sheeds an' Tricky one more , ran riot , with Sheedy in particular , simply unplayable . Joe Mercer says , " I've never seen an Everton Team play as well as that . From 1-11 ,..." Our man with the Magic Left Foot grabs 2 , Sharpy and Inchy one each , as Shaggy Stevens even scores one . We go there on the Tuesday and knock them out of the League Cup , but on this day , the Saturday , what we really did was to eliminate them , psychologically , from the Title Race . Fact . Granted , they were to have their revenge later in the campaign - it's last day , in fact , but they were never a factor in the Championship after that . It was Mid-October . So now we were traumatising good sides ,...
More wins , with the exception of 2 blips , Grimsby in the League Cup as Wilkinson puts us out with a late header in the Park End goal . I took Me Baby Momma ... I TOLD YOU !!! , and an uncharacteristic 2-4 reverse at Norwich ; it was still , Always on the Grind . We had learnt how to win games . All kinds of games , from all kinds of positions . On December 15 , we defeat Nottingha Forest 5-0 , with Sharpy scoring 2 . Cloughie calls us the Team of the Next Decade . We then lose unluckily 3-4 to Chelsea , before beating Sunderland at Roker , on Boxing Day . Between then and March 2nd and a 1-1 draw at Old Trafford , we played 10 games and won 9 of them . United being the tenth . We were playing well , but had not yet reached our zenith .
We play 13 more games before meeting Bayern Muich in the European Cup Winner's Cup Semi Final , Secnd Leg , 0-0 on aggregate . We drew 2 of them and won the rest . Momentum had now become a Juggernaut . With the Pedal to the Metal . Going down a steeeeep hill . We were , Honest to God , breathtaking . Tottenham Away . The so-called Title Decider . Their back line of Roberts an' Maxie Miller supposedly the toughest in the division . Well , our two Kilt wearing , sporran toting Front Men gave them a hiding in every sense of the word , as Andy Gray and Tricky with a goal that just had , " Give me the Title , Mufukas ... " , written all over it , win it for us in style .... The Sunderland game , where a Professorship in Geometry may have helped in the Aestheitic Ecstacy of the visual absorbtion of the fare on show . But I doubt it . It blew your mind , no matter who you were . 2 weeks before Bayern , we beat Luton Town , after exra time in another Semi Final , this time the F.A. Cup . So , Wembley again .
The evening of Wednesday April 24 will ive long in the memory of anybody connected with St. Domingo FC . It was our first ever European Semi Final , it was against World Renowned Opposition , but we , ourselves could not have been playing any better in the lead up . The only slight concern was after the 0-0 in Munchen , we have no chance of an away goal . A criterion which had already bitten us once before, historically . No matter . Bring it on . Well , bring it on , they certainly did . They were typical German opponents . Never panicking , despite an amosphere that was genuinely , White Hot . Always looking to break , and in numbers , as per European Football . They were in short , quality . The Players speak of the Team Bus not being able to make it to Goodison due to hordes of Fans . Of them sitting in the dressing room beforehand with the walls literally vibrating . It had all of these things . And then there was the game itself ,..
In a archetypal Upper Echelon European Fixture it is a Chess Game . Inches matter . The tension is almost visible . In a rare defensive lapse Hoeness gets a break on the edge of our box . Bin Man tries to come out but German International Strikers rarely miss , and this one certainly did not , 0-1 . Now we have to get 2 . Game on . Their back line of Eber and Pflugel are No Angels themselves , but as our full backs in particular begin to launch long balls forward for our strikers , Sharpy an' particularly Andy Gray , get mentioned in despatches . Half Time . One down .We come out and immediately press . Sharpy gets a goal almost straight away . 48th minute . Now , it is game on . They took the fight to the Germans to such an extent that Gray enjoyed another Sherwood type incident , as their Keeper Pfaff is collided with , drops the ball , which Andy scoops away from him and places it into the net . The Crowd go bananas , and HK's assertion that if they , " Put it up there , the Gwladys Street will suck it in for you ,.." , was coming true . We were now rampant , attacks flowing like they had in the League since Christmas . Nevertheless , our Strikers do not let up . When Otto Ludeck the Bayern Coach , complains to the Everton Bench as to the treatment , he is met with , as one ; " Fuk off !!! ... " I kid you not . Trevor Steven breaks away , just over 10 minutes left . He is clear , and though still a baby , there is no-one you would rather have bearing down upon Bayern's goal , with the Gwladys Street ahead of him , than Tricky Trev' . Wih that graceful , gliding run , he calmly slots before turning towards the Bullens Road , and giving me the nearest thing I have ever had to a Man Crush . Fuk me , he was SEXY !!! Oh , an' , btw , we have just reached our first European Final ,... The partying was Legendary Players , Staff an Fans . But we weren't finished yet .
3 more wins on the bounce in the Championship confirm us as League Winners for the first time since 1969/70 . The Trophy was presented before the 2-0 win over Q.P.R. which was little more than a Procession . Sharpy , and Derek Mountfield scored . This is the real deal now . The RS win Leagues . Not us . But this side of , Southall , Ratcliffe , Reid , Sheedy and definately Sharpy Lid , were now amongst the very best on the European Continent . Fact . We lose at Nottingham Forest as Howard drafts in the stiffs before it's off to Rotterdam for , on May 21 st 1985 , Everton Football Club's First European Final . At the De Kuip Stadium , Feyenoord , Rotterdam . Our opponents were Rapid Wein . Unusually , they had already been eliminated from that season's competition by Celtic but after a one-man pitch invasion and the threatening of a Rapid Player , the game was ordered to be replayed at Old Trafford , Manchester , and of course , the Austrians were victorious . The issue still rankles amongst Bhoys to this day .
In truth , our Final was the Semi-Final , as we are completely superior to Vienna . Our Defence looks after Hans Krankl , their Big Arse Austro-Beckhamesque Centre Forward , with one exception , when he scored . Our Midfield is quite simply phenomenal , both defending and attacking , and our Forwards terrify the Austrians as they had the Germans , Dutch , Czechs and Irish before them . Sheeds , Andy Gray and Tricky again , seal a magnificent and relatively scare free victory and secure our inaugral piece of Euro D'Argent . We are still not finished though . 3 days later we are to meet Manchester United at Wembley in our second successive F.A.Cup Final . Moreover , with the Club already having secured 2 Trophies we were on the brink of an unprecedented , in England , Treble .
The Wembley Showpiece was in fact anything but . United , still smarting from the 5-0 mauling , gave us a lot of respect . Defending high up though , given that neither Everton Forward was blessed with pace , the game is tight . Neither side much of anything . Deep into the second half , our midfielder , Reidy is - bizarrely , one-on-one with their Irish , Hurling Player Cente Half , Moran . He pushes the ball past him , with about as much chance of catching it as I had , but Moran merely steps in his way . Next thing , Reidy disappears over his shoulder and the Big Lad becomes the first player dismssed in an F.A. Cup Final . They , instead of folding , do what many teams do when , down to 10 and rally . Game goes to extra time . Whiteside , their Irish Wunderkind , and soon to be Blue-Nose picks up the ball on the touchline nearest to the Managers . He skips an' steps and Psycho looks to be jockeying him fine . Next thing , cheeky fuka shoots from a ridiculous distance . Ridiculous . Though , somehow , Neville is unable to reach it and it curls around his outstretched arm and nestles into the far corner . We are beaten . We have nothing left , and thus are denied the most legitimate Treble - given where we came from , in English Football history . The fact is though , irrespective of the Wembley loss , we are now genuinely regarded as a European Football Powerhouse . No-one wants to draw Everton Football Club . On the Wednesday , the Lucifers will play Juventus in Bruxelles ..... Still , the Homecoming was Supreme ; " Two will do . We Thank You ..." , were , I believe , the words used . It was . We did .
The feeling among Evertonians was similar - believe me , I know ; to the Hospital giving you bad news but no-one else knows . Like a strange netherworld were nothing makes sense . Problem was , it was true . Hideous , but Vero , unfortunately . On the pitch , Kendall , reasoning after Wembley that we needed more pace in the side , had once more shocked us , when swooping for the young Leicester forward , Gary Lineker , and allowing last year's hero , Andy Gray to return to his supposed first love , Aston Villa . We begin with the season curtain raiser at the Twin Towers , but this time as Champions . Sharpy is missing as Inchy and Links are selected . We win 2-0 and Inchy grabs a goal . Few Evertonians would've begrudged him a Wembley goal .
The season proper began with an inevitable defeat , away at Leicester , ironically , 1-3 . Kendall was now openly changing the methodology of , let's be frank , what was the finest attacking outfit upon the European Continent . I , for one , was sceptical . We beat W.B.A. in midweek , the Sharpy scored in a home draw against Coventry and is promptly dropped , as the Gaffer goes with Inchy an' Links . We defeat Tottenham - our next game , 1-0 , then Birmingham , 4-0 , as Links gets his first Everton Hat-Trick and Inch High the other one , then its off to Hillsborough . What I recall most about this day , was obviously the win , but also that Mick Lyons was their Captain , and as we ring out , " Champions ... ", there's a look on his face ... Still , no favours as we wipe the floor with them 5-1 . Now , this is more iike it !!! Sharpy himself , was in one game , out the next as Howard tinkered . He was not happy and rumours of a move began to surface . Italy was mentioned - Serie B as Serie A teams couldn't buy Foreigners at the time .
The Bealzebubs arrive for the Season's first - and with the Pos-Europe Murdoch Sports Super Cup , of many ; Derby meetings . They ake a 3-0 half time lead , as Fuk Off McMahon is kinda , The Guv'nor - hard as it is to admit . He also rifles a corker from 500 yards past Big Neville . The Sun was in his eyes , apparently . No matter , my unhappiness could be heard from my vantage point in the Gwlady - near the front , Mainy Side of goal ; Ohhhh , I'd say past where I now live on St. Domingo . I was roaring at Lineker to stop being a Faggot Arse Southerner - Ahem , and fukn get stuck in , you ponce !!! Loudly . An' often , as it goes . Well , either that , or Kendall's own bollocking sorted the problem as the second period was one-sided as the first , but in our favour . We drag back two goals as Lineker gets his first Derby goal and Sharpy his usual one . However , we should have actually beaten them , never mind drew as we miss a succession of chances with Links ballooning one in particular , late on , over the St. End crossbar . Typical fukn Lucifers . The Cloven-Hooved One's Luck , as ever . They win 2-3 but its no real biggy . Its coming along . Slowly , but defo progressing now . Two defeats in 9 saw us maintain a challenge at the top of the League . Arsenal came to Goodison on November 9th . By now Kendall had decided - finally upon his preferred pairing . Links and Sharps . Inchy would slot into midfield or deputise / supplement where necessary . The Gunners were destroyed 6-1 , as again the goals began to flow - having scored 4 versus Watford 2 weeks previously . The following week , we beat Ipswich 4-3 in another fine game . Sharpy scored for the second week in a row , as the new system finally began to bed down . Christmas comes and goes . Results keep coming our way . We meet Q.P.R. on January 11th and beat them 2-1 . Sharpy scores . He is on a streak as his partnership with Links is now the most prolific in the Division . He has 6 goals from his last 6 games as Evertonians begin to believe that it really was still on . We are also progressing nicely again in the F.A. Cup , in which we have lost one game in two full seasons of competition . This year seems no different .
Saturday 22nd February 1986 was a fine day in the Annals of Santo Domingo FC . It was Castle Grey Skull Day . They were no longer Champions , as of course , WE WERE , but had beaten us in the Goodison Derby an' anyone thinking they had lost their powers of evil , due to Heysel was sadly mistaken . They still had Jimmy Fukn Durante banging them in , an' the Homosexual loading his gun for him - as it were . Nevertheless , we are winners now , done them in this game last season too , and in Lineker have a striker , in all truth , the equal of The Appendage . So , game on then ,.. In a day of watery sunlight and cold , we attack the Deep End 2nd half after a first half of the usual tasty tackles , lots of endeavour and precious little else . Then , our Captain , that Master of Beckenbauer-esque attack from defence shizzzllle , Ratters , makes a forward thrust . Indeed , instead of the usual 5/10 yards before logic wins the day , this day he carries on going . And going . He eventually decideds to hit a Brazilian - not the waxing ; like effort in to the top corner . Instead , he proper scuffs one which bounces 40 times and never is in excess of 8mph as it meanders its way towards goal . In a pay-back of all the years of shabite luck against these , it manages to avoid the various bodies in and around , as Brucie is unsighted and it miraculously , and I do not use that word frivilously , bobbles across the line . Shortly after , Lineker , back post , 3 yards out - just his distance ; as he runs away with both arms raised again , signifying he had scored his opening Deep End Derby goal , and it was time for the Blues in the Road End to Par-teh ... Again ..!!! I could get used to this like ,.. In honesty , many of us leaving the ground that day thought that was the end of the Lucifers as serious Title Challengers that year , as following our Derby victory , they were 12 points behind , and with ourselves , last year's challengers , Spurs , Man' United having picked up from the cup win , and Southampton , who again put in a shift pulling away .
