Jokes Thread


Two Texans were out on the range talking about their favorite sex positions.

One said, "I think I enjoy the rodeo position the best."

"I don't think I have ever heard of that one," said the other cowboy, "what is it?"

"Well, it's where you get your wife down on all fours and you mount her from behind.
Then you reach around and cup each one of her breasts in your hands and whisper in her ear, 'Boy, these feel just like your sister's.'

Then you try and hang on for 8 seconds."
 
The year is 2222 and Charlie and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.

They meet a Martian couple and get talking about all sorts of things. Charlie asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.

Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another.

Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips and she's somewhat disappointed to find his penis is only about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.

'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'

'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'

'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his penis grows until it's a good 9 inches in length.

'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'

'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, it grows thicker and thicker until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.

'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.

The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Charlie asks, 'Well, was it any good?'

'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'


(You can surely guess what's coming?)




'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache. She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears...'
 

A man walks into a bar in Alabama and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says,
"You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from New Hampshire."
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in New Hampshire?"
"I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
 
A man walks into a bar in Birkenhead and orders a cosmopolitan. The bartender looks at the man and says,
"You're not from 'round here are ya?"
"No" replies the man, "I'm from Maghull."
The bartender looks at him and says, "Well what do you do in Maghull?"
"I'm a taxidermist," says the man. The bartender looks bewildered, so the man explains, "I mount dead animals."
The bartender stands back and hollers to the whole bar, "It's OK, boys! He's one of us!"
 

deipnosophist said:
...you sure it wasn't tiger bread?
images
Click to expand...

Maybe it was War bear tons bread?
 
Paddy says to Mick, "I found this pen, is it yours?"
Mick replies, " Don 't know, give it here."
He then tries it and says, "Yes it is"
Paddy asks, "How do you know?"
Mick replies, "Obvious, that's my handwriting."
 

Welcome

Join Grand Old Team to get involved in the Everton discussion. Signing up is quick, easy, and completely free.

Register

Shop

Back
Top