Jokes Thread

[Rita_Poon]

When I first worked on a council - they used to say an 1/8 of an inch off sweat from a council worker in a jam jar was more expensive than a gold bar

Someone will be right by asap.

 

[Sadken]

A teacher asked the class, give me a sentence with the word dandelion in it, a young Jamaican boy said, miss the cheetah runs faster dandelion.

 

[Milk]

My wife asked: "Have you ever had sex behind my back ?"

I said "Yes,who did you think it was"

 

[summerisle]

 

[goldfinchmule]

Teacher asks the class for a sentance with contageous in it,little Tommy says,i had been naughty and i was told by my mam to paint the back fence with a realy small paintbrush and i heard my dad say,it will take that contageous to paint that fence.

 

[Milk]

I found £10 in the street yesterday and thought to myself: “What would Jesus do?”


So I bought a bottle of wine

 

[Milk]

Remember that the phrase “Jesus Loves You” is a great comfort





Unless you’re in a Mexican jail

 

[Sarnia Kevin]

Kier Starmer saw a little old lady struggling with two heavy bags of shopping,"You shouldn't be struggling with those two bags of shopping, let me help," he said.So he halved her pension so she could only afford one in future.

 

[Sarnia Kevin]

I've gone through my life thinking that I would never have a phone call from a vegetable, Then right out of the blue, BAM

ONION RINGS!!



Sorry

 

[Milk]

The best way to get rid of slugs in your garden is to put down a saucerful of beer.

The slugs drink the beer and end up off their face.

Shortly afterwards, in the chip shop:

'*hic* Fish supper please, mate.'

'You want salt on that?'

'Fk yeah.'

 

[goldfinchmule]

What do you call a Dear with no eyes.

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

I was going to buy eight legs of venison..but it was two dear...

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

Why can't penguins fly?
Cos they're chocolate...

 

[Alanbileysfeathercut]

What do you call a Dear with no eyes.

What you call a dead one?

 

[goldfinchmule]

What you call a dead one?

No idea