Four wins and two draws from the last 6 games sees us now with genuine hopes of being the first Everton Team ever , and only the second side , after Forest and the Devil's XI , in the modern day to retain the First Division Championship . We are also still going strong in the F.A. Cup . So it was that we are off to Vanilla Park to meet Sheffield Wednesday , themselves in the shake-up for - if there were any of course , European Places in the League . They were no push overs , and so it proved . I've said it before , but ths , and perhaps West Ham , were my least favourite Semi Finals ever - and I DO the F.A. Cup , incidentally . My reasoning being that I honestly did not fancy us . Even in extra time , with the lead , I still thought they'd come back . The lad Shutt . Workaday grafter but knew where the net was and troubled us on the day . Naturally , the game goes into extra time , Mooncat having opened the scoring for us , uny to be pegged back by , I think , Shutt as it goes . So , we are without loads , Links , primarily . We miss him too . Still , My Mate , Sharpy eventually puts us through with a peach of a volley into the Holt End net as again , the Parties started . This , Wem-bel-ey , chant was becoming repetitive , btw ... Lovely ... Fantastic , but repetitive . Post Christmas , we never seemed to stop singing it . A testament to our side of the day .
With no Europe this term , all eyes are now back on the League Campaign . Somewhat worryingly , the Bealzebubs - of course they would - have resurrected their Title bid from nowhere and are now 3 points behind . Still , its miles , relatively speaking . Isn't it ..??? Of our next 4 games , we win 3 but draw one . Then we go to Oxford , the scene of our redemption . Our Barn in Bethlehem . Nothing could go wrong here ... Surely ... In truth , nothing went right . We try to be calm as they try to mix-it . It was a steamy night in more than one sense . The amount of chances we missed was indeed inexcuseable . Links missed 6 on his own , but others , Sharpy included , were just as culpable . They score , second half , but even then we have enough openings to have won the game . We spurn them all and go down 1-0 . The night before , The Lucifers have beaten Waford , I think at Vicarage Road , thus negitiating the points difference . Indeed they are now ahead on goal difference . We have thrown away a second consecutive Championship , and while there were games left , we all knew it .
As it was , we did all we could in our remaing 2 fixtures , even scoring the required 6 goals against a bloody decent Southampton side - whom the Murderers have defeated in their Semi Final . It was for nothing though , as the Homosexual chips Chelsea's Russian goalie , or wherever he was from , and secures himself a League Championship in his initial year as Player Manger . Mufuka . As I noted , we are aware at this stage that the Vermin will be our opposition in the F.A. Cup Final and there was a genuine air of , we owe yous fukas one , btw ,..
So , with our new striker bagging 39 goals in his debut season , and as Champions putting in a Title bid that saw us fall short by virtually nothing , we looked to even up the scores in the Wembley Sun . Everything started swimmingly . We had the better of the first half . Sharpy now a Master at the - Gray inspired trick of ; jumping a fraction too early for any given ball . Invariably , as the Defender was within touching distance , as Graeme was on his way down , the Oppo' would end up leaning over his shoulders giving the appearance of a foul . I used to , Woop-Woop , as loud as for some goals , as it proper rang my bells . He did this a lot on the day at Wembley and we just Territorial-ised the fuk out of the game . Shortly before the break . Reidy picks up the ball , and with his partner-in-crime now in jeopardy of losing his career - he did lose his Everton Career as a result of an assault by the Barcodes Yard-Dog Whitehurst ; he pings a perfect 40 yard ball on to the on-running Lineker and Captain Scarlett Handball Hansen vainly blowing out of his arse . A foot race ensues with only one winner . Links however , mis-hits his first effort and it bounces back from Grobbelaar . Fortunately , Soft Arse has not yet caught up and young Gary has time to make sure his second dig has sufficient power to find the net . Once more , the arms raised , big grin , run . The RS were getting used to it this season . Alas , half-time was no friend to us , as the absence of first , Brace , as Molby the Whale and The Artful Dodger , Whelan begin to take the piss . However , Sharpy is denied the finest header by an Everton player at Wembley which I have witnessed , by an amazing full length save by their Goalie . The match would turn on it . The wide open spaces of Wembley once more resembled the Killing Fields of the Manchester United Extra-Time period . They get 3 goals as the Bin Man was suddenly very missed . The Toucan gets 2 . My heart breaks , but I get laid as a direct result of my pain . Silver Linings / Clouds , lid . So , at the end of a campaign of turmoil , one in which we certainly started as if in a daze , but rallied like few Everton teams have ever rallied , was ultimately fruitless which was hard on that group of players . One thing ; some bright spark in the Labour City Council , basking in the Pre-Heysel Salad Days of the '84 Milk Cup Final , suggested a joint Open-Top Bus Parade . No matter what the result . Thus , Our Squad was forced to endure basic public humiliation - least , I bet that's how it felt , for 3 hours as the RS lapped it up . Mind you there were positives . The side was young , and in Sharpy , Links , and Inch High , have possibly the finest trio of strikers in the Division . So it was all good , as the Players head off to the World Cup ,.... Sharpy finished the Campaign with , 23 goals from 51 starts in all competitions , including 3 as a Substitute . I mean , after last year , what could possibly go wrong ..???
The 1986 World Cup was once more held in Mexico . As with the previous time the Central American State hosted the Tournament , Everton sent a significant representation to the England side . Though on this occasion , the Scots had also qualified . Jock Stein had sadly died immediately following their final qualification , and had been temporarily replaced by Alex Ferguson . His first move was to drop Handball Hansen from the W/C Final Squad , despite his having only just won , The Double . Still , justice is justice , as they say . Sharpy however , was in . Andy Gray , not having pulled up any trees in an average Vanilla side , was not . Sharpy was not picked however - indeed did not even make the bench ; until their final , must-win game against Uruguay . Unfortunately for Sharp's , Lid , they drew 0-0 and were out as his Jules Rimet experience was something of a let down .
In what was now becoming a , " I know what you did last Summer ... " , Nightmare thing , we endured yet another Solero Horror , as due to his winning the Golden Boot as Tournament Top Scorer , Dagenham Spiv' , and new Barcelona Manager swoops for him , and Links had signed even before El Tel began his Frank Sinatra routine . Once again , we had done nothing at all wrong , but were being punished nonetheless . So , we have £2.2 million but no finest Centre Forward in Europe - or joint with Triangle Head . HK decides to stick with Sharpy and Inchy citing our Pre-Xmas form , 1984 . Many of us were sceptical though , it has to be said .
1986/87 can I think be accurately portrayed as the season of injuries which in a juxtaposition to 12 months earlier , nevertheless returned the craving for Silverware . Football , eh ??? We began with 2 wins to draws , but the incomings , a RS Swerving Ian Snodin - thus securing him Everton Legend Status Pre-Kicking a ball in Blue ; and Ex-RS Dave Watson a Centre Half from Norwich ; aside , were Kevin Langley and Neil Adams and a little later , Neil , " Dissa " Pointon , and perhaps the strangest of the lot , Manchester City Stalwart and Club Captain , Paul Power .. After Lineker , it wasn't exactly playing to the Signings Gallery . Still , its about results . We defeat Man' United at the Old Lady , 3-1 as we lay down a marker - Links maybe gone but it's still , Business As Usual at L4 4EL . Sharpy gets his third goal of the Season . Injuries really do begin to bite . Van Den Hauwe will be out for nearly the whole season as Power is forced to deputise but in reality tears it up . Paul Wilkinson too , is often foriotten , but definately put in a shift , particularly Pre-Christmas . Langley , Adams , all played a significant role , as our Band Wagon contniued to roll , albeit on 3 wheels . Sharpy nets his debut Everton Hat-Trick in the utterly jargoon Full Members Cup , the League's Anti-Euro Ban solution , in a 5-1 win over the Barcodes . We remain in the League Cup until February as the Football Gods mess with us some more as we draw the Vermin - again , this time at home . I was in the Main Stand and heard the crack of Jim Beglin's leg in a tackle with our midfield Iron-Man , Kevin Sheedy . However , as with many of our Derby meetings of the period . Gerard Depardieu is the difference . He scores a header in the Park End as time ticks away . Another devastating blow . Yet , the team , amazingly , seemed to shrug it off . Power and Dave Watson deputising as Motivators in Cheif , in Reidy's absence and Snod's quality made Brace's absence less painful .
Once more , the F.A. Cup is kind to us . We draw the talk of English Football , Wimbledon's Crazy Gang . A side who had literally came through the Leagues . They do not adhere to the accepted First Division rules an' certainly ruffle some feathers in their early days in the top flight . They do a job on us . At the Bollox , at Corners an' Dead Ball kicks an' without doubt we are ruffled . That little Dwarf Gibson , later to play for the Mancs , grabs 2 as we are eliminated 1-3 . Our first loss , outside of Wembley , in this competition since Stapleton scored at Old Trafford 4 years earlier . Gutted . One thing , as the injuries bite , HK dips back into the transfer market , again raising Blue eyebrows . If we thought Paul Power was a shock , then the purchase of Wayne Clarke , did nothing to replace Lineker in the hearts of Evertonians . Least at the start ,.. Indeed , he was excellent . Not a poseur , defo a grafter , but also knew where the goal was . He scored the goal which many believe actually won us the Title ; a 1-0 win at Highbury at the end of March . He then bags his only Everton Hat-Trick in the 3-0 defeat of the Barcodes . The week after , we go to Grey Skull and are beaten 1-3 . It is the game where Sheeds flashed the V's -if you wanna see the REAL V's , check him and Inch High on the halfway line at the final whistle ,... A defeat there always hurts , but our prominence in the Title race softens the blow . 2 weeks later , we go to Norwich Cty . Psycho Pat , back in the side grabs the winner , 1-0 , as the Title is confirmed . The week after . we have Luton Town at home in the intended Procession game . In fact they make it a War , but we triumph 3-1 and Sharpy gets his final goal of the campaign . He finishes with 13 goals in all competitions from 37 starts . We are not lauded like we were in 1985 , but no matter . Indeed , among the Players whom played in both , this Title means just as much . I feel the same way meself .
The summer of 1987 brought the - now expected Monster Calamity , as this time , our Manager , in yet another Fallout from Heysel incident , heads of to the Basque Country . Colin Harvey is promoted as the only candidate .
Again , we are involved in the Charity Sheild for the 4th year running . We are once more victorious , and Clarkey scores his only Wembley goal for Everton . I climb up that drain pipe and swing through those Half-Moon windows - an' experience in itself , I assure you . So , the first Trophy in the bag . We have Norwich in the opener , we win 1-0 , but only win another game out of our first 7 . The Mancs arrive and are despatched 2-0 , Clarkey gets them both . On Saturday 4 October , Graeme Sharp scores all of our goals in a 4-0 victory over Southampton . 2 weeks later he bags 2 in a 4-1 defeat of Chelsea . We then go to the RS twice in a week . We triumph in the League Cup as Shaggy Stevens scores his only Derby goal - a cracker in the Deep End . On the Saturday we are vanquished 0-2 . It was gonna be one of those seasons , it seemed . At the end of November , we play Bayern Munich in a repeat of the 1985 Semi-Final , in the Football League Centenary Trophy . The game is over a single leg - given we are unable to play fixtures in Europe . We win 3-1 , as Sharpy gets 2 , Inchy the other one . A fortnight later , we are defeated in Dubai , on penalties by the Glasgow Huns in yet another formulated - phony championship . From there , its back to 2 wins , 2 defeats , as Harvey begins to realise tha spending is required . The side lacks flair , which is odd with Tricky , Sheeds , Inchy around , but it remains , fact .
We are drawn against Sheffield Wednesday in the F.A. Cup 3rd round . We draw 1's each at hiome and are not over-enamoured at having to replay over there . Nevertheless , we go there and put on our finest display of the campaign as Graeme Sharp grabs a hat-trick . Anyone present will testify to how superb we were that day . We get Middlesborough in the next round , and draw 1-1 at the Old Lady , Sharpy scores our goal . The replay goes to extra-time and finishes 2-2 . We toss for venue and come out on top , and eventually defeat them 2-1 as Sharp's and a Mowbrey Oggy see us through . We have already played enough games in this year's competition to be in the Semi's . then we draw the RS at home ,.. Indeed , it was in the Cups that our season really resides , as we draw at home with Arsenal , as Tricky ballons a penalty over the St. End crossbar . We are beaten both by the Bealzebubs , 0-1 , then battered 1-3 - we go out 1-4 on aggregate . We do however , have the pleasure of breaking the Lucifer's unbeaten League record as Clarkey gets a front post header in the Park End goal . There is also a Wembley trip - I never bothered , as we meet and are defeated by , Man' United in the Final of the Mickey Mouse Mercantile Credit Trophy . Our season tails off and we eventually finish a reasonable , but no more , 4th place , but a massive 20 points behind the RS Champions . Graeme Sharp plays 42 games in al competitions and has a 22 goal return .
1988/89 was to be the Summer that Harvey got the cheque-book out . He equals the British Transfer Record of £2.2 million on West Ham's diminutive striker , Tony Cottee . He is joined by the Scots winger , Patsy Nevin from Chelsea for just shy of £1 million . To these , he adds Stuart McCall from Bradord as he attempts to give Reidy some assistance in the middle of the Park . Also , Neil McDonald a , with respect , exceedingly average full back from the Barcodes .
