John Textor

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It's a little known secret that Lieutenant Pigeon escaped after the recording when someone left a window open. As his superior in the loft, Captain Pigeon took responsibility and stood in for him. I shouldn't really have told you that. Big Dunc will be after me for bringing subaltern pigeons into disrepute.
I heard a different story involving Captain Beaky…but it could’ve been a fake tweet!
 
You tell ‘em Texan my boy!
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