Haha what a trio of terror, you have my full respect for surviving that ordeal.
In Staines I used to stay in some old Tudor style hotel which was more like an old peoples home.
One night I finished my meal and this horrible spotty kid of a waiter asked if I wanted desert, I said no thanks. He looked at me and said trying to lose a few pound sir..could of killed him.
In Slough used to stay in the a travel lodge, always got a takeaway and stayed in my room with a chair wedging the door shut. After 10 of a night the town centre was a sight to behold.
In Bracknell stay in the Hilton, and never ever venture out