Hi. I'm an addict.
I thought I would share my experience in case it helps anyone else out there.
I see my addiction as a bubble. It's a place I go to escape my problems. It's a nice, comfortable place to be and while I am there I can happily ignore stress and negative emotions. And I am very grateful to my bubble. Without it, I would not have been able to face the sense of isolation and abandonment I experienced as a teenager and young adult. I simply wouldn't be alive today.
But going to the bubble became compulsive behaviour that I could not stop no matter how hard I tried. Everytime I emerged from my bubble, I found my problems were not only still there, but they had become worse as a direct result of my 'acting out'. The effort required to plan my acting out and the web of lies I had to maintain to enable my secret life exhausted me. My friends and family became my adversaries to my behaviour. I felt enormous guilt about my acting out. The sense of isolation that had driven me into the arms of addiction snowballed. I was trapped in a cycle of addiction. Eventually my life became wholly unmanageable. I was broken and finally I admitted I needed help, because I couldn't escape the bubble by myself.
Whilst my addiction concentrated mostly in one form, it certainly attempted to manifest itself in other ways. The analogy I think of is a balloon. If you squeeze one side, then it expands elsewhere. Drink, drugs, sex, porn, gambling, over-eating, internet and work. Anything that would allow me to escape.
How did I overcome my addiction?
First I go to a Psychotherapist. He is great. He helps me to come to terms with myself. I feel at peace with myself and the events that have shaped my life. However whilst the therapist helps me to understand my addiction, that in itself is not enough to stop me acting out.
Second I attend a 12 step programme. Taking life one day at a time, working a daily routine and having a network of folks who have my same problem, are not judgemental and who understand addiction all helps to keep me 'sober'.
Third I have an understanding, loving family who I speak openly too. My whole family knows about my addiction and I don't keep any secrets from them. They are no longer my adversaries.
And lastly I practice mindfulness. Meditation helps a lot with this. Being aware of your state of mind and having the ability to control it is essential to recovering from addiction.
The result is that I feel connected and I feel lighter because I have nothing to hide. I have broken the cycle of isolation that feeds addiction and I feel confident about making the right choices.
Hope that helps.............
