Discussion & help on depression & mental health related issues

[davideinstein]

Takes a real man to admit his struggles. I struggled a lot in my teens and 20's with depression. I could sit here and tell you I grew out of it, but the reality was I had an amazing network of friends and family to open up to about it and I just was proactive about attacking it.

Now I'm in my 30's and doing wonderful. Everyone has their way of approaching the issue, but mine was simply being myself and doing things that are a joy to me. The only thing I learned is that it's up to the individual to take control of it, but if you happen to know someone struggling then find a common bond and enjoy that together. Small things add up to big results if you treat people kindly.

 

[kithnou]

Takes a real man to admit his struggles. I struggled a lot in my teens and 20's with depression. I could sit here and tell you I grew out of it, but the reality was I had an amazing network of friends and family to open up to about it and I just was proactive about attacking it.

Now I'm in my 30's and doing wonderful. Everyone has their way of approaching the issue, but mine was simply being myself and doing things that are a joy to me. The only thing I learned is that it's up to the individual to take control of it, but if you happen to know someone struggling then find a common bond and enjoy that together. Small things add up to big results if you treat people kindly.

Welcome to the thread my man.
Great to hear you have everything under control. Thanks for providing everyone with your take on the issue.
I heard on the radio this morning over here in Australia that an estimated 25% of blue collar male workers see admitting their depression to anyone as an embarrassment and non "blokey". Unfortunately many of them end up in tragedy.
Great to hear your network around you have helped you tremendously.
Opening up to someone... your GOP, family or friends is always a great first step. We aren't alone.
Welcome again

 

[COYBL25]

Welcome to the thread my man.
Great to hear you have everything under control. Thanks for providing everyone with your take on the issue.
I heard on the radio this morning over here in Australia that an estimated 25% of blue collar male workers see admitting their depression to anyone as an embarrassment and non "blokey". Unfortunately many of them end up in tragedy.
Great to hear your network around you have helped you tremendously.
Opening up to someone... your GOP, family or friends is always a great first step. We aren't alone.
Welcome again

Similar story here. I have a good mate who is a Community Physchiatric Nurse in Cumbria. His patch covers a mixture of rural areas and an industrial town that's reliant on shipbuilding - Barrow in Furness. He tells similar stories about the hidden tragedy in this area of chronic adult male depression which is due to a whole number of factors, unemployment, boredom, long winters etc, but a big factor is the macho culture of not admitting there's a problem. Talking is the first step and hopefully the first step to recovery

 

[kithnou]

Similar story here. I have a good mate who is a Community Physchiatric Nurse in Cumbria. His patch covers a mixture of rural areas and an industrial town that's reliant on shipbuilding - Barrow in Furness. He tells similar stories about the hidden tragedy in this area of chronic adult male depression which is due to a whole number of factors, unemployment, boredom, long winters etc, but a big factor is the macho culture of not admitting there's a problem. Talking is the first step and hopefully the first step to recovery

Probably doesn't get more 'blokey' than on a football forum. This thread,and similar others around the world, is making a difference in providing a means of communication and 'opening up'

 

[Smudge1985]

Does anyone have any advice about dealing with a friend who has depression? My friend was diagnosed a few years ago, has gone through counselling, antidepressants etc but in typical 'blokey' fashion, he doesnt like to talk about it. By the time he confides in me or anyone else about it, it has gone further and further to the point he is having breakdowns, so its obviously a lot harder to find his way back. I want to help him, every time this happens I want to help him so much. But I dont feel I can. Ive told him so many times that Im here any time he feels things getting on top of him, but he still waits too long before he tells anyone he's struggling. Is there anything I can do for him?

 

[COYBL25]

Does anyone have any advice about dealing with a friend who has depression? My friend was diagnosed a few years ago, has gone through counselling, antidepressants etc but in typical 'blokey' fashion, he doesnt like to talk about it. By the time he confides in me or anyone else about it, it has gone further and further to the point he is having breakdowns, so its obviously a lot harder to find his way back. I want to help him, every time this happens I want to help him so much. But I dont feel I can. Ive told him so many times that Im here any time he feels things getting on top of him, but he still waits too long before he tells anyone he's struggling. Is there anything I can do for him?

