2020/21 Marcel Brands

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Jim Hopper

Player Valuation: £40m
Hes so unsure of what shoes to wear for work this morning. Should he wear his slip ons, leather shoes or cowboy boots? He goes for slip ons as they are easy to get on after he's done his 10 lengths at the FF swimming pool

Marcel won’t be in today mate, called in sick, had to run to A&E as Sigurdsson glued his sandals to the floor last night and he’s only gone and broke both arms.


Saint Domingo

Player Valuation: £80m
you'd have thought but I can't imagine Kenny is on more than £30k a week maximum and even that seems high.

If he goes to Celtic we might get a nominal (fee hundred K) loan fee and and they cover his wages for the rest of the season - again, probably can't see that being more than £750k in terms of salary.

He will only have 12 months left on his deal when he comes back.

It's our job to get fees for players, not just keep loaning them out. He's never going to be a regular here and that was known last summer.

£5m or so now would surely have been doable and would surely have helped us?

think he’s on 15k a week, so anything above 1.2 million I reckon we would have taken to get him off the books. Maybe no one offered that though. So we loan him, then we only need to clear 0.8 million in the summer to turn a profit.

Brands can’t dictate the buying market. If we have a valuation of a player we can’t force teams to meet it. Equally we can’t crystallise accounting losses due to FFP which is why we keep seeing so many loans as it gets the wages off the books and lowers the book value of the player for a future sale or contract expiry.

It all boils down to the same thing though. Most of our players are on contracts that give them an accounting value to us that no one in the external market values them at. We can’t afford to crystallise the loss, and no one will buy them, so we are forced to play them or loan them. Most of them aren’t good enough to play hence the never ending loans. This is all the problem of grossly inept squad management between 2013-2018.

It’s all well and good people just extorting Brands to sell players, he didn’t pick the stock he’s now trying to sell.


Player Valuation: £35m
We need a forward for the half a season of league games we still have left and there is no valid excuse not to get one.
They have to be of suitable quality and available.

We’re punting Tosun and Bernard, we’ve already got rid of Walcott, and Gordon may go on loan. This finally smacks of Nil Satis Nisi Optimum to me.

We desperately need reinforcements, but only the right quality.


Player Valuation: £90m
Hes just had his nice gentle 10 lengths in the FF swimming pool, had a quick chat with Gbamin, blanked Delph who was shouting him asking if he could have a contract extension as he's played 10 games which automatically entitles him to a new deal under the terms Brands gave him.

He legged it straight to the sauna so he's sound for now.

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