Funny Football Quotes...

[blue4eva77]

Inspired by Ijjy's latest thread, it got me thinking about footy quotes we have heard that literally make no sense but are rather funny.

Dave Bassett: ' An inch or two either side of the post and it would of been a goal '

Mark Viduka: ' I wouldn't be bothered if we lost every game, as long as we won the league '

Steve Lomas: ' Germany are a very difficult team to play against, they have 11 internationals out there '

 

[ijjysmith]

Without being too harsh on David, he cost us the match. Ian Wright

 

[ijjysmith]

Not to win is guttering Mark Noble

 

[ijjysmith]

Some of their players are internationals, some play for their national team. Steve McClaren

 

[blue4eva77]

Gordon Strachan on Wayne Rooney being called up to the England squad: ' It's an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson '

 

[Allezfan]

Mark Viduka: ' I wouldn't be bothered if we lost every game, as long as we won the league '

Viduka clearly needs to move to italy, I'm pretty sure that's how inter won half their titles.

 

[ijjysmith]

"In the end, Rosicky initially did well" - ANDY TOWNSEND

 

[tsubaki]

a whole load of them here

 

[ijjysmith]

He had acres of time there - Stan Collymore

(It was something like that)

 

[Larry]

Interviewer to Gordon Strachan: 'Gordon, a quick word?'
Strachan: 'Rapid' and walks off...

 

[Frank Gallagher]

What was it that ron atkinson said???


Anyone seen him since?!

 

[rascal]

Interviewer to Gordon Strachan: 'Gordon, a quick word?'
Strachan: 'Rapid' and walks off...

Pretty sure that it was velocity?

Paraphrasing somewhat here but when Strachan was asked which area the opposing team were better than his Southampton team during a particular game:

'The big green one out there'

Sometimes I wish I could use his replies to stupid inane questions on Football Manager.

 

[Ashtonian]

"Mario Balotelli is like Marmite, you either love him or hate him. Me, I'm between" - JOE ROYLE

"It's now much more 50-50 in favour of Everton" - IAIN DOWIE

"Arsenal are in tough competition for fourth with the likes of Spurs, Everton and Arsenal" – PAUL MERSON

When Everton knock it long, they don't knock it long" - PAUL MERSON

"Roberto Martinez's belief is unbelievable" - DAVE WHELAN

"It's not always plain sailing , especially when you're flying" - BRENDAN RODGERS

The Merseyside derby games are unique in the city" - BRENDAN RODGERS

Martin O'Neill has literally lifted Sunderland out of the mire" - PHIL THOMPSON

Bogdan should be playing for whatever country he comes from" - PHIL THOMPSON

Ronnie Moran had us as young boys, religiously" - PHIL THOMPSON

 

[dholliday]

I've filched these from a Daily Wail piece:

'He’s six foot something, fit as a flea, good looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him. Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster - that would make us all feel better. Having said that, my missus has got a pet hamster at home, and his cock’s massive.'

Ian Holloway on Cristiano Ronaldo.

'I write like a two-year-old and I can’t spell. I can’t work a computer. I don’t even know what an email is. I’ve never sent a fax or a text message. I’m the most disorganised person in the world. I can’t even fill in the team-sheet.'

Harry Redknapp applying for the England job.

'I think boring is 10 years without a title - that's boring. If you support a club and you wait, wait, wait for so many years without a Premier League title, then that's boring.'

Jose loves winding up Arsene.

'I think the fact that Alex Ferguson rested Howard Webb had a lot to do with the result.'

Noel Gallagher reckons he knows why Man City beat Man U.

'If you're a burglar, it's no good poncing about outside somebody's house, looking good with your swag bag ready. Just get in there, burgle them and come out. I don't advocate that obviously, it's just an analogy.'

Ian Holloway shares his tips for burgling.

'Judging by the shape of his face, he must have headed a lot of goals.'

Harry Redknapp musing on how Iain Dowie got his famous good looks.

‘For Tony Adams to admit he’s an alcoholic took an awful lot of bottle’

Ian Wright on Tony Adams' bravery in admitting his drink problems.

'Titus looks like Tyson when he strips off in the dressing-room, except he doesn't bite and has a great tackle.'

Bobby Robson on Titus Bramble's manly qualities.