For the first time in 5 years we are not involved in the Charity Shield , so our opening game is a home fixture with the Barcodes . By way of co-incidence , this is my 4 year old Son's first game . We are upstairs in the old Park End - old habits die hard , btw . We are awesome as our new strike partnership dovetails perfectly . We win 4-0 , as Cottee gets a debut Hat-Trick , and Sharpy the other one . Also , I've got an Evertonian on me hands for life - he went with me yesterday , btw . As for us though , Newcastle was to be a Flash-in-the-Pan , as we lose 5 of our next 7 games . If you read any of the Player's Autobiographies from this period , most point to the fact that things were changing at Goodison . Whereas before , the newbies had been welcomed and ultimately adopted the Everton Ethos of , All For One . Roll up your sleeves an' put it in for your mate . This firm , apparently , were more Loners . Nevin , certainly was a one-off . An an age of , Elton John , Billy Joel , as Footy Player's Musical Favourites , Patsy wore a Trench Coat and went to see the Cocteau Twins . Moreover , TC was never a big hit , socially . Many felt , right or wrong , that he was only focused upon his own goal tally , irrespective of the Team's fortunes . He denies it , mind you , but given the foundations for our amazing success , it wasn't surprising that he wasn't popular . McCall they reckon was caught between two stools , as it were . Whatever the truth , it certainly showed on the Park .
From a home draw to the Mancs on October 30th , we win 2 games from 6 . We overcome Joe Royle's Oldham after a replay in the League Cup . The RS Derby finishes 1's each as Clarkey scores for us . A draw and 3 wins see out the year . Our form remains erratic though , despite Hogmanay . A win , a draw , a loss . In the Cup though , we maiintain momentum . Moreover , we are also in the M. Mouse Simod Cup Semi Final , which if nothing else means a Wembley Day Out . We meet Norwich at Vanilla Park in the F.A. Cup Semi Final . I travel from London as we beat thm 1-0 in the most bizarre football atmosphere that I shall ever experience . Shortly after kick off , we begin to hear reports of a disturbance at the other game , the RS versus Forest at Hillsborough . our Evertonian heads take us right to , " Them Murderin' Fukas at it again ... " Rumours of injuries . Bad ones . 10 dead ....30 dead ... We leave the ground unable to celebrate as being a Scouser suddenly means something . We all know the upshot , an' we all have our personal feelings , but suffice to say , innocents lost their lives . That can never be forgiven . Nor forgotten .
The League Campaign resumes with a game at Tottenham . I live on the Old Kent Road and turn up . The gate outside their ground is like every other gate outside every other ground . Full of scarves and flowers .I'm talking to the Bin Man near the pitch like he's me best mate . He passes me a Bouquet he has been given by the Mascot or whomever . Violence had disappeared overnight , btw . In the interim we have indeed secured a Wembley date in the Simod Cup Final against , irony of ironies , Nottingham Forest . I've gotta be honest here . I will never be able to have these Mufukas from this day on . I takes me 4 year old . I'm living in London and buy me tickets direct from the Stadium . On the day , we're in their end . Not arsed .Our D has his Stripey Kit on an' its ," Let's go the Footy , Young'un ..." Inside , I'm sitting by this group . They sees the Boy's Kit . It ges to the Minute's Silence , one says ... " Fuk 'em .. It's only robbin' Scousers .. For-Est !!! " I turn around , I shouldn't , but I can't help meself . I say , " What did you say , Dickkhead ??? If it hadn't have been for yous Scab-Arse Mufukas , we'd still have a Mining Industry . You're the Fukn Scumbags , Scumbag ... " With that , I passes me Lad to some Bird minding her own business and offer the Gentleman a further word . His arse goes . I then proceed to give the BIG one for the rest of the game . Which , btw is a cracker . We lose 3-4 with some of the best goals , from both sides that the Old Stadium has ever seen - one a volley from Sharpy . The Nation is in shock , as we now face theBealzebubs in the F.A. Cup Final . Suffice to say , I believe that we were never gonna win this game . The whole World was now in their corner ; which , let's be honest , they've never needed in the past . Miraculously though , we pull two goals back . The first time I have ever witnessed such an event , and for just a few minutes , I sat on line with our Area as The Toucan scores again , actually believing it was possible . Will I ever fukn learn ,..??? We lose the game 2-3 and with it goes Colin Harvey's closet chance at Silverware . I personally , was therefore Screaming on the following Wednesday when Micheal Thomas done a forward roll at the Anfield Road End . Old habits an' that ,... We ourselves finish 4th but miles away . Sharpy plays 38 games and bags 13 goals .
The Summer of 1989 saw the departure of Trevor Steven to the Glasgow Huns , joining his right sided Mucka , Shaggy Stevens . Though unquestionably one of the best and certainly most aesthetically pleasing players I have ever seen in Royal Blue , It had been coming . Incomings , and there were a few with Harvey seeing our distinct lack of backbone at Wembley , sought to reinforce . He signed Martin Keown from Aston Villa and Norman Whiteside from Manchester United . Yes . THAT Norman Whiteside . Also , Sharpy's umpteenth Striking Partner arrived in Mike Newell , a RS Scouser from Luton Town . Indeed , it was Newell whom hit the ground running , scoring in 6 of the first 8 games , one his debut Derby goal in a 1-3 home reverse . On Bonfire Night - evening , we go to Vanilla . The game is televised and we are embarrassed , 2-6 . It really is two steps forward one back . We win 1 and lose 4 of our next 6 . We defeat Luton Town a home on New Year's Day as we all hope for a change of luck . Sharpy gets our 2nd . At the end of January , I trek , on a Sunday Morning as I recall , OFF me Barnet , btw , to Hillsborough for our first visit there post-Tragedy . Norman Whiteside gets 2 without reply as we progress . This was also the year of the famous , Keown / Sheedy incident in a Southport Restaurant . " Your Brother is a [Poor language removed] .. " , earned Sheeds a Keown Left , and it made the Papers . Said everything about our Team Spirit at the time . We are almost nevitably defeated at Grey Skull , as Sharpy scores our goal in a 1-2 reverse . I make an horrendous Coach Journey from Newcastle to Oldham , via Manchester to see Joe Royle's side deposit us out of the F.A. Cup . Sharpy would get only three more goals all season , as Beagrie - signed by Harvey in November was proving he was no Trevor Steven . Graeme Sharp completed his worst Everton Season in front of goal with 7 from 40 games in all competitions .
The Summer signings were Mike Milligan , the Captain of Joe Royle's Oldham whom had een us off in las year's F.A. Cup , the McCall experiment had not gone well , despite his Wembley heroics . Also , Andy Hinchcliffe arrived from Manchester City . His main claim to fame being his having scored in a 5-1 rout of United in a Manchster Derby . As it was , Milligan would endure a nightmare 12 months at Everton , whereas Hinchcliffe would make the England Team . Fortunes , eh ..??? We begin with three straight defeats , the first of which was the Leeds defeat where Neville Southall sits against the Park End Post for his Half-Time . I was there and while it was funny , it was also fukn embarrassing . Sign of things to come . 2 draws before the Lucifers come to town . We lose unluckily 2-3 as McCall scores another against them , as does Newell . Nevertheless , we stood 18th of 20 First Division Teams and had endured , officially , our worst ever start to a Campaign . Enough was enough . Whle everyone retains love for The White Pele , it has to be admitted that he was never the best , #1 , as it were . His talents were as Second-in-Command , and his role in Sharpy's , Ratter's , Gary Stevens , Big Neville's and many others progress was without doubt , immense . Still , he was not an Everton Manager . He was replaced , and bizarrely re-hired as Coach , by his erstwhile Gaffer and close friend on , Howard Kendall - the first day he was appointed ; in the first of the Dome's St. Domingo Renaissance . In truth though , little changed . 2 draws , 2 defeats . The Season continues to meander . On January 1 , Sharpy scores our first in a 2-1 win at Stamford Bridge - Jason Cundy scores an Oggy for oursecond . It brings Graeme onto 111 First Team goals for Everton Football Club , thus leaving him second only behind the Great Dixie Dean in our all time standings . Some honour , btw . We draw the Vermin at Grey Skull - again in the F.A. Cup 4th round . The game ends goalless as Referee Elleray decides Tablet's Thigh-High lunge on Nevin , in the Anfield Road area is not a Penalty ,and its back to our place . The historical signifiance of this game often belies that rank haphazardness of the whole night , which Beardo's and Barnes' goals aside , was chokka with mistakes . Nevertheless , I am in the Main Stand with Brother-in-Law and Tony M , me mate . We come back 4 fukn times , in the most incredible Derby there has ever been - in modern times , unfolds . It ends 4-4 as the Homosexual decides he's had enough and resigns . Sharpy and Cottee share our goals , all in the Street end goal . They would be his last for Everton . Graeme Sharp would make his last appearance in Royal Blue . He finishes his St. Domingo Career with 150 goals in 450 competitive games .
His move comes when Joe Royle offers him a lifeline at Oldham , where he flourishes . He stays at Boundary Park for 6 yeas in all , the last 3 as Manager . He was finally relieved of the position in March 1997 with Oldham on the verge of relegation t the 2nd Division . He would make 107 appearances for them , scoring 30 goals . From there he goes to Bangor City , where he encounters My Mate , Kenny Mc . where he wins the Welsh Cup in 1998 . He leaves Professional Football altogether after his departure that year , and returns locally and begins to work in the Media as well as becoming Everyone's Fans Representaive . I've been down and met him meself . He currently resides on Radio City on Matchdays and generally still attends every Everton game , irrespective of venue .
In reviewing Graeme Sharp as a Sermon Focus , it has given me cause to re-examine not only his magnificent - second only to Dean , statistics , but his commitment , desire on behalf of , and unadulterated love for , ALL things Everton Football Club . He was as Mad Arse , the day he walked out of here - with a Cob on , btw , as the day he won his First Championship , and was upset as any fan as our standards began to slip . He felt it . He was also as a good a Striker at hold up play that I have seen - though had the maddest , Tip-Toe'd run that I have witnessed , but could he play though ..??? . Graeme was born a Glasgow Proddy , yet he gets Everton like you or I . No finer accolade could I give him .
Therefore , this Domingo , thank the Almighty in providing Graeme Sharp , Centre Forward and Goalscorer par excellence , and Pure Evertonian .
Amen .
May the Good Lord be with you all .
Written in Britain .
Remember , Jesus Loves You 'cause you're a Blue .
Look after Your Peoples .
Peace Out .
The Catholic Reverand L.C.A.B.
" ... I know My Peoples hearin' me . ... Hollah if y'all need me ,.... Word ,... "
Stay Safe Peoples .... THAT , is a Goddamn' ORDER ...!!!
For My Mother My World , L.C.A.Barb , Me Aunty Do' , an' My Mate , Peter , lid .
L.C.A.Babe ; I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry , kid .
..An' all My Peoples in The Struggle .... It's Ya' Boi , D .
May the Good Lord be with you all .
Welcome , everyone to our little corner of the Sabbath .
Being utterly honest , I really did NOT feel like composing this Sermon . Swear to God .
I have procrastinated in the hope that an excuse would present itself , an' I could do what I wanted to do all along , an' sack it . Nevertheless , while I have awoken this morning , with no more enthusiasm than yesterday , I did consider the subject of the piece . See , this man is a veritable Everton Legend . An' while he is familiar to us now as a Commentator / Pundit on all things St. Domingo , when he was playing , he was often referred to as the " Second " Striker in any partnership - Gray , Lineker , Cottee in particular . Despite this , he is the second highest Everton Goalscorer of ALL TIME , and THE best Post-War . In 11 years at Goodison , he never once gave anything less than 100% , and went away , only to return having left the Professional Game for good , and where he remains , now as the primary Everton Media Pundit , and attends just about every game , home and away , to this day .
Ladies and Gentlemen , may I assume the honour of introducing , Graeme Sharp ...
Graeme Marshall Sharp , was brought into the World , on October 16 , 1960 , in the Glasgow Suburb of Cardowen , into a Rangers following Family . The kid was a mad football fan ,and had ability himself . Indeed , he signed for Eastercraigs , a local amateur club of some repute , against the express wishes of his School . Sharpy stood his ground , feeling that Eastercraigs were better for his development . In the event , the School relented and came , basically , Cap-in-Hand , as they reached the Final of the Scottish Schools Knockout Cup . The game was played at Lesser Hampden - adjacent to the Main Stadium , and Graeme Sharp scored a hat-trick as his Alama Mater lifted the trophy . Bravo , Sharpy , lid . Whilst at Eastercraigs some of his team mates were Bernie Slaven , Middlesborough / Eire ; Mojo , of this Parish an' Scotland ; an' John Hannah , the Actor , he of , Sliding Doors / Four Weddings and a Funeral infamy .
