How the season will pan out - just a bit of fun

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TGW89

Player Valuation: £35m
After a quiet start to the summer, Martinez makes four signings: Antolin Alcaraz, James McCarthy, Maarten Martens and Emmanuel Emenike

The new-look side takes to the field against Norwich City on 17th August. A goal is conceded inside 4 minutes as Norwich dominate the first half and Everton struggle to gel. A late goal from Steven Pienaar gives Everton a share of the spoils.

A midweek game in the Carling Cup follows, and Everton destroy league one Coventry 3-0 at Goodison Park.

The following week, Martinez' first home game against West Bromwich Albion is a different affair entirely. Buoyed by the home crowd, Everton cruise to a 3-1 win, with Emenike scoring his first goal for Everton.

Another draw follows at Cardiff prior to the international break.

The next four games prove difficult:

Chelsea (H) 0-1
West Ham (A) 2-2
Newcastle (H) 1-1
Man City (A) 1-3

On a brighter note, Everton beat Martinez' old side Wigan 1-0 at the DW stadium in Round 4 of the league cup.

Everton briefly return to winning ways with a 2-1 win over Hull at GP. The fifth round of the league cup sees the blues travel to Stamford Bridge and meekly bow out with a 2-0 defeat to Mourinho's men.

Draws at Villa and at home to Spurs follow before Everton put in their worst performance for a long time at Selhurst Park, losing 2-0 to the Eagles and prompting isolated calls for the head of Martinez.

With two weeks to reflect on that defeat, Everton are psyched up for the 220th Merseyside derby at Goodison Park, at 1.30 on the 24th Novemeber under Sky's ruthless cameras.

It is all out war, but without Suarez, Liverpool struggle to break through regularly, and Everton's poor finishing ensures that it ends 0-0. Sky then flashes over to the 4pm kick off between Man City and Spurs.

Everton beat Stoke 2-1 at Goodison Park the following week in a feisty, ill-tempered affair before the long-awaited clash between Manchester Utd and Everton at Old Trafford, and Moyes' first game against his old club.

True to form, Everton are beaten at Old Trafford thanks to a late goal from Robin van Persie. A draw then follows at the Emirates, leaving Everton 14th and in dire need of a boost. They duly get it....

Everton beat Fulham 2-0 at Goodison with a brace of classy goals from Kevin Mirallas. This is followed up by the first home win in nearly 12 months, 1-0 at Swansea thanks to a late strike from Leon Osman. A comfortable 3-1 win on Boxing day against Sunderland lifts Everton into 8th spot.

However, the joy is short lived. Southampton visit Goodison Park and score early on through Morgan Schneiderlin. Try as Everton might, they just cannot breach the Southampton defence despite dominating the entire game. The saints win 1-0, and claim their first GP success since 1997.

A dour 0-0 draw at Stoke rings in the new year before the 3rd round of the FA Cup. Everton have drawn Wimbledon at Kingsmeadow and duly win 2-0, drawing Swansea at home in the 4th round.

Everton beat Norwich 1-0 the following week to move back into the top half of the table, before losing away at West Brom 1-0.

Everton's tie with Swansea sees the blues win 2-1. The fifth round sees a trip to Blackburn Rovers.

The second derby of the season is a disappointing affair. After a promising start from the blues, Liverpool take control of the match and prevail 1-0 with a thunderbolt from Philippe Coutinho.

Everton again draw with Villa (1-1) and at Spurs (0-0), before hosting Crystal Palace in midweek. The blues atone for their humbling at Selhurst earlier in the season and romp home 4-1 with some impressive football.

On the 15th February Everton draw 0-0 at Ewood Park, setting up a Goodison Park replay on 25th February. More interestingly though, the winners are due to play a home tie against Liverpool in the quarter final.

Everton travel to Stamford Bridge once more and this time come away with a share of the spoils in a 2-2 draw. In the replay against Blackburn, the Toffees win 4-0 and cruise through to the quarter final - a Goodison derby against Liverpool.

March proves a much more fruitful affair in the league, with three wins against West Ham, Newcastle and and Swansea, and a point to battling Cardiff. The good form is brought to an abrupt end with a 2-1 defeat at Fulham.

