Any scientists out there who can explain why time has virtually stopped this week?
It seems we have stumbled upon a perplexing phenomenon known as "The Great Time Freeze of Everton."
When it comes to relegation battles and nail-biting final matches, the laws of physics seem to take a leisurely stroll down Goodison Park. Time, that mischievous rascal, decides to play a little game of hide-and-seek with our anxious hearts. While the rest of the world may be busy adhering to mundane notions of chronology, we find ourselves trapped in a temporal purgatory
Minutes feel like hours, hours feel like days, and that 90-minute match against Bournemouth might as well last for an eternity!
There is a scientific explanation behind this phenomenon. When Everton's fate hangs in the balance, a cosmic switch flips, altering the very fabric of time itself. It's as if the universe wants to savor every moment, prolonging the agony or ecstasy until the very last second - like the cruel mistress it often is.
I implore all scientists to unravel the secrets of the "Everton Time Dilation Effect" and enlighten us mere mortals who suffer from this unique brand of football-induced temporal distortion. In doing so, you will unlock the key to everlasting joy or everlasting despair—depending on the final score.
In the meantime, lets find solace in the fact that we are all in this time warp together. United by our shared impatience, we shall endure, hoping that time decides to resume its normal pace once the final whistle blows.
Stay strong, for time may be frozen, but our spirits remain unwavering.
UTFT.