From there , despite interest from his boyhood team , the Glasgow Huns , after the experiences of his brother , Richard - Sharpy reckons he had more natural talent ; whom was left to rot in the Club's reserves , he and his main advisor , his Dad , went to talk to Dumbarton . He agreed and was signed on a 2 year , Semi-Pro' deal . He would remain there for the 2 seasons , playing 40 games and scoring 18 goals . It took no time at all really for his name to began to be linked with other teams . Graeme had already spent a week at Aston Villa whilst still at Eastercraigs . To say he didn't enjoy it is understatement . Then , whilst at Dumbarton he was invited up to Aberdeen for a week to see if both sides fit , as it were . The side included Willie Miller , Jim Leighton , Neale Cooper . Alex Ferguson was of course the Manager . Indeed , Sir Taggart used to pick young Sharpy Lid up each morning for training . Moreover , he found out later that Aberdeen had not only liked him , but sufficiently enough to make an offer , but nothing was to come of it . He also returned to Aston Villa , with Dumbarton's permission of course , and this time enjoyed himself far more . Nevertheless , while he felt he had done well enough , being amongst the First-Team lads , nothing was to come of it . A week later , Graeme scored in his side's 1-2 defeat at Arbroath . The following morning he was called into his Manager , Davie Wilson's Office . " Gordon Lee has been on the phone . Everton want to talk to you ..."
Everton FC , if you don't mind , did indeed want to talk to him . Lee explained that Harry Cooke our Chief Scout for many a long year , had seen him on various occasions and reported back to Mr. Lee . He himself , had liked what he had heard and later , saw , and after inviting Sharpy and his Family down to Bellefield and then Goodison , offered him a Contract there and then . It was duly signed . There was some fall out on the deal though , as Ron Saunders , the Aston Vila Manager kicked up a public fuss over the transfer , claiming to have been gazzumped by Everton and treated with disrespect by Dumbarton . His point being , they had shook hands , figuratively speaking on a deal , whereupon the Scots Side duly received and accepted a better offer . All's fair in Love and War ... AND on Gates of 2,000 per week ,..
Thus , in March 1980 , Graeme Sharp became a player for Everton Football Club , albeit with one final nail-biting two days as he failed his initial medical due to a Heart murmour . Remember , this was 1980 , not Technologically on the same planet as today . Thus , he had a stressful 48 hours before getting the all clear . Mind you , it didn't sort his workaday problems out though . Despite costing £125,000 , his age meant at the Old Bellefield Training Complex - where the Dressing Rooms were split into First Team Squad , and Youth Players ; Our Graeme was in with the kids . These kids btw , were Joe McBride , Fuk Off McMahon , Brian Burrows , Paul Lodge ... Them , he could deal with . It was the First Team Big Boys that were his issue .
In what , to my mind was perhaps the most Un-Everton , Everton side ever in my lifetime , Lyons and Latchford were still there , but also Kidd , Eastoe , Stanley , Gidman , and someone Sharpy had watched for Scotland at Hampden Park , Asa Hartford . He doubted his own ability but thankfully saw it through . He was called up by Gordon Lee in an end of season away game at the Goldstone Ground , Brighton and Hove Albion . He was made Sub' - there was but one in those days , and would come on for the Legend of an Everton Centre Forward that was Bob Latchford in a 0-0 draw . The most remarkable thing of the whole afternoon was , upon his introduction , and with the ball elsewhere , Suddaby , their Centre Half , gives Sharpy a ," Welcome to the Big Leagues .." , Clout around the side of his head ... Welcome , indeed . The week after , we played our final game of the Campaign at the City Ground , Nottingham . We lost the game 0-1 , but Graeme was picked ahead of Bob Latchford , as Lee checked out the goods .
In truth , the following season , 1980/81 was no improvement for Sharpy . His ability was not in question . However , his mental state was , and this was not helped by a large helping of homesickness . He began the season well enough , chosen in the first game . Away , before the Famous , Roker Roar , at Sunderland , as we lost 1-3 . That would be it , until , with the side struggling near the botom of the league , and in retrospect , crying out for an injection of youth , he was re-introduced into to the First Team and was chosen as Sub' , for a game at Goodison with Middlesborough the opposition in March . We won 4-1 , and he came on for Garry Stanley . The following home game , Stoke City , he was chosen to start . Alas , Inchy , Adrian Heath , scored the winner but still played for the opposition at the time . The Manager was on borrowed time , and Cat-Calls , of , " Lee Out ..." accompanied Sharpy's exit from First Team action for that season . He went , and was quite happy to do so , back to Colin Harvey and the Reserves where , though it was a hard regime , Colin was making him into a proper Centre Forward . He wasn't there yet . He finished his second Everton Season with an aggregate appearances of 3 , and goals 0 , as the side finished in 15th place , and- in May 1981 as Gordon Lee was relieved of the Manager's role . He was replaced by Ex-Evertonian and member of The Holy Trinity - along with Colin Harvey , and of course , Bally ; Howard Kendall , as Graeme Sharp's and Everton Football Club's luck was about to change for the better .....
Howard Kendall made the Statement of Everton Manager Statements as , when upon taking up office bought 7 new players , his , Magnificent 7 . Jim Arnold and Neville Southall , both Goalkeepers , Mike Walsh , Bolton's Grafter Centre Half , Alan Ainscow from Birmingham , a wide midfield player . Mickey Thomas , Ex- of Wrexham and now of Chelsea , and 2 Forwards . Mick Ferguson , Abel Xavier aside , our last Bearded Player , off the top of me head , and Rod Stewart-alike Alan Biley from Derby County . Didn't exactly fill young Sharpy with the Joys of Summer , as it was then . Looking back at the Staff Roster today , it is blindingly obvious what Kendall's problems were at the time . Players like Trevor Ross , Eamon O'keefe , no disrespect to either , were a throw-back to the , Bad Old Days , but Fuk Off McMahon , Irvine , Mark Higgins , Gary Stevens , Ratters , were not quite ready yet .
Graeme Sharp would come on as a Substitute at Stoke City away in a 1-3 defeat , and again - in another loss , this time at home to Man' City . He eventually got a start in the Away fixture at Meadow Lane , Nottingham , home of the World's oldest football club , Notts County . Ironically , Kendall himself played the first of his 4 First Team games that season . Sharpy scored his first Everton goal this day , a 20 yarder - deflected , mind , as we drew 2's each . He kept his place for an unlucky defeat at Up'a De Arse , and the week after grabbed his initial Goodison goal , a header past , Never-Say-Dai , Davies . Indeed , their side of Garry Stanley , Neil Robinson , and of course , Bob Latchford and also a smattering of RS and Welsh Internationals was familiar to us . So , now he's off and running . Having came into the side for an injured Mick Ferguson , and been second striker to Alan Biley , he had , within months , saw them both off and was now largely , Everton First Choice Centre Forward .
However , the goal that really marked him out , well , until Grey Skull 1984 , was to be the one against Tottenham in November 1981 . I was with my very good amigo , Mouser Mc , in His House - The Enclosure - mine being the , now bricked-up , Park End . Anyway , its freezing . It always was . We are kicking towards the Park End goal . Clemence has swerved work as a stand in for a 6ft tall Pick Axe for the day to keep goal for Spurs . Ball drops to our young forward somewhere down City Rd . He cracks it , on the volley , very , very Anfield Road goal-esque of a couple of years later .It fizzes like a Exocet into the top left hand corner as we look . Clemence , even with that nose , was some Goalie , an' never stood a chance . If you ever see this again , watch the Keeper's body shape as it pings past him . He hasn't even reached his optimum position . It was just too quick for him . An' he was Clemence ,... Anyway , place goes OFF . Sharpy unveiles that mad-arse , running but with no idea what to do when he gets there , celebration for the first time , and he was kinda REALLY off and running now ,.. A short time later , Howard Kendall went back to his old club , Stoke City and basically , stole their family silver . Well, if you count breaking our transfer record at £800,000 as stealing like , as he brought Adrian , Inchy , Heath to Goodison Park . It was to be a fortunate purchase , for Kendall , For Inchy , For Everton Football Club and also for Graeme Sharp . From their first game together until the campaign's end , Inchy got 6 goals , Sharpy got 11 . We finish in a laudable 8th position as we all began to recognise , The Green Shoots Of Recovery , but would prefer our Manager not to have to acually play games for the First Team , if at all possible . Sharpy finishes with 15 goals from 27 starts and if he can maintain that sort of ratio of any decent period of time , we're , In Like Flynn , as they say ,...
Season 1982/83 began with a 0-2 defeat at Watford . However , normal service was resumed with two thumping Goodison victories . The first a 5-0 over Aton Vila , with both Sharpy and Inchy - bought ostensibly as a midfielder but now a genuine forward , grabbing 2 each , and a 3-1 over Tottenham . Though , 2 draws and 3 defeats in the next 5 games told HK that the painting was far from complete . He had recruited Ex- Blues , Andy Is Our King , Kevin Sheedy and RS Tawt David Johnson from the Bealzebubs Stiffs , guiding the young pups . Thing was , we needed something extra .
The day after Bonfire Night , November 6th 1982 will live long in the memory of all Evertonians , Players , Staff and Fans . Not in a good way .
In the week leading up to the fixture , HK , recognising the problems I mentioned above ,allied to an injury to Higgins , drafted in a Centre Half on loan , Glenn Keeley from his old club , Blackburn Rovers . I seem to recall Kendall had briefly managed him , but I may be mistaken on that . Anyway , Keeley is chosen in the starting line up . They are attacking the Street End goal . Once more , Me Boi , Mouser has convinced me of the delights - NOT , of the Enclosure . Not really my style like , but I've got a Mouthy Arse RS - Quelle Fukn Surprise ; next to me . He starts giving it the Big One . Buzzing off us . I says . You might change your fukn tune when this crowd of kids kicks your Ugly Arses , eh , Bollox ??? He says . Do ya' wanna tenna on it , Blue Nose ??? Yes I fukn do , you scare the kids Mufuka . Yes I do . Thus , bet taken .
We kicks off , an' from what I can recall , we don't touch the ball for 10 min . In fact , I think The Homosexual just had it for himself the whole time . Anyway , about that long in , 10 mins or so in , Homo #1 , recieves pass . Puts Big Arse for such a Dwarf , out , knocks ball back to midfielder who wall-passes back to him . He spins off and is goooooonne . Our new found stopper , instead of reading the move is turning like the Q.E.2 . He faces the Gwladys Street in just enough time to grab the back of the Incomprehensible One's shirt as it disappears towards Aintree . Strrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeettttcccchhhes it back ... Ref' blows up . It is the first year of the Yellow / Red Card experiment . Keeley recieves our First Red Card as he is in and out of Everton's History within a quarter of an hour and we are a man down to the League Champions . The upshot was of course , they ran riot . The Homosexual was supreme . The Nose got the plaudits with his ... Splutter ... Chokes ... 4 goals ... OMFG , even Lawrenson got one - ran from the halfway line to do it , too . He tells me about it regular . It was 4-0 at Half Time - when I threw me tenner at the RS Mufuka . I can still hear his derision . Talk about Trauma ...??? Oh , it was traumatic all right . Beyond it in fact . I stayed until the end . As did Mc , slobbering and mumbling the two of us I think . If I never feel another day like that it will be TOO FUKN SOON ,....
We went on to three consecutive draws - 2 of which against Arsenal , before an exit at Highbury in the League Cup , as we were all still proper traumatised . We waited a further 3 games for a win , at home to Ipswich , in the game Alan Brazil says was the loudest he ever heard in English Football , a 2-0 win . It was coming together , we could all see that . Southall had been M.O.M. against the RS believe it or not . Sharpy , Inchy , Shaggy Stevens , Ratters , Richo , Fuk Off McMahon .... Definite progress from 3 years earlier . However , we needed a little more . HK acted . Purchasing injury prone once prospect and declared RS , Peter Reid from Bolton . He failed to make a immediate impression however , and did not calm our troubled waters . Meanwhile , Graeme Sharp was having his first barren run in front of goal , and despite HK lauding his general work for the side , he was eventually dropped for a couple of games after a return of 3 goals in 22 games .
Our League Form continued with 2 good , two indifferent results / performanes , but in the Cup , finally we gave it a go . Wins over , after a replay , Newport , Shrewsbury and Spurs , Sharpy scoring the second in a 2-0 win , saw us unluckily draw Manchester United at Old Trafford . I've said this before , but this was the finest Everton Away Firm I've ever seen . Numbers and everything else wise . Not many didn't turn out for this one , like . We are amazingly unlucky not to score in the first half as both Sharpy and Alan Irvine , whom has a blinder , prosper . Fuk Off McMahon runs the midfield and we are well in the game , indeed , look to be hanging on for a replay , 92nd minute . That was until they bring on 5 ft 2" Lou Macari . They get a free kick , which is launched into our box . Macari somehow wins the header , nods back to Stapleton whom rifles , with his swinger , past Jim Arnold , and into the Stretford End goal . We were out . Devastated didn't quite say it . Again .
A Grey Skull nils each , and another Arsenal defeat , as Kendall brought in Terry Curran on loan from Sheffield Wednesday , but otherwise our domestic form rallied . 6 wins from the last 10 games , the last a 5-1 victory at David Evan's I.D. Card Test Case , Luton Town , as Sharpy Lid grabs 2 . We ended up in 7th position , a place better than a year previously , and given our Derby Nightmare plus the Old Trafford debacle , was bloody good going . Therefore , definite progress then . Irrespective of individual fuk ups . Graeme Sharp plays 39 games from the start , with 2 as a Sub' , scoring 15 goals .