The FA Cup merseyside derby saw Everton win 1-0 courtesy of a fine goal from Kevin Mirallas. Chelsea await in the semi final.

On 6th April, Everton play out a 0-0 draw against Arsenal, with that scoreline repeated a week later at Sunderland.

Everton once more grace Wembley for the Semi final, but lose 4-2 to Chelsea in a scintillating match.

In the rearranged match on 23rd April, David Moyes returns to Goodison Park for the first time as Manchester Utd manager.

After United take an early lead, a floodlit Goodison starts rocking, with a most intimidating atmosphere. On the stroke of half time, Jagielka heads home from a corner to send Goodison into raptures.

Everton turn on the style in the second half, and Victor Anichebe scores the winner inside the final minutes to give the blues an historic 2-1 success over the Red Devils and all but return the league title to Eastlands.

Everton draw 1-1 at St Mary's, sealing Southampton's relegation to the Championship.

The season ends on a high with a 1-0 success against new champions Manchester City. On the final day, Everton travel to Hull and win 1-0, sending Tigers into the championship and saving Norwich City from relegation.

The final league table is:

1. Man City
2. Chelsea
3. Man Utd
4. Arsenal
5. Liverpool
6. Spurs
7. Cardiff
8. West Ham
9. EVERTON
10. Newcastle
11. Aston Villa
12. Sunderland
13. Fulham
14. Stoke
15. WBA
16. Swansea
17. Norwich

18. Hull
19. Crystal Palace
20. Southampton

FA Cup: Man City
League Cup: Tottenham
 

As much as I love the team at the bottom of the table mate, there is no chance they will finish there.

And Cardiff 7th?!
 
We'' start off crap - starting with away loss to Norwich) while the team sorts itself out.

Be lower mid-table at christmas, will come together in the new year and finish 8th

Please let me be wrong.

I predict that the next season will see Roberto and Everton actually find their feet together and we will kick on.
 

9th! how about we go unbeaten at home all season and finish 5th and win the league cup. Place your bets now!
 
I would find it funny if Moyes struggled at Man u, but I recken I would feel sorry for him if this did happen.
 
I think we'll have a solid season with the odd blip, before we go on a surging run from mid december that really gets the pundits talking. We'll batter Utd 5-0 invoking memories of 84 and finish the season 3rd, prior to winning the league the following season.
 

We'll play some games of footy.
We'll win some, we'll lose some and we'll draw some.
There will be fume, highs, lows and a smattering of meh.

Everton aren't we.
 
The 17th August opened the season with a trip to Carrow road. Everton trailed the first half a goal down but pulled in back to 1-1 in the 64th minute, a curling shot from Leon Osman outside the area swooped into the bottom right corner. Everton dominated possession for the remainder of the half and it paid off with a 91st minute goal from new signing Leroy Fer who had only been on the pitch for 10 minutes. Everton 2-1 Norwich City.

Martinez was well greeted at Goodison Park at his first home game against West Brom, a great piece of attacking football saw Everton open in the first minute, a goal rounded off by teenage sensation Ross Barkley. West Brom had a few attempts turned away by Tim Howard but the score remained 1-0.

This is gonna take forever
 
The 17th August opened the season with a trip to Carrow road. Everton trailed the first half a goal down but pulled in back to 1-1 in the 64th minute, a curling shot from Leon Osman outside the area swooped into the bottom right corner. Everton dominated possession for the remainder of the half and it paid off with a 91st minute goal from new signing Leroy Fer who had only been on the pitch for 10 minutes. Everton 2-1 Norwich City.

Martinez was well greeted at Goodison Park at his first home game against West Brom, a great piece of attacking football saw Everton open in the first minute, a goal rounded off by teenage sensation Ross Barkley. West Brom had a few attempts turned away by Tim Howard but the score remained 1-0.

This is gonna take forever

Ask David Unsworth to finish it off for you
 
We'll start well, stutter just after Christmas and finish around 5th-7th.

We won't spend much unless we sell Fellaini.

We'll beat the sh*te at hone but lose at Anfield.

We'll take 4 points off City but lose twice to United.

Baines will probably win player of the season and be an all round awesome bloke. Jelavic will start slotting again.

Suarez will be a [Poor language removed].
 

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