Is it my self esteem?

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Zatara said:
@The Penalty Box Dancer


3-- You dont like her smoking but she hasnt quit or cut down for you.


6-- She is slating you for not taking the dogs out for a walk...so she is splitting her affections between her child, several dogs, her ex, her friends...and of course you.
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Im guessing that she didn't start going out with him then think "I'm gonna start smoking today, while I'm at it I'll get a couple of dogs too"

If the dogs were there when he came on the scene then he has to accept that their wellbeing is part and parcel of the chores of the house.

Secondly if he doesn't like the smoking he shouldn't have starting dating a smoker - not expect her to drop an extremely addictive habit for his benefit.

Obviously people SHOULD stop smoking, but do it for their own health and finances, not so he can have nicer snogs.
 
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The Penalty Box Dancer said:
It's not very often I post here, right now I feel like speaking about my self esteem as I really have nobody else to talk about with it. I think its my self esteem that's the problem anyway, maybe you can help me decide.
I've been with my girlfriend for about 14 months and she is 12 years older than me with a young child. Before I got with her I was on my own for about two and a half years and during this time I used to question myself and whether I was good enough for someone. I am in my early thirties and when I was younger I had no problem with women, I could pick and choose who I wanted, these days its like a different kettle of fish, it seems harder and women always seem to play uninterested, welcome to modern day life. Now I am going to be brutally honest, I have a thing for older women, always have and to be going out with a woman over forty and having sex with this woman is fantastic, the older the better I say but we don't have much in common. We get on well and I have built a good relationship with her child, even though it annoys me that the child's Dad is still on the scene and her and him have to have contact with each other for their child, let's just say I have found it difficult and have wondered whether they will get back together again because they were once married and made a child together.

She has reassured me that won't happen and I need to let that thought go. Ok, I can deal with that, however I am often comparing myself to him and questioning whether I am better looking etc. But she says she loves me so I will take her word on that.

Right now, you are probably wondering what is the problem? Ok, I'll tell you, if the sex wasn't so good then I wouldn't be here in this situation that I often feel stressed out in. I sometimes have to deal with child tantrums and often ask myself what the hell am I doing? We have been together for over a year and I still haven't told my family about her. Why?

Preferably, I would want to be with someone who didn't have baggage and could give me more of their time but at the same time I feel like I have settled here and I tell my friends about her and how happy I am.

There's another thing that gets to me as well, she goes on holiday with her friends around June time each year and I don't have a problem with that, she goes away with me and her child on a family holiday but what my problem is, is I would rather her and me go on holiday together and develop as a couple rather than her going away with friends, we need to do more things as a couple but she says she likes going away with her friends. Am I wrong? Going away as a family is good but if she has the opportunity to have a holiday without her child then surely it should be with me?

I just feel like I am in a world of stress and life would probably so much easier if I was with someone more my age and who never had baggage, I just don't want to be on my own again for years and I do love the woman I am with even though I find it hard sometimes.
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1) respect for coming on here - this is the 2nd most stupidest thing you've done
2) Swerve the 1st...it's what you really want to hear
3) this advice has a 50% chance of being right...but it sounds like a right dogs breakfast of a relationship
 
I'd get another gf if I were you sounds like a lot of trouble. A kid, sextalk about babies (?!), dogs you have to walk, smoker, she sounds like a nag...

There are other older women for you, get one that buys things for you.

@Ashtonian Mate you don't have to do everything with your wife (to be) that isn't healthy. Like her checking your texts ... You are allowed to do stuff by yourself; there aren't any things that are specifically catered to single people you can still do them. So if you want to run a marathon after your foot has healed go for it.
 

Yorkie said:
Im guessing that she didn't start going out with him then think "I'm gonna start smoking today, while I'm at it I'll get a couple of dogs too"

If the dogs were there when he came on the scene then he has to accept that their wellbeing is part and parcel of the chores of the house.

Secondly if he doesn't like the smoking he shouldn't have starting dating a smoker - not expect her to drop an extremely addictive habit for his benefit.

Obviously people SHOULD stop smoking, but do it for their own health and finances, not so he can have nicer snogs.
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I smoke a tonne of marlboro reds everyday. If i am with a girl who doesnt like me smoking i will:

A-- Cut down
B-- Smoke away from her
C-- Take minds + listerine to hide the smell.

If the girl tells me she wants me to quit then i then have a decision to make.

As for the dogs, its not relevant whether they were already there or not. The fact is that she is dividing her attention from him onto the dogs as well as others when it appears (to me at least) that he wants a lot more of her attention and 'rewards' for her going on mates holidays and trips otherwise he wouldnt bring it up.
 

Aside from the odd disagreement about holiday arrangements and her being in contact with the guy she divorced (whom she says she is not interested in) for the sake of her kid, you get on well with her. And she's wild in the bedroom. And you get on well with her kid.

Things could be worse. The last time my wife was wild in the bedroom was when our lottery numbers came up and we won several grand.
 

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