The summer of 1983/84 was a strange one for this Blue anyway . I've said before in these Halls that the sale of Fuk Off McMahon sought to raise more than an eyebrow in our house . Nevertheless , in retrospect , we ought to have trusted in Howard as he already had Peter Reid up his sleeve and spent the Fuk Off McMahon dough wisely ,...Terry Curran was eventually , finally permanently signed - though in truth , never reproduced his On - Loan form . Moreover , the purchase of Trevor Steven was the real transfer business of the Summer . Most of us had seen him in Burnley's League Cup run the year before , and he had played well at Grey Skull in the two-legged Semi . Moreover , we had beaten the Bealzebubs an' the Homosexual in luring this patently talented kid to us before the Dark Side , for an admittedly , costly for a youngster , £300,000 . Definite positive start there ,..
The season proper began with a win over Stoke City at The Old Lady , 1-0 , with Sharp's netting the strike . 2 draws and 2 defeats until Reidy finally was fit enough to play and did do , an' amazingly scored too , in a 2-1 win at White Hart Lane . Three wins , 2 losses an' it was off the Grey Skull . Safe to say , another traumatic hiding ensued . This time 3-0 , an' our backsides so sore we couldn't sit down until Christmas ,.. So , once more , we dust ourselves down and go again . 2 wins , two losses a draw , 2 more wins ... Like that . Still , Howard still knew it wasn't the finished article . He therefore goes out and purchases another Arl Arse supposed Crock , Andy Gray from Wolves as he finally admits defeat on RS Tawt Johnson .
It was just the fillip the side needed as Gray came in , bonded with Reidy in the Dressing Room an' Sharpy on the pitch . We avenge last year's F.A. Cup exit by beating United 1-0 , then beat West Ham in the quarter final of this year's trophy . The week after , Gray gets his first Everton goal , an equaliser against , of all teams Aston Villa . 2 defeats , two draws ,.. Then , as the New Year arrived we beat Birmingham at home , 2-0 , before beating Stoke twice in a week , away in the Cup and at Goodison in the Championship . The next game was Oxford United at the Manor Ground . The so called, Turning Point game . I have covered this match in these pages previously so won't do that today . Suffice to say , the side was utterly bereft of confidence . Totally . I saw this game an' to my , admittedly clouded recollection , they were the better side . That fukn ground . That pitch . We didn't really fancy it in truth . Nevertheless , Inch High Private Eye sorts us with a superb piece of anticipation an' old fashioned clinical finishing and we grab a draw. Talk about a close one !!!
We get them back to the Old Lady and trounce them . Sharpy grabs one of our 4 goals . Three games against Gillingham and an Inchy hat-trick versus Notts County saw us stagger , more than anything , onwards . A draw , 2 more wins , one in the first leg of the League Cup Semi Final against Villa , and Shrewsbury were despacthed in the other Cup competition . The wheels began , albeit slowly , jerkily an' ohhhhh so reluctantly , to turn . Momentum appeared from over the horizon . We were on the beginnings of a roll ,.... One thing that is often overlooked when people ruminate as to the relevant factors in our Pheonix like rise from the ashes , in the promotion of Colin Harvey to First Team Coach . This is no disrespect to the late Mick Heaton , but The White Pele was The White Pele . His name alone resonated . Moreover , he was among , is not was , the finest Man-To-Man Coach in the First Division . Howard Kendall saw this . Also , Colin had personally brought through all of the homegrown kids who now made up the backbone of the side . It was Win / Win .. Win / Win .. Win / Win ..
We go to Vanila Park on the Wednesday and lose 0-1 but knock them out and are Wembley Bound for the first time in 7 years . I kinda remember it being played down , tbh . Not by us of course , but generally . In the Media an' that . Dunno , perhaps it's me whose view is twisted with time , but I don't think so . No matter . The Road goes ever on , an' all that ,... a 4-4 with Watford - Sharpy gets 2 . A home draw with the Lucifers - Mooncat - Harper ; scores his only Derby goal . Then it was on to Wembley to face our Nemesis , the RS . Again , I have covered this day in other Sermons , but suffice to say , we ALL turn out . Them an' us . Wembley is over-subscribed by some 20,000 in the pissin' down rain . The game itself did more for us than them . It ended , of course , nils each - primarily due to when Inchy beats a stranded Grobbelaar . Ball is goalbound , until , that cheating Captain Scarlett's [Poor language removed] Hansen , whom earns his Eternal Sobriquet as he lowers his arm , but raises his knee and prevents the ball from going in . Our cries for a Penalty - at Wembley , against the Bealzebubs ... Are you SURE ..??? ... ; were naturally dismissed , and it was off to Manchester City for a replay . Thing was though . They respected us now . It was actually visible . Remember , this team had traumatised us - or without Reidy an' Andy Gray , it was us , not long previously . No one mentioned 5 nil that day though . Sharpy an' Inchy -Andy Gray was Cup-Tied , of course , having played fr Wolves in the competion tha year already ; were as good a forward pair as there was around . Our midfield was significant . Invariably , for the next 2 years , one of this firm would be M.O.M. in any given encounter . The defence looked solid , with Rats an' Degsy building a real partnership . An' in Goal ... Well , Neville was Neville was Neville , etc .. Simply the Best Around . Anywhere . On the Planet . The Wednesday night at Maine Road , was a little like a similar event - a replay at least , the last time we had a Wembley Cup Run - albeit in a different competition 1977 ; a let down . In other words , we had our chance the first time . You don't get 2 with thse Mufukas . So it proved , as though this time we did actually make a game of it , we enjoy no fortune . Moreover , the Bin Man is beaten by Sourpuss' Swinger from outside the area , so that just tells you it wasn't to be our night . We lose our first ever Final to the Uglies , but actually are in far better fettle than in '77 . We are STILL in the F.A. Cup , an' with characters like Gray , Reid , an' Sharpy himself , for whom Andy Gray had been the perfect fillip , on an' of the Park ; we were not gonna sulk for too long . We have two wins and a draw - one against our Semi Final opponents ; Southampton , pre , off to Highbury for an F.A. Cup Semi Final . A chance to put right both 1977 but also Lampard Snr's , hideous corner flag routine , from 1981 .
Again , on what I have previously annonuced , is my very favourite Semi Final ever , we turn up in the Cockney Sun . Don't be folled by the name Southampton , btw . The year before , this team of Mills , Shilton , Wiliams and Moran - Keegan , Channon , Osgood an' Bally had uny recently departed had finished 2nd to the Lucifers in the League . It was no push over . Sharpy had been dropped by HK the game before and Kendall sticks with the same 11 , with Terry Curran starting , as well as Tricky , with Richo in for Sheeds again . Nevertheless , we showed grit , desire an' not a little skill as a game of chess went into extra time . Now , the extra time was heading towards extra time . We get a free kick near the touchline . I never really saw it on the day , as I was being chased by Bizzies , under bars , through Fella's legs an' that , at the time . I do recall , glimpsing Reidy , over me shoulder , pointing ... As you know , Reidy's Free Kick , was nodded , looped would be a more accurate adjective actualy in to the North Bank net .. Cue scenes of Honest To God , delirium , as Evertonians realised not only was the clock all but , down , but also all those years of hurt were soon to be forgotten . With the roar and he pandemonium , the Cockne Bizzies decided to let me scarper and I was able to enjoy a heart lifting parade , twirling me jumper around me head , of the Highbury pitch . Murders , btw an' all ,... But still , me very bestest Semi final day out ever . Wem-bel-ey ,,. Again !!! In fairness , we could have taken our eye off the ball , but never lost in the 5 game lead up to the Final .
Sharpy's Non-Form , and subsequent dropping had not gone un-noticed outside Bellefield . There had been rumours of offers from other clubs , but Alex Ferguson , still Aberdeen , and an admitted admirerWe faced Watford , with Elton in a Morning Suit an' a Bespoke New Bride , the German Fraulein , Renata ... Wonder whatever happened to her ...??? - on May 19 1984 . It was our first visit there in this competition since Labby ,Bally and both Howard Kendall and Colin Harvey took the field against W.B.A. in 1968 . In truth and in retrospect , most analysts were agreed that we were the better side . However , us being us , I for one , would believe it when we were playing in the Charity Shield . They had Mojo , later of ourselves and MLS fame , RS Tawt John Barnes , Callaghan the little winger and mostly grafters . However , akin to Southampton 2 years earlier , had themselves finished 2nd behind Liverpool in the Championship , in an age when only the Champions played in the European Cup . The game itself , basically goes to plan . We are better in all departments . No Sheeds , but no matter . Tricky is a nightmare for them an' Richo the same on the left . Our defence pushes right up , an' with Ratters , makes sure no-one is gonna beat us for pace . And our strikers ... Both Andy Gray and Sharpy literally terrorise their back line . Our first goal is due to confusion as Sharps gets too much space , and after a renbound , opens the scoring with - for him , his best ever Everton goal . Second half , long cross into box . Gray goes up with their keeper , Sherwood . The undeniably , come together , as Andy bascally heads the ball from the Goalie's hands and into the net ... he never had it under control , apparently ... Ahem .. It wasn't of course . It was a foul , but we cared not . The game was largely seen out to a non-alarmed conclusion , and we had just lifted our first Trophy in nearly 15 years . Tbh , it wasn't the roaring , ear-shattering spectacle it would have been , say , in any of our subsequent Wembley defeats , but still , I partied . We all did . Howard Kendall had done what few other Everton Managers had done over the years , and placed silver in the Trophy Cabinet . An' this team , of Southall , Ratcliffe , Reid and of course , Sharpy Lid , was not quite finished yet . Indeed , it had hardly begun ,..
The summer saw , suprisingly , only one real incoming transfer deal , Paul Bracewell was signed from Sunderland for £200,000 and again , no one really cracked that much of a smile over it . We were wrong , btw . Again . Still , for the first time in a generation , we really didn't need that much . Our defence had some Metamorphasised into a unit par excellence , comprising of 2 conmplimentary Centre Halves allied to the finest Goalkeeper on Planet Earth . Genuinely . Our midfield was now awesome , and with options to boot , currently suppplemented by the yet to be seen Braces .We thus arrived at Wembley for the Annual Curtain Raiser against , yes , you've guessed it , Old Nick's 11 , the initial time we had met them in such a tie at the Old Stadium - the only other occasion we had met having been played at Goodison 1966 . My Family , seeing that I was Shanghai'ed to Newcastle an' had a massive Cod Mouth , sought to cheer me up by arranging a day out for the game . I was thus on a jolly , an' jolly did I do . Me mate Mouser was strolling up Wembley High Street , minding his own . I Bear - Hugged him after roaring his name across the street an' thus roped him in too . HE was now on a jolly too . Suffice to say that we had a magnificent day . Roasting hot . Turning up for once , on the Big occasion against the Lucifers and not being Psyched Out in the Tunnel . I'm not Crystal Clear on the game itself , but I DO remember our goal . Our End .There is a scramble and for once - ahem .. Grobbelaar is off his line . Ball breaks to Sharpy Lid whose effort is goal bound . The Ex- Rhodesian Army - Shooty Geezer , in running back towards his net , perfectly side-foots the ball without breaking his stride . He thus has the final touch as the ball crosses the line , but Graeme Sharp celebrated like it was his goal - which of course , it kinda was . We win the game 1-0 an' we get to watch Ratters walk up those 39 steps an' collect , admittedly only the Charity Shield , but the POINT was us overcoming Satan an' all his Legions at THAT place . They stood watching us Party . It will live with me for a long time . Seriously .
The following week , it was back to business , as we began our first season as Trophy Holder's since My Hero was the best midfielder in England . Optimism was overflowing . Even the Nay'-Sayers were forced to admit that Kendall really did seem to have something going on . Individually and collectively you couldn't really find much fault with the squad . So , we turn up for our first game of the Season , a home match versus Kerb-Crawling David Pleat's Tottingham . Well , Optimism / Schmoptimism as Clive Allen gives a taste of things to come for the season and scores all 4 of their goals in a 1-4 reverse . Talk about , Same Ol' Same Ol' ,... The despair that day was palpable , and equal to most everything else , with the possible exception of the 0-5 . An' it even came close to that . See ??? It appeared that , even with the F.A. Cup , it was just one more , False Dawn , an' even with our Silverware Drought over , it was the LAST thing we needed . Not with Lucifer's Firm our noisy neighbours . Seriously .
Another loss to W.B.A. away sought to underline the doubs , but slowly , the side rallied . 2 draws and 3 wins in the next 5 saw equilibrium return somewhat , and after a scare , a real one , versus the Irish Part-Timer's University College Dublin , in Europe , we defeat Shefield United at the end of September 4-0 , in the League Cup . Sharpy grabs his 5th goal of an already personally productive campaign . Our first game of October is not until the 12th , a home game versus Vanilla . Sharpy an' Inchy whom is having an even more personally fruitful campaign than Sharpy , Lid , score the goals in a 2-0 victory . The side are well placed in the League , have avoided two potential Banana Skins in both the League and European Cup Winner's Cups , and most patently , it seems that Spurs realy was what HK said it was . A blip . The following Saturday we go to Castle Grey Skull , with our most legitimate 11 since , once more , The Ball of Fire played for us . They knew it too , so there was even extra , EDGE on this one .
