Einar Aas Signed by Cloughie back in 1981 from Bayern Munich, central defender Aas became the first Norwegian to play professionally in England.
Ars Bandeet Ok, so this article is quickly starting to look like a wind-up, but legend has it (backed up by a few quick google searches) that in the 70's the Algerian national team included a player called Ars Bandeet. That's good enough for us.
Mansour Boutabout When the Algerian striker joined Sheffield Wednesday on trial from French outfit Sedan in 2008 a local Yorkshireman was heard to exclaim "I dont know nowt about this Boutabout". Probably.
Bongo Christ The Congolese striker would surely make a top ten of top names.
Norman Conquest Hats of to Mr and Mrs Conquest of Australia for this one. Definitely the best named Australian goalkeeper ever.
Carlos Costly The Honduran striker signed on loan for Birmingham City in January 2009. His name may not quite be the Carlos Kickabout that Alan Sugar once talked of, but it's not far off at all.
Danny Diver Scottish striker who scored plenty of goals for plenty of teams (about 15 at the last count). And with a name like that he probably earned a fair share of penalties along the way.
Have-A-Look Dube Zimbabwean star who played for Njube Sundowns.
Danger Fourpence Zimbabwean defender with CAPS Utd FC and team-mate of the equally brilliant Clever Muzuva, Raymond Undi, Blessing Makunike, Marvel Samaneka, Heavens Chinyama, Givemore Manuella, Gift Makolonio, Method Mwanyazi, Limited Chicafa and Zambian Laughter Chilembe. Surely the finest named team ever.
Argelico ****s Brazilian who carved out a half-decent career for himself as a central defender, but who is always going to be best remembered as the source of one of football's greatest football headlines: "****s off to Benfica", Eurosport's famous description of his transfer from Palmeiras to Benfica. To see the headline, click here.
Michael Gash Or Mickey the Gashmeister as my old Gran used to call him. Young striker currently attempting to score with non-league Ebbsfleet.
Bernt Haas For the upper and middle classes who sound out the letter 'h', the Swiss right back's name may not have sounded so comical, but for everyone else, talk of Burnt 'Arse was always good for a chuckle. Haas made his name at Grasshoppers Zurich before moving to England with Sunderland and West Brom, where he earned the nickname 'Vindaloo' amongst both fans and team-mates.
Gareth Jelleyman The Welsh defender's name was immortalised back in the 2005-06 season when he was sent off during Sky Sports live results programme, prompting the fantastic shout from legendary host Jeff Stelling "Jelleyman has thrown a wobbly!". Good old Jeff had been waiting years for him to get sent off so he could use the gag, well done to Gareth for obliging
Ralf Minge Young Ralfy played 36 times for East Germany in the 1980's and even appeared at Wembley in 1984 when they lost 1:0 to England, although disappointingly we were a little too young at the time to notice what the line-up was or appreciate the true greatness of his name.
Jean-Jacques Misse-Misse Jean-Jacques Misse-Misse was a former Cameroonian international striker who spent most of his career in Belgium. He washed up briefly at Chesterfield following a short spell at Dundee Utd, where he more than lived up to his name.
Nathan Modest Sheffield Wednesday's self effacing young striker made his debut back in December 2008 and by all accounts was absolutely fantastic. Not that young Nathan would admit it, of course.
Johnny Moustache He may sound like a team-mate of Billy the Fish, but young Moustache is actually one of the stars of Seychelles footy.
Andre Muff The Swiss striker is allegedly a bit of a diver. He'd have made a dream partnership up front with this Scottish forward
Quim One of the more high profile members of our smutty list, Quim made his goalkeeping debut for Portugal back in 1999 and has been involved a number of times since as backup to Ricardo. In a survey of Euro 2004 Panini sticker collectors he was the primary cause of spilt coffee on shiney new album. Also plays for Benfica.
Kick van der Vall Cult figure in the 70's with Dutch side FC Twente.
Wayne Wanklyn Former winger who appeared alongside Steve Death in Reading's assault on the 4th Division back in 1978-79. What were his parents thinking of ?
http://www.midfielddynamo.com/players/players_bestnames.htm