Welcome mate, it's a real tough one this. It sounds to me as though your mate is either in denial or he's trying to "tough " it out by himself, hoping that he can beat it ?.

Has he got anyone else around him other than you - partner, family etc ?.

If there are other people close to him why not speak to them discreetly and see if collectively you can do something ?.

People suffering from depression can become very withdrawn - it's part of the condition. The fact that he eventually asks for help is postive, as many don't and by then it can make it very hard to deal with.


I always recommend this site - THE MENTAL HEALTH FORUM. It's NHS run and caters for every aspect of mental health, including it's effect on those around the person. It's a very good and you may find someone you can bounce off who is in the same position as you ?.

You obviously care for your mate a great deal, let us know how you get on ?.

 

[bizzaro]

this is my second time around so been through it all before. was a year in remission before it came back so even if he clears me the thought of it returning will still be with me.

Its life long. The battle.

You are winning the battle sometimes losing.

But the trick is when you're losing to perhaps strategic retreat to then return with avengence and win again putting it in head long retreat.

The trick is how to ensure you keep it on the back foot.

Because you like me and and everyone else. Are potentially vulnerable if you don't watch out for yourself.

 

[Smudge1985]

Welcome mate, it's a real tough one this. It sounds to me as though your mate is either in denial or he's trying to "tough " it out by himself, hoping that he can beat it ?.

Has he got anyone else around him other than you - partner, family etc ?.

If there are other people close to him why not speak to them discreetly and see if collectively you can do something ?.

People suffering from depression can become very withdrawn - it's part of the condition. The fact that he eventually asks for help is postive, as many don't and by then it can make it very hard to deal with.


I always recommend this site - THE MENTAL HEALTH FORUM. It's NHS run and caters for every aspect of mental health, including it's effect on those around the person. It's a very good and you may find someone you can bounce off who is in the same position as you ?.

You obviously care for your mate a great deal, let us know how you get on ?.

Its a very strange situation we have, as we live 60 miles apart, so I dont really know any of his friends, family etc. only what he tells me. I think his biggest issue (and Ive been warning him about it for years, even before he was diagnosed) is that he's one of those people who feels he has to please everybody...which of course he never will, and then ends up feeling hugely let down when he doesnt please somebody or he gets something wrong and disappoints them. I think thats the one of the reasons he doesnt tend to ask for help until way down the line, because he feels when he fails the first time, everyone will hate him for it. So he puts on a brave face, outward appearance that everything is going well and in control, while privately, he is struggling. Then it all comes to a head and he cant deny it anymore.

He's talking to me about it a lot last night and today though, he's been to the doctors so is trying to do something about it. I just hope it works this time.

Thanks for that, Im in work in a bit but Ill give that forum a look. Might help him out too.

 

[COYBL25]

Its a very strange situation we have, as we live 60 miles apart, so I dont really know any of his friends, family etc. only what he tells me. I think his biggest issue (and Ive been warning him about it for years, even before he was diagnosed) is that he's one of those people who feels he has to please everybody...which of course he never will, and then ends up feeling hugely let down when he doesnt please somebody or he gets something wrong and disappoints them. I think thats the one of the reasons he doesnt tend to ask for help until way down the line, because he feels when he fails the first time, everyone will hate him for it. So he puts on a brave face, outward appearance that everything is going well and in control, while privately, he is struggling. Then it all comes to a head and he cant deny it anymore.

He's talking to me about it a lot last night and today though, he's been to the doctors so is trying to do something about it. I just hope it works this time.

Thanks for that, Im in work in a bit but Ill give that forum a look. Might help him out too.