We were on the back foot from the start . Sheeds was missing again - having played injured in the Milk Cup Final , missed the Replay , the Southampton Semi , the F.A. Cup Final , and now the RS . Mooncat Harper was chosen in his stead and Gray was Substitute . We take the game to them . Our back 4 pushes up as far as we dare . Pat Van Den Hauwe , signed a month or so earier from Birmingham , another typical HK signing . No Fanfare when completed but seriously lauded by Evertonians at a later date ; had settled in lovely , and no disrespect to My Mate Bail's , whom was perhaps the better attacker , Psycho Pat - he EARNED the sobriquet , btw , had the defending thing down ,... Pat . Ahem ,.. Shortly into the second half , with the game typically deadlocked , they too have , pushed right up , and our defending a high line . Gary Stevens launches a long ball over both Sharpy an' Mark , in a merrrrrment , Lawrenson - in the shortest pair of shorts in history . They both give chase . our Slim-Line young forward arrives first . As the ball loops he catches it his instep , deftly touches it on before on the bottom of the bounce , pings a right foot volley , almost the identical twin of the Spurs strike 2 years earlier ; towards the top right hand corner as he looked . With the trajectory of an arrow seeking its target , it flies inexorably onwards and crashes into the net . The screams from, and scenes of , jubilation amongst Blues in the ground , and so I've heard since , outside the ground was genuinely memorable . Moreover , when the inevitable onslaught - the diving , cheating , getting in the Ref's ear shizzzzlle came , we stood strong . Being their fukn EQUALS type of strong . THAT was what I took away with me . That , an' no voice . An' a headache , but also a mad arse smile . Wide as me face for weeks afterwards . Sharpy , meanwhile , entered the Everton Hall of Fame that very day .
We beat Inter Bratislava away in Europe prior to Manchester United coming to the Old Lady . October 27 1984 , represented the High - Water Mark , to this Internet Phenomenon / Oracle etc , as after some 16 years watching Everton FC to this juncture , it was the best - in the absence of Alan James Ball Jnr , that I have ever seen them play . The first half alone , we scored 3 could've scored 13 . No exaggeration . Sharpy and Inchy were just sublime . Dovetailing to perfection , they terrorised a formidable and very expensive defence . Sheeds an' Tricky one more , ran riot , with Sheedy in particular , simply unplayable . Joe Mercer says , " I've never seen an Everton Team play as well as that . From 1-11 ,..." Our man with the Magic Left Foot grabs 2 , Sharpy and Inchy one each , as Shaggy Stevens even scores one . We go there on the Tuesday and knock them out of the League Cup , but on this day , the Saturday , what we really did was to eliminate them , psychologically , from the Title Race . Fact . Granted , they were to have their revenge later in the campaign - it's last day , in fact , but they were never a factor in the Championship after that . It was Mid-October . So now we were traumatising good sides ,...
More wins , with the exception of 2 blips , Grimsby in the League Cup as Wilkinson puts us out with a late header in the Park End goal . I took Me Baby Momma ... I TOLD YOU !!! , and an uncharacteristic 2-4 reverse at Norwich ; it was still , Always on the Grind . We had learnt how to win games . All kinds of games , from all kinds of positions . On December 15 , we defeat Nottingha Forest 5-0 , with Sharpy scoring 2 . Cloughie calls us the Team of the Next Decade . We then lose unluckily 3-4 to Chelsea , before beating Sunderland at Roker , on Boxing Day . Between then and March 2nd and a 1-1 draw at Old Trafford , we played 10 games and won 9 of them . United being the tenth . We were playing well , but had not yet reached our zenith .
We play 13 more games before meeting Bayern Muich in the European Cup Winner's Cup Semi Final , Secnd Leg , 0-0 on aggregate . We drew 2 of them and won the rest . Momentum had now become a Juggernaut . With the Pedal to the Metal . Going down a steeeeep hill . We were , Honest to God , breathtaking . Tottenham Away . The so-called Title Decider . Their back line of Roberts an' Maxie Miller supposedly the toughest in the division . Well , our two Kilt wearing , sporran toting Front Men gave them a hiding in every sense of the word , as Andy Gray and Tricky with a goal that just had , " Give me the Title , Mufukas ... " , written all over it , win it for us in style .... The Sunderland game , where a Professorship in Geometry may have helped in the Aestheitic Ecstacy of the visual absorbtion of the fare on show . But I doubt it . It blew your mind , no matter who you were . 2 weeks before Bayern , we beat Luton Town , after exra time in another Semi Final , this time the F.A. Cup . So , Wembley again .
The evening of Wednesday April 24 will ive long in the memory of anybody connected with St. Domingo FC . It was our first ever European Semi Final , it was against World Renowned Opposition , but we , ourselves could not have been playing any better in the lead up . The only slight concern was after the 0-0 in Munchen , we have no chance of an away goal . A criterion which had already bitten us once before, historically . No matter . Bring it on . Well , bring it on , they certainly did . They were typical German opponents . Never panicking , despite an amosphere that was genuinely , White Hot . Always looking to break , and in numbers , as per European Football . They were in short , quality . The Players speak of the Team Bus not being able to make it to Goodison due to hordes of Fans . Of them sitting in the dressing room beforehand with the walls literally vibrating . It had all of these things . And then there was the game itself ,..
In a archetypal Upper Echelon European Fixture it is a Chess Game . Inches matter . The tension is almost visible . In a rare defensive lapse Hoeness gets a break on the edge of our box . Bin Man tries to come out but German International Strikers rarely miss , and this one certainly did not , 0-1 . Now we have to get 2 . Game on . Their back line of Eber and Pflugel are No Angels themselves , but as our full backs in particular begin to launch long balls forward for our strikers , Sharpy an' particularly Andy Gray , get mentioned in despatches . Half Time . One down .We come out and immediately press . Sharpy gets a goal almost straight away . 48th minute . Now , it is game on . They took the fight to the Germans to such an extent that Gray enjoyed another Sherwood type incident , as their Keeper Pfaff is collided with , drops the ball , which Andy scoops away from him and places it into the net . The Crowd go bananas , and HK's assertion that if they , " Put it up there , the Gwladys Street will suck it in for you ,.." , was coming true . We were now rampant , attacks flowing like they had in the League since Christmas . Nevertheless , our Strikers do not let up . When Otto Ludeck the Bayern Coach , complains to the Everton Bench as to the treatment , he is met with , as one ; " Fuk off !!! ... " I kid you not . Trevor Steven breaks away , just over 10 minutes left . He is clear , and though still a baby , there is no-one you would rather have bearing down upon Bayern's goal , with the Gwladys Street ahead of him , than Tricky Trev' . Wih that graceful , gliding run , he calmly slots before turning towards the Bullens Road , and giving me the nearest thing I have ever had to a Man Crush . Fuk me , he was SEXY !!! Oh , an' , btw , we have just reached our first European Final ,... The partying was Legendary Players , Staff an Fans . But we weren't finished yet .
3 more wins on the bounce in the Championship confirm us as League Winners for the first time since 1969/70 . The Trophy was presented before the 2-0 win over Q.P.R. which was little more than a Procession . Sharpy , and Derek Mountfield scored . This is the real deal now . The RS win Leagues . Not us . But this side of , Southall , Ratcliffe , Reid , Sheedy and definately Sharpy Lid , were now amongst the very best on the European Continent . Fact . We lose at Nottingham Forest as Howard drafts in the stiffs before it's off to Rotterdam for , on May 21 st 1985 , Everton Football Club's First European Final . At the De Kuip Stadium , Feyenoord , Rotterdam . Our opponents were Rapid Wein . Unusually , they had already been eliminated from that season's competition by Celtic but after a one-man pitch invasion and the threatening of a Rapid Player , the game was ordered to be replayed at Old Trafford , Manchester , and of course , the Austrians were victorious . The issue still rankles amongst Bhoys to this day .
In truth , our Final was the Semi-Final , as we are completely superior to Vienna . Our Defence looks after Hans Krankl , their Big Arse Austro-Beckhamesque Centre Forward , with one exception , when he scored . Our Midfield is quite simply phenomenal , both defending and attacking , and our Forwards terrify the Austrians as they had the Germans , Dutch , Czechs and Irish before them . Sheeds , Andy Gray and Tricky again , seal a magnificent and relatively scare free victory and secure our inaugral piece of Euro D'Argent . We are still not finished though . 3 days later we are to meet Manchester United at Wembley in our second successive F.A.Cup Final . Moreover , with the Club already having secured 2 Trophies we were on the brink of an unprecedented , in England , Treble .
The Wembley Showpiece was in fact anything but . United , still smarting from the 5-0 mauling , gave us a lot of respect . Defending high up though , given that neither Everton Forward was blessed with pace , the game is tight . Neither side much of anything . Deep into the second half , our midfielder , Reidy is - bizarrely , one-on-one with their Irish , Hurling Player Cente Half , Moran . He pushes the ball past him , with about as much chance of catching it as I had , but Moran merely steps in his way . Next thing , Reidy disappears over his shoulder and the Big Lad becomes the first player dismssed in an F.A. Cup Final . They , instead of folding , do what many teams do when , down to 10 and rally . Game goes to extra time . Whiteside , their Irish Wunderkind , and soon to be Blue-Nose picks up the ball on the touchline nearest to the Managers . He skips an' steps and Psycho looks to be jockeying him fine . Next thing , cheeky fuka shoots from a ridiculous distance . Ridiculous . Though , somehow , Neville is unable to reach it and it curls around his outstretched arm and nestles into the far corner . We are beaten . We have nothing left , and thus are denied the most legitimate Treble - given where we came from , in English Football history . The fact is though , irrespective of the Wembley loss , we are now genuinely regarded as a European Football Powerhouse . No-one wants to draw Everton Football Club . On the Wednesday , the Lucifers will play Juventus in Bruxelles ..... Still , the Homecoming was Supreme ; " Two will do . We Thank You ..." , were , I believe , the words used . It was . We did .
The feeling among Evertonians was similar - believe me , I know ; to the Hospital giving you bad news but no-one else knows . Like a strange netherworld were nothing makes sense . Problem was , it was true . Hideous , but Vero , unfortunately . On the pitch , Kendall , reasoning after Wembley that we needed more pace in the side , had once more shocked us , when swooping for the young Leicester forward , Gary Lineker , and allowing last year's hero , Andy Gray to return to his supposed first love , Aston Villa . We begin with the season curtain raiser at the Twin Towers , but this time as Champions . Sharpy is missing as Inchy and Links are selected . We win 2-0 and Inchy grabs a goal . Few Evertonians would've begrudged him a Wembley goal .
The season proper began with an inevitable defeat , away at Leicester , ironically , 1-3 . Kendall was now openly changing the methodology of , let's be frank , what was the finest attacking outfit upon the European Continent . I , for one , was sceptical . We beat W.B.A. in midweek , the Sharpy scored in a home draw against Coventry and is promptly dropped , as the Gaffer goes with Inchy an' Links . We defeat Tottenham - our next game , 1-0 , then Birmingham , 4-0 , as Links gets his first Everton Hat-Trick and Inch High the other one , then its off to Hillsborough . What I recall most about this day , was obviously the win , but also that Mick Lyons was their Captain , and as we ring out , " Champions ... ", there's a look on his face ... Still , no favours as we wipe the floor with them 5-1 . Now , this is more iike it !!! Sharpy himself , was in one game , out the next as Howard tinkered . He was not happy and rumours of a move began to surface . Italy was mentioned - Serie B as Serie A teams couldn't buy Foreigners at the time .
The Bealzebubs arrive for the Season's first - and with the Pos-Europe Murdoch Sports Super Cup , of many ; Derby meetings . They ake a 3-0 half time lead , as Fuk Off McMahon is kinda , The Guv'nor - hard as it is to admit . He also rifles a corker from 500 yards past Big Neville . The Sun was in his eyes , apparently . No matter , my unhappiness could be heard from my vantage point in the Gwlady - near the front , Mainy Side of goal ; Ohhhh , I'd say past where I now live on St. Domingo . I was roaring at Lineker to stop being a Faggot Arse Southerner - Ahem , and fukn get stuck in , you ponce !!! Loudly . An' often , as it goes . Well , either that , or Kendall's own bollocking sorted the problem as the second period was one-sided as the first , but in our favour . We drag back two goals as Lineker gets his first Derby goal and Sharpy his usual one . However , we should have actually beaten them , never mind drew as we miss a succession of chances with Links ballooning one in particular , late on , over the St. End crossbar . Typical fukn Lucifers . The Cloven-Hooved One's Luck , as ever . They win 2-3 but its no real biggy . Its coming along . Slowly , but defo progressing now . Two defeats in 9 saw us maintain a challenge at the top of the League . Arsenal came to Goodison on November 9th . By now Kendall had decided - finally upon his preferred pairing . Links and Sharps . Inchy would slot into midfield or deputise / supplement where necessary . The Gunners were destroyed 6-1 , as again the goals began to flow - having scored 4 versus Watford 2 weeks previously . The following week , we beat Ipswich 4-3 in another fine game . Sharpy scored for the second week in a row , as the new system finally began to bed down . Christmas comes and goes . Results keep coming our way . We meet Q.P.R. on January 11th and beat them 2-1 . Sharpy scores . He is on a streak as his partnership with Links is now the most prolific in the Division . He has 6 goals from his last 6 games as Evertonians begin to believe that it really was still on . We are also progressing nicely again in the F.A. Cup , in which we have lost one game in two full seasons of competition . This year seems no different .
Saturday 22nd February 1986 was a fine day in the Annals of Santo Domingo FC . It was Castle Grey Skull Day . They were no longer Champions , as of course , WE WERE , but had beaten us in the Goodison Derby an' anyone thinking they had lost their powers of evil , due to Heysel was sadly mistaken . They still had Jimmy Fukn Durante banging them in , an' the Homosexual loading his gun for him - as it were . Nevertheless , we are winners now , done them in this game last season too , and in Lineker have a striker , in all truth , the equal of The Appendage . So , game on then ,.. In a day of watery sunlight and cold , we attack the Deep End 2nd half after a first half of the usual tasty tackles , lots of endeavour and precious little else . Then , our Captain , that Master of Beckenbauer-esque attack from defence shizzzllle , Ratters , makes a forward thrust . Indeed , instead of the usual 5/10 yards before logic wins the day , this day he carries on going . And going . He eventually decideds to hit a Brazilian - not the waxing ; like effort in to the top corner . Instead , he proper scuffs one which bounces 40 times and never is in excess of 8mph as it meanders its way towards goal . In a pay-back of all the years of shabite luck against these , it manages to avoid the various bodies in and around , as Brucie is unsighted and it miraculously , and I do not use that word frivilously , bobbles across the line . Shortly after , Lineker , back post , 3 yards out - just his distance ; as he runs away with both arms raised again , signifying he had scored his opening Deep End Derby goal , and it was time for the Blues in the Road End to Par-teh ... Again ..!!! I could get used to this like ,.. In honesty , many of us leaving the ground that day thought that was the end of the Lucifers as serious Title Challengers that year , as following our Derby victory , they were 12 points behind , and with ourselves , last year's challengers , Spurs , Man' United having picked up from the cup win , and Southampton , who again put in a shift pulling away .
Four wins and two draws from the last 6 games sees us now with genuine hopes of being the first Everton Team ever , and only the second side , after Forest and the Devil's XI , in the modern day to retain the First Division Championship . We are also still going strong in the F.A. Cup . So it was that we are off to Vanilla Park to meet Sheffield Wednesday , themselves in the shake-up for - if there were any of course , European Places in the League . They were no push overs , and so it proved . I've said it before , but ths , and perhaps West Ham , were my least favourite Semi Finals ever - and I DO the F.A. Cup , incidentally . My reasoning being that I honestly did not fancy us . Even in extra time , with the lead , I still thought they'd come back . The lad Shutt . Workaday grafter but knew where the net was and troubled us on the day . Naturally , the game goes into extra time , Mooncat having opened the scoring for us , uny to be pegged back by , I think , Shutt as it goes . So , we are without loads , Links , primarily . We miss him too . Still , My Mate , Sharpy eventually puts us through with a peach of a volley into the Holt End net as again , the Parties started . This , Wem-bel-ey , chant was becoming repetitive , btw ... Lovely ... Fantastic , but repetitive . Post Christmas , we never seemed to stop singing it . A testament to our side of the day .
With no Europe this term , all eyes are now back on the League Campaign . Somewhat worryingly , the Bealzebubs - of course they would - have resurrected their Title bid from nowhere and are now 3 points behind . Still , its miles , relatively speaking . Isn't it ..??? Of our next 4 games , we win 3 but draw one . Then we go to Oxford , the scene of our redemption . Our Barn in Bethlehem . Nothing could go wrong here ... Surely ... In truth , nothing went right . We try to be calm as they try to mix-it . It was a steamy night in more than one sense . The amount of chances we missed was indeed inexcuseable . Links missed 6 on his own , but others , Sharpy included , were just as culpable . They score , second half , but even then we have enough openings to have won the game . We spurn them all and go down 1-0 . The night before , The Lucifers have beaten Waford , I think at Vicarage Road , thus negitiating the points difference . Indeed they are now ahead on goal difference . We have thrown away a second consecutive Championship , and while there were games left , we all knew it .
As it was , we did all we could in our remaing 2 fixtures , even scoring the required 6 goals against a bloody decent Southampton side - whom the Murderers have defeated in their Semi Final . It was for nothing though , as the Homosexual chips Chelsea's Russian goalie , or wherever he was from , and secures himself a League Championship in his initial year as Player Manger . Mufuka . As I noted , we are aware at this stage that the Vermin will be our opposition in the F.A. Cup Final and there was a genuine air of , we owe yous fukas one , btw ,..
So , with our new striker bagging 39 goals in his debut season , and as Champions putting in a Title bid that saw us fall short by virtually nothing , we looked to even up the scores in the Wembley Sun . Everything started swimmingly . We had the better of the first half . Sharpy now a Master at the - Gray inspired trick of ; jumping a fraction too early for any given ball . Invariably , as the Defender was within touching distance , as Graeme was on his way down , the Oppo' would end up leaning over his shoulders giving the appearance of a foul . I used to , Woop-Woop , as loud as for some goals , as it proper rang my bells . He did this a lot on the day at Wembley and we just Territorial-ised the fuk out of the game . Shortly before the break . Reidy picks up the ball , and with his partner-in-crime now in jeopardy of losing his career - he did lose his Everton Career as a result of an assault by the Barcodes Yard-Dog Whitehurst ; he pings a perfect 40 yard ball on to the on-running Lineker and Captain Scarlett Handball Hansen vainly blowing out of his arse . A foot race ensues with only one winner . Links however , mis-hits his first effort and it bounces back from Grobbelaar . Fortunately , Soft Arse has not yet caught up and young Gary has time to make sure his second dig has sufficient power to find the net . Once more , the arms raised , big grin , run . The RS were getting used to it this season . Alas , half-time was no friend to us , as the absence of first , Brace , as Molby the Whale and The Artful Dodger , Whelan begin to take the piss . However , Sharpy is denied the finest header by an Everton player at Wembley which I have witnessed , by an amazing full length save by their Goalie . The match would turn on it . The wide open spaces of Wembley once more resembled the Killing Fields of the Manchester United Extra-Time period . They get 3 goals as the Bin Man was suddenly very missed . The Toucan gets 2 . My heart breaks , but I get laid as a direct result of my pain . Silver Linings / Clouds , lid . So , at the end of a campaign of turmoil , one in which we certainly started as if in a daze , but rallied like few Everton teams have ever rallied , was ultimately fruitless which was hard on that group of players . One thing ; some bright spark in the Labour City Council , basking in the Pre-Heysel Salad Days of the '84 Milk Cup Final , suggested a joint Open-Top Bus Parade . No matter what the result . Thus , Our Squad was forced to endure basic public humiliation - least , I bet that's how it felt , for 3 hours as the RS lapped it up . Mind you there were positives . The side was young , and in Sharpy , Links , and Inch High , have possibly the finest trio of strikers in the Division . So it was all good , as the Players head off to the World Cup ,.... Sharpy finished the Campaign with , 23 goals from 51 starts in all competitions , including 3 as a Substitute . I mean , after last year , what could possibly go wrong ..???
The 1986 World Cup was once more held in Mexico . As with the previous time the Central American State hosted the Tournament , Everton sent a significant representation to the England side . Though on this occasion , the Scots had also qualified . Jock Stein had sadly died immediately following their final qualification , and had been temporarily replaced by Alex Ferguson . His first move was to drop Handball Hansen from the W/C Final Squad , despite his having only just won , The Double . Still , justice is justice , as they say . Sharpy however , was in . Andy Gray , not having pulled up any trees in an average Vanilla side , was not . Sharpy was not picked however - indeed did not even make the bench ; until their final , must-win game against Uruguay . Unfortunately for Sharp's , Lid , they drew 0-0 and were out as his Jules Rimet experience was something of a let down .
In what was now becoming a , " I know what you did last Summer ... " , Nightmare thing , we endured yet another Solero Horror , as due to his winning the Golden Boot as Tournament Top Scorer , Dagenham Spiv' , and new Barcelona Manager swoops for him , and Links had signed even before El Tel began his Frank Sinatra routine . Once again , we had done nothing at all wrong , but were being punished nonetheless . So , we have £2.2 million but no finest Centre Forward in Europe - or joint with Triangle Head . HK decides to stick with Sharpy and Inchy citing our Pre-Xmas form , 1984 . Many of us were sceptical though , it has to be said .
1986/87 can I think be accurately portrayed as the season of injuries which in a juxtaposition to 12 months earlier , nevertheless returned the craving for Silverware . Football , eh ??? We began with 2 wins to draws , but the incomings , a RS Swerving Ian Snodin - thus securing him Everton Legend Status Pre-Kicking a ball in Blue ; and Ex-RS Dave Watson a Centre Half from Norwich ; aside , were Kevin Langley and Neil Adams and a little later , Neil , " Dissa " Pointon , and perhaps the strangest of the lot , Manchester City Stalwart and Club Captain , Paul Power .. After Lineker , it wasn't exactly playing to the Signings Gallery . Still , its about results . We defeat Man' United at the Old Lady , 3-1 as we lay down a marker - Links maybe gone but it's still , Business As Usual at L4 4EL . Sharpy gets his third goal of the Season . Injuries really do begin to bite . Van Den Hauwe will be out for nearly the whole season as Power is forced to deputise but in reality tears it up . Paul Wilkinson too , is often foriotten , but definately put in a shift , particularly Pre-Christmas . Langley , Adams , all played a significant role , as our Band Wagon contniued to roll , albeit on 3 wheels . Sharpy nets his debut Everton Hat-Trick in the utterly jargoon Full Members Cup , the League's Anti-Euro Ban solution , in a 5-1 win over the Barcodes . We remain in the League Cup until February as the Football Gods mess with us some more as we draw the Vermin - again , this time at home . I was in the Main Stand and heard the crack of Jim Beglin's leg in a tackle with our midfield Iron-Man , Kevin Sheedy . However , as with many of our Derby meetings of the period . Gerard Depardieu is the difference . He scores a header in the Park End as time ticks away . Another devastating blow . Yet , the team , amazingly , seemed to shrug it off . Power and Dave Watson deputising as Motivators in Cheif , in Reidy's absence and Snod's quality made Brace's absence less painful .
Once more , the F.A. Cup is kind to us . We draw the talk of English Football , Wimbledon's Crazy Gang . A side who had literally came through the Leagues . They do not adhere to the accepted First Division rules an' certainly ruffle some feathers in their early days in the top flight . They do a job on us . At the Bollox , at Corners an' Dead Ball kicks an' without doubt we are ruffled . That little Dwarf Gibson , later to play for the Mancs , grabs 2 as we are eliminated 1-3 . Our first loss , outside of Wembley , in this competition since Stapleton scored at Old Trafford 4 years earlier . Gutted . One thing , as the injuries bite , HK dips back into the transfer market , again raising Blue eyebrows . If we thought Paul Power was a shock , then the purchase of Wayne Clarke , did nothing to replace Lineker in the hearts of Evertonians . Least at the start ,.. Indeed , he was excellent . Not a poseur , defo a grafter , but also knew where the goal was . He scored the goal which many believe actually won us the Title ; a 1-0 win at Highbury at the end of March . He then bags his only Everton Hat-Trick in the 3-0 defeat of the Barcodes . The week after , we go to Grey Skull and are beaten 1-3 . It is the game where Sheeds flashed the V's -if you wanna see the REAL V's , check him and Inch High on the halfway line at the final whistle ,... A defeat there always hurts , but our prominence in the Title race softens the blow . 2 weeks later , we go to Norwich Cty . Psycho Pat , back in the side grabs the winner , 1-0 , as the Title is confirmed . The week after . we have Luton Town at home in the intended Procession game . In fact they make it a War , but we triumph 3-1 and Sharpy gets his final goal of the campaign . He finishes with 13 goals in all competitions from 37 starts . We are not lauded like we were in 1985 , but no matter . Indeed , among the Players whom played in both , this Title means just as much . I feel the same way meself .
The summer of 1987 brought the - now expected Monster Calamity , as this time , our Manager , in yet another Fallout from Heysel incident , heads of to the Basque Country . Colin Harvey is promoted as the only candidate .
Again , we are involved in the Charity Sheild for the 4th year running . We are once more victorious , and Clarkey scores his only Wembley goal for Everton . I climb up that drain pipe and swing through those Half-Moon windows - an' experience in itself , I assure you . So , the first Trophy in the bag . We have Norwich in the opener , we win 1-0 , but only win another game out of our first 7 . The Mancs arrive and are despatched 2-0 , Clarkey gets them both . On Saturday 4 October , Graeme Sharp scores all of our goals in a 4-0 victory over Southampton . 2 weeks later he bags 2 in a 4-1 defeat of Chelsea . We then go to the RS twice in a week . We triumph in the League Cup as Shaggy Stevens scores his only Derby goal - a cracker in the Deep End . On the Saturday we are vanquished 0-2 . It was gonna be one of those seasons , it seemed . At the end of November , we play Bayern Munich in a repeat of the 1985 Semi-Final , in the Football League Centenary Trophy . The game is over a single leg - given we are unable to play fixtures in Europe . We win 3-1 , as Sharpy gets 2 , Inchy the other one . A fortnight later , we are defeated in Dubai , on penalties by the Glasgow Huns in yet another formulated - phony championship . From there , its back to 2 wins , 2 defeats , as Harvey begins to realise tha spending is required . The side lacks flair , which is odd with Tricky , Sheeds , Inchy around , but it remains , fact .
We are drawn against Sheffield Wednesday in the F.A. Cup 3rd round . We draw 1's each at hiome and are not over-enamoured at having to replay over there . Nevertheless , we go there and put on our finest display of the campaign as Graeme Sharp grabs a hat-trick . Anyone present will testify to how superb we were that day . We get Middlesborough in the next round , and draw 1-1 at the Old Lady , Sharpy scores our goal . The replay goes to extra-time and finishes 2-2 . We toss for venue and come out on top , and eventually defeat them 2-1 as Sharp's and a Mowbrey Oggy see us through . We have already played enough games in this year's competition to be in the Semi's . then we draw the RS at home ,.. Indeed , it was in the Cups that our season really resides , as we draw at home with Arsenal , as Tricky ballons a penalty over the St. End crossbar . We are beaten both by the Bealzebubs , 0-1 , then battered 1-3 - we go out 1-4 on aggregate . We do however , have the pleasure of breaking the Lucifer's unbeaten League record as Clarkey gets a front post header in the Park End goal . There is also a Wembley trip - I never bothered , as we meet and are defeated by , Man' United in the Final of the Mickey Mouse Mercantile Credit Trophy . Our season tails off and we eventually finish a reasonable , but no more , 4th place , but a massive 20 points behind the RS Champions . Graeme Sharp plays 42 games in al competitions and has a 22 goal return .
1988/89 was to be the Summer that Harvey got the cheque-book out . He equals the British Transfer Record of £2.2 million on West Ham's diminutive striker , Tony Cottee . He is joined by the Scots winger , Patsy Nevin from Chelsea for just shy of £1 million . To these , he adds Stuart McCall from Bradord as he attempts to give Reidy some assistance in the middle of the Park . Also , Neil McDonald a , with respect , exceedingly average full back from the Barcodes .
For the first time in 5 years we are not involved in the Charity Shield , so our opening game is a home fixture with the Barcodes . By way of co-incidence , this is my 4 year old Son's first game . We are upstairs in the old Park End - old habits die hard , btw . We are awesome as our new strike partnership dovetails perfectly . We win 4-0 , as Cottee gets a debut Hat-Trick , and Sharpy the other one . Also , I've got an Evertonian on me hands for life - he went with me yesterday , btw . As for us though , Newcastle was to be a Flash-in-the-Pan , as we lose 5 of our next 7 games . If you read any of the Player's Autobiographies from this period , most point to the fact that things were changing at Goodison . Whereas before , the newbies had been welcomed and ultimately adopted the Everton Ethos of , All For One . Roll up your sleeves an' put it in for your mate . This firm , apparently , were more Loners . Nevin , certainly was a one-off . An an age of , Elton John , Billy Joel , as Footy Player's Musical Favourites , Patsy wore a Trench Coat and went to see the Cocteau Twins . Moreover , TC was never a big hit , socially . Many felt , right or wrong , that he was only focused upon his own goal tally , irrespective of the Team's fortunes . He denies it , mind you , but given the foundations for our amazing success , it wasn't surprising that he wasn't popular . McCall they reckon was caught between two stools , as it were . Whatever the truth , it certainly showed on the Park .
From a home draw to the Mancs on October 30th , we win 2 games from 6 . We overcome Joe Royle's Oldham after a replay in the League Cup . The RS Derby finishes 1's each as Clarkey scores for us . A draw and 3 wins see out the year . Our form remains erratic though , despite Hogmanay . A win , a draw , a loss . In the Cup though , we maiintain momentum . Moreover , we are also in the M. Mouse Simod Cup Semi Final , which if nothing else means a Wembley Day Out . We meet Norwich at Vanilla Park in the F.A. Cup Semi Final . I travel from London as we beat thm 1-0 in the most bizarre football atmosphere that I shall ever experience . Shortly after kick off , we begin to hear reports of a disturbance at the other game , the RS versus Forest at Hillsborough . our Evertonian heads take us right to , " Them Murderin' Fukas at it again ... " Rumours of injuries . Bad ones . 10 dead ....30 dead ... We leave the ground unable to celebrate as being a Scouser suddenly means something . We all know the upshot , an' we all have our personal feelings , but suffice to say , innocents lost their lives . That can never be forgiven . Nor forgotten .
The League Campaign resumes with a game at Tottenham . I live on the Old Kent Road and turn up . The gate outside their ground is like every other gate outside every other ground . Full of scarves and flowers .I'm talking to the Bin Man near the pitch like he's me best mate . He passes me a Bouquet he has been given by the Mascot or whomever . Violence had disappeared overnight , btw . In the interim we have indeed secured a Wembley date in the Simod Cup Final against , irony of ironies , Nottingham Forest . I've gotta be honest here . I will never be able to have these Mufukas from this day on . I takes me 4 year old . I'm living in London and buy me tickets direct from the Stadium . On the day , we're in their end . Not arsed .Our D has his Stripey Kit on an' its ," Let's go the Footy , Young'un ..." Inside , I'm sitting by this group . They sees the Boy's Kit . It ges to the Minute's Silence , one says ... " Fuk 'em .. It's only robbin' Scousers .. For-Est !!! " I turn around , I shouldn't , but I can't help meself . I say , " What did you say , Dickkhead ??? If it hadn't have been for yous Scab-Arse Mufukas , we'd still have a Mining Industry . You're the Fukn Scumbags , Scumbag ... " With that , I passes me Lad to some Bird minding her own business and offer the Gentleman a further word . His arse goes . I then proceed to give the BIG one for the rest of the game . Which , btw is a cracker . We lose 3-4 with some of the best goals , from both sides that the Old Stadium has ever seen - one a volley from Sharpy . The Nation is in shock , as we now face theBealzebubs in the F.A. Cup Final . Suffice to say , I believe that we were never gonna win this game . The whole World was now in their corner ; which , let's be honest , they've never needed in the past . Miraculously though , we pull two goals back . The first time I have ever witnessed such an event , and for just a few minutes , I sat on line with our Area as The Toucan scores again , actually believing it was possible . Will I ever fukn learn ,..??? We lose the game 2-3 and with it goes Colin Harvey's closet chance at Silverware . I personally , was therefore Screaming on the following Wednesday when Micheal Thomas done a forward roll at the Anfield Road End . Old habits an' that ,... We ourselves finish 4th but miles away . Sharpy plays 38 games and bags 13 goals .
The Summer of 1989 saw the departure of Trevor Steven to the Glasgow Huns , joining his right sided Mucka , Shaggy Stevens . Though unquestionably one of the best and certainly most aesthetically pleasing players I have ever seen in Royal Blue , It had been coming . Incomings , and there were a few with Harvey seeing our distinct lack of backbone at Wembley , sought to reinforce . He signed Martin Keown from Aston Villa and Norman Whiteside from Manchester United . Yes . THAT Norman Whiteside . Also , Sharpy's umpteenth Striking Partner arrived in Mike Newell , a RS Scouser from Luton Town . Indeed , it was Newell whom hit the ground running , scoring in 6 of the first 8 games , one his debut Derby goal in a 1-3 home reverse . On Bonfire Night - evening , we go to Vanilla . The game is televised and we are embarrassed , 2-6 . It really is two steps forward one back . We win 1 and lose 4 of our next 6 . We defeat Luton Town a home on New Year's Day as we all hope for a change of luck . Sharpy gets our 2nd . At the end of January , I trek , on a Sunday Morning as I recall , OFF me Barnet , btw , to Hillsborough for our first visit there post-Tragedy . Norman Whiteside gets 2 without reply as we progress . This was also the year of the famous , Keown / Sheedy incident in a Southport Restaurant . " Your Brother is a [Poor language removed] .. " , earned Sheeds a Keown Left , and it made the Papers . Said everything about our Team Spirit at the time . We are almost nevitably defeated at Grey Skull , as Sharpy scores our goal in a 1-2 reverse . I make an horrendous Coach Journey from Newcastle to Oldham , via Manchester to see Joe Royle's side deposit us out of the F.A. Cup . Sharpy would get only three more goals all season , as Beagrie - signed by Harvey in November was proving he was no Trevor Steven . Graeme Sharp completed his worst Everton Season in front of goal with 7 from 40 games in all competitions .
The Summer signings were Mike Milligan , the Captain of Joe Royle's Oldham whom had een us off in las year's F.A. Cup , the McCall experiment had not gone well , despite his Wembley heroics . Also , Andy Hinchcliffe arrived from Manchester City . His main claim to fame being his having scored in a 5-1 rout of United in a Manchster Derby . As it was , Milligan would endure a nightmare 12 months at Everton , whereas Hinchcliffe would make the England Team . Fortunes , eh ..??? We begin with three straight defeats , the first of which was the Leeds defeat where Neville Southall sits against the Park End Post for his Half-Time . I was there and while it was funny , it was also fukn embarrassing . Sign of things to come . 2 draws before the Lucifers come to town . We lose unluckily 2-3 as McCall scores another against them , as does Newell . Nevertheless , we stood 18th of 20 First Division Teams and had endured , officially , our worst ever start to a Campaign . Enough was enough . Whle everyone retains love for The White Pele , it has to be admitted that he was never the best , #1 , as it were . His talents were as Second-in-Command , and his role in Sharpy's , Ratter's , Gary Stevens , Big Neville's and many others progress was without doubt , immense . Still , he was not an Everton Manager . He was replaced , and bizarrely re-hired as Coach , by his erstwhile Gaffer and close friend on , Howard Kendall - the first day he was appointed ; in the first of the Dome's St. Domingo Renaissance . In truth though , little changed . 2 draws , 2 defeats . The Season continues to meander . On January 1 , Sharpy scores our first in a 2-1 win at Stamford Bridge - Jason Cundy scores an Oggy for oursecond . It brings Graeme onto 111 First Team goals for Everton Football Club , thus leaving him second only behind the Great Dixie Dean in our all time standings . Some honour , btw . We draw the Vermin at Grey Skull - again in the F.A. Cup 4th round . The game ends goalless as Referee Elleray decides Tablet's Thigh-High lunge on Nevin , in the Anfield Road area is not a Penalty ,and its back to our place . The historical signifiance of this game often belies that rank haphazardness of the whole night , which Beardo's and Barnes' goals aside , was chokka with mistakes . Nevertheless , I am in the Main Stand with Brother-in-Law and Tony M , me mate . We come back 4 fukn times , in the most incredible Derby there has ever been - in modern times , unfolds . It ends 4-4 as the Homosexual decides he's had enough and resigns . Sharpy and Cottee share our goals , all in the Street end goal . They would be his last for Everton . Graeme Sharp would make his last appearance in Royal Blue . He finishes his St. Domingo Career with 150 goals in 450 competitive games .
His move comes when Joe Royle offers him a lifeline at Oldham , where he flourishes . He stays at Boundary Park for 6 yeas in all , the last 3 as Manager . He was finally relieved of the position in March 1997 with Oldham on the verge of relegation t the 2nd Division . He would make 107 appearances for them , scoring 30 goals . From there he goes to Bangor City , where he encounters My Mate , Kenny Mc . where he wins the Welsh Cup in 1998 . He leaves Professional Football altogether after his departure that year , and returns locally and begins to work in the Media as well as becoming Everyone's Fans Representaive . I've been down and met him meself . He currently resides on Radio City on Matchdays and generally still attends every Everton game , irrespective of venue .
In reviewing Graeme Sharp as a Sermon Focus , it has given me cause to re-examine not only his magnificent - second only to Dean , statistics , but his commitment , desire on behalf of , and unadulterated love for , ALL things Everton Football Club . He was as Mad Arse , the day he walked out of here - with a Cob on , btw , as the day he won his First Championship , and was upset as any fan as our standards began to slip . He felt it . He was also as a good a Striker at hold up play that I have seen - though had the maddest , Tip-Toe'd run that I have witnessed , but could he play though ..??? . Graeme was born a Glasgow Proddy , yet he gets Everton like you or I . No finer accolade could I give him .
Therefore , this Domingo , thank the Almighty in providing Graeme Sharp , Centre Forward and Goalscorer par excellence , and Pure Evertonian .
Amen .
May the Good Lord be with you all .
Written in Britain .
Remember , Jesus Loves You 'cause you're a Blue .
Look after Your Peoples .
Peace Out .
The Catholic Reverand L.C.A.B.
" ... I know My Peoples hearin' me . ... Hollah if y'all need me ,.... Word ,... "
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