I'm no expert mate, but it sounds like he may be Bi Polar from what youve described, I have a very good mate who suffers episodes when she over does it in work. I know from her that there can be different levels of illness when the episodes occour - some can be extreme and others quite mild.

When she is on her way to an episode one of the giveaways is very similar to what you describe - wanting to please everyone and also wanting to be the life and soul .This is usually followed by a crash. Fortunately those around her can spot it now and get her to the Doctors before it gets too bad.

I think it would be a wise thing to get some phone numbers off him for close family and friends - if he will give them to you.
Possibly phone them and introduce yourself and explain to them your concerns about your friend . Hopefully between you, you could build up a support network to keep and eye on your mate and take action when he starts to slip ?.

Keep posting mate and have a look at the symptoms of Bi Polar Disorder and see what you think .

There's deffo a massive thread in the Mental Health Forum for Bi Polar .

 

[Smudge1985]

That does sound like him to be fair. He's a popular lad and really likeable and sociable. I think the last time he talked to me about this was the morning after his birthday, he'd been out at a player of the year awards with all his mates, said what a great time he'd had...then felt terrible in the morning.

I think the footy season being over doesnt help him either, he's a Leeds fan so football is obviously a big social thing for him too, so he does seem to struggle a bit more in the summer when there's no footy.

 

[COYBL25]

That does sound like him to be fair. He's a popular lad and really likeable and sociable. I think the last time he talked to me about this was the morning after his birthday, he'd been out at a player of the year awards with all his mates, said what a great time he'd had...then felt terrible in the morning.

I think the footy season being over doesnt help him either, he's a Leeds fan so football is obviously a big social thing for him too, so he does seem to struggle a bit more in the summer when there's no footy.

Ale is a crippler with depression, due it being a depressant and exacerbating what possibly is already there. The Irish have a saying for the morning after a night on the ale - " the Fear ". Which is an excellent way to sum up how someone who is depressed or has anxiety problems can feel with a hangover - scared and also incredibly anxious. Thats why some people start drinking again the following day as the ale suppresses this feeling, but they end up locked in a vicious cycle - think of the fellas that drink in the afternoon everyday in corner boozers. I can guarantee you that amongst them are fellas who are locked into this cycle .

As a long term sufferer myself I know that if I go over five drinks during the course of the evening the following day will be hell due to " the Fear ".

Big highs and big lows seems to be the common thing with Bi Polar mate. Something worth considering ?,

 

[bizzaro]

Bit down tonight

Chronic pressure I think. I'm due a holiday. Causing rumination.

 

[COYBL25]

Bit down tonight

Chronic pressure I think. I'm due a holiday. Causing rumination.

Sounds daft, but have you tried excercising ?

I know you're well up on everything mate, just found that when I had things on my mind, excercise helped me as I'd do my thinking whilst I was running for instance .

Made me focus and feel much better

 

[kithnou]

Sounds daft, but have you tried excercising ?

I know you're well up on everything mate, just found that when I had things on my mind, excercise helped me as I'd do my thinking whilst I was running for instance .

Made me focus and feel much better

I agree. Go out for a long walk every day at the very least...especially as you guys have Summer.
Any holiday time coming up soon?

 

[DualityNSNO]

I agree. Go out for a long walk every day at the very least...especially as you guys have Summer.
Any holiday time coming up soon?

That's a really good joke there

Anyway, been crap lately - I've apparently failed an exam somehow, despite studying for a month, so this is a huge blow to me and just makes me feel like an absolute zero. I don't feel like I can actually face my parents and tell them this tbh. I've got an appeal/meeting with my personal advisor next week, so I'll wait for that before I off myself obviously. What a way to start my holidays as well.

Bright side of life right now - I have a very pretty colleague who is also Bulgarian and seems to very much enjoy the brief company with me before we change shifts and we end up talking for like 20-30 minutes or so every time. Might also just be me connecting invisible dots in my head though. If only I could swallow my anxieties and fears of rejection and ask her if she wants to go for a coffee or summat.

How's everyone